A/N - Thanks to everyone still reading this and leaving reviews! Not many chapters left now...
Damaged: Raphael
No, this can't be happening.
For a moment I'd actually started to think things might turn out ok. As soon as Mikey shouted to me and Leo, I knew something was wrong. I felt kind of detached when I dashed towards the couch Splinter was lying on, it was like walking through a dream; or in this case a nightmare. April was already hovering over him and Mikey's shout must have woke Don, since he was there too.
"What's happening?" asked Leo, his tone cool but I can tell he's worried. I know how he feels.
"He woke up but started thrashing about" babbled my little brother bouncing from one foot to the next.
Why would he panic? He's safe at April's. I'd barely finished the thought when Don turned to face us, enough sadness showing in his eyes that made me want to run. I shouldn't be here, I'm the cause of this, but I can't cause them any more worry either by taking off.
"I think Master Splinter panicked because he didn't recognise us, or where he is" announced Donnie, as a boulder settled somewhere in my chest. I'm vaguely aware of April still leaning over Splinter whispering to him, but it's too quiet for me to hear.
Almost at once, my brother's turned to each other with hurt and confusion.
Before we can all bombard Donnie with questions, April turns her attention from Splinter and I'm kind of glad he's asleep again. I don't know how I would deal with him not knowing us.
"I think it's temporary" she said quickly, and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.
"He lost a lot of blood and I think he's in shock. That would explain why he's confused" continued April, and I could tell she was trying to calm us down
"But he will get better?" asked Mikey, desperate for someone to give him a straight answer. I understood where he was coming from. It's easier to not get bogged down in the details when talking to April or Donnie.
"I'm sure he will, we just need to keep him warm and make sure he rests" said April, as patient as ever.
It had the desired effect and I could tell all my brother's relaxed a bit. Even I did. That didn't erase the guilt that was eating at me. How can I fix this?
Before I have chance to think about it too much, a forest green hand lands on my shoulder.
"We will all get through this" says Leo, adding emphasis on the word 'all'.
For once, I don't mind he's taken charge. When I look at him I see my big brother standing ready to help fix my mess. Not my leader giving me an order and looking down on me. I glance around and feel a little embarrassed to see Don, Mikey and even April looking at me with resolve; and forgiveness. For the first time in a long while, I let my family's presence give me strength. Finally, it feels right to be part of this team.
Maybe it was because of everything that happened today. Maybe I finally realised I'm not alone. I can't help but feel a bit hopeful that everything is maybe, going to be ok. It's a strange feeling, especially since the anger I've felt at my family has hung off me for so long, but I can't help but get drawn into the acceptance and hope they're all offering me. Besides, I could use their help. I still need to make this all right with Splinter when he gets better.
Compared to before? I have faith things might just be ok.