Chapter 9: Enlighten Me
AN: Hey, my loyal readers! It's been a little while since the last chapter, and I apologize. But fret not, this is a long one. Tony-centric. Enjoy!
Bruce pursed his lips in thought, still and silent. He just wanted to know one thing:
Why?
What was Tony thinking? The man was jeopardizing the beautiful relationship he already had. He wanted too much. Bruce learned very quickly not to want. Certain things were just unattainable. Off limits. And yet when it happened the physicist didn't do a thing.
…What was he thinking?
"Way to take hold of the situation, Banner," he muttered to himself, finally making a move for his room. Wooed by your half-drunk friend…
He couldn't wait to see Tony when he sobered up.
…
Once he made it to his wardrobe, Tony tore off his restricting suit, changing into something much more comfortable. Beads of sweat ran idly down his temple; he was hot, from both the liquor and his nerves. Donning a gray tank top and black sweats, he made his way to the top floor and stood outside on the elongated platform. The air provided relief for now, gently combing its fingers through his dark hair. He smiled, but he wasn't amused.
He should've just ignored the doctor and kept walking.
He was surprised Bruce didn't at least punch him. Hell, even a sidestep would have sufficed. But the doctor did nothing. In fact, Tony noticed the doctor leaning into the kiss. He had more secrets than he led on.
"Dammit, Bruce," he sighed, where the hell do you stand?
He shakily exhaled. The chill was getting to him, but he didn't want to go back in. Not for a while. His face was once again bathed in a familiar blue as he looked down. Lights and sounds filled the streets just as they did during the day. Nothing slowed down. Hardly anything stopped, and if it did, it was never for long.
At one point, he thought he could be that for the world, a hero without an off switch. But he soon found out even he needed to take a breather. Masks had to be removed at some point. In that same regard, he was reaching his proverbial limit with the doctor. He couldn't stand being kept out of the loop. Something had to give.
...
Later…
"Doctor."
"…Stark."
"Sleep through the night?"
"I did. You?"
"…I slept."
The downward lurch of the elevator made both feel lighter than normal.
They ran into one another a bit… soon.
Bruce was dressed for a late morning excursion, a windbreaker hanging from his forearm and a small umbrella in his other hand. The other, however, seemed to be doing the opposite. Toolbox in gloved hand, the engineer was headed for the lower section of the Tower. He'd moved a few of his projects down there, since there were more tools and material to work with. A brief glance. A long stare in the other direction. "Guess I'll be the one to say it," Tony spoke up. "We need to talk. Preferably soon."
"I agree."
"Glad you do. I have a lot to answer for. And so do you."
"…I'm not denying it."
Tony leaned against the elevator wall, looking to the tersely articulated doctor. Bruce's lips formed a thin line, his brown eyes fixed downward. They soon met Tony's, quickly moving on to something less… grabbing. "Tony, I don't—"
Ding.
The elevator stopped on the 37th floor. "Later." Tony insisted. The doors opened. The doors closed. Bruce was left alone with his thoughts.
…
2 hours later…
"How's the work coming along, hon?" Pepper stood alongside Tony, watching him as he worked.
"Artificial gravity field's almost up and running. Just gotta add this last piece…" He attached a small magnetic sphere to the core of the suit and activated it. Pressing a button on his wristband, the suit disassembled and engulfed him, reassembling quickly and flawlessly around his body. "Alright. Let's see some results." Pepper watched as he approached a wall and proceeded to walk along it. It took a moment to adjust, but he moved just the same as he would on the ground. He jumped and fell towards the wall's surface, satisfied. Spiderman, eat your heart out.
"Jarv, any strain on the field?"
"None detected, Mr. Stark. The field overpowers the earth's gravity by 3.8 g. It should perform optimally in outer space."
"That's what I like to hear." The engineer jumped once more, pressing another button on his armored wrist, deactivating the device in midair. He landed on the tiled floor without any problem or strain (the suit protected his bad leg from further damage). "Next order of business," he lowered his faceplate, "How'm I breathing?"
"Air pressure and quality is excellent. Oxygen: 100%. Armor sealed tight and heavily insulated. You're breathing quite comfortably, Sir."
"That's another thing I like to hear. A couple more tweaks and we'll be ready for a test drive."
"Indeed."
A soft hand caressed the engineer's clean-shaven face as soon as the faceplate lifted. "You're amazing."
"I know. So are you." The two shared a quick kiss. But it burned. Tony ignored it.
With a verbal command, the suit detached itself from his body, retrieved piece by piece by the now open floor. "I'm 'nna take five. Join me in the gym?"
"Sure thing."
