Chapter 18: Lost Minds

Author's Note: Please, please, please review. I would really appreciate your feedback. It encourages me to write. Thank you for reading!

All of them had died. Every single one. Murdered. By the time Kakashi and his team reached the hideout, the victims were sprawled on the ground their skins a nasty shade of blue. According to Sakura, the poison was administered just minutes before and was extremely fast acting, ten times more potent than what Kohana had been injected with.

Kohana had just been released from the hospital when Gai reluctantly relayed the news to her. She didn't shed a single tear; instead her body had gone numb, and Gai was worried she had gone into shock. She plainly avoided Kakashi, making frequent U-turns in the market whenever he crossed her path. She wasn't angry with him, but too scared to face him. She had wasted precious minutes arguing and if it wasn't for her petulant attitude, they could have made it in time. How foolish was she to insist on joining a B-ranked mission? She would have only gotten in the way. Nevertheless, Gai insisted that Kakashi was not upset with her and only glad that she was safe.

But, Kohana felt that she didn't deserve his sympathy. Her behavior seemed most worrisome; she lived monotonously, without a shred of feeling. It was only during her sleep, when her nightmares returned, that she expressed her anguish. The horrid dreams were partially her fault – before bed, she would flip through the photos in the file that Kakashi had brought with him, the file that contained pictures of now murdered children and families. She recognized every individual and she felt obligated to remember them. Unfortunately, this daily ritual left her vulnerable to harsh recounts of her time with Kabuto. She felt though that this was a small price to pay compared to what had happened to her family in Kochi.

Kakashi heard her muffled screams every night; the only good that came out of this was he knew she was alive. Thus, Kakashi was surprised to hear, one late Saturday night, an unnatural silence, as if her apartment was devoid of life. He picked the lock on her door and silently opened it, not wanting to alarm her in case she was awake. Her rooms were a mess; dirty cups and clothes were scattered over her dining and coffee table while broken china dangerously littered the kitchen floor.

Kakashi rushed to her bedroom, and he let out a startled gasp, "Kohana!"

Kohana swiveled around to face Kakashi, her black nightdress faintly illuminated by the moonlight. Kakashi first saw an empty white bottle of sleeping pills sitting on her nightstand and then her tightly clutched fist. He moved swiftly towards her and wrenched her palm open. They both watched the round tablets tumble onto her bed sheet and the wooden floor.

She looked at him with wide eyes, suddenly afraid – more afraid than she had been to overdose herself with a sedative. Kakashi's face was contorted in fury, and when he spoke, his voice was frigid as if he was forcefully willing himself to remain calm.

"Were you going to kill yourself?"

She opened her mouth to answer, but made no sound. Her voice seemed to have left her.

Kakashi grabbed her shoulders and shook her roughly.

"Answer me!"

Kohana wasn't sure what she was doing, really. When she bought the prescription at the pharmacy, she only meant to use it to sleep. But instead of one pill, she shook out the entire bottles contents into her palm. A small, distant voice in the back of head warned her of the danger, but a much more desperate, and frantic voice screamed for her to proceed. Her sleep-deprived body obviously didn't care if she didn't wake up the next morning.

"Did you take any?", he asked, his voice still cold.

"No.", she said hoarsely. Then she added after half a second pause, "I was about to."

He released her shoulders. Kohana heard the slap before her mind registered the sting. Her hand flew up to her right cheek, which lightly burned. They both stared at each other in disbelief. Kakashi's hand trembled. For a moment, Kakashi thought Kohana was going to hit him, and he braced himself for the impact knowing that he deserved it. But when she threw herself at him, he felt both her arms wrap around his torso. She was hugging him and her cheek was pressed against his chest. Kakashi froze, but returned her embrace offering her much needed warmth and comfort.

Kohana didn't pull away until about ten minutes later. She whispered, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It was wrong of me."

She shifted her tired eyes away from his. She was too embarrassed to speak, and resorted to glancing around her untidy room. It didn't occur to her that she had forgone all hygiene except for showering once a day. Her eyes then fell on the prescription bottle. Kakashi followed her gaze and said delicately, "I'll take you to Kurenai. You should stay with her for tonight."

Kohana nodded, feeling exhausted. She hadn't slept peacefully in days. A change in scenery would help.

She thought back to what she almost did tonight whether intentionally or unintentionally. She could only come up with one reason. She really had lost her mind.