"Talvez eu seja simplesmente
Como um sapato velho
Mas ainda sirvo se você quiser
Basta você me calçar
Que eu aqueço o frio dos teus pés"
(Sapato Velho - Roupa Nova)
"Maybe I'm just
Like an old shoe
But I still fit up if you want
Just put me on
And I'll warm the cold of your feet"
(Old Shoe - Roupa Nova)
"We should choose a name." Stated Diaval, caressing Maleficent's growing belly.
"Eventually." She agreed.
"One that matches with Aurora."
"That would be fine."
She put another dried fig in her mouth and reclined a bit more into her mate's chest, feeling comfortable.
"Dawn."
"Too obvious."
"Sunrise?"
"Doesn't sound like a real name."
"Hmm." He drummed his fingers on her belly. "Nor does Maleficent, by the way."
"My parents' mistake is no excuse to err again."
"Ravena?"
"Seriously?"
"It sounds nice to me."
"Vain bird."
"You wouldn't call me this is I suggested something like 'Fae'."
"It would be like Stefan naming Beastie 'Human' instead of 'Aurora'."
"Right, got it."
Diaval hummed to himself for some minutes, distracting his fingers on Maleficent's feathers.
"Draven?"
"Doesn't sound like a girl's name."
"Yes, it doesn't. But, what if they're a boy? Better have a name chosen for a boy, just in case."
He felt her stiffen in his arms.
"A boy?"
"Yes, a boy. We already raised a girl, we could be gifted with a boy, you know."
She sat straight, withdrawing from him.
"No, it cannot be a boy."
"Pardon me?"
Maleficent turned around to meet his eyes.
"I'm not ready to have a boy, Diaval. I... I cannot."
Her lower lip trembled, and he could see fear in her eyes.
No, not fear.
Terror.
Diaval reached a hand to her face, a thumb on her cheekbone and the tips of his fingers on her pointy ear.
"Mistress, this is not something one chooses, you know? Sometimes there are girls, and sometimes there are boys. You should know it by now."
"No!" She turned her face away from his touch. "No, I cannot, I cannot have a... a man, Diaval, I cannot..."
"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" He tried to touch her again, but she flinched.
"He... He would hurt me! He would hurt me, he would make me cry, and he would betray me, like... like men do! That's what men do, they hurt and betray and..." She swallowed a sob. "I cannot be bearing a... a man... I cannot..."
Her voice was an anguished whisper, but the content spoke volume to Diaval, who frowned.
"You... You don't want my son?"
"He will hurt me, I cannot..."
"Is this what you believe? All males are disgusting, distrustful copies of Stefan? What does it make of me?" He spat. "Twenty years of faithful serving, of shifting into anything your whims fancy, of treating you like a queen, of worshipping you as a goddess even, of loving you… loving you desperately like only a raven can… But in your eyes I'm no better than Stefan. My son, our son, if a son it is what's to come, would be no better than Stefan." The raven-man scooted away from her. "What a pity Stefan didn't die in that fall, as you insist in keeping him alive!"
The suffering in his eyes was palpable, and Maleficent regretted her words bitterly, now that she understood the whole of what they meant to the raven-man.
"Diaval, no, I didn't mean…"
She tried to get hold of his arm, but he yanked it from her and turned away, three words leaving his lips before turning into raven and flying away.
"Yes, you did."
000ooo000
Maleficent cried, tears flowing freely down her cheeks, unchecked sobs shaking her body until the night fell on the Moors. Diaval didn't come back, and she couldn't blame him. Why would he come back to one who despised everything male, even their unborn son, if son he was?
"My child…" She whispered to her belly, drawing circles around her navel. "Can you forgive me? How can you forgive me? How can your father forgive me? I cannot forgive myself this time."
She drank some water, attentive of their bodies' needs, and rocked herself to an uneasy sleep.
From a branch far enough for her words to be unheard, secluded in shadows, a pair of sad obsidian eyes watched for a while, and then left.
000ooo000
The morning found Diaval at Aurora's castle, dark circles around his downcast eyes. To fly directly to her balcony could have been considered a lack of good manners, to say the least, but as soon as the blonde saw his state she knew observing protocols was less important than to welcome her godfather.
"Diaval! What's wrong?"
"Me."
"What?"
"Me. Me is wrong."
