Sam made his way downstairs from his bedroom. After getting back from Bobby's, he made his way upstairs and promptly passed out. He could only guess he'd been out for a while because he woke up pretty hungry.
After making it downstairs, Sam headed for the kitchen to get a sandwich or something. He heard movement coming from the kitchen before he even got there. "Gabriel?"
"Yup. Good to see that you're up. I'm about to start dinner," Gabriel said.
"It's that late?" Sam asked surprised. He figured he'd slept for quite a bit, but he had to be asleep for a good four or five hours if it was already dinner time.
"Yeah, it's just after five," Gabriel said.
"Damn," Sam muttered before going to the fridge. He felt inside for some juice. Once he believed he had the right thing, he took it out and felt for the label just to be sure. Gabriel had labeled everything in the fridge in Braille for him. It was done partially to help him figure out what was what and partially as a learning tool to help him learn to read that way better.
"Well, you were pretty tired. I know you didn't sleep well last night," Gabriel said. He'd heard the kid toss and turn all night. He'd been very anxious about the meeting with Dean and Bobby.
"Yeah," Sam said before reaching into the cabinet next to the fridge and taking out a glass. He almost had the house and where everything was in it down pat. It wasn't a hundred percent perfect, but for the most part, he was able to move easily around now and get what he wanted without his sight.
"I'm sure you're pretty hungry, so let's make it as simple as possible tonight. I'll make a couple of burgers and some vegetables," Gabriel suggested.
"Yeah, that sounds good. I'll help," Sam said before reaching back into the fridge and taking out the burger meat. Then he grabbed a plate from the cabinet. He ripped it open and started shaping the meat into patties.
Gabriel, meanwhile, walked around Sam to the Freezer and pulled out some frozen vegetables. "So how you doing?"
"I'm good," Sam said.
"You sure? Things didn't exactly go great today," Gabriel said as he dumped the vegetables in a pot and put on the stove.
Sam shrugged. "They went the way I expected." Well, for the most part they went the way he expected. He had been planning to force himself to accept Dean's pity and go back so that Gabriel didn't have to take care of him anymore, but he just couldn't bring himself to. That part though, he was selfishly glad for. The truth was he didn't want to go. He didn't want to go back with Dean because he knew his brother didn't really want him and also because he liked where he was right now. He liked being with Gabriel where there was no judgment and no pity.
"Well, it shouldn't have been what you expected," Gabriel said before taking the plate of patties from Sam. He rinsed them and then grabbed some spices from on top of the stove and started sprinkling the meat with them. "You know, you didn't need to defend me to your brother. It probably made things worse with him."
"No, it didn't. He already hated me. He just pretended not to because he feels sorry for me," Sam said.
"Oh, Sam, I don't think much of your brother right now, but I don't think for a second that he hates you," Gabriel said. Dean had acted like a selfish, childish ass today, but Gabriel didn't see hatred in him. Dean did not hate Sam.
Sam shrugged, a sign that he didn't agree, but didn't want to argue about it. "It doesn't matter. I did have to defend you. He was wrong to speak of you that way."
"Well, not too long ago, you agreed with everything he said," Gabriel pointed out as he started frying the burgers.
Sam looked down guiltily. "I know. I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for. The only thing you knew about me was that I was someone that hurt people and then hurt you. True, you could've done your research into the kind of people I was hurting, but you are a hunter, so I didn't really expect it. You had good reason not to trust me, and not just because you were taught not to," Gabriel said.
"Well, I know better now. You saved my life and you've helped me get used to living without my sight. You didn't deserve the way Dean treated you. I get that he hates me. I'll take whatever he wants to throw at me, but you don't deserve it," Sam said.
"I appreciate you saying that, but you don't deserve it either. I wish I could get you to understand that. One mistake doesn't make you irredeemable, Sam. A good portion of it wasn't even your fault," Gabriel said.
"I trusted a demon. That is my fault, and incredibly stupid."
"I'll give you that one. It's not smart to trust a demon, but it's not like she just showed up and you started trusting her. She worked to get your trust. She gave you a knife to kill demons, she seemingly turned against all other demons in an attempt to hurt you, and she claimed to want to help you when your brother was killed. She used that weak point in your life to really gain control of you," Gabriel said.
Sam nodded. "I was in a really bad frame of mind back then, but I still should've known not to drink demon blood. I should've known it even more after Dean came back. I had no excuse then, except that I desperately wanted to believe that what was inside me wasn't evil. That my dad was wrong when he told Dean he might have to kill me one day."
"What? You're father said that?" Gabriel asked through gritted teeth, barely keeping the rage out of his voice. No wonder Sam had such a low opinion of himself. Gabriel had assumed it was Dean that did the damage to Sam after Lucifer was released, but it had just become apparent that their father had likely started that spiral.
"Yeah. I don't know how much he knew, but he told Dean he might have to kill me one day. It's obvious to me that he at least knew about the demon blood and probably figured I'd turn evil from it," Sam said. There was hurt and guilt laced in his voice. He was hurt that his own father would think that of him and he felt guilty because his dad had been right.
Gabriel was disgusted. If John Winchester were still alive, he'd have rectified that immediately. What kind of parent talked about murdering their own kid? How could Winchester even think so little of his own son anyway. Yeah, demon blood was toxic, but that didn't mean the person forced fed it would turn out evil. It all depended on the person. Sam was strong-willed and good. Winchester should've known that. "Your father's a bastard. No matter what he knew, he had no business putting that kind of thought in your head or Dean's."
