A full week had passed since the worst day of Tony's life. Seven whole days had passed since Tali died. Tony had no idea how he was even still breathing. Gibbs was supportive but had begun trying to drag Tony back into the world. He had invited Ducky over to dinner that night. That was the start. Of all the people from Tony's inner circle. Ducky was the safest choice. Least likely to say something stupid or get over emotional. Tony had dropped about twenty pounds in that week. Not eating much and vomiting what he did eat. It wasn't the good kind of weight loss. He didn't look fit and trim. He looked gaunt and weak. He was weak. He doubted he would be anything close to his former self again.
"Ducky is coming over in twenty minutes." Gibbs announced.
"I guess I should change." Tony sighed.
"For tonight you can just stay in your pajamas but next time you need to get dressed." Gibbs replied.
"Next time?" Tony asked.
"You can't stay like this forever." Gibbs reminded.
"You did!" Tony snapped.
There was a different energy at the Palmer house. Jimmy and Breena had not told a soul about their pregnancy. It was still early but then again they had found about Tori around the same time and told everybody right away. This baby just did not have the same enthusiasm. They were ecstatic about the new blessing but there was a cloud of heartache. They were still mourning their firstborn, a daughter who would never meet her sibling. They wanted this baby desperately but at the same time they wished they were not pregnant just yet.
Tony managed to change out of his pajamas. He slipped into a pair of sweat pants and an over sized OSU t shirt he typically only wore for sleeping. Technically he was still wearing pajamas but at least this pair was clean. He splashed water on his face and gasped for air. He stumbled downstairs and collapsed onto the couch. There was a knock on the door. Gibbs emerged from the basement and ushered his friend inside.
"Hello Anthony, how are you holding up?" Ducky asked.
"Fine" Tony muttered.
"Abigail was saying she wants to see you. Would you be open to that?" Ducky asked.
"I dunno" Tony shrugged.
"How is he?" Ducky asked Gibbs in a whisper.
"Better than I was at that point but that isn't saying much." Gibbs replied.
"You were in a coma!" Tony snapped making it clear he heard their conversation.
"After I woke up." Gibbs clarified.
Dinner was largely silent and extremely awkward. Gibbs had prepared a large pot of chicken soup. Nothing like the meals Gibbs typically made. It was bland and had more vegetables than meat. Tony at what he could but still over half the bowl remained. Ducky and Gibbs ate and talked at him. He had no idea what they were saying. He responded with nods and weak mumbles of yes or no.
"May I be excused?" Tony managed to ask.
"Can't you eat a little more?" Gibbs asked.
"I am two seconds away from puking." Tony replied.
Tony abandoned the table and rushed up to the bathroom. He hunched over the toilet and heaved. He must have heaved for twenty minutes but nothing came out. He became dizzy and ended up passing out on the tile floor. By the time he came too it was totally dark outside. He pulled himself up no longer feeling sick. He used the bathroom and the headed back downstairs.
"Feeling better?" Gibbs asked.
"I didn't puke" Tony replied.
"That's good" Gibbs replied.
"Yeah" Tony sighed.
"I have an appointment tomorrow at three. So McGee is going to come sit with you." Gibbs explained.
"Sit with me? What am I an infant?" Tony demanded.
"You are depressed. I am not leaving you alone." Gibbs replied.
"Whatever" Tony scoffed.
Upstairs in his room Tony's mind drifted to Tali. He was already forgetting her. He struggled to remember the exact way her hair felt between his fingers and the exact sound of her laugh. She had only been gone a week but it may as well have been a life time.
He ended up being grateful for the sleep he got on the bathroom floor because it became a night of tossing and turning. Afraid to close his eyes and see the only clear memory he had left of Tali. Seeing her final moments. At some point he must have fallen into a fitful sleep. He woke at some point in the afternoon. Dragging himself first to the bathroom and then downstairs. McGee was sitting on the couch. Tony swallowed hard when he saw two baby carriers. Morgan was sleeping in her carrier but John was resting on McGee's lap chugging a bottle.
"I'm sorry I forgot Delilah had jury duty." McGee apologized.
"Whatever" Tony sighed.
"Can you do me a favor and hold John? I've had to pee for twenty minutes but he's at the needing to be held constantly stage." McGee explained.
"Whatever" Tony sighed.
McGee gently placed his son in Tony's arms and then made a desperate dash for the bathroom. Tony cradled the infant in his arms. It had been so long since Tony held a baby. Probably Tori Palmer maybe his frat brother Jim's grandson. He couldn't remember but it felt good. John cooed, Tony made tickling motions and the baby reached for his finger. It was a natural thing babies did but it felt good. For the first time since Tali died, Tony felt semi human and it felt good.
"He likes you." McGee commented.
"Does he?" Tony asked.
"He cries when anybody other than me and Delilah hold him." McGee insisted.
"I missed Tali's baby stage. Now I am going to miss her life. I guess I should be glad I got the time I had with her." Tony explained.
"You don't have to be OK." McGee assured.
"Good because I am not." Tony admitted.
A/N: More about the Palmer's in the next chapter. New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.