Chapter 5 – The Spark of Hope Lit On Fear

WARNING: This chapter WILL make use of MATURE THEMES. This is a trigger warning as well so if you feel uncomfortable with the subject of self harm DO NOT read this chapter.

Marshall Lee's breath hitched for a moment in his throat. Why is she here? Marshall had to mentally calm himself, repeating to himself that he must calm down. After a brief pause, Marshall opened his eyes again and met those he'd known long ago. He recognized the amber color from ages ago, but there was something different about them. It wasn't makeup, or anything physical like that; they were sinister. The raven haired teen opened his mouth to speak, but was silenced by Ashley's pointer finger slowly rising to meet his lips.

"Shhh… no need for words now Marshall. Just let me do the talking here," Ashley said, her tone light and seductive, sending a cold chill down Marshall's back. She slowly stalked forward, a finger still upon his lips, forcing him to move backwards inch by inch into his own house. Without breaking eye contact, Ashley closed the front door and pushed Marshall onward. He crept back, growing more uneasy as they moved, until finally stumbling over the leg of his coffee table landing back against the couch. Marshall's heart was pounding like a war drum in his rib cage as Ashley slowly leaned in and locked her lips to his in a rough manner. Marshall's eyes widened at the contact and he raised a hand to her shoulder to push her off, but Ashley quickly grabbed his wrists and put his hands to the side, allowing herself full control over the teenage boy in front of her.

Marshall finally broke himself away from her and took a breath.

"Ashley what the FUCK are you do-mmmphf!" Marshall was once again caught off guard by another lip lock, this time Ashley raising a hand to lightly cup his cheek in a kiss of lovers. Marshall's eyes opened wide as his mind was soon assaulted with memories.

~.~

Marshall and Ashley sat on a hill in the local park, taking shade from the sun under the leaves of a large, gnarled oak tree. His back pressed against the elderly trunk and Ashley leaned into him. She turned herself so that her soft amber eyes met his and smiled. She had been different then. Her clothes were simpler, a bright white cardigan wrapping her shoulders with a black band shirt that had once belonged to Marshall hung loosely underneath. She wore minimal make up and her platinum hair was freely waving as the summer wind cooled the world. Marshall met his lover's gaze, smiling lightly as he leaned forward and planted a soft kiss, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and bringing her closer to him.

"Marshall?" Ashley asked in a wondering tone.

"Yes?" He replied quietly.

"Do you love me?"

"With all my heart, Ash." He said. Ashley seemed to find this answer acceptable and nuzzled back against him, closing her eyes. Marshall shut his eyes too, letting out a long sigh as he stroked his girlfriend's hair.

"I love you too."

~.~

Marshall was jerked violently back to reality as he felt a tug at the black skinny jeans that struggled to keep themselves at his waist. His eyes darted down, looking as a flurry of white began to quickly de-clothe Marshall against his will. But no matter how much his mind screamed to fight back, his arms still hung limply at his sides. Soon he was nude from the waist down, and felt his arousal build as Ashley quickly discarded her own articles of clothing, tossing her shirt and bra to the side. She looked hungrily down at Marshall's growing member, breaking her gaze to look him in the eyes and catch the reaction in his face. Marshall closed his eyes, unable to look at her without feeling confused and anguished.

"Come on now Marshy, it's just like old times right?" Ashley taunted seductively, taking Marshall in her hands before lowering her mouth onto him.

"Ashley… Please…" Marshall called out weakly. But it was to no avail. His own thoughts were beginning to morph from coherent thought to instinctual urges, his arousal taking him beyond argument. His thoughts continued erratically flashing between memories new and old, as his mind slowly melted away. He wanted to fight, to stop, but couldn't help but give in to the events unfolding. Ashley continued bobbing up and down, keeping a steady pace as Marshall's breathing got heavier and heavier.

~.~

Marshall thought back again to Ashley. The times he'd met her backstage after playing vigorous concerts with his friends. He thought about the laughs they'd shared over ice cream, or when he taught her a few of his own songs on the bass. How their hands would brush lightly, innocently, as though the two were merely children. How he'd held her close when she found out her parents had filed for divorce. He remembered the look of purity as he wiped the tears from her cheeks and told her she would be alright. How many times had he confessed his love to her? And her to him?

~.~

Ashley was fully unclothed now, straddling Marshall as he leaned back against his couch. She smiled gravely as she saw the dazed look across his face and how his eyes hung open half-lidded. She could feel the turmoil within him as she took what she wanted, relishing in every moment of pleasure as she soon mounted him and began to ride up and down on his member. She threw her head back as her breathing became ragged.

