A/N - Thanks to everyone for their continued support and reviews!

Patience: Raphael

It seemed to take forever to get to April's, and when we did get there Don and April wouldn't let us see Splinter. Waiting in the living room almost killed me. Part of me was desperate to go back and finish Hun, but the other part of me was stuck in this living nightmare. I feel like I can't move. When Hun taunted me in the alley, I ran. There was no fire left. No anger left to burn through. Instead there was just panic and pain like I'd never felt.

I can tell Mike and Leo want answers about what happened but I've not said a word since the bathroom door closed and I ain't gonna start now. At least they haven't pushed me for the details yet, and they haven't blamed me either.

That's ok; I know this mess is my fault. I'll fix it somehow though. First I've got to know if Splinter is gonna be ok. Maybe then I can try and make sense of the emotions burning through me. I've felt anger, pain and worry before. I've even felt guilt too. But this cocktail of emotion is new, and I can feel myself drowning in it.

After what seems like an eternity, the bathroom door creaks open and I see my brother's leap to their feet. I can't bring myself to move; to breathe. April barks out some commands as her and Don carry Splinter over to the couch while my brother's return with blankets and pillows.

I watch for a moment as the rest of my family swarm around the couch, before my own legs carry me there too. I feel like I'm walking through a dream, where I have no control over my own actions. The journey is only a few steps but to me it could have been a thousand, until I'm there. April was fussing around Splinter covering him with a thick blanket and adding an extra pillow under his injured shoulder. I hate seeing him like this. It should have been me! Why did he have to save me? It was my fault for not following his orders. How many times have I not followed Leo's orders? Panic wraps itself tightly around my neck as my heart jumps. This could have happened before. All the times I didn't follow orders, it could have ended like this. It could be one of my brother's lying there; because of my choice.

It takes me a good few minutes to realise everyone is staring at me while I stare at Splinter. Quickly, I pull myself together. He's still unconscious, and his left shoulder is covered in bandages. His arm is in a sling. Why isn't he awake?

"You did good Raph" said Donnie, pulling me back to reality as he clapped a hand to my shoulder, "the temporary patch helped to slow the bleeding and keep the broken bones together"

Almost instantly, my emotions rushed through my head and straight out my mouth, "I didn't do good" I seethed in rage "he only got hurt because of me"

As I turn to face my brother's and April, I find I can't stop the rest of the story tumbling out in an angry torrent.

"I saw the purple dragons and Hun with some new weapons and tried to take them out. I was outgunned and Splinter...he tried to get me out. If I'd listened to him...if I'd followed him when he tried to leave" I was biting back a sob now, as the memory of the gunshot rose in my mind "I wouldn't go with him, Hun aimed a gun at me and... he knocked me out the way and took the bullet" I almost roared the last part as the sound, smells and scene assaulted my senses all over again.

My brother's seem stunned into silence and April's looking at me with nothing but pity that makes me want to break something.

"Raph, this isn't your fault..." starts Leo, reaching towards me before I pull away from him

"Of course it is. If he'd been at home with his family, this wouldn't have happened!" I rage in response, emotion heavy in my voice

"You're family too!" Says Mikey, having picked up on what I'd just said "Master Splinter would do that for any of us!"

I hate this! Why aren't they blaming me? I deserve every ounce of their anger and hate. They should throw me out, not stand here and try to tell me it's not my fault. Part of me is screaming to run, but I know I can't. If I leave, one of them will follow me and I can't take the thought of someone else getting hurt because of me.

"He will get through this Raph" soothes April, wrapping on arm around me as my brother's turn their attention to Splinter, giving me some privacy. It's then I realise I'm shaking.

"What damage did the bullet do?" asked Leo quietly, steering the conversation away from me discreetly. That's good, I don't want to lose my temper and say something else I'll regret.

"It wasn't a normal bullet. It was big enough to cause breaks in both the collarbone and shoulder blade, thankfully they were pretty clean breaks. It also caused a lot of damage to the muscle and nerves in that area, not to mention the amount of blood he lost" rattled off Donnie, going into doctor mode

"But he'll get better?" asked Mikey, with unmistakable worry as he grasped our Father's uninjured hand

"With a lot of rest, I'm sure he will. But he has to stay very still until the bones start to heal. When he wakes up we can ask him which position he'd be most comfortable in, because shoulder injuries tend to be very painful" added April, trying to soothe my brother's worries, but adding to my own guilt.

"He should stay here for a while, though" she added "we can't risk the wound getting infected"

"April, we can't ask you to..." started Leo

"You didn't ask, I'm telling you. Master Splinter can stay here with me until he's well enough to go home. No arguments" cut in April, daring my big brother to disagree. Instead, Leo simply nodded his thanks and turned back to our Father.

"Come on Raph, let's check out your injuries" said April quietly tugging me towards the kitchen

Normally I'd insist I'm fine, but I don't have the energy and I'm kind of glad to leave the living room where my brothers are gathered around Splinter, worry and sorrow hung off all of them and I could barely stand to see it and know I caused it.

Besides, maybe April can help me. Talking to her is easier than my brother's and right now I have no idea what to do.