Author's Note: Hello Readers! Been a long time, but life's been busy :) I hope everyone is doing well! Please enjoy and review!
Chapter 24: Confessions
It was a bright morning. The sun shone directly above Kohana, its heat boring into her back, as she sat Indian style on the grassy ground. Her eyes were closed, and she twiddled her fingers as she took deep breaths, each varying in length.
"Stay still, Kohana."
Her eyes snapped open and she blinked rapidly as the light momentarily disoriented her. She glared at Kakashi who sat across her, observing her meditate.
"If this isn't still enough for you, then you're just going to have to paralyze me!"
Kakashi shook his head in exasperation, "You're not focusing. I can tell."
Kohana whined, "I don't know what to focus on, Kakashi. How exactly is this supposed to help me, again?"
Kakashi stood up, extended his hand half way, and cupped his palm. Kohana watched him amass blue-white chakra that crackled ominously.
Kakashi spoke calmly, "Do you know what this is?"
Kohana's eyes slightly widened. She immediately recognized the shrill chirping, and of course had heard of Kakashi's most famous technique before. Yet, this was her first time seeing it live.
She whispered, "Chidori."
He nodded and then rammed his hand into the ground so fast that for one wild moment, Kohana thought his arm had disappeared. She then shrieked, and fell backward as the ground fractured into two halves, creating a 10-foot slit. Kohana crawled forward cautiously, and peered into the hole, where she noticed that it was only a few feet deep.
She looked up at Kakashi and frowned, "I expected it to do more damage."
Kakashi gestured for her to follow him. He led them to the edge of the vast field and stopped near a particularly large Sakura tree, before he answered, "It inflicts irreparable harm on a human body considering I generally attack my enemies with it.
Kohana gasped, "But, you could kill them!"
"I use it as a last resort", he said defensively, "It's an offensive attack."
His tone jolted Kohana's memory. She suddenly realized that it was this very technique that had killed Rin. She glanced at the fissure, now only barely visible, with horrified eyes. Had it done the same damage to Rin? Kakashi followed Kohana's gaze. He seemed to know what she was thinking, and he longed to change the subject. It was too painful for either of them to mull over. And he couldn't have her distracted by their past while she trained.
"Kohana", he said abruptly, "Chidori requires immense control, but your ability needs even more. I only need to direct my chakra into my right hand. You will need to permeate yours through your entire body, and maintain a grasp over its entry and exit. Unlike others, you are more prone to having chakra leak out. I don't think I need to explain why that would be dangerous."
Kohana answered solemnly, "I could die."
Kakashi nodded and crouched before her. He replied gently, "Yes. And neither your father nor I want that to happen. So, please, try harder for me."
Try harder for me. Those words seemed to stir something in Kohana, and she felt a tingling sensation in her stomach. She quickly dismissed it, and said firmly, "Hai!"
The rest of the session, though, progressed with little improvement. Despite Kakashi's encouraging words and advice, Kohana only managed to enter a full meditative state once after several hours of effort. She groaned in frustration after Kakashi asked her to try again.
"Can we take a break?"
Kakashi checked his watch, "Actually, I think you're done for today. I'm going to need to think of another tactic to help you."
Kohan mumbled guitily, "This must be annoying you."
Kakashi helped her up and replied, "No, you're new to this. I don't expect you to master this the first day."
They walked towards the fissure where Kakashi stopped and frowned. He scratched the back of his head, and said quietly, "I'll need Yamato to fix this." He stared at it blankly, his mind racing back to unwanted memories. He clenched his fist as he remembered Rin's pained expression as he drove his Chidori into her. He blinked rapidly to banish the image, but to no avail. It became clearer than before and now he could see the blood flowing from her mouth as he held her unable to do anything more but stare in horror. He stood there gazing blankly before for several minutes before the touch of something soft and warm jerked him to the present. He looked at his right arm, and saw Kohana's fingers entwined with his. She looked up at him, a weak smile adorning her round face.
She whispered, "I know what you're thinking about."
Kakashi's eyes registered the concerned look on Kohana's face. He asked in a strained voice, "You do? What do you think of me now?"
"I think that you've suffered enough. I think…life has been too unfair to you."
Kakashi scoffed, and pulled her carefully around the gap, " It's worse for others."
He continued walking, gently dragging Kohana with him. His grip was firm; Kohana returned the pressure.
She said, "Kakashi, I don't blame you. What happened was not your fault."
When he didn't reply, Kohana grabbed his sleeve forcing him to stop. "Listen to me!"
He released her hand abruptly and swiveled around to face her. He stated plainly, "You don't hate me."
His sentence caught Kohana off guard, and she frowned, "What?"
He clarified, "You don't hate me, anymore. Why?"
"Kakashi, I've told you I'm sorry. And I'll say it again…"
Kakashi interrupted her, "No. I want to know what it is that you see in me that allowed you to forgive me. Because, Kohana, I'm still the same person who killed your best friend and failed to save your brother. You should hate me."
His conclusion irritated Kohana and she spoke in a rush, "But I'm not the same person and neither are you! Kakashi, you and I were very young when we lost them. I hated you because I didn't know what else to do. You survived and they both died, and although a part of me knew that it wasn't your fault, I still accused you. I needed to hold someone responsible, and my 11-year-old self chose you."
"And then I came back after 12 years only to see how much you have changed. I see so much of Rin and Obito in you that when I'm with you, I feel as if they haven't gone at all." She paused and confessed softly, "I can't hate you Kakashi because…because you're the only one I have left."
Kohana's words hung in the air, reverberating around them. She herself didn't know what she meant by her last statement. It sounded, though, as if she couldn't live without him. Kakashi observed her silently, ran a hand over his face, and tiredly chuckled, "I never imagined I would hear you say that. Life is truly full of surprises."
He then glanced at the darkening sky, and said,"We should get back. I have a mission early tomorrow morning."
Kohana half nodded at him and followed his trail. His stance was relaxed, but Kohana knew he was still preoccupied with their earlier conversation. She called out to him hoping to break his reverie, "Kakashi, why are you going on so many missions?"
He tilted his head towards her, and answered, "No more than the usual."
Kohana frowned, "You're barely around."
"Hmm", he mulled, turning back forward.
Kohana pressed on, "Is something wrong?"
"Why would anything be wrong?"
"Because-
"Kohana, we're just a little short on Jonin right now."
"Oh", she said skeptically, not believing him at all."Maybe you can ask for a break? I mean, isn't it a lot? Going on missions constantly and also training your team and me?"
Kakashi laughed, "You say that as if I have a choice. Shinobi go wherever and whenever we're needed. Don't worry about me."
"Hmph", Kohana scoffed. She then asked, "When will you be back?"
"I'm not sure. A week, maybe."
Kohana blurted sadly, "That's a long time."
Kakashi sighed, "It can be, sometimes."
"I won't see you for a week."
"We'll restart training as soon as I get back."
"That's not what I meant", Kohana muttered softly.
Kakashi didn't say anything to this. He simply pulled out Icha Icha paradise, and flipped the book open to a marked page. Kohana frowned, and pushed her hands deeper into her pant pockets. She gazed into Kakashi's silver hair as they walked back home and wondered the real reason behind his frequent departures. It looked like they were keeping yet another truth from her.