Chapter 30: Avenger

A/N: I am back! I apologize for the wait. But I've written a long chapter for you. Please enjoy!

A couple months passed since Kakashi promised Kohana to train her. Kohana fell into a daily routine that involved working at the bookstore during the day and spending the late evening with Kakashi. Kohana was so spent by the end of her sessions that their conversations were far and few. This frustrated her as she repeatedly tried to translate her feelings for him into adequate words. Whenever she built up the courage to confront him though, she would hopelessly stumble and veer the conversation into an entirely different direction. If Kakashi thought she was acting strange, he never mentioned it. Kohana was relieved that he hadn't noticed her nervous behavior around him.

Then again, Kakashi didn't seem to have the energy to observe more than needed. Tsunade had called the Anbu and Jonin into frequent meetings to analyze the situation with the Akatsuki. Teams were being deployed to investigate Jiraya's findings, but thankfully, Kakashi was allowed to remain home. Kohana asked many times about how her father was doing, worried about his long absence. Kakashi always assured her that he was safe and that she need not concern herself needlessly. Despite his comforting words, she felt restlessness seeping back into her life.

Fortunately, Kohana's anxiety was dampened with the company of Naruto and his team who seemed to accompany Kakashi back to his apartment on a daily basis. Kohana would serve them tea and snacks and all five of them would dwindle away their time talking casually. It was during one of these chats that Kohana found out an alarming truth about her father. Kakashi could have slapped Naruto for not keeping his mouth shut, but the cat was out of the bag. Kohana's reaction was exactly what Kakashi had imagined and truth be told, he was quite amused.

"He's the author of Icha-Icha Paradise!" Kohana exclaimed furiously.

Sakura whacked Naruto on the head, and whispered, "You are so tactless Naruto. I'm sure Jiraya-sama would have told her on his own time."

Naruto grumbled, and Sai threw him a teasing smile while he said, "You always make yourself look like an idiot, Naruto."

Naruto waved his fists in front of Sai's face, and growled, "What did you say, baka?"

But before Sai could reply, Kakashi intervened.

"Now, Kohana, it's really not a big deal. There's a great market for these kinds of books. Jiraya-sama targets it for the youth and there's more to the story than physical intimacy."

Kohana spluttered, "That's not the point. What would people think if they knew? He's a legendary Sannin, for goodness sake!"

"Hmm…that's why they don't know. Are you seriously going to begrudge him for this?"

"No, I just never imagined…" Kohana trailed off.

Kakashi laughed, "Don't worry. Tsunade-sama gives him enough grief about it."

Kohana shrugged and turned her attention to Sakura. "Would you like more tea?"

Sakura smiled, "No, Kohana-nee-chan." She then looked oddly at her and Kakashi. Kohana did not miss her stare and frowned, "What is it?"

She shook her head, "Nothing." But, Kohana was intrigued and persisted, "No, what is it?"

Sakura glanced at Kakashi who was absorbed in conversation with Naruto and Sai. She beckoned silently to Kohana suggesting that they speak privately in the kitchen. She made a show of clearing the tabletop of the teacups.

Kohana followed her quietly confused about what Sakura wanted to talk so clandestinely about.

Sakura started, "So, well, I probably shouldn't say anything but I couldn't help but notice that you and Kakashi sensei..."

Sakura looked at her expectantly not finishing the sentence. Kohana raised her eyebrow, and asked, "Yes? What about him?"

Sakura licked her lips and said, "Do you like him?"

Kohana blushed and cursed herself mentally. Is it that obvious to everyone but him? She scowled and Sakura added quickly, "It's just I've seen the way you look at him and I know that expression."

Kohana scrunched her forehead, and asked, curious, "You do?"

Sakura bit her lip, and averted her eyes, a pained look gracing her round face. Kohana immediately regretted her question and amended, "I'm sorry. You don't have to say anything."

Sakura sighed and said in hushed voice, "I hope that it gets easier everyday. But, it doesn't. Sasuke-kun's absence continues to hurt us all."

