Olaf, the DELTA THOTA housemaid was having a busy afternoon. Today he was tasked with awakening various partygoers that had passed out the night before. It was already four in the afternoon and Olaf had only cleansed the front lawn. He trudged through the front entryway, that was now missing both of its doors due to reckless fraternities.
With a swift swing of his broom he whacked Max Goof straight on the head. The young man was covered in flakes of cocaine. Olaf reminded himself to collect anything that fell on the floor. The 'snowman' was made of literal cocaine.
"WAKE UP, YOU BASTARD."
Max Good jolted from his sleep and Olaf continued to hit him with the broom.
"It's four in the afternoon! Go, get out of here!" Olaf snapped.
He watched as the young gentlemen slowly crawled away, trying to escape his wrath. It wasn't Olaf's fault that he was an asshole. Elsa the blonde bitch, had cast a spell on him. Just so she wouldn't have to pay for cocaine anymore. It was cruel and unusual punishment. Unfortunately, he had no choice. So he was doomed to spend every day in misery.
Ralph was suddenly awoken from a deep sleep. Elsa had been kicking him in the head for the past five minutes. Slowly he started to recollect last nights events. He looked around, he'd made it to the sex dungeon. But, his victory didn't last long as Elsa clearly wanted him gone.
"Get up, you lazy piece of shit!" She murmured. "Put your Goddamn clothes on!" Elsa threw Ralph's overalls in his direction.
Ralph grimaced wondering what her problem was. "Calm down, I'm trying!"
"Seriously you need to go, like now." Her eyes widened. Something was bothering her, Ralph couldn't quite put his finger on it.
The buff man redressed himself, Elsa was already fully clothed. "What's your problem?"
Elsa scoffed in disgust. "You! You're gross, don't tell anyone we had sex!"
"Are you kidding? Why not?" He argued.
"Because! I wouldn't have slept with you if I wasn't bored out of my mind last night." She pointed an accusatory finger. "I don't want every guy on campus thinking they can get with me!"
Ralph rolled his eyes. "You aren't even that good at sex." He deadpanned. "You know that right? Like out of all the THOTA's I've fucked, you're the worst."
Elsa was now fuming with anger. "Get out of my sex dungeon or I'll lock you in here, and leave you to die!"
Ralph knew she wasn't bluffing. In fact, he was pretty certain Elsa had caused many deaths in her time at Arby's University. It hadn't been proved of course, but it wouldn't seem that far from the truth. The frightened OMBETA slowly backed away, slamming the door behind him. Leaving Elsa cold and alone the way she should be.
As soon as Ralph left, Elsa began pacing. She was so screwed.
Moana could see the burning cross. She'd sat at the last supper table only hours ago. All the attention was on her. It was a moment she'd been waiting for since childhood. Finally, someone needed her. Moana was the virgin sacrifice the most important part of the sex dungeon.
Then she heard a song, one that was incredibly displeasing to her tired ears. In fact, it was hardly a song. It was her teacher, Mr. Healy banging the keys on his synth while screeching the word to one of his old hits. Moana opened her eyes, no longer able to bask in her sweet dream.
"THIS MUST BE MY DREAM." Matty hollered. "WIDE AWAKE BEFORE I FOUND YOU."
She picked up the nearest item, which happened to be Mr. Healy's favorite bong.
"I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU BOY-"
His screaming was interrupted by the sound of shattering glass. Moana realized her mistake only after it was too late.
"Mr. Healy I am so, so sorry!" Moana stuttered.
Matty looked over at her, his eyes slowly drifting to his shattered bong on the floor. The teacher gave her a broken expression.
"Do you know where I got that?" His eyes dazed away.
"Was it a gift?" Moana tried to guess, hoping her teacher wouldn't lose his mind.
"No." He took a deep breath. "I got it at the head shop." Then Matty clenched his fists. "But, it was still my favorite!"
Moana pursed her lips. "I didn't mean to break it! I'll buy you a new one!"
"That was $20! You could never afford that, I can barely afford that!"
"I have $20 right here!" Moana tried to reach into her purse.
"NO! JUST GET OUT!" He cried.
Moana obeyed, slipping out the vans backdoor quietly. Before she closed it, Matty stopped her.
"One more thing…."
The young THOTA nodded.
"Life's too short to drink crappy coffee, and cry over boys who don't care." He whispered.
"I'll remember that." She pondered what he was trying to say. "Thank you... "
She shut the door and ran back into the DELTA THOTA house. Moana was shocked to find various bodies passed out throughout her home. Olaf, their housemaid was furiously trying to clear out the living room. Moana snuck past him and up to her bedroom which she shared with Judy. Usually, they'd be studying by now but, for some odd reason Judy was nowhere to be found.
