A war story featuring WWI and the 90's war. No fighting in this one, just light groping :)

A white screen is shown. Serbia walks in (I should probably give a description of what she is wearing already. Okay, let me think. I guess I imagine her with a whit dress and a jersey shirt with white flats but that is just my sick imagination:). Oh and there is a thin red belt in there somewhere and a two-headed eagle stitched to the back of the jersey...) and waves: "Hi, it's me again. Before we start let me just give you a disclaimer. So my place has been seen as a war zone ever since the 90s. I'm here to say that is simply not true. There are no shootings and explosions on the streets (well, except for firecrackers - it is the holiday season after all). All people can walk without any problems at any time of day and night and not worry if they will be attacked or mugged. She leans forward and puts her open palm close to her mouth: "Frankly, here it's more likely for a bank to steal your money than a criminal."

"Now": she clears her throat and asks: "You following me? Are we all up-to-date?...Good, and now for a war story."

Next scene: It's the 90s, unspecified time. We have her again only this time she is wearing a camouflage uniform and holding a gun. She is on an open field with gun shots being heard in the distance. There is a camera crew ready to film. She has a worried look on her face.

"There has been so much bad press about me lately. It just goes on and on. Everybody calls me a monster and, when I talk, nobody listens," she says looking at her gun. "Well, no more. I'm gonna explain my side of the story and other nations are going to hear and empathize. It's gonna be just like in WWI." As she says this she reminisces.

Next scene: It's 1916 somewhere in Greece. Serbia is standing with very short hair in her army's uniform. You could never tell that she is a girl. She simply looks like a very very skinny boy. France is somewhere in the back. He came with his boats to get what was left of the Serbian army to a safe area. There is a journalist taking her picture with one of those cameras that you have to stand still for a few minutes for it too work.

"Thank you Mister Serbia, now could you tell me about your trip threw Albania?" the man says grabbing his block of paper and pen.

"Sure, but first I have to correct you. I'm not a Mister, I'm a Miss," she says proudly.

"Pardon?" France says in the middle of him posing majestically. He is baffled and it doesn't look good on him.

"Oh, what and interesting twist. I'm sure our readers will love it," the journalist adds as he writes frantically.

France comes between the two and scolds her: "What is this talk about miss not a mister. How come I didn't know about this?"

Serbia blushes embarrassed and smiles kindly: "Yeah, I guess not many people know about that. Didn't Russia tell you? He was the first one I told."

France is still skeptical. He scans her from top to bottom. "Besides your unusual eyes there isn't a single scrap of femininity in you. You don't even have a cleavage."

The journalist is soaking this information like a sponge. His hand is rapidly filling out his little block of paper.

"Well, I used to bind my boobs but there is no need for it now. The pockets cover them right up" she pats the two giant pockets on her chest, the standard feature of her military's uniform of that time.

"Allow me" France says and, without any warning, puts his hands on her chest. She squeaks in shock. France continues inspecting as a doctor would check his patient. The journalist's writing gets so fast that his pen almost gets on fire.

"Are you convinced? Will you let go of me now?" Serbia is getting uncomfortable and a little red in the face.

France puts his hands down. Everything turns black except a bright spotlight lighting France who is in one of his tragic posses. Sad violin music plays.

"A-cup. How sad. With all the tragedies in the world, a woman with no feminine assets must be the worst."

Serbia's voice is heard: "Hey! They're usually not thatsmall. I haven't eaten anything in months. I lost so much weight they shrunk too."

"Oh, the poor thing. Too skinny to be a man, to plain to be a woman. Life has not been kind to you, has it?" he says not looking at anything specific with his eyes watering.

"I manage to do just fine, thank you."

The music gets even more tragic. The scene is still dark. France covers his face and a tear rolls down his cheek. "Oh, how in denial you are. Quick, newsman, you have to write like you've never written before. The world must help this poor little nation. So she can go home and maybe even... grow a pair of breasts!" Screaming the last part he bursts into tears. A radiant red light appears in the shape of the face followed with a quick swoop of a gun handle hitting France in the head.

The scene returns to normal. We can see France on the ground with a big bump, Serbia is breathing heavily and her face is completely red from embarrassment, the journalist has a look of bliss and we can see that he covered his shirt in notes because he ran out of paper.

Next scene: Back to the 90s.

"On second thought, that wasn't such a good memory," she says with her cheeks blushing.

"What'ya doing Serbiana?" Croatia shouts from his barbed-wire fence. We can see a large wire wall representing the boarders of the newly-formed states or Bosnia and Herzegovina and Croatia with her boarder.

"Bite me" she replies and turns to the cameraman to give him instructions. There is a director and a young PR manager besides her.

"Are you giving a statement? How cute! You know no one is going to listen to you" he smirks confidently.

It was clear that he will not leave her alone without at least a little gloating. Serbia knows this. She retorts by saying: "Did your new friends tell you that?"

"Not so much tell as guaranteed" he continues looking to the side at Bosnia's new place. It's a mess.

"Wait here" she says to the others and goes to the fence. Bosnia is on the other putting mines everywhere.

"You idiot! You're going to get someone killed with those! Stop it" she screams in his directions.

Bosnia hears but doesn't reply. He just turns his back to her and continues with his work. Croatia looks at her with a wide arrogant smile.

"Great, just great. He doesn't want to talk to me and this one here doesn't want to shut up" she thinks hurt.

"Hey Bosnia. You...you seem busy. You sure you want to put up so many mines?" Croatia asks.

Bosnia waves not looking back: "I'll be fine. I have a photographic memory."

"Okay buddy. You do you" Croatia smiles and turn to Serbia making her cringe. "Now that we are separated, I can finally tell you a secret. You know, I never really liked you."

She copies his cringe-inducing smile and answers: "Figured as much. You mop one Austrian castle and suddenly you think that makes you better than everyone else."

He flinches angry. Serbia has achieved what she wanted (to tell him off) and is ready to return to the TV crew. Before she does she says one last thing: "Oh, and you want to know my secret? Now that you kicked most of my people out, count me out the next time you need rescuing."

"Ha! You're just jealous I have a bright future ahead of me and you'll be known as that genocidal nation for the rest of your existence" and with that he goes away.

"Finally", she thinks. Before she can make another step, a soldier runs towards her and says: "Ma'am, I was given orders that you come with me right away."

"Understood" she sighs. The manager shouts: "Wait, what about us?! What are we supposed to do!?"

Serbia ponders and adds: "Interview some soldiers. Get their stories out. I'm sure you'll find something good." With that she goes with the soldier.

Next scene: Returning to the present. She continues her story: "As far as those two are concerned, the relationship is still a little tense. Bosnia and I talk but every now and then...he becomes moody" she sighs sad. "And Croatia - well he is a different story. It's like the war never ended in his head. Every time we meet he has some new insults to throw my way. I doubt that most of his people feel the same way but its really hard to tell. The media over there is still so biased against me, even after 20 years of peace."

Serbia then starts fidgeting and acting really nervous. "You are probably wondering what ever happened of that TV crew? Well they did film...a lot...too much maybe...And the music..." she covers her ears in horror after SERBIA STRONK perfect loop start to play for the millionth time.

"When will the music stop!"