Kohana nodded. Kakashi had spoken of Sasuke before and she knew that his sudden decision to leave Konoha was unexpected and painful. Though Kakashi never elaborated on the topic, Kohana suspected that he blamed himself more than he let on.

Sakura continued, her voice bitter, " Six years ago, I made Naruto promise to bring back Sasuke-kun. My childhood self couldn't fathom how much of a toll this would take on him. As if Naruto doesn't have enough on his plate already, he's determined to follow through with his oath. Even if it kills the both of them."

Kohana responded softly, "Sakura. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Naruto's made that promise to himself too. Let him keep it. Because I can see that you believe Sasuke is worthy of all the pain you've went through…and all the love you have for him."

Sakura blushed quietly. Kohana added, "Naruto is not alone in this. Do you really think Kakashi would let it come too far?"

Sakura admitted, "No, he wouldn't. But, how long can we rely on Kakashi sensei to solve our problems?"

"As long as you need to, Sakura. Kakashi would never abandon the both of you. He knows the value of loyalty more than anyone."

Sakura grinned and asked slyly, "Is that why you love him?"

"Love who?" a voice asked from the doorway.

Both Kohana and Sakura jumped and swiveled around to face the kitchen's entrance. Kakashi was leaning against the wall his arms folded across his chest.

Kohana threw a frantic glance at Sakura before answering hurriedly, "No one."

Kakashi regarded her quietly and then abruptly chuckled, "Ah. I hope I didn't intrude on anything. It looks like Sakura was about to make you confess your romantic interest, Kohana. Did you meet him at the bookstore? I hope you do introduce me to the lucky guy sometime."

Kohana felt the heat rush to her cheeks and she gritted her teeth, "You've got quite an imagination, Kakashi. We were talking about something else."

Kakashi laughed and addressed the pink haired girl beside her, "Sakura, Naruto and Sai want to go for barbecue. They're waiting for you." Sakura rushed out of the kitchen happy to leave Kohana alone with Kakashi. A few seconds later, they both heard the door open and close.

The silver haired man then asked Kohana, "Where do you want to go?"

Kohana blinked slowly, not comprehending his question. "Go where?"

"For dinner?"

"Oh", Kohana gasped, "aren't you going to join them?"

"No, I'm not in the mood for barbecue tonight."

"Oh…that's okay, Kakashi. I can make something for the both of us." She was about to open the refrigerator to see what vegetables were in stock when Kakashi grabbed her arm.

"Wait. Let's go out tonight. My treat – you've spoiled me these past weeks far too much."

Kohana opened her mouth slightly in surprise. It was true she had been taking care of Kakashi's meals after learning that he barely cooked for himself. But, she was not expecting this excursion.

"A-are you sure?" she asked hesitantly.

Kakashi gently pushed her out to the living room and handed over her black coat. "Anywhere you wish", he said, his arm at resting gently on the small of her back, as he walked her out.

Kohana sat across from Kakashi in a small, cozy dango shop. Kakashi was silently reading the menu, his eyes fixed on the small print. Kohana had not even opened hers but was staring intently at Kakashi. This seemed the perfect opportunity to tell him how she felt. What was the point in waiting? She worried, though, that he would say no. If he did, what would she do? It was her biggest fear that prevented her from blurting out just how much she loved him.

Kakashi put his menu down, and took a sip of water. He raised his eyebrow and tilted his head. "Are you ready to order?"

"O-oh, yes. I am." Kohana said quickly, randomly choosing a dish. Kakashi beckoned for the male waiter at the end of the corridor. The both of them ordered their entrees and drinks after which they waited casually in silence.

Kohana's heart beat faster as she attempted to start the conversation. She eventually squeaked, her voice sounding unnaturally high.

"Kakashi, can I ask you something?"

Kakashi nodded, "Go ahead."

Kohana licked her lips, more conscious of her appearance than before. She smoothed out her hair and said, "Do you think Asuma and Kurenai will get married?"

Kakashi stared at her curiously, but answered simply, "Yes, I think they will."