Her head ached. Everything else was completely numb. Judy managed to peel her eyes open but was still unable to process what was going on around her. Nick was beside her, scrolling through his phone.
"What time is it... " The bunny muttered.
"Four in the afternoon." He responded casually, a smug look on his face.
In an instant, her mind was alert. She shot up from her relaxed position in the fox's arms.
"OH MY GOSH". She panicked. "NICK I MISSED CHURCH!"
He cocked an eyebrow. "So?"
"Are you serious?" She winced. Taking a moment Judy observed her surroundings.
Nick was shirtless, the cash-filled bathtub covering him below the waist. She looked down at herself. Judy was shirtless as well. In a pile beside the bathtub sat their clothes. They were naked.
The air left her lungs and she began feeling faint. Judy's stomach churned as the memories from the night before crept back into her mind.
Nick took notice of her panicked state. "Is everything okay, Carrots?"
Judy couldn't find the words. She pointed a shaky finger at Nick, and then one back at herself. The fox gave her a look of confusion. "Sex?" She stuttered.
The fox smirked. "Yup."
His self-assured expression pushed Judy to the edge. "What is wrong with you?!" She snapped.
Nick held up his arms in defense. "What did I do?!"
"I wanted to wait until we were married!"
"Who said we were going to get married?!"
Judy frowned, becoming fully aware of Nick's indifference. "God is sending me to hell, and it's your fault. Do you even care?"
"Hell, Judy?" Nick put on his sunglasses. "Hell isn't real." Then he smirked again. "But, if it is at least we'll see each other there!"
"This isn't a joke!" She cried. "Nick, I was drunk, you knew I wasn't ready!"
The fox stopped to think. "Listen, I thought it was okay. You know I wouldn't have done it if I didn't think it was okay!" Nick removed the sunglasses again, showing a softer side of himself. "I know I made the first move but, you're the one who initiated it, Carrots."
Judy furrowed a brow knowing Nick was right. If she weren't so close to God, there would be nothing wrong with sharing a bed with the fox. Unfortunately, God was the one watching her through the night. Not the cocaine dealing, Nicholas Wilde.
"Regardless." Judy pouted. "You don't care about me, or my beliefs!"
He shook his head. "It's more like, you can't accept that I don't have the same beliefs as you."
Judy gasped, how dare he. "WHY ARE YOU EVEN WITH ME!?" She snapped, much louder than she intended to.
"I should be asking you that!" He retorted.
Nick was right. Why was Judy wasting her time with a lowlife drug dealer? "You're right, Nick. I'm breaking up with you."
His face dropped. "Wait, what?"
"You don't have any friends, you don't have God, and now, you don't even have a girlfriend!" Judy picked up a wad of cash and threw it in his face. "At least you still have your money, it's all you've ever wanted anyways!"
Judy hopped out of the tub, not bothering to get dressed. She swung the door open and stormed out, leaving Nick there naked in his tub of money. The bunny noticed Elsa approaching from the corner of her eye.
"Um, Judy?" Elsa's concerned tone asked.
"NOT NOW, CUNT!" The bunny shouted.
Elsa stopped to think. She knew Judy was a bitch but, cunt was harsh. Even for her. Out of curiosity, she peered into the open bathroom door. Nick Wilde sat in a bathtub full of cash, his eyes were wide with shock. The fox's shredded abs glowing through the afternoon sun peaking through the window.
The fox noticed her and frowned. He placed sunglasses over his eyes and slowly sunk beneath his wealth until he was no longer visible.
Two weeks later….
Today was one of the hottest days on campus. The annual DELTA THOTA bikini oil charity car wash. The THOTA's strutted through their now fixed front doors, their tiny bikinis hugging their oiled bodies in all the right places. By the time they arrived on campus there was already a line of cars waiting to be cleansed by their sexy hands.
Elsa plugged her phone into the speakers, blasting her 'sexy hits' playlist through SoundCloud. First up was Maui, in his Mustang. The girls began spraying water across his car, through the windshield he frowned.
Maui stepped out, snatching the hose from Moana's hands. "Let me show you how a real lady washes a car." The demigod winked.
The THOTA's rolled their eyes as Maui's ego washed the car himself. Then left without even leaving a tip.
