Chapter 10

Sometime later the sounds of battle stopped from inside the gym and I ventured a guess as to why.

I quick peruse through the door of the arena showed the battle to indeed be over, and had clearly been something of monumental proportions; What was left of the arena was a combination of deep trenches and holes in the ground, with stones uprooted all over the place and strewn way past the battlefield. A particularly large trench gouged a scar right through Brock's side of the arena, roughly the size of an Onix. I had to suppress a shudder at the enormity of it.

Cooper and Brock were in the middle of the arena shaking hands and muttering to one another. It was clear by both their faces that Cooper had won, though for the life of me I couldn't figure out how Cooper's little Sandslash had managed it. Cooper Shenanigans, no doubt.

As surreptitiously as possible, I slunk over to my backpack, left in the grandstand next to my old pal the Gym Trainer. He wore a grin of smug satisfaction, as he watched me collect my things.

"Forget something? You looked like you had somewhere to be in a hurry."

I muttered something incoherent under my breath in response. The bastard kept on, "I tell you, i've seen heaps of reactions to Brock's Onix," He put emphasis on the word, "but you're the first person i've ever seen run away." He laughed then, a pitchy self serving chuckle with too much gusto to be natural.

I mustered as much dignity as I could, kicking the discarded hot dog in his direction, "I wouldn't expect a Gym Trainer to understand the idea of a tactical retreat. Anything beyond listening to your master's orders is incomprehensible for your kind. Go now Igor, Before I lose my patience and set the good Doctor upon you. Go clean some trash and wallow in the filth of your station, knowing that you will never amount to anything more than a trained Growlithe."

To his credit he took it well (though I wouldn't be surprised if he simply didn't understand), folding his arms in an imitation of Brock's trademarked (quite literally, royalties had been paid out a couple of times) stance. "At least I don't run away from Onix," he had the audacity to mention, doing himself no favours. He continued on in a raised voice so that both Brock and Cooper were now paying attention, "You think you're better than me? Prove it. I challenge you to a pokemon battle right now!"

I gulped. After the spectacle of Cooper's battle I had been planning to go have a shower and spend the rest of the day locked in my room. I wasn't nearly prepared for something as mentally taxing as a battle.

Then again this was just some big-for-his-britches Gym Trainer. I'd always held the belief that Gym Trainers were losers who couldn't handle being a proper trainer, choosing to start with training wheels on instead. And this guy had been irking me all day. Plus there was no way I was running away from a battle in front of Cooper. Especially after only just watching him defeat Brock.

I raised an unimpressed eyebrow, "Game on."

"The battle between the sexiest piece of ass on this side of Saffron, Trainer Cooper and Gym Trainer Liam will commence." Cooper decided to officiate this match, smiling ear to ear at the chance to be annoying. I'd only allowed it because I was too busy trying to keep things under control.

"This will be a one on one battle. The brat with the gnat and the cat will send out the first pokemon."

It took a few seconds for me to realise he meant me. I didn't really need to dwell on the choice much; Beelzebub was untrained and Felicity didn't have any moves too effective against rock pokemon. I sent Artemis out on the field unenthusiastically. She materialised none too happily either, having been confined to her ball since the Beedrill incident, turning to me and twittering no doubt the most profane insults she could come up with in her Venonat repertoire.

I really need stop leaving her in her pokeball for so long. Or at least try to avoid releasing her for battle only.

"Jerry go!" My shit of an opponent hefted a pokeball onto the field, revealing 'Jerry' to be a small yellow Sandshrew.

"I thought this was a rock type gym?!" I wondered aloud.

All I received in response was a hurling rock as Jerry went on the offensive.

Bastard battled as dirty as me!

Artemis fortunately had the sense of mind to lunge aside, detecting the incoming rock with that infallible radar system of hers. The medium sized stone landed near me and I struggled not to balk at it.

Meanwhile Jerry had continued the onslaught of Rock Throws hurling them with varied accuracy at Artemis who was fending well enough on her own. A rock clipped her on the side and she responded with an angry Confusion attack, not exactly focused but also not split in all directions. I considered it an improvement nonetheless.

Though I might probably have felt differently if not for the psychic Light Screen surrounding the trainer's box I stood in, which at this stage was rippling slightly as it held off the psychic attack.

