What I forgot to mention in the first chapter: in this story Sheldon and Amy are already married. Because there's no way I see them planning to get pregnant out of wedlock. That would not only be absolutely against everything Sheldon's and Amy's families believe in, but also highly unpractical from a legal point of view.
They had spent the rest of the day with sorting the papers (Amy's part), going through the rest of the house to see if there was something valuable or at least worth preserving (Sheldon's part, although he had tried several times to change his job with Amy) and collecting apples in the garden (Mr. Fowlers part, he just couldn't throw any food away, even when there were worms inside).
On their journey back home, the trunk of the car full of little green wormy apples (that still could be used for making apple puree) and an old butter tub that Sheldon had filled to the rim with seed of marigold (to him it seemed to be the most precious thing he could find in the house, after all, a tea made from this flower was supposed to be helpful with period cramps, and from that Amy used to suffer a lot), Sheldon, Amy and her Dad had grown rather silent. It was not only the physical exhaustion that was bothering them, but each of them also needed some time to process what they just had experienced.
Amy's Dad had learned that he apparently had meant the same to Robert what Robert had meant to him. At least if you could judge from all the postcards written by Mr. Fowler and other stuff he had kept neatly in a big cardboard box that they had found in his closet. They had considered each other best friends, but since they never had spoken about it, neither of them had known.
Amy was still trying to get used to the idea that Sheldon wanted to heave kids with her in the near future. Sure, from time to time they had talked about children, like it was the most natural thing in the world. Like when they planned to live on Mars and raise their kids as Martians. Or when Sheldon promised Raj to name all their kids after him, even the girls. Or when he tried to seduce her by dressing like some weird sort of Casanova and dancing the Flamenco.
Sheldon was thinking about how emotional he had gotten. Not only that he got touched by the life of an unknown person, he also had started to think about his own feelings concerning family, life, aging, dying. It was all quite overwhelming and frightening. There, feelings again. Oh my.
It wasn't until they had gone to bed, that Amy, lying there next to her husband in the darkness, feeling the warmth of his body and hearing his breathing, finally found the right intimate atmosphere she needed to address the elephant in the room, again.
"So, ehm, Sheldon?"
"Yeah?"
"Shall we talk about the children issue again?"
"Ok." She heard him shifting, turning around to face her, although they almost couldn't recognize anything in the darkness.
"Well, where shall I start?" Amy was rather insecure. „You know, what's bothering me the most is, that you seem to hate children. You even never wanted to touch Halley, for example. How… how shall that work?"
He sighed. „I don't know, Amy. Today I just realized that I don't want to die alone. And I also believe that there is some evolutionary drive to procreative. I think I would just regret it if I was old and never had passed on my genetic material to a new generation. Especially when you consider how superior the combination of our DNA could be. You remember the benign overlord we planned, right?" He smiled at her in the dark.
"But you don't still plan to get parents via in vitro fertilization and a surrogate, don't you?" Amy was a little shocked.
"No, no, don't worry. I would be willing to conceive the baby in the natural way." He stretched out his arm and caressed her shoulder slightly. "That shouldn't be the problem."
"But again, Sheldon, you don't like children at all."
"That's true. They are loud and dirty and dumb and they act so illogical and unpredictable. The smaller they are, the worse it is. When I see a baby, I'm completely at a loss, I don't know what to do. The idea of having to hold a baby in my arms is really frightening me."
"And still you wanna have a child?"
"Well, I was hoping that maybe the first years you could care for it and when it becomes older and is able to speak properly in whole sentences, then I could join in the education…"
"Don't be silly. You know, when we have a baby, you will have to care for it from the first day. And I honestly think you could do this. Everyone knows what to do with a baby, it's evolutionary. How else could mankind have survived until now? And for the same reason you probably would love your kid. It just happens. Even if you hate every child in the world, you will love your own one." Amy was not sure if she really believed what she was saying. But she wanted to believe it badly.