…
Damp curls stuck to the doctor's forehead, small droplets balancing precariously on their ends. He was a bit slow opening the umbrella. The wind didn't help. But he didn't really mind. He actually welcomed it. It was a very therapeutic… and expressive work of nature. Sometimes it came down warm and comforting. Other times, it fell accompanied by the kiss of sunlight. But right now, it was steady and cool. Calm. Nothing like that night. Everything about that night was… cold. He hadn't felt cold quite like that since then. Brown eyes scanned the sky. The rain wouldn't last long. Patches of blue punctured the blanket of gray above, promising a clear day by afternoon. And hopefully by then, he'd have cleared his mind, too. The fog of confusion loomed heavily over his head. Bruce knew himself very well. He was a feeler. Always has been. But even he wasn't quite sure what to feel then. Ashamed? Like an idiot? Nothing at all? Perhaps everything combined.
The rain came down a little harder now.
…
A small towel hung loosely around Tony's shoulders. He sat still and quietly on a bench, waiting for his breathing to slow. His bare torso bore the familiar arc reactor, along with a few, more recent scars. A black brace supported his left leg, a long and deep scar running from thigh to shin.
Tony reached for the chilled bottle of water beside him, pressing it against his forehead before guzzling it.
Pepper stood across the gym, stretching her deltoids. Strands of hair fell around her face while the rest was pulled into a sloppy ponytail. She looked very inviting. "I say you can do 40 more crunches."
"I could've also done 40 less." His core burned with the slightest movement, as did the rest of his torso. Maybe he'd gone a little overboard. For once, his leg was in the least amount of discomfort. The pain faded slowly as the months passed by, but that limp would stay with him for quite a while.
Bruce got him good.
Then again, what could he expect from the half-panicked, half-enraged doctor? He pushed quite a few of his buttons that day. Dug up quite a few memories that were best left buried. He remembered nothing but searing pain once it was over. Pepper sat next to him, placing her hand over his.
"What's on your mind?"
"Not much."
"What's 'not much'?"
He smiled. "A funny thought. Looks like I'm slowly becoming Iron Man inside as well as out."
The woman couldn't find the humor in that. It was one of her daily worries… That Tony would grow completely dependent on machines… To move. To think. To live. "Iron Man should only ever be your outer shell. You lose yourself any other way."
"I think it's always been a part of me. It has to be, to do what we do as heroes. It took a blast to the chest to figure it out, but hey, a lot came from it." The billionaire turned to look at her. "I'm doing some real good after years and years of standing behind the death industry. And I'm only gonna do better. The prices I pay matter less and less as time goes on. I don't want you to worry."
"You know I always do."
"…I know."
…
"You seem a bit anxious today, Mr. Stark."
"Just jitters before blast off, Jarv. I'll get over it."
He'd been holding off on this project. What took 4 weeks to complete, he could very well have done in a few short days. When motivated, he was a very efficient worker. But cold, dead space was a touchy subject for him.
"Perhaps it also pertains to your recent regression into excessive drinking, Sir."
"Maybe it does. Sue me."
"Quite frankly, any repercussions you face will be of your own doing. I certainly hope, however, that breaking point will never be reached."
"Fine, Jarv. I'll toss all my booze. Turn over a new leaf. Will you be happy then?"
"Will you?"
Dark brows furrowed incredulously. "Yeah. I will. But let's not play 'therapist and patient' right now. Besides," the suit secured itself around his body, the life support system attached at the back, "only I get to be the therapist."
70 minutes later…
"We are now approaching the stratosphere."
The suit's jets were on maximum burn, and Tony kept his gaze forward. His last trip to the vacuum was a lot less… pleasant. This was alright. This was doable. He just had to keep telling himself that. The further he went, the more he wanted to touch back down, though he knew the armor wasn't faulty. The Sun's radiation couldn't affect him. The air was more than breathable. Communication was clear and static-free. But for some reason, he couldn't shake the feeling that he wasn't safe. It was irrational, he knew that. Anxiety could do that to a person. But he'd get through it. He always did. The empty husk of a once-pristine shuttle hovered in plain sight, and the engineer smiled past his trepidation. "Jarv, power up the field. It's time for the real test."
"My pleasure, Mr. Stark."
The arc reactor glowed brightly, illuminating the worn surface of the hull. A concentrated laser beam sliced through its thick metal frame with ease, allowing entry. Large and frayed cables littered the floor, and evidence of combustion blackened the surrounding walls. From what he was told, the craft held valuable information yet to be decrypted. Whatever data Jarvis collected would be as harmless as any classified information could be. Or so he would like to think. SHIELD knew Tony was very capable of finding out what he wanted to know. But the billionaire and the agency had been on fairly good terms for a little over two years now, so there was no need for that. There hadn't been much deviation from any assigned mission. Much. SHIELD adjusted to it, albeit reluctantly. The job was done either way. Once located, the information was extracted and downloaded into a small chip similar to the one he used on the Helicarrier. Tony relayed his progress to Pepper via radio transmission and took his leave. Jetting across the vacuum, he looked back at the worn structure. The shuttle eventually had to be dismantled, and he'd likely have a hand in that.