"That's nice. They love each other a lot. Would…you ever want that?" she asked timidly.

Kakashi responded slowly trying to gauge the reason behind her questions, "It's different for everyone."

"But, for you?" she persisted.

Kakashi sighed, and a far away look graced his face, "I don't think that would be possible for me."

Kohana felt a wave of disappointment course through her and she asked in a small voice, "Why?"

Kakashi shrugged, "That kind of bond requires a commitment that I can't make."

Kohana mumbled, "Oh." She let the topic go and ate in a subdued silence. It was clear that Kakashi didn't feel anything for her than friendship. Even this dinner was only a thank you – nothing more. She felt tears well up and brushed them away before her companion could notice.

Kakashi spoke again, uncharacteristically curious, "What were you talking to Sakura about?"

Kohana paused eating her spoon halfway to her mouth. She set it down on the glossy table with a small clunk. "Sasuke."

"Ah."

"She was upset. I was trying to comfort her."

"Hmmm…what did you say?"

"That Sasuke was worth it."

Kakashi raised his eyebrow, "You think so?"

She challenged him, "You don't?"

Kakashi slid back in his chair and took a deep breath. He answered carefully, "With Sasuke, it's different. He was my student and so I suppose I will be biased. But that doesn't mean I don't see how lonely Naruto and Sakura feel. I wish I were able to stop him. I wish I had paid more attention to Sasuke."

"Don't blame yourself, Kakashi." Kohana said softly. "Sasuke's decision wouldn't have changed regardless. Believe me, I know. When I made the choice to leave Konoha, I was determined to follow through with it. The 3rd Hokage did his best to convince me otherwise, but I never listened. People can be foolishly stubborn."

Kakashi laughed, "You definitely are."

Kohana scowled, "Well, I came back." She then extended her hand across the table and leaned forward staring intently into his face. "You were meant to be their sensei, Kakashi. Gai told me how you would fail every team that didn't show teamwork. I don't think that those three passing your test was any coincidence. In a way, team 7 reminds me a lot of your own."

Kakashi contemplated, "I never thought about it that way…" He trailed off, and then suddenly stood up, his eyes hardening slightly as he realized the scene before him. "Asuma", he muttered.

Kohana swiveled around to see Asuma and his team adorned in gear. Kakashi murmured quietly, "Already?" He dashed over to them. Kohana hesitated, not sure whether she was allowed to follow. She watched as their mouths moved rapidly unable to make out the words. She saw Asuma grin widely and clap Kakashi on the shoulder. Kohana couldn't help but smile herself; Asuma looked so happy. Kakashi shook his hand and watched them exit through the door before returning to Kohana.

He recognized the eager look he her face and sighed, "You're much too curious for your own good."

Kohana pouted, "Fine, don't tell me. It's not like I asked you to."

Kakashi chuckled, "But, this is something you would want and should know. Asuma is going to be a father."

Kohana's eyes widened in surprise, and squealed, "Kurenai's pregnant?!"

Kakashi nodded, taking a sip of water, "Seems so."

"Why didn't she tell me?" Kohana demanded, hurt that Kurenai would keep this from her.

"Because they've just found out, Kohana. I'm sure she expected me to pass on the news to you."

"It's too bad that he has to leave on a mission now. I'm sure he would have wanted to celebrate. But, a baby! I hope it's a girl."

Kakashi rolled his eyes and resumed eating his meal. But, soon after, he discretely pushed his bowl away no longer feeling hungry. A chill wind passed through the night and he shivered lightly. He experienced a sense of foreboding and silently hoped that Asuma's mission would end well.

Kohana was sitting across from Kurenai on her black, leather couch, holding a hot cup of ginger tea. She had taken to visiting Kurenai during the early mornings on the days she had not scheduled a shift at the bookstore. Both women were currently discussing the merits of their love interest – a topic that they would have definitely avoided had they not been so close.

Kohana grumbled, "I don't get it, Kurenai. He gives me mixed feelings. He's been there in my most vulnerable moments and it seems that he cares specifically for me. But, at other times I'm nothing more than a friend…despite all the time we spend together."