Sam shrugged. "He was right."
"No, he wasn't! You are not evil. If you were, you wouldn't have cared less that you accidentally set Lucifer free. You wouldn't care about anything. You did care. Even when you were high on demon blood, your intentions were still good. You were trying to protect the world."
Sam shook his head. "No, I wasn't. I mean, sure, I wanted to stop Lucifer from being from being released, but that's not why I went after Lilith. I went after her because I wanted revenge. I wanted her to pay for what she did to Dean. That and the demon blood clouded my judgment with Ruby."
"Alright, let me ask you something. If you'd known how it would end, would you have still gone after her? Would you have allowed Lucifer to be released so you could have your revenge?" Gabriel asked.
"No," Sam said with absolutely no hesitation. He hated Lilith and he wanted to hurt her, but if he thought for a moment that he was putting the world at risk, he wouldn't have even considered it.
"That's why you're not evil. Because you would never think of purposely harming others for yourself. You screwed up, kiddo, badly, but you're still one of the best people I've ever come across," Gabriel said.
"Sure," Sam said, though his tone made it very clear that he wasn't convinced.
Gabriel sighed and went back to fixing dinner. He could tell that his words had not convinced Sam, but he chose to drop it for now. Getting rid of Sam's self-hatred was going to take time. "You gonna talk to your brother again?"
"If he'll talk to me. He's obviously not that interested right now. I kind of expected my phone to ring off the hook," Sam said. He had mixed feelings on that. He wasn't really ready to talk to Dean, so a huge part of him was relieved that Dean hadn't called him, but on the other hand, it seemed like proof that Dean had no real desire to speak to him.
"Well, if you were right and he went to the bar, he's probably still there getting hammered or back at Singer's," Gabriel said as he started frying the burgers.
"Maybe," Sam conceded.
"Like I said earlier, your brother is on my last nerve right now, but I think you should give him a chance. He's acting like a dick, but he does care about you," Gabriel said.
"I'm sorry," Sam said.
Gabriel frowned and turned to the hunter in confusion. "For what?"
"I tried. I thought I could go back even knowing Dean wouldn't really want me around, but when I got there and started talking to him, I just couldn't. I couldn't take his pity and pretending to care," Sam said.
Gabriel didn't even attempt to comment on what Sam believed his brother thought of him this time because that was not important right now. What was important was that Sam was telling him that he had planned to force himself into a situation that had potential to make him miserable. "Are you telling me you were going to go back to your brother even though you believed you would be unhappy and barely tolerated? Why would you do that?"
Sam shifted a bit uncomfortably. "I...I Just thought I should."
"Don't give me that half answer. Tell me why," Gabriel demanded.
"You should have your life back," Sam blurted out quickly.
Gabriel just stood there for a minute, unable to form words. He had no idea that Sam had thought that. He would've corrected it immediately if he'd known.
"Gabriel?" Sam asked nervously after a moment. The archangel hadn't said a word in several moments.
Gabriel snapped his fingers to use his Grace to make sure dinner didn't burn and then took Sam by the shoulder. "Come here," he said before leading him over to the table and sitting him down. He then sat right next to him. "You listen to me. If I didn't want you here, you wouldn't be."
"But..."
"No! There are no buts, no arguments! You are here because I want you here. I didn't have to bring you here. I could've done as you asked and dumped you in a motel room, or I could've left you outside a hospital. I didn't do either of those things," Gabriel said.
"Because you're a good person," Sam said.
Gabriel couldn't help but laugh. "Really? There are so many that would disagree with you. You would've disagreed not too long ago. I spent centuries as a Pagan God doling out justice as creatively and most of the time as cruelly as possible, and I spent even more time as an archangel pretty much doing the same thing and worse. You really think what I did for you I'd do for anyone. I might have saved someone else in your position, but I wouldn't have brought them back to my house. I wouldn't have put them up in my bedroom, took care of them, and taught them to live with a permanent disability."
"Why'd you do it for me then?" Sam asked.
Gabriel sighed. "At first, I didn't know why. I was doing it without even understanding it, especially considering how pissed I was at you for not listening to me during Mystery Spot and being stupid enough to drink demon blood and trust a demon. I guess I was doing it because even through all that, I knew you were one of the best people my father ever created. But I kept doing it because you started to matter to me." He didn't really like admitting that last part because him and feelings didn't exactly mix, especially since he was pretty sure Sam didn't feel the same way, at least not to the same extent, but Sam needed to hear it. He needed to get that Gabriel wasn't doing this out of pity.
"Really?" Sam asked with surprise and a bit of hope.
"Yes. I like having you here, Sam. Do not think for one second that I have you here out of pity and don't you ever think of leaving again unless it is something that you want. You got me?" Gabriel asked in a firm tone.
Sam nodded.
"Good," Gabriel said before briefly grabbing the man's hand and squeezing it reassuringly.
Sam felt goosebumps all over his body, as he always did when Gabriel touched him so intimately, and he wondered again what that meant. It was how he used to feel when he'd touch Jess that way. He shouldn't have that reaction from a guy. Because he wasn't interested in Gabriel that way. He wasn't gay, was he?