I was thinking whether to post this or not. It's a little different from the others. Still I managed to put some jokes in so...yeah, hope you enjoy. This story is set some time before the First Serbian Uprising. This is only Part 1.
Appearing: Serbia, Montenegro, Hungary, Austria (as the Hapsburg Monarchy), Russia, the Ottoman Empire
Scene: We see a beautiful landscape filled with green fields and meadows. There is a dirt road and a single horse pulling an open cart. The cart is driven by a peasant. In the back, we can hear the quiet singing of an invisible choir. It's the song Serbs from Austria dedicated to their occupied homeland.
Vostani Serbie! Vostani carice! (Awaken Serbia! Awaken empress!)
I daj čedom tvojim videt tvoje lice. (Let your children see your pretty face.)
Obrati serca ih i očesa na se, (Turn their hearts and eyes to you,)
I daj njima čuti slatke tvoje glase. (And let them hear your sweet voice.)
Vostani Serbie! (Awaken Serbia!)
Davno si zaspala, (You slept for a long time,)
U mraku ležala (Lying in the dark)
Sada se probudi (Now is time to rise)
I Serblje vozbudi! (And wake your people up!)
Behind the cart, a herd of oinking pigs is following the cart with a dog and a young man is keeping them in check. The cart stops at the checkpoint where the peasant bribes the guard and moves on.
Ti vozdigni tvoju carsku glavu gore, (Raise your regal head high,)
Da te opet pozna i zemlja i more. (Let the ground and sea remember you,)
Pokaži Evropi tvoje krasno lice, (Show Europe your darling face,)
Svetlo i veselo, kako vid Danice. (Cheerful and bright like the morning star.)
Vostani Serbie! (Awaken Serbia!)
Davno si zaspala, (You slept for a long time,)
U mraku ležala (Lying in the dark)
Sada se probudi (Now is time to rise)
I Serblje vozbudi! (And wake your people up!)
…
Next scene: A brown eye which goes green towards the upper rim of the iris opens. There are only a few things inside the cart. A little bit of food, some tools, a cloth bundle and a hay bed covered with an old blanket. The bed moves and a skinny figure bursts out of it covered in hey. It is Serbia. She is dressed in plain peasants clothes and has short hair, too short even for a man at that time. Huffing and swearing she picks off the hay which got lodged into every part of her attire.
A small pigs squeals outside wanting to get in. She goes to the back and gives it a big smile.
"Did you sleep well?" the young man asks.
"Never better" she says kindly. "How much longer?"
"We'll be there very soon" the driver replies.
"Great" Serbia adds stretching.
Next scene: Serbia and the little pig are waving to the cart which moves away. She goes to the nearby waterfall and bathes.
"Be on the lookout Runt (Kržlja), this is not that kind of story" we can hear her voice from the water.
Runt grunts as if to say Yes, Sir and starts sniffing near a bundle of fine clothes.
Next scene: She is fully dressed in fine male clothes. There are 2 firelocks sticking out of her stripy belt and her chest adorns an embroiled thick vest.
"Well how do I look?" she asks placing a red fez with a tassel on the side of her head.
The pig grunts. She looks down at her crotch.
"What do you mean these pants make my thighs looks big?! It's the fashion."
Runt grunts