Jerry at least was writhing in pain on the floor of the gym, diving underground to the relative safety of the earth at Liam's command.

Artemis relented her onslaught, waiting patiently for the attack, and with a flurry of dirt and rocks spilling out, Jerry erupted from the ground, missing her completely.

He instead came up less than a meter from my box, spewing debris all over the barrier, causing my mind to seize up. Memories of rock and dirt tumbling around me flashed before my eyes and I was out of the battle for now, focused instead on not making a spectacle.

Liam it seems played much dirtier than me.

Artemis had no clue as to why I was so afraid of a few rocks, but seeing the look of pure terror on my face managed to deduce enough to know that Liam was playing dirty, and replied in kind by blasting another confusion attack. Much less precise this time, but with more power sending every protective barrier fuzzy with psychic power.

Jerry writhed in pain once more, unable to see Liam's order to dive underground again. Artemis took advantage of this, lunging forwards in a tackle attack to little success. Jerry, now freed from the psychic attack, returned with a fury swipes, landing some nasty looking scrapes across Artemis' eyes, then following up with another point blank rock throw.

I was still stuck in a haze, visibly shaking and pale I stared at a nearby rock, oblivious to my starter being pummelled.

Another Rock Throw sent Artemis tumbling across the field. I took a shuddering breath as a rock landed near me once more. Artemis was sent scurrying away from another vicious Fury Swipes across the eyes, meanwhile I closed my eyes and counted down from ten.

After another particularly loud crash of a rock being hurled, I covered my ears and squinted my eyes shut, humming a tune to myself. The words came easily to me as I blocked everything else out and shook violently.

I didn't notice a foreign hand grab the pokeball from my belt, then after a brief pause rub my back. I didn't notice being shepherded away, nor the feel of a breeze from outside. I didn't notice anything. It wasn't until I was sitting on a lounge with Cooper in the pokemon Centre's communal area that I came out of my stupor. And then proceeded to flee to my room and lock the door.

I didn't sleep that night.

A storm raged against my window, the taunting chorus of a world outside whose existence I desperately tried to forget.

Thunder resounded as percussion, the booming crash and implacable cymbal; Rain kept the rhythm whilst wind shrieked the choir, rising and falling as the verses of the same despaired song.

Even the fucking weather was against me, it seemed.

I listened unintentionally, laying there as I was, on the floor of my room wrapped up in my blanket. My shoes had been kicked off some many hours ago, until I could no longer see them in the diminished light. I was glad for my socks for despite the blanket I was still shivering from the cold.

Another thunderclap crashed outside, sounding far too similar to a rock crashing down nearby. I flinched like I was hit across the face.

I'd never been this afraid of storms in my life, though more unsettling than the tempest was the maelstrom inside of me, which despite my best attempts, I could not seem to rationalise or get a grip on. For all my efforts I could recognise most of what I was feeling (which for someone as fanatically unemotional as myself was a small miracle by itself). I knew that I felt obvious fear of the power that Brock had displayed and the knowledge that it would all be directed at me before this was over, embarrassment at losing my battle like that, in front of Cooper no less. Fear at the way my body had completely shut down like that, along with guilt at what I had put Artemis through (yes I did occasionally have that tenacious, niggling little worm bothering me).

I also felt anger. A lot of anger.

I spent a few minutes trying to source my anger to no avail, as was the way with emotions; They seemed to lack all logic and sense. Pernicious inconveniences, those pesky emotions.

Another thunder strike echoed around my room, and I flinched again. This time almost crying out in shock.

A few deep breaths later had my fear quelled but my anger returned in force; At fate this time, for putting me alone and scared in a dangerous and unforgiving world. Angry that I should spend my whole life planning for it to head one direction just to have it all destroyed in the night. Angry that of all my family members, I was the one who survived. Not my selfless Mother, my doctor Dad nor my battling prodigy older brother. Not even my younger sister made it out of the wreckage alive. Just useless, aimless Nat.

"Fuck you", I whispered into my knees.

Thunder exploded outside. I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Fuck you for dying instead of me."

Did I mention that I got no sleep that night?

It was two days later that I finally ventured out of the pokemon centre. I had missed my battle with Brock, but rationalised that by not answering my telephone I could make them think it was a wrong number. So what if it was a flawed plan, I wasn't exactly in a great state of mind to come up with my usual strategic coup.

