Chapter 5: To Have Your Cake

Two weeks had passed. Two weeks with a certain self-destructive guest… and his many ploys to avoid help. Bruce was adamant. But Tony had his ways. The billionaire had the Tower to himself now, and with that, a chance to reflect. The last few days had been very… constructive. Reluctantly, the man had put business before pleasure, attending monotonous meetings, interviews, and handling a little mishap with a wannabe villain. In summation, he had earned his moment of leisure.

The background noise of Aerosmith had soothed him; dead silence wasn't an option. Especially not now. Pouring a shot glass of vodka, his mind began to wander. Were Bruce and Pepper enjoying their friendly dinner together? Was Dum-E tinkering with something that he shouldn't? When was the Chinese food going to get there? And also… were Bruce and Pepper enjoying their friendly dinner together? He was particularly curious about that. His thoughts never wandered far from the two. Tension between the woman and doctor had waned, but not enough to satisfy him. He wanted them to enjoy each other's company, not just tolerate it. Was that selfish? Maybe just a bit.

One shot of vodka had become two, and two had become three. It was all to drown the sudden guilt that had only grown as the days went on. But even the most intoxicating drink couldn't efface his internal worries. He gave up after his third. Tony almost wished for the distraction of work; there were some things he wasn't quite ready to confront, not even in the privacy of his own mind.

…

Bruce wasn't sure how Tony talked him into having dinner with Pepper. Perhaps it was his charm. Nonetheless, it was going fairly well. Bruce had ordered the seafood platter with sparkling water, and Pepper shrimp scampi with white wine. "How's the pasta?" He wasn't much of a conversationalist, but he tried. "It's pretty good," Pepper offered, "it would be better if…" "If…?" The doctor pressed. Sipping at her wine, Pepper sighed and smiled weakly. "I never thought I'd be confiding in you, Doctor." Bruce merely tilted his head, awaiting her explanation. "It's just that… I miss Tony. He's been off lately, like he was three years ago. Physically he's there, but… that's pretty much it most of the time. He's disconnected, and I don't know why. You know him; be honest: am I the only one who's seeing this?" A look of desperation filled her eyes; it was obvious she needed validation, something Bruce couldn't provide. Not without lying. Tony seemed lively and bold as usual, perhaps even more so. He merely frowned, though that was hardly any consolation. "Have you spoken to him about it?" The woman shook her head. "I'm sure you already know Tony is a very busy man. It can be… pretty difficult to get his undivided attention." Bruce didn't quite know how to respond; he felt dissonance with every word she spoke. And he wasn't exactly the kind of man to get into people's personal business.

During the car ride back, Bruce wondered many things. He stared blankly out of the window as he had an epiphany of sorts. His past was finally becoming his past. And he just loved it. That one part of him still wanted to think he hated it, but was failing miserably. It had been two weeks. These two weeks had afforded him the mental relief he so sorely wanted, needed. The contempt he held for himself ebbed in Tony's presence. The dark thoughts he'd grappled with daily had left him in those moments. He was… happy in those moments. It took a few seconds for him to realize they had arrived. The chauffeur opened the doors and bid the two a goodnight.

…

Tony stared impatiently at his watch. It was six past eleven. The Chinese food had arrived, and was long gone. A bit of tinkering was done here and there on a few minor projects. A refreshing, warm shower had done its part to keep him awake, while the company of music filled the air around him. What was missing? He pretended not to know. Flipping through channels on the television, the billionaire anxiously waited. "Sir," Jarvis called, "Miss Potts and Doctor Banner have returned from dinner. They are on their way up." He would have been glad, that is, if he wasn't nervous instead. Funny. He was never the jittery type. The elevator doors opened.

Pepper hurried to his side, planting a gentle kiss on his cheek. "Hey. You were right, dinner was great." Tony returned the gesture, and smiled. "See? I knew it would be." After a few moments of whispering clever and insinuative comments in each other's ears, Pepper had decided to head upstairs and change for bed.

…

Bruce kept his gaze averted the entire time. Just where did Pepper see a 'disconnection'? The two seemed perfectly fine together.

"Hey." Tony interrupted. "You've been starin' at the ground for the longest. Something bothering you?"

"No…" The doctor mumbled. That… wasn't very convincing. He awkwardly stuffed his hands in his pockets, and continued. "Well, yes, actually. I know you said that there were some issues between you and Pepper. She even mentioned it to me… said you seem distant." This earned him a peculiar stare from Tony.

"Distant? Is that how I come off?"

"Well, according to her. It's hardly any business of mine, but… might there be something bothering you? Keeping you at arm's length?"

The billionaire disregarded the question. "Distant…"

"…Look, after so long, she and I are on good terms now. I think it'd be in her best interest if you… spent a little more time with her." The two shared a brief moment of eye contact. There was something there in the billionaire's eyes… something unintelligible. Before Bruce could figure it out, Tony broke the connection and turned his back to face him. He knew he couldn't help much. Perhaps it would be good to have someone to listen to, the same courtesy he was provided. "Tony," he tried again, bolder this time, "tell me… is there something wrong?" He felt it wasn't enough, not after all Tony was doing for him. But what else could he do? With an incredulous smile, Tony simply answered: "No." He slipped past the doctor, and headed for the elevator.

…

Tony cussed under his breath. Maybe he was being distant. Of course he wouldn't notice. He was often too lost in the moment, too engulfed in himself and his feelings to notice. And all at Pepper's expense. She didn't even feel it was worth talking about. He really was an asshole.

Even he noticed his mood improve around Bruce. He knew he had helped the doctor immensely, and he enjoyed the fact that he was the only one who could get the doctor to open up, to smile. He was a thousand-piece puzzle he was learning to fix. He stared straight ahead, grimacing.

The elevator doors opened, and he stepped out. He had arrived on the 102nd floor. Leaning against a nearby wall, he sighed. Guilt had found him again, and he found himself suffocating under its heavy weight. And that made him think.

Just a few moments prior, a part of him he tried to forget made an unexpected appearance.

This was something completely new for Tony. An absolute first. Never had he ever felt something for another man. It was something he had no control over, and he hated it. Being in control was his thing. But the ugly truth seemed to be that it had been this way for a long time, if not always… that these feelings have merely been rekindled. It wasn't much, just a nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach. But it was there. It was growing.

And it was terrifying.

Tomorrow would be different. It would have to be.

AN: What'll happen? We'll see together.