Kakashi tilted her head, and said softly, "Give him some time, Kohana. Don't give up."

Kohana emphasized, "I'm not giving up. I love him, Kurenai. There won't be anyone else."

The older, pregnant girl laughed, "Have you tried telling him how you feel?"

"Yes…I have. But, I'm scared. What if he doesn't feel the same way?"

Kurenai nodded, "It's normal to feel apprehensive. Kohana, you should know that Kakashi is a lot different from Asuma or Gai. He's much more reserved about his feelings than either of his friends. If you don't tell him some way or another, he may never realize his own emotions either."

"I know. I wish it was easier." Kohana mumbled. She then placed a hand on Kurenai's stomach and giggled, "At least, this little one won't have to worry about relationships for a long while."

"Yes, he or she won't." Kurenai agreed.

"Have you thought of names?"

"Mirai if it's a girl. Kenji if it's a boy."

"That's nice. I like Mirai."

Kurenai laughed, "You're only saying that because you want it to be a girl. But, I guess you and Asuma are in the same boat. He wants a daughter."

"Girls are the best", Kohana exclaimed with a flourish of her hands. She added, "Asuma will make a great father."

Kurenai grinned in agreement. They spent the rest of the morning discussing their childhoods and what kind of parents Kurenai and Asuma would be when they heard a knock. Kohana opened the door to reveal a somber Kakashi, his eyes strangely glossed over.

"What's wrong?" Kohana asked.

He ignored her and spoke to Kurenai not exactly meeting her eyes, "Kurenai, the Hokage's requested you immediately. Please go now."

Kurenai shot him a confused look, but departed swiftly without question. Kakashi sidled past Kohana and onto the balcony where he watched Kurenai until she entered the Hokage's tower. He gave a signal to someone in the distance. Kohana pulled on his sleeve, and asked anxiously, "What happened?" Her voice trailed off as something large and black caught her eyes. She leaned over the balcony and gasped when she saw a troop of shinobi carrying a fully cloaked figure. She stared in alarm as the procession passed solemnly, workers and shoppers alike stopping their duties to watch. Of course, she recognized the funeral march, the dull thud of feet, and the thick suffocating atmosphere. She was much too familiar for how many times hadn't she seen it before? First with Obito, then Minato and Kushina and now…

"Kakashi, who is that?" Kohana asked shakily.

Kakashi just slid his hand through hers, squeezed her palm firmly. Kohana asked more forcefully, "Who is that?" She turned sideways and gazed at his face, her heart beating with anticipation.

She bit her lip as she realized Kakashi's posture. It was rigid, almost paralyzed. With an unpleasant jolt, Kohana recognized the tormented expression of loss on his face. The same face that Kurenai, Gai, Tsunade-sama and Asuma –

Her thoughts broke off abruptly and she let out a shaky breath as she swiveled her head towards the procession once more. Her heart tried to deny her mind, but the logic was too strong and the evidence too clear. She could now make out the hunched outlines of Shikamaru, Ino and Choji, all who appeared as if they had their chests ripped out.

"A-asuma?" Kohana cried, gripping Kakashi's fingers.

Kakashi finally nodded, his voice grim, "His team was in combat with the Akatsuki. It was an unexpected battle. Asuma put his life on the line to save those three." His head dipped towards the staggering trio of kids, not much older than Kohana when she had lost her loved ones.

"No." Kohana was shaking, her mind going blank in shock. She whispered hoarsely aghast, "W-why?!"

Kakashi pulled Kohana into an embrace, and spoke softly, "This is war, Kohana. This is the pain love can bring." He tightened his hold as she cried. How more many people would he have to lose?

Kohana did her best to ward off the shock and the numbness she felt whenever she thought of Asuma. His death impacted her strongly; she was upset, distraught and angry. But, her loss and her grief was nothing compared to that of Kurenai.