"I hope you're right… But what about you, do you really want kids?"
"Yes, in general I want them. And I know that I don't have that much time left. But I also know that, when we will have a child, I will have to stay at home for a while and that my career could maybe suffer from it. It doesn't necessarily have to, but it is possible. And that frightens me."
"Yeah, I guess you're in a very similar situation to Bernadette, then."
"Apart from that" Amy continued now, "I have to admit that I feel a sting of jealousy, when I see a mother with a baby. Some of them are really cute and sometimes I wish I just could take them out of their buggies and cuddle and kiss them unrestrained. But before you say anything, I know it's only the Kindchenschema* and that a little dog or cat or Hello Kitty figurine or Disney Princess or even a simple smiley (if the proportions are right) could cause the same reaction from me. But I can't help it. Sometimes I'm a slave to my biological urges."
"Yeah, like all women."
Amy gave him a little pinch at the shoulder. But he just grabbed her hand and held it to his chest.
"Sheldon, are you really ready for having a child with me? You know, a child binds us together for the rest of our lives. A marriage can be divorced. Theoretically, not that I want to, but it's possible. But when you have a child, this is forever, it can't be undone." Amy's voice was trembling slightly. She didn't dare to watch his face.
But Sheldon insisted for her to do so. "Amy, please, look at me."
She searched for his eyes. It was almost completely dark, but the display of their digital alarm clock and the illuminated city in front of their window provided enough light to let her see how serious he was.
"When I got married to you I did it with the intention to be yours forever. And if we'll have a child and this child binds us to together even more, not only by being a combination of our DNA, but also by depending on both of us, I will never see this as a possible burden, but as one of the greatest things that can happen to a couple of human beings."
He paused for a moment. "Of course, there are some fears, like financial issues or that the child won't know the difference between a differential and an integral at the age of two. But I'm ready to deal with it."
He kissed her tenderly. "And when the first child becomes dumb, we still have a good chance that the second gets more intelligent."
"You even want a second child?"
"Yes, of course. It's not good for a child to be the only one. Just think of single child Howard."
"But two is enough. Or even more?"
"Well, I think, two is perfect. First of all, it's practical. Most cars have enough space on the backseat for two child seats, but not for three or more. Also, many houses or apartments do not provide enough space for more than two children. When I was a child, I first had to share my bedroom with my sister and when I grew older, I had to share it with my brother. Why didn't Missy and George share a bedroom and give me my own room? They played with each other all the time, anyway and left me out. But no, when it comes to sleeping arrangements it's important that my sister has her own room. Why? Was she afraid I could see her in her pyjamas?"
"Mmh, that was really not fair." Amy nodded her head in approval.
"Furthermore" Sheldon continued "When you and I die, we will be two people that are gone from the earth. And then we will be replaced by two new people. So, we make our contribution to maintaining the population. Although, what do we do when one of our kids dies before he or she gets adult? "
"Sheldon, I really don't want to think about that now."
"But that's highly illogical. One should be prepared for everything and it's possible that one of our kids has an incurable disease."
"Sheldon, I said I don't want to think about that." Suddenly Amy's mood had changed drastically. But Sheldon didn't notice.
"But shouldn't we make a new child then? For the stable American population? And for the other child not being alone?"
"Sheldon, are you serious? How can you even think that we can replace a lost child with a new one? This is not possible. And now we will stop talking about that." Amy turned away from her husband. She didn't want him to see the tears that were starting to fill her eyes. She knew, he didn't want to hurt her with what he just said. But it did hurt. It hurt a lot.
I really have had a very similar conversation about losing a child with my husband (who is an Asperger's autist himself). I was completely speechless and although he absolutely didn't mean to hurt me, I think it was the most awful thing he's ever said to me.
*I don't know how to translate this biological terminology properly, maybe it's even known in the English language? It means something like cuteness or scheme of childlike characteristics.