The young queen scrunched her nose to the wrong grammar, knowing it meant more that the words said.
"Never." Aurora traced his temples, mindful of his scars, forcing him to look up to her. "My godfather would never be wrong. The one who never lowered his head down to my godmother would never be wrong. Now, tell me what's wrong, considering I know it's not you."
"It's the hatchling..."
"The baby?" Aurora was startled. "Is there something wrong with the baby?"
"No! I mean..." Diaval buried his hands in his hair, hiding his face in the process. "The hatchling is fine, healthy, for all we know. But...Maleficent... I..."
"Godmother? What's wrong with godmother?" The young queen was getting more worried by the minute.
"Me!" The raven wailed, frustrated by his lack of ability in communicating. "She doesn't accept me!"
"What? Diaval, this is impossible! She adores you!"
"I... I'm not so sure anymore." Aurora watched her broken-hearted godfather stand up and walk back to the balcony, propping his elbows on the cold stone and staring into the distance. She knew better and waited for him to collect his thoughts. "She is... She won't accept the hatchling if it's not a baby girl. She says every male is evil and will hurt her. She doesn't want to choose a male name, even. I'm afraid... I'm afraid she'll..."
His voice dropped to an anguished whisper and Aurora got closer, a hand on his shoulder to reassure him.
"She'll what, Diaval? What are you afraid of?"
"I'm afraid she'll drop the hatchling from the nest if it's a baby boy."
She couldn't decide if the idea was terrible or terribly absurd.
"But, Diaval..." Aurora shook her head. "Godmother would never drop the baby. How could you think she'd do anything evil to a baby?"
"Says the one who was cursed by Maleficent on her christening."
The youngster opened her mouth and closed it again like a fish.
"Well, you have a point, but... It's different, you know."
"Why? Most kinds of birds do it once in a while, you know."
"Diaval, she's not a bird, she's fae, remember? And she loves you; she loves the baby, too!"
"Really? Then why, pray, does she compare the hatchling to Stefan? Can't she see it's just a baby?
"Could she see I was just a baby?"
These words did the trick, and for once Diaval was silent.
"Erm…"
"Godfather, she was blind then, by anger, like she's blind now, by fear. I know it doesn't sound rational, but from what I've heard the maids telling about pregnancies, females tend to get emotionally unstable when with child. It's a thing that happens for them to be prepared to protect the baby, they get more sensible to anything that may be or become a threat."
His eyebrows lifted to almost touch his hair.
"And how come the hatchling being a baby boy will be a threat to said baby boy?"
"It may sound ridiculous, but…" The blonde pointed the train of thought on her fingers. "One: Godmother is preparing herself to protect the baby. Two: to be able to protect the baby, she must protect herself. Three: she has a trauma of being hurt by a man, ergo, she must protect herself from men. Four: if the baby is male, they can be considered a man, ergo, she must protect herself from the baby boy. If godmother fears any man will harm her, and she must be wary of anything that harms her because if she's harmed she won't be able to protect the baby… then she must be wary of a baby boy if she's to be able to protect her baby. Boy."
Diaval watched her fingers as if they'd hold the enlightenment to his impasse.
"Well, I don't know what all this 'ergo' stuff means, but what you say sounds sensible, even if it's a twisted logic."
Aurora smiled.
"'Ergo' means 'therefore', or 'consequently', my philosophy teacher uses it all the time. My staff insists I must have all kind of classes to rule the kingdom, else I'll end up like my father, duh! Anyway, I agree, it's twisted, but the mind of someone who's been traumatized is bound to twist things here and there once in a while."
"Like cursing a hatchling because of their father's crimes."
"Or being afraid of any kind of unknown male, even if it's a baby."
Diaval drummed his fingers on the stone of the balcony, considering everything that was just thrown on his head.
"You said 'unknown' male, right?"
"Of course! Godmother is not afraid of you, is she?"
"No, but why would she be afraid of my beautiful self?" Aurora rolled her eyes. Diaval took it as a clue to continue his reasoning and tilted his head birdishly. "Maybe because she saw me as the raven I am and not as anything else, in the beginning, and only started to see me as a man after she knew me well enough to know I wouldn't harm her."
The youngster agreed with a hearty smile.
"That's it, godfather! Maybe this is the key to both understand her and to solve her fears!"