For days, the pregnant kuniochi had refused to open the door for anyone. It wasn't until Kohana was shouting at her door that the Kurenai succumbed. Kohana watched sadly as Kurenai more or less cooped up into a morose ball. She now took care of her meals and organized her apartment trying to flood the rooms with as much sunlight as possible. Despite her efforts, Kurenai's demeanor didn't change. During the upcoming weeks, Kohana began to worry about Kurenai's health and obsessed over making sure that her friend at least cared for the baby growing inside her. Even Shikamaru's constant visits did little to curb the gloom. Kohana knew little about the taciturn male, but she appreciated his effort and concern for his sensei's lover. Kurenai cheered slightly when he was present, but retreated immediately to the confines of her room when he left.

Fortunately, what Kohana and the others could not do, time did. Months passed and Kohana found Kurenai returning slowly to her former self, even going as far as initiating conversations with Kohana. It wasn't until the hospital visit that Kurenai had her first laugh, tears streaming down her face. Kohana was startled to see the sudden blast of emotion only to learn that the mother had felt her baby kick. Kurenai turned to Kohana with a big smile, "I think I can do this, Kohana. He's not really gone. He's with me, right here." She patted her engorged belly fondly.

Kohana returned the smile tentatively and walked Kurenai out of the hospital where the latter came to an abrupt stop a mile down the road. Kohana frowned when she saw Asuma's team a few feet away geared up for what looked like another mission. Kurenai's gaze hardened and she gave them a firm nod. They waved to her and made their way to the entrance where they signed out with the front guards, Koetsu and Izumo.

"Another mission?" Kohana said.

Kurenai muttered, "It's nothing to worry about, Kohana. You should go. I need to speak with the Hokage. Thank you so much for your help."

Kohana watched the pregnant lady amble over to the Hokage's building with a confused expression. She shook her head and sighed. She knew that as a civilian, she had no right to meddle in shinobi affairs. But, when all of her friends were shinobi, she couldn't help but worry for their safety. How she hated being kept in the dark!

It was a warm day in March, and Kohana was back at the bookstore, shelving copies of new orders onto the wooden shelves. The door opened and Gai walked in, clad in his original green suit.

Kohana's face split into a wide smile. It had been too long since she had seen her friend.

"Gai!" she greeted as he approached her.

The tai-jutsu expert smiled back, though his grin didn't seem to reach his eyes.

"Why do you look so preoccupied, Gai?" Kohana asked.

"You need your eyesight checked, Kohana-chan. You're mistaking my youthful appearance to be something else. I hope I'm not disturbing you." Gai chuckled.

"Please, Gai. That would never happen. That's all right. I was about to take my lunch break", Kohana teased.

Gai chuckled and leaned across the counter to speak, "So, how have you been?"

Kohana grinned and then her smile faltered, "Everything's been okay. I've been hanging out with Kurenai a lot."

Gai sighed heavily, "I know. It's been difficult to digest."

Kohana nodded, and turned the conversation in a different direction asking about Gai instead. They caught up on their lives and an hour into the conversation Kohana discovered that Lee, Gai's favorite discipline was excelling at tai-jutsu.

Gai exclaimed proudly, "He'll surpass me, Kohana. He says he gets his strength from Naruto."

Kohana agreed fervently, "Naruto is something else. He has a unique charisma – everyone can't help but love him."

Gai added, "Of course, Naruto wasn't always like this. If it wasn't for the few people that accepted him, I'm not sure how he would have turned out."

"What do you mean, Gai?" Kohana had missed the most part of Naruto's childhood. She couldn't imagine anyone disliking the rambunctious boy.

"People used to hate him for being the 9 tailed Jinchuriki. They used to whisper behind him not bothering to hide their disgust. Iruka was the only one to approach Naruto with a friendly personality; he believed Naruto was much more than the Kyuubi."

Kohana frowned, "What about Kakashi? They seem so close now."

Gai hesitated, "Kakashi was in no position to help Naruto. This was many years ago, Kohana. He was still recovering from his own pain though he never showed it. It took him nearly half a decade to become the man he is now."