~.~

Soon Marshall's images began to warp and bend the farther in his own timeline he recalled. He thought back to the nights he spent worried to the point of physical sickness, waiting for a text or call back from Ashley as she went on trips for 'photoshoots'. How she came back with sunglasses perpetually covering her bloodshot eyes and how the smell of liquor never seemed to dissipate from her clothes. How she grew distant and cold, and how she stopped returning his "I love you"s. How he went through her phone at night out of worry and found her sending exposed pictures to the same three people every week.

He remembered how he clung to her, and how he believed he could fix things. How he took the blame for her lack of faithfulness, and how it was always him in tears as the nights closed. He remembered frantically driving above the speed limit to rush her to Urgent Care when he came home and found her scarred arm and needles covering the floor around her limp body in the bathroom. How she refused rehab and treatment.

He thought back to the fights they had. How he tried to leave her, but couldn't bring himself to follow through even when he knew how bad things were becoming. He remembered the day that she finally walked out of his life, bags in hand as she walked into the terminal to pursue a life of luxury, of dreams; and ultimately, a life without Marshall. He remembered the nightmares he had and the blood that filled the sink from his body, mixing with ragged breaths and hot tears until he finally slept out of exhaustion. How long had it taken him to move on?

~.~

Marshall lay still, finally breaking from his stupor. He looked slowly back and forth, focusing on a fully clothed Ashley with purse in hand smiling a fake smile down at his exposed form. She leaned in close and stole one last empty kiss from his lips.

"Thanks for the fun Marshall. You're so much better than my current boyfriend. He never seems to last." Ashley whispered into Marshall Lee's ear before pulling back and offering one last smirk before walking out the door. It took Marshall several minutes just to move, and even when he did he was barely conscious of what had happened. She used me again. She has a boyfriend for fuck's sake… Marshall Lee may be the resident heartthrob, known for his handling of conversations and renowned for his ability to make women swoon, but he still had morals. He NEVER cheats or helps cheat. And yet here he was, after just doing what he swears not to do. Suddenly Marshall's thoughts all come flooding back at full force. What have I done? Marshall could feel nausea mixed with guilt rising from his stomach as the taste of bile began to dance on his tongue. He threw on his pants and rushed into the kitchen and ripped open his refrigerator door. He quickly heaved the 1/3 bottle of vodka off the shelf and grabbed a shot glass from the sink. Marshall had never been much for the Devil's Nectar, but he knew that it at least provided a temporary release from the crushing reality he found himself in. He quickly poured and downed two shots, his face scrunching up and coughing at the taste. Despite the warm feeling in his throat and the shitty taste in his mouth he threw the shot glass across the kitchen as tears began to fall from his cheeks, the small glass shattering like a part of his own heart as it meets the wall.

Marshall begins taking swigs straight out of the bottle, downing gulp after gulp of the stinging liquid as he stumbled up his stairs into the bathroom. He finished the bottle and tossed that towards the trash can next to the toilet, some of the remaining few drops dripping out onto the tile. Marshall looked at himself in the mirror as old feelings became crawling back and voices in his head began whispering to him.

"Disgusting."

"Ugly."

"YOUR fault."

"Why do you exist?"

"Just lay down and DIE."

More tears flowed from his brown eyes, blurring his vision as the alcohol began to take its toll. Marshall Lee opened his medicine cabinet and rifled through the shelves quickly, moving old pill bottles and hair products before finally wrapping his hands around the object he sought; a razor blade. The voices in his head grew louder and soon materialized into the face of Ashley, warped and morphed into horrible demons he couldn't shut off. His hands shook as he looked once again at his reflection in the mirror, his sobs continuing. He hated the thing he saw staring back at him. It wasn't a person. It was a monster. A vampire who preyed on the weak and was shunned by the people he had poured his heart into. He felt caged. He thought of his friends, of Finn and Jake and Marceline. All people who had helped him escape his past. He looked down at his arms and whispered apologies that would go yet unheard as the cold metal tore new rifts into his skin and trickles of blood ran down his arms. He stopped, his hands shaking violently as he looked down at the eight or nine lines that now marked his upper wrists.

"How weak. You can't even bring yourself to do it. COWARD." Ashley's nightmarish form scorned him, taunting him in his vulnerability. The tears soon stopped as Marshall felt himself losing consciousness. He fell to the floor of his bathroom, looking up at the ceiling as the room spun. He gripped the rug by the sink, leaning his head into it.

"I'm sorry…" Marshall whispered to no one at all.

"I'm so sorry…"

AN: Hey guys, I'm an ass. I know. But I also have a direction with this story and plot points are beginning to be revealed. Stick around for new chapters, im sorry i haven't been updating. I've got a lot going on with college and personal issues.

also. Self harm is NEVER the answer in ANY FORM. Cutting, burning, starving, all of it. If you need help SEEK HELP. Trust me. Your life matters. I promise that all of you deserve to be here 3

Let me know what you think as reviews are always appreciated.

Cheers,

~Akai