…
Reentering the atmosphere was a very… jostling experience. Though Tony correctly followed the course home, the flight was a lot bumpier than imagined. The coolant systems were on overdrive, and he thankfully sustained no burns. The suit held its own very well, suffering only a heated exterior. The rain helped a bit. Still, the engineer didn't look forward to the next trip. For now, he was glad that things such as planets to land on existed, and tomorrow, he was to give the information to SHIELD. Greeted with a hug and congratulated by his longest supporter, he believed he earned some down time. He stood where he did the previous night, letting the rain pelt him as it would. He just had to feel that for a second. Eventually, whatever anxieties he had fell with the rain, and he could watch it from the inside of the Tower.
"Hon, you're soaked! Wouldn't a pool have been better?" Pepper joked, grabbing him from behind.
"Oh, well. Too late for that, I guess."
"You did great up there. Wanna talk about what it was like?"
"Oh, you know, a bunch of nothing here, a bunch of nothing there."
Pepper rolled her eyes. "Yep, space is a vacuum, after all." Running her hand through his damp hair, she smiled. "You know what I meant. How did it feel?"
"Honestly? It was an eye opener. All that empty space out there. All the more reason to protect our little blue pearl."
She hugged him tighter, chuckling. "Couldn't help but add a little heroic spiel in there, I see."
"Don't mind walking around in damp clothes, I see."
"They'll dry."
With a warm smile, he rested his hands on hers. This closeness was wanted, but it also ate away at the engineer. He would block it out, acknowledging only the comforts. And it would work… for a time. This feeling was being shared, and it was really beginning to take its toll. He drew in a sharp breath, stepping away from the woman's embrace. "Standing in the rain wasn't such a good idea. I'm gonna hit the shower."
…
Bruce turned Isis's card over and over in his hand. She probably knew exactly what he was doing right now. It was still hard to believe. She practically told him what he found out hours later. He just didn't see it at the time. Or he just didn't want to see it. Blind eyes have nothing to fear. It was always safer that way, for anyone. But the blindness could only ever be temporary. He walked past the psychic's building, heading to the diner a few blocks down. He'd saved a few thousands of dollars as a doctor overseas, and he used it very sparingly. But even that couldn't last more than a year. He'd been looking for a new job at a lab and was successful, and was only waiting to hear back. Things were definitely looking up. Now if they could stay that way.
The rain lightened until it eventually stopped. Closing and shaking his umbrella dry, he looked up at the sky once more. Half an hour earlier, he silently congratulated Tony on making it to space and back, watching as a bright orange streak jetted across the sky and to the Tower. He had a… cautious curiosity about the emptiness above. He'd actually entertained the notion of being shot up into space, left alone with no one to hurt. No air to breathe. But that was a thought he seldom, if at all, returned to now. He approached the diner.
…
The billionaire wiped excess water from his face as he stared into the mirror. God, he was tired. But he always worked best with minimal sleep. The headache was finally getting to him as well. He subdued it for a few hours, but it came back stronger. Thankfully, the rest of the day was his. He hadn't thought much about how he was going to spend it. He didn't want to. Today would be taken as it was given. Swallowing the painkillers in his hand, he got dressed and headed to the lounge room.
"Could use a massage," he sighed to himself. Maybe he'd set up an appointment soon. Maybe a nice, painful appointment, joint cracking and all. Just a minor punishment for the way he's acted. He frowned, suddenly in need of a drink. He shook his head, heading to the mini fridge. That drink would be water. Taking the bottle, Tony sat down, pulling out his phone.
To: Bruce
Lounge room. 96th floor. Capisce?
The billionaire took a moment to stare at the pending text, chin in hand. Bruce better have his phone on him. Pressing 'send', he grabbed a magazine yet to be read, flipping through the tabloids. The paparazzi hadn't been on his case for months. They had to be planning something elaborate. He'd be ready. Just when he got to the good stuff, the phone came to life, a short, catchy tune breaking the silence. That was fast.
Bruce:
Got it. Be there shortly.
Tony gave a small frown. Bruce and his ambiguity. "Be there in an hour" would've been nice. "Be there in two hours" would've been better. But… No. This elephant was not only in the room, it was sitting right on his chest. He couldn't exactly recall when it'd become a problem. It just happened. God, he wished it could un-happen.