I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised when Brock found me hiding on the outer wall; I had thought a trek across the dirt wasteland between the city and the wall would clear my head, but instead I just ended up staring out at the forest. I was entranced by how still it was, knowing firsthand how much death lay within.

I heard a voice from behind me, "You missed your battle Nathaniel." I didn't need to turn around to know who it was.

"Oh, the battle? I thought it was tomorrow-"

"Don't give me that bullshit." He hadn't raised his voice or made any outward motion and yet somehow had managed to convey a tone of the utmost authority. I trailed off. staring out at the forest.

He silently came and stood next to me, staring out across the vast green expanse, choosing his words carefully, "For someone who went through half the things Cooper told me about, you don't strike me as the type to scare easily." He paused again and I saw he was admiring the forest from my peripherals, "It really is a wonder, Viridian Forest. Such a marvel -" It was my turn to cut him off now.

"Look Brock, i'm not one for those touchy moments where we sit down, have some ice cream and jam about our feelings, okay? I'm just going to spare you from reciting that copy and paste speech of yours which is supposed to magically make everything feel better and give me a new lease on life. Whatever you're selling, i'm not buying. So with all due respect, please get the fuck out of my face."

I turned to leave, blinking away whatever had seemed to get in my eye and stormed off, only to have my wrist grabbed in a painfully tight hold by Brock himself. When I refused to turn and face him he yanked hard causing me to tumble off balance, only to be met with the steady, albeit squinty, stare of the fuming Gym Leader.

Okay maybe it wasn't the best idea to be rude to the guy with gigantic stone abominations in his pocket. Literally.

"Are you done feeling sorry for yourself?" He once again did not raise his voice, permeating an aura of force and fury with every fibre of his being. This was a man not to fuck with right now.

So naturally I resorted to my tried and tested method of escaping uncomfortable situations; I kicked him in the shin.

Only to nearly break every toe on my foot.

Brock's grip got tighter, really pissing me off enough to get past my fear of the man, "Let go of me!"

"You're going to listen to what I have to say Nathaniel because i'm not one to speak lightly."

With no other way of getting him off me, I grudgingly raised my head to meet his eyes again, he took this as his cue to continue, "I'm sure you know the story of how I lost my family so I won't relive it, and I'd be a hypocrite if I said I didn't avoid fire pokemon for a while afterwards. Our situations it seems aren't that different." He raised a hand to stop my incoming deluge of questions, "I made a call to Oak after you battled Liam and he told me your story. Maybe that's why I feel like I owe this to you, on top of Liam's behaviour in your battle."

I clenched my jaw at that which didn't go unnoticed by Brock, "He's been taken care of and won't be battling like that again at my Gym. Either way, you're a bright young trainer and I would hate to be the gym that ended your career. No, I refuse to be. You will battle me for your Boulder badge Nathaniel, because you're stubborn as a rock. I can see it in your eyes."

"Don't you mean you can smell it?" I muttered to myself, not nearly quiet enough. Brock snorted before raising his other hand and lifting his eyelids so that I could see his left eyeball.

It was grotesque. A purple and black mess of blood and veins, making me wonder how he saw anything at all. I physically blanched back in disgust.

Brock continued on with his lecture unperturbed, "We live in a hard world. It' s unfair and unjust, but that's the truth of it. The only way to survive is to become strong, otherwise you're as good as dead." I marvelled at how similar he sounded to the speech I had given Cooper back in the forest. Brock stopped awkwardly, frowning to himself, "I'm not good at speeches, so look. You're not going to lie down and die quietly and i'm not going to put up with your immature bullshit in my city. You're too strong for that." We stared at each other for a moment and I saw just how uncomfortable trying to cheer me up had made Brock, obviously not used to making such uplifting speeches. It helped a bit.

He let go of my wrist finally and started leaving briskly, muttering "I'll book your battle in for this time next week." And that was it.

I had a battle with Brock.

And just like that I was back to freaking out.

The rest of the morning was spent oscillating between feeling motivated by Brock's speech (despite my best efforts to spite myself for being so lame), and gripping fear of having to battle him in a week's time. I spent a great deal of it pacing from one end of the wall to the other, learning that it began at a large cliff on the south-west of Pewter and finished somewhere just south of the Mt Moon path out of the city. No doubt this was just the southernmost wall of Pewters defences.