"Yes!" His excitement was visible. "I don't know how long it will take to conquer her trust for our hatchling, but I don't care, I waited twenty years to conquer her heart, anyway."
"Maybe reminding her there are more males she trusts, like Balthazar, can help, too."
"And that Stefan was someone who didn't have a loving family and friends to guide him to be a good person."
The blonde silenced for a while, considering what was just said.
"Hmm. Do you really believe this, Diaval?"
"I… don't know. But I know my hatchling will be loved and cared for, even… even if something terrible happens and neither me nor they mother are there anymore, like happened to Stefan and Maleficent herself. They'll have all of the Moors to spoil them and, more important, they'll have you."
"Don't say such nonsense, godfather, you both will be here to see my sibling grow into a lovely and strong person, just like you both."
"I hope so." And said hope shone in his onyx eyes. "Just like their big sister."
000ooo000
The morning brought light snowflakes to the Moors, glistening for a second before thawing and leaving a drop of moist on earth and leaf. Maleficent groaned, waking up from an uncomfortable position to annoying cramps in her calves. These were the moments she envied human females, who could sleep comfortably on their backs without smashing any wings even with a belly worthy a watermelon. Actually, she reckoned hers was a small watermelon, as her pregnancy should take most of winter to reach full term, and at least her wings provided warmth in the chilly weather. Anyway, to move to the caves or to the Forbidden Fortress to spend next moons could be wise, both for her own health and for the little one who was to come.
The thought of said little one made her smile, her happiness answered by a well-aimed kick to her ribs.
"All right, all right, Parasite, mom is here…"
She caressed her belly, warmed by the feeling of her healthy baby in there. Her hatchling, as Diaval always said. Diaval…
The memory of their last night's strife hit her, and the joy on the fae's face faded like a bonfire under the rain.
"What will I do?" She mumbled to herself, only to be reminded by another kick that she was not alone. "What will we do? Your father is gone, I don't deserve him. At least he can shape-shift as he wishes, it won't be hard for him to… to live anywhere he wishes to, and to… to find a she-raven or whatever he fancies who deserves him…" A knot was forming in her throat, but she couldn't keep from talking to her unborn child. "Who deserves him more than I do. Because I don't."
Maleficent tried to stretch her legs and pull her toes up to oppose the cramps, but it hurt more than she was used to. Maybe the winter cold, maybe the cold inside… She reached for a water canteen behind the trellis of twigs Diaval declared was their pantry and…
And she knew she could not look at any corner of that nest without remembering him.
How could she, if he was the one to build it with all enthusiasm and caring, asking her to approve every detail and every change or innovation he had in mind…
She was about to draw a blanket woven of shed fur on her legs to help with the cramps when she remembered how upset he was about her disdain on shed fur the day…
A silent tear rolled down her face, only to be dismissed by her usual empowered self, an attempt to safeguard herself the same way she always did since that fateful night.
"Well, well, Parasite, seems we must count on ourselves, doesn't it?"
The fae stood up and began to collect some things she deemed necessary to spend a couple of days out of the nest, the time necessary to decide where she would spend the remaining of winter and deliver her child. With that decided, she could proceed to move food storage, beddings, diapers, baby clothes... It could not be too far from the Moors, she would have to summon a midwife when the time came, and obviously it could not be a human one. Of course she could always ask Dia...
No, she couldn't. Diaval left, she had been stupid enough to make him withdraw from her and her pish for men. He would be better off without her.
Again, someplace not too far, so the caves were a good option, there were some water streams nearby and deep enough to shield the cold, even within the boundaries of the Moors. No, to stay inside the Moors would be cumbrous, her folk would wonder why she was alone and ask about Diav...
She was not forced to report on her or Diaval's goings and doings to anyone, not pixie nor wallerbog nor fairy nor elf nor... Not even to Aurora!
Maleficent shouldered the haversack with the few belongings she chose and perched on the border of the nest, surveying the landscape before soaring. A light dizziness reminded her she didn't eat anything since yester night, and her stomach grumbled to reinforce the information.
"Hungry again, Parasite? I'm almost realizing who's the boss here, huh?"
