"WHTHUMP" "WHTHUMP" "WHTHUMP" The sound of the newest Palmer's heartbeat filled the examination room. Breena had made it to twenty weeks, everything was going great. Today was the big day, the day they would learn their baby's gender. They had opted to keep it a surprise with Tori. Not finding out until the day she was born. That was their plan for any other pregnancy they may go through. Then everything got flipped upside down when Tori died days before they found out they were expecting again. After losing their daughter to meningitis. Only to find out the day before her funeral they were expecting another. A baby their daughter would never meet. Having to know their children would never be on Earth together. They'd never fight over toys or play in the yard. This baby and any other children they may have would have to go to a grave side to see his or her sister. Their daughter was dead and as much as they loved having a baby girl. As much as they loved all the girly clothes and toys Tori had left behind. They were hoping for a boy. They could have a girl later on through birth or adoption, but so close to losing Tori. So close they wanted a boy. A boy who they would not expect to be Tori. A boy would be a fresh start and a fresh start was just what they needed right about now.
"OK well everything looks great." Dr. Curtis announced.
"Excellent to hear." Jimmy replied.
"We are relieved." Breena added.
"Now are you sure you want to find out the sex?" Dr. Curtis asked.
"Yes" Jimmy replied.
"We're sure" Breena added.
"Before I tell you what are you hoping for?" Dr. Curtis asked.
"Boy" Jimmy replied.
"Boy" Breena confirmed.
"Well I have some wonderful news for you. You are having a perfect and healthy baby boy." Dr. Curtis announced.
It was a beautiful summer day. Tony should be sitting on a park bench watching Tali run around with new friends and old. Instead he was hunched over in Gibbs' basement. A can of beer in his hand. Gibbs was building a crib for the new Palmer baby. Tony was sick with jealousy, angry at himself for being jealous of the Palmer's. They had lost a child too. The difference was that they were having another baby. A beautiful rainbow baby. Tony was single and alone. He just did not see himself getting his rainbow. He saw himself dying alone like Gibbs.
"Jimmy and Breena are supposed to learn their baby's gender today." Gibbs commented.
"Good for them." Tony sighed.
"Are you happy for them? I mean really? It's OK not to be." Gibbs questioned.
"I know I should be but I can't. Tony admitted.
"Why?" Gibbs asked.
"Because they are getting a rainbow baby. They have each other and can grow their family. Me I...I just don't have anybody." Tony explained.
"You can have another baby. If you want to." Gibbs offered.
"No... No I can't." Tony argued.
"Why not?" Gibbs asked.
"Because I only love Ziva." Tony sighed.
"You don't have to have biological children or even go through adoption to have children." Gibbs explained.
"I don't? But how?" Tony asked.
"Well you are great with the McGee twins and Abby's little nephew just adores you." Gibbs commented.
"I always wanted a family. Kills me I never got a traditional one." Tony sighed.
"There's no such thing as a traditional family, DiNozzo. Never was." Gibbs insisted.
Jimmy and Breena returned home full of joy yet with heavy hearts. They had learned the sex of their baby but were not sure they wanted to tell the world yet. Of course they would tell Ed and Ducky, but they liked the idea of a big surprise. They liked the idea of waiting and breaking the news the day the baby was born. They had only told four or five people outside of Breena's family they were expecting anyway. It's not like they would have a ton of people trying to squeeze the answer out of them.
This pregnancy was strange. With Tori they told the world right away. With this baby they just did not get the same joy out of telling people. Some said it was normal. That the second child was not as exciting as the first. Others thought this was their first and they were just being cautious. What nobody knew was that they were mourning Tori. They were excited but the excitement was hard. Excitement wasn't impossible. Just hard.
Of course in the back of their minds was another fear. The fear that they would lose their son as they had Tori. They knew the odds of another child contracting meningitis were slim. Especially given this time they would not be so lackadaisical about the meningitis vaccine. With Tori they were worried about giving too many shots and opted out of the unnecessary ones. Of course they made sure she got the polio, smallpox, and MMR vaccines but opted to forgo meningitis and chicken pox. Of course nothing was one hundred percent effective and if it weren't meningitis it could be a million other things. Cancer, allergic reaction, car accident, fire, plane crash, war, anything could happen. "Anything" did happen every day to families around the world. Anything had happened to them and their greatest fear was anything happening again.
"What if we lose him too?" Breena asked.
"We won't." Jimmy assured.
"But what if we do?" Breena asked.
"We will get through it together." Jimmy promised.
It was that promise that Breena held onto. That night they clung to each other and wept. It was a happy day but also a sad one. These feelings were not new and they were not going to go away anytime soon. All they could do was hang on to each other and do their best to survive for their precious little Nicholas Victor.
A/N: At least the Palmer's finally got some good news. Will Tony take Gibbs' words to heart? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.