It was around lunchtime that I was visited by another person I had been avoiding on top of the wall, Cooper. I'll chalk it up to my distracted state as to why I didn't immediately leave upon his arrival, and instead gave him a distant greeting.

Far too much lenience it seems, as he took this as permission to nearly suffocate me in an Ursaring hug, clamping around me and kissing my cheeks, all the while proclaiming how much he'd missed me, and that I need to call him more, and how much I'd grown. My cheeks were wet with spit by the time I finally thought of headbutting him to release me.

I angrily wiped my face with my sleeve, "Fuck you Cooper."

He wailed, literally wailed, and collapsed to the floor in mock despair, "What language is my boy using?! Oh dear Mew, what happened to my beautiful, sweet Nathaniel?"

He really knew how to piss me off, that Cooper. I gave him a look flatter than Misty's chest before moving to the stairs. Of course that prick would be joking around, he had already won his Boulder Badge, whereas I only had a week to figure out how to take down a primal god of terror. I briefly wished that I could have it as easy as Cooper, however a quick glance back at his stupid smirk as he tailed me was more than enough for me to reconsider.

"Nathaniel, wait! Wait up for me." I didn't. He eventually caught up to me at the base of the wall, and we trudged alongside it for a moment. Long enough for Cooper to get serious it seemed, he spoke again with a completely different demeanour, "So what is your plan to take on Brock?"

I figured I could at least humour him, try to glean some sort of advice even. "I'm going to make my pokemon battle him into submission."

I practically felt the grimace that showed up on Cooper's face. Maybe it was time for a better plan.

"I'm thinking I'll start with Beelzebub to take down whatever his first pokemon is, then let Artemis and Felicity deal with the second."

Cooper nodded, "Be careful, Brock doesn't always use two pokemon for beginners, I've heard of him using just a single powerful pokemon or three weaker ones. I wouldn't base your strategy on unreliable information."

Crap.

Well there went my big plan, flipping me straight back into despair and fear.

I blame the terror for pushing me into desperation, I turned to Cooper slightly, "So, what would you suggest someone in my position to do?" I quickly looked away so as to ignore the smile I knew he would be wearing.

He at least had the decency not to gloat, responding in an even tone, "Easy, just train. Properly, I mean. Work with all of your pokemon on their strengths and weaknesses, develop strategies together. Just get to know them really, that much should be self evident."

I balked. I was definitely NOT having this conversation with Cooper again, though I did contemplate what he defined to be 'training'. It couldn't hurt to get a proper inventory check of my pokemon at the very least, find out what they needed to work on and see if any great strategies came to mind.

Though somehow I doubted even the best thought out strategy had a chance at beating Brock's power. Cooper brushed past me and I had to remind myself that I was looking at a living example of just that.

He certainly did give me a lot to ponder as we made a lap down the length of the wall. When we had made it to the end and back to the gate I made a decision and told him to piss off and let me train.

Cooper grinned in understanding,though just as he was leaving I called out, "Cooper," he turned to look at me. I looked to my side, unable to make eye contact, "Thanks. Or whatever." I didn't even stick around to hear his response, wandering back along the wall to a spot I had scouted out earlier.

It was a relatively flat patch of dirt, with a few raised rocks and mounds off to the sides and a lone, dead tree surrounded by a few more rocks. "One of Pewters more scenic areas", I smiled wryly.

My hand dropped to the pokeballs at my waist; I had a snooty cat whom I had only just begun to bond with, a homicidal unstoppable monster and most worrying of all, an impertinent starter who had recently just lost a battle because of my own shortcomings. I gulped wondering which one to send out last.

First thing first however, Felicity was released yawning, showing off the needles inside her mouth before finding the tree to be an appropriate scratching post. I aimed my pokedex at her and let it scan, sifting through her known moves. Scratch, Bite, Payday and Growl. Not a lot to work with against Brock. "Felicity come here for a moment", I called. Naturally she ignored me completely, rubbing her back against the dead tree.

Fine, if she wanted to play that way I could certainly oblige. I reached inside my bag and pulled out the shiny round poketoy I had bought a few days prior. That certainly got her attention and I thanked Mew for the pamphlet in the pokemon centre which had informed me that Meowth couldn't resist round things.