Stepping down to the nest again, the fae dropped the haversack, sat down cross-legged and reached into the alcove used to store fruit. Maleficent's hand came back full of dried blueberries, her favourite. Her mouth watered in anticipation of the flavour, her nostrils full of its scent, and she caressed her swollen abdomen as a treat before tasting the first wisp of berry.
It was sweet.
Perfectly sweet.
It reminded her of Diaval.
The sweetness running down her throat was almost burning, and the memory of fresh blueberries being dropped into her mouth by the caring fingers of a raven-turned-into-man flooded her mind and her eyes. The stoic fae ate for the need of nourishment and the desperation for warm feather-light fingers touching her face, the only fingers she ever allowed to dry her tears, the fingers she'd had so much use right now with the deluge that washed her face.
This was not right.
This was not fair.
And staying in that nest so full of memories would not help her.
Maleficent hung the haversack on her shoulder and flew away, tears blurring her sight and sadness tainting her heart.
000ooo000
The ruins of the Forbidden Fortress were strangely welcoming, as if its empty halls knew when her heart was as empty as them and wanted to greet a peer. She landed in the same spot she was so long ago, when Diaval (always Diaval, damnit!) reported her that king Henry died and left Stefan as his appointed heir. She bore not the rage that overwhelmed her then, throbbing stumps aching on her back and comprehension of betrayal fresh in her mind, but the sadness that shadowed her features was no less frightening than the hatred that moved her then.
Years of living apart from the Moors ingrained in her muscles, and her body moved without thinking to the rooms she occupied at that time. There was a bed, a man-made bed, all straight angles and planed wood, and for a moment she considered why did she lower herself to sleep on such unnatural thing for so long. But then she was a wingless fae, and more unnatural than that was hard to imagine, wasn't it?
"No more..."
Maleficent whispered to herself and twisted her fingers with golden magic, bending living branches to her will and summoning them from the windows, forming a tiny but cosy nest atop the old bed. Even if the dried wood of the furniture were to crumple under the new arrangement, the new nest would resist and the old bed would work as a cushion under it.
She sorted her things out on the old stone shelves, aided by a bit of magic to dispel dust and debris left by several years of neglect. The beddings of the nest in the rowan tree found their place in the new one, and then her body demanded rest.
The same restlessness of the previous night tormented her dreams, the feeling of emptiness and the cold inside. On top of it, her calves started to cramp again, and a whimper left her lips as the pain hit the muscles.
One moment later she felt soft paws kneading her calves, and a purring sound claimed her attention.
A big black cat was fluffing her legs, the soft pressure easing the cramps and shining onyx eyes fixed on hers. She reached a hand to touch the feathers that adorned his head, a tear of regret trailing down her cheek.
"Diaval..."
He rubbed his ear to her hand, purring loud and contented.
"Diaval, my love, you don't have to do this. You hate to turn into cats, dogs or anything that chases birds!"
A cloud of darkness surrounded him as he shifted to human form, eyes and hands on her legs, massaging her pain away.
"It's one of the best ways to relax your legs when you have cramps." He stated, simply.
Maleficent sighed. After all that she said, her faithful lover was there, tending to her needs, as always.
"I don't deserve you."
"Maybe not." He agreed. "But it's not a matter of you deserving. It's a matter of me wanting to do it for you."
"How did you find me? Why did you come back after everything I said?"
He chuckled at her evident discomfort with his attitudes.
"When you chose me to be your wings, there was more to it than just flying. Perhaps I've learned a thing or two about gathering information, too."
His hands trailed from her calves to her feet, massaging them with care and eyes that spoke of adoration. She whispered just one word.
"Why?"
Diaval deposited her feet on the beddings and crawled to her side, minding her wings and belly, and cupped her face with the lightest touch. His eyes bore into hers, pouring all his heart into that gaze.
"Maleficent, mistress, I would find you in the deepest hole of hell, on the highest branch of Yggdrasil if I had to! Don't you understand I love you? That I have loved you for years uncounted? And that I will love you 'till my feathers turn white and the world falls apart? Have I not made myself clear enough?"
His mouth crashed on hers, a fervent kiss intended to shut up any doubt that could arise. The fae answered in kind, running her hands through his hair and bringing him even closer.
"Forgive me." She mumbled under her breath when they broke the kiss, breathing hard and craving for more. "I was afraid."
"And I shouldn't have flown away. Forgive me too?"
"Always, my pretty bird."