Kohana hung her head in guilt, wincing slightly as she remembered that she had only added to his suffering. Kakashi should have been there for his belated sensei's son. Gai placated her, "No harm done. Kakashi and Naruto's relationship is strong…Kakashi would give his life for Naruto. No one would be able to stop him."

He said these last few words tersely, and Kohana caught his unusually tense face. She asked sharply, "What do you mean, Gai? Did something happen?"

Gai chuckled unsurely, "Kakashi is right. You have a wild imagination."

Kohana glared, "I do not. What's going on, Gai? Where is Kakashi?" She thought back to the weeks before. She was so preoccupied with Kurenai that she hadn't noticed Kakashi's prolonged absences. Her heart fluttered with panic."

Gai said calmly, "Nothing to worry yourself over."

Kohana snapped, "I'm tired of all of you saying that to me. If I'm not supposed to know, stop giving me clues!"

Gai pursed his lips, "It's not my fault. You're too insightful."

Kohana pleaded, "Where is he, Gai?"

Gai hesitated, "He wouldn't want you to know, Kohana."

Kohana gasped, "Gai. You know this already. But I've never said it to you before. I love him. If anything…" She shuddered at the thought of losing him and continued, "I need to know. I promise I won't betray your name."

Gai rubbed his face, "This is completely on you, Kohana-chan. He's back home. But, he'll be leaving shortly."

Kohana flashed him a thank you and sped out of the store, as she ran to his apartment. She pounded the door, yelling, "Kakashi!"

The door opened to reveal the tired looking shinobi. His visible eye widened in surprise, "Kohana. What are you doing here?"

Kohana paused to catch her breath, and tripped over the doorstep in her haste. She grabbed the edges of the doorframe to stabilize herself.

"A-are you going somewhere?" She glanced at his figure. He was clothed in his green vest, but his pouches were bulging with kunai and shiruken. She reached out and absentmindedly traced the outline of the weapons.

Kakashi closed the door and crossed his arms, "What are you doing here, Kohana? Shouldn't you be at work?"

"I bailed."

Kakashi raised his eyebrow, "That's unlike you."

"I need to talk to you."

Kakashi glanced at the clock and shook his head, "Not now, Kohana. I'm leaving. We'll talk after we get back."

Kohana racked her brain trying to figure out what mission could be so dangerous that even Gai would be concerned about. There had to be a connection. Gai and Kakashi were the elite shinobi along with Asuma… Kohana gasped, her eyes widened with worry. Of course, neither would rest until their friend was avenged. Reducing the Akatsuki by two would certainly be a victory on the Leaf's side, and a sure fire way to protect Naruto.

She asked, "Are you going after them? The two that k-killed Asuma?"

Kakashi stared at her hardly and nodded once. He said something else that Kohana couldn't hear. It seemed like the wind was knocked out of her.

"What?" she whispered, her hoarse voice echoing loudly in the silent room.

"I'm leaving now, Kohana. It's already late as it is."

The words did their job. Kohana grabbed his vest, and said urgently,

"No! You can't go! They'll…you can't go, Kakashi!" Kohana all but grabbed his vest. Kakashi gripped her wrists and pried them away. He said in a low, hard voice, "Stop this, Kohana. This is what I do."

But Kohana wouldn't hear any of it. She shook her head severely, "Then take me with you. I can help."

Kakashi snorted and pushed her aside, "You'll stay right here. I'm leaving Pakkun behind."

Kohana trembled, succumbing to her tears. He had to know how much he meant to her. She had to tell him now. "Please, Kakashi. I can't…b-bear it if you"

Kakashi cut her off harshly before she could finish, "Kohana, this is my life. It's unpredictable and dangerous. It's best if you're not so concerned about it."

Kohana's eyes widened and she bit her cheek unable to say anything more. His words stung her sharply. She watched him gather his belongings and sweep out the door leaving her alone in his empty apartment. She stumbled to the couch and hid her face in her arms replaying his words.

It's best if you're not so concerned about it.

An outsider may not have caught the hidden meaning behind them. But, Kohana did. And the realization broke her heart. He was telling her to not love him. As if she had any control over that.