As Felicity sauntered over to me I held the poketoy out to her, waiting a long time for her to eventually make it to me. She came within petting range giving me my tiny window of opportunity to stroke her which I took to with glee, having never really gotten a proper chance to pet my own damn pokemon. I kept her attention focused on the toy as I rubbed her behind the ears and all the way down her back, paying particular attention to the back of her neck. It wasn't until I started scratching the area above her tail that she started purring, surprising both of us. We shared a shocked glance until she took offence at something, scampering off.

"Small steps", I muttered to no one in particular.

Next out came Artemis, who looked around chirruping furiously upon her arrival. Needless to say I had taken refuge behind a nearby rock, not unlike our first encounter, considering we hadn't been having a good run of things lately.

I lay with my back to the rock holding my breath as I steeled my nerve, jumping up to face my starter… only to find her staring back at me less than a centimetre from my face.

She had apparently seen through my hiding place and jumped on top of the rock watching me avoid a minor breakdown. Damned radar vision.

"Hello Artemis." I gave my best shot at a friendly smile. It was a grimace.

Artemis made a single short chirp. It was high pitched and grating.

She was not happy.

I figured there was no painless way to get this over with so a direct approach would have to do, "I owe you an apology for… before." She stared back at me with a stare that almost made me shudder. I hadn't been creeped out by her stare in a long time, and I gulped trying to control myself again, "I was not in a good state to battle, and uh, I really was only thinking about my wounded pride."Anger bubbled within me as I hung my head, "I never should have put you through that. It was my own weakness that lost us that battle."

Clenching my fists so tight that my fingernails cut into my palm I returned my gaze to my starter, bristling, "I promise you Artemis that I'll never let that happen again. Just as you become stronger, i'll do what I can to become smarter and better able to make use of your hard work. Together we'll beat the shit out of anyone that gets in our way!" Artemis leant forward, touching my face with her antennae. Finally it seemed my starter and I were on the same page, and all it took was me promising to pull my weight.

Fucking Cooper and his fucking advice.

Our beautiful moment was ruined by the most sarcastic sounding meow i'd ever heard out of Felicity, and I looked down at my second pokemon who was very awkwardly pushing the (half mangled mind you) poketoy towards me. I took it as an act of respect assuming that she had overheard my promise to Artemis. I had much later found out that she was just finished playing with the now ruined toy and telling me to dispose of it. I guess I was just in a sappy mood after the emotional handjob me and Artemis has just shared.

Remembering the reason for any of this, I took out my pokedex and scanned Artemis, learning that she knew the moves Confusion, Disable, Tackle and Poisonpowder. Her moveset was much better for facing Brock but her weakness to rock and ground moves would be a hindrance. I also learnt that she was a significantly higher power level than Felicity, which made me worry just how much training I had properly done with my cat. I once again pondered at how little work had been done on her by her previous trainer.

Lastly, It came time for the pokemon that I was dreading. My own personal demon, Beelzebub.

One of the (very, very, minutely, hardly there) perks of seeing Brock battle was that any fear I had previously been harbouring towards my Pinsir had been squashed into pulp by the ten thousand tonne (my estimate) abomination of wrath from Cooper's battle.

Even still it would take the combined effort of Felicity and Artemis to subdue Beelzebub if things went awry, which I promptly told them before releasing my demon.

An ear bleeding screech made us all flinch and step back as my positively venomous Pinsir materialised, glaring at us with enough force to cause even the proud Felicity to avert her gaze. I stood next to Artemis glaring back, just long enough to taunt Beelzebub into charging. Calm as a Slowbro (or perhaps just as oblivious), I raised his pokeball and returned him before he could get any closer.

We released a collective breath, sharing a look between me and Artemis, though hers was just somewhat of the same expression she always wore, before trying again, releasing Beelzebub once again.

He took one look at us and charged again, only to be returned a second later.

This was going to take a while.

I tried again and again, eliciting nothing more than an even angrier Pinsir and a bored Venonat. Not a good combination.

We finally made something that could be called progress on my thirty-second attempt; I had tried to swap arms holding the pokeball and dropped the damn thing, right when Beelzebub was charging!

What would surely have spelt my demise ended up moving us forward when Artemis took charge, stunning the rampaging Pinsir with a Disable and keeping him locked in place. This meant that I could at least communicate with him without having to worry about being ripped in half.