"Always, my mistress."
They kissed some more, sealing their forgiveness and assuring each other of their compromise.
"Diaval..."
"Yes, mistress?"
"I'm still afraid."
"I know."
"Huh?"
"I guess it would be near impossible to erase the fear of half a lifetime in just one night."
"Then..."
"Then, I'll be beside you every time you feel insecure and will remind you not all male are jerks."
"And if the Parasite..."
"If the hatchling is a boy, we'll both teach him to be a nice guy, just like his father."
"Vain bird..."
"And if it's a girl, we'll both teach her to be a nice lass, just like her big sister. We've done it once, of course we can do it again."
"You... you make it sound so simple."
"And why should it be complicated?"
She shook her head, considering that if he had to ask he wouldn't be able to understand. Better this way, her soul was already too heavy, better to have someone beside her light and innocent, like him, like Beastie, and... how would the Parasite be?
Maleficent closed her eyes, relishing in the warm scent of black feathers, relaxing at last after all the stress of not knowing if she could count on her lover's presence or not. Once again proven wrong, Diaval was there, caring, mindful of her needs and the needs of their hatchling.
Several minutes passed and the silence was growing heavier, despite Diaval's caress and Maleficent's sighs. Or maybe because of them.
"Why did you move… here to?"
Maleficent considered his question for a moment, because she wasn't sure if the decision had been conscious or not. A part of her didn't know if she should say all her soul shouted, but this was not the time to conceal feelings.
"This is where I came... no, where I hid... when I lost my wings. I... I thought I had lost them again."
The fae caressed the raven-man's shoulders, making explicit what her words only hinted.
He answered in kind, tracing the edge of her wings with reverence.
"Like your born wings, mistress... only a cage could keep this wings from serving you."
"I feared… I feared you'd go away and find someone who deserves you more."
"Hah!" He laughed. "Your insistence in forgetting ravens mate for life would be annoying if it weren't funny."
"I'll turn you into a sheepdog to see if you deem it funny." She retorted, rolling her eyes.
He laughed some more, lightening her mood, and she snuggled further into his embrace, breathing in the scent of his skin and finding shelter in his strong arms. They were almost dozing off when somebody decided it was the best time to do a little kicking.
"Urgh!"
"What's wrong?"
"The Parasite is hungry again, and also kicked my bladder. I must go outside, be right back."
When Maleficent was back a peeled orange awaited on a small wicker basket along a couple of dried bananas. The fae smiled at the treat and sought her mate.
"What are you doing?"
She questioned, watching as he diligently collected all her things form the shelves and stored them back in the haversack.
"You were shivering in your sleep, this place is too cold to spend winter in."
"We spent winter here several years and nobody froze from it."
"Yes, but now you're more sensible to cold, and the hatchling will be, too."
"Our nest is even less protected, and I don't know if I want to move to the caverns."
He finished folding the beddings and turned to her with a sheepish smile.
"I know of a better place."
000ooo000
"This place reeks of pixie, but it will do."
"Of course it will. It if was good enough to rise Aurora, it will be good enough for us to weather the winter."
Maleficent fixed the main room, cleansing table, chairs and floor from dust and clearing the counter and pantry from any residue of old food. Diaval started to put things in place while she provided a comfortable place for them to sleep in one of the rooms upstairs. She came down to find the table set for two, adorned by a branch of winterberries, and water in a kettle heating for tea on the stove.
"What…" The fae looked around to find her lover packing up wood in the hearth, face flushed from the cold outside. "You never fail to surprise me, pretty bird."
"It's already shameful that I didn't build a nest proper for wintertime, let me at least provide some comfort for my beloved ones." He rubbed his hands off wood dirt and approached her, a smug smile reaching his eyes. "Aurora sent some seed-bread when I… visited her this morning, and also cheese, and I found a honeypot in the cupboard, and I thought you'd might like a nice tea to warm your bones and to calm our little one so you can sleep better, and I was thinking, upstairs there's more than one room, so, maybe we can consider, well, a new project after this hatchling is born, of course we can wait some years, not too many, but it's a pity not to have siblings, you know, Aurora grew up with no other child around, I'm sure she would be pleased if she had someone about her age to play with, and…"
"Diaval."
"Yes, mistress?"
"Stop rambling and kiss me!"