Moana panicked as she saw Mr. Healy's van quickly approaching. Ever since she'd broken his worthless bong, the teacher made it his goal to throw one at her every opportunity he got. Matty slammed his brakes in front of the DELTA THOTA's, then rolled his window down. Revealing he'd covered his face with a mask to hide his identity. Unfortunately, everyone already could smell his loud weed from a mile away. Moana ducked in cover as a bong flew straight in her direction.
"ISIS ARE CUTTING LITTLE GIRLS HEADS OFF AND YOU WANT TO CHALLENGE A NON RELIGIOUS, HUMANIST PERSPECTIVE?" The deranged teacher shouted. "I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE WORLD AT ALL!"
"THANKS, MR. HEALY!" She tried to be friendly, as the van took off its tires screeching as he slammed the gas pedal. Everyone's eyes directed towards Moana, who shrugged. She didn't feel like telling the long story as to why Mr. Healy now hated her.
The next car was a brand new red convertible Porsche. The top rolled down, revealing the driver was none other than Judy's ex-lover, Nick Wilde. Word had quickly gotten around campus, via Elsa, that Judy was no longer a virgin. So running into Nick, who was surely trying to embarrass her was nerve-wracking.
The fox rolled down his driver's side window and was greeted by the meatless Elsa.
"What can we do for you, Nick?" Elsa winked.
Nick stepped out of his car. "Just wanted to get my brand new, 2018 Porsche washed!" The fox spoke loud enough so that Judy could hear his bragging.
The fox missed her, although he would never admit it. Judy was the only real girlfriend he'd ever had. She'd taken a lot of his pride with her, and he was desperately trying to gain it back.
"Hey, so you wanna fuck with Judy?" The fox whispered into Elsa's ear. The blonde bitch returned with a devious nod.
"Follow my lead." He ushered her to the front of his car and laid two lines of cocaine on the red hood. Nick and Elsa quickly snorted the snow together. Then got a little too close for comfort, flirting with one another in hushed voices.
Once the remaining THOTA's had finished washing his Porsche, Elsa bid him farewell by ruffling the fur atop his head then kissing his cheek.
The fox's jaw hung agape as he opened the door to his Porsche and a wave of water spilled out onto the pavement. He'd stupidly left the top down while the THOTA's worked their magic. Nonetheless, he flashed a sly wink to Judy, who was standing in the corner pouting with her arms crossed.
Elsa made her way over to the angry bunny.
"You bitch!" Judy snapped.
Elsa shrugged. "He came upon me, and unlike you, I'm not going to deny a handsome man his pleasures!"
The bunny ripped the AUX chord out of Elsa's phone. She then flung it into the bucket of water beside her before stomping back towards the DELTA THOTA house.
"COME BACK HERE, YOU SLUT!" Elsa shrieked, angry that her iPhone 4 had just been drenched in water.
Judy didn't listen and headed on her way.
Ralph wandered nervously around campus. Earlier that morning he'd received some disheartening news from his then observed Judy Hopps, stomping in his direction. Perfect, the DELTA THOTA that hated Elsa the most. She was the one to ask for sure.
Ralph stopped the bunny. "Hey, Judy! Um, I have a quick question?"
Judy glared at him, not wanting to be bothered.
This was important so, Ralph continued anyways. "So um, I've heard this rumor about Elsa, and I'm just wondering if it's true." He hoped she couldn't tell how badly he was sweating.
Suddenly Judy perked up a bit. "Depends on what the rumor is…"
"Well, uh. Someone might've of told me Elsa has an STD and I was just curious." Ralph bit his lip. "The frats are concerned that if she participates in the sex dungeon that we might all catch it."
The bunny relaxed, which offered Ralph a bit of comfort. "Oh, I'm sure it's just a rumor!"
"Oh!" Ralph faked a smile. "That's good to hear!" He shuffled his feet. "Well, I'll see you around!"
Judy nodded and they walked in opposite directions. Ralph knew it was Elsa's fault, OMBETA men had made a pact to get weekly STD check-ups, Elsa was the last girl he'd slept with, which would explain why she'd been so awkward about sex. The blonde bitch was just lucky he didn't tell the entire campus.
The bunny slammed her bedroom door and flipped her laptop open. She knew exactly how she'd get revenge on Elsa, she just needed a little help from UOA's biggest gossiper. Judy started typing the email.
'Ms. Black,
It has been brought to my attention, that one of the students at UOA has been diagnosed with HIV. That student would happen to be Elsa. In order to protect the remainder of the student body, I suggest we do an entire unit on STD's immediately. Let me know if you need any other information.
Thanks!
Judy Hopps.'
She pressed send. Elsa was going to pay for what she'd done.