Smart thinking Artemis.

Though I vowed to keep an eye on her, ready to return Beelzebub at the slightest sign of strain.

I returned my gaze to Beelzebub, the Pinsir was drooling and frothing from his sideways mouth, glaring at me with enough hatred to depress a Chansey.

Unable to resist, I tilted my head back and smirked at him.

I swear I saw his eyes bulge and more drool leak from him as he twitched in a furious attempt to escape. This was good, it meant he was more than just a mindless beast, but instead just a very proud cranky insect; A mindless beast I could not work with, but something that could be broken gave me clay to mold.

Before I lost the opportunity, I scanned him with my pokedex learning that he knew the moves Vicegrip, Revenge, Focus Energy and Bind. Not good but not bad, it was workable. All in all that would have to be the optimal way of describing my situation with Beelzebub. Workable.

"You are my pokemon." I began, knowing that he could hear me, "I caught you." I raised his pokeball to prove my point, which he immediately recognized from his prior attempts to attack.

"You are now a part of this team Beelzebub, and as such I", I pointed to myself, "am your trainer", I pointed to him now, motioning that I was the trainer and he was the pokemon. He must have understood some of it, for I heard Artemis tweet with the increased effort to keep him disabled.

I moved now to my bag retrieving the specialised insect food that I had gotten along with the poketoy. It was apparently like crack to bugs and I had initially gotten it for Artemis, but I felt the current situation merited a new approach.

Walking towards Beelzebub, I emptied the contents onto the floor in front of him (making sure to only use half of it. It was technically Artemis's food). I then stepped back and ordered Artemis to release the Disable attack.

I had to pretty forcefully whack her upside the head to actually get her to listen, but she eventually did release him, and I was quite curious indeed to see what he would do.

He ran over the food in his attempt to gore me.

I sighed deeply, returning him once and for all.

This was still going to take a long time.

Artemis of course made an immediate pounce on the bug food the moment Beelzebub was gone, and I figured she'd earned it.

Though less than promising results with Beelzebub, I still managed to receive the necessary data I had set out for, I know knew all my pokemon's moves and their approximate power levels. I also without a doubt, knew one more important piece of information.

There was no way I was going to be able to beat Brock with these guys as they were.

The next week saw me waking up early and going to bed late, as I spent as much time as possible training my team.

We had outgrown the dirt patch after day one, deciding that we needed a much better training area, I decided to continue our regime in Viridian Forest for once making a decision that didn't completely blow up in my face.

We didn't have to worry about powerful pokemon attacking since this side of the forest was still absolutely barren except for Beedrill, which I now took to with glee. I figured that after defeating an entire army of them, I had nothing to worry about when facing small hunting platoons, and was rewarded with a new secret power training technique of ambushing Beedrill.

I had tamed the forest and now sought out my rewards with gusto.

Okay, I hadn't tamed the entire forest, but I did a pretty damn good job of cutting a small slice off the top of it. With Cooper's help. But details regardless, my pokemon and I were lords of our small, tiny slice of Viridian.

I even managed to find my secret weapon inside of that slice, after having to spend almost an hour arguing with an annoyed Venonat over whether it was a good idea or not.

I'd won that argument by kicking her in the face.

She won the war by tackling me in the groin.

It was a special kind of relationship we had.

And so the week came and went, I had put a great deal of effort into training my pokemon and myself, learning about the different strategies available with my resources (I had always adored those real time strategy games before… everything), with the odd assistance from Cooper, though I mainly stayed aloof from him lest he steal any of my thunder.

By the end of it Felicity had managed to learn Fury Swipes instead of Scratch, not that either were very useful against Brock. Artemis had perfected the art of using her Poisonpowder, especially against the Beedrill we encountered (though obviously not to poison them, she managed to use it as a smokescreen to inhibit visibility). Perhaps most surprising of all was Beelzebub who had not only stopped attacking me (and everything else) the moment he was released, but had also battled other pokemon at my command, though in all honesty it was really a case of him finally learning that he would just be Disabled or returned if he tried anything and attacking other pokemon happily to release his pent up aggression. Either way I considered it a success.

Then again I still had a snooty cat who thought herself too good for me, a rampaging demon and a starter that only listened to me half the time.

Yeah, Brock wouldn't know what hit him.