…
"So you know now." Isis smiled, gazing curiously into Bruce's eyes. "I can see how others have touched a person, emotionally, spiritually, mentally. You're no different."
"I don't suppose there's a better way of letting me know I'm being followed."
"I wasn't following. Not really. Your aura just caught my attention."
"…My aura. Let me guess. Is it green?"
"It's a deep red, actually."
He really didn't want to see her right now. But 'fate' must've driven them to bump into each other as he left the diner. "Oh, deep red. That's nice. Not to cut you off, Isis, but I have to go."
"I think you mean you want to run."
"Sure." Isis looked on as the doctor walked briskly ahead. Shaking her head, the older woman followed after him.
"I thought we had a little… connection, no?"
Coming to his sense, he stopped, as did the woman.
"...Sorry. That was pretty rude. I suppose I just had a bit of a relapse." Gaze set forward, he quietly added, "And to answer your question, yes. I know now. It's all a bit surreal."
"Hm. Might you believe in the saying 'ignorance is bliss'?" It was her turn to walk ahead. "In any case, reach out when you are ready," she called back, "we'll see if anything's changed. All things in due time, after all." She turned and disappeared on the next block. Bruce paused, stared, then continued walking. Well then. Another immaculate reading from Isis. He'd better learn to get used to it.
…
"Well, you're here." Tony sighed, body language open and relaxed.
"That I am."
The two sat across from each other, one staring out the window and the other at the floor. Security was manually lowered in the room; Tony made it his business that nothing that was said could be documented.
Gathering his words, the billionaire finally looked at the doctor. "I have this crazy theory, Bruce. I think you've been hiding more things than you care to let on."
Bruce looked up, raising a brow. "That's astute of you, Tony. I hide a lot of things. And it seems the same can be said for you."
"Yeah." Drumming his fingers on the armrest, he continued. "I like you, Bruce. That much was made clear last night. Sober as I am now, I've finally mustered the pluck to call it what it is. Can you?"
The doctor laced his fingers together, expression cautious. "That's why we're here, isn't it?" He straightened in his seat, almost rigid. "How long…?" He knew he didn't have to finish the sentence.
"If I were to make an educated guess, I'd say the potential may've been growing for a year or two. What about you?"
"I… think you've got the wrong idea about me," he tried. "You and I experienced last night's… incident very differently."
"Oh?" Tony eyed the other knowingly. "But here's the thing: I wasn't so mind-bogglingly drunk that I couldn't tell you were reciprocating. Now you answer my question."
The doctor smiled a small, crooked smile, really trying to wrap his head around all this. "In all honesty, I'm not sure. Your company's always been enough for me. I never thought of having anything more. What I did last night—what I didn't do—I can't explain." It'd been late, after all. Just a drowsy misstep… right? He hadn't fallen for anyone. Not since Betty.
"Guess we're on a similar boat." The billionaire's gaze didn't falter. "…Let me level with you here, Banner. I'm 100% committed to Peps. Or so I thought. You're… the one exception I thought I'd never have. So yeah, I'm just as shocked with myself as you are. But I can't just throw these feelings away. I already tried. You see how far that's gotten me." The doctor looked away, running his hands compulsively down his crinkled shirt. He didn't know how to respond. What could he say? He was a shattered man, slowly being pieced together as the days passed. His joys, his triumphs lied here, with Tony. His brown eyes widened, staring holes into the tiled floor. He studied the specks of granite without studying them at all.
Had he been…? This entire time?
"Bruce? You're doing the thing again."
His charisma. His confidence. His generosity. His 'do-or-die' attitude. His genius. All were qualities he'd grown to admire. But was that all Bruce had for Tony? Admiration? His heart rate increased with nerves, chin resting in hand.
"Bruce, you in there?"
"Sorry, sorry, I just… Sorry. This kind of thing… It's been a while since I've…"
"I get it. I'm just glad to know where we stand here."
"Right."
An uncomfortable silence leaked into the air, and Bruce suddenly stood, arms folded. The outside world now fell victim to his wary gaze as he approached the nearest window. He gave a short exhale of a laugh, back turned to Tony. "It all sorta… creeps up on you, doesn't it? I thought I knew what to expect. I didn't." His shoe tapped quietly on the floor. Moments later, the billionaire followed after him, leaning against the wall. He wanted to say something, but for once, he was speechless. Instead, he rested a consoling hand on the other's shoulder. Bruce turned to look at him, frustration in his eyes.
"…Tony."
"Yeah."
Bruce swiftly pulled the engineer closer, lips crashing into his.
AN: And there it is! This one was a biggie. Again, thank you for being patient! Love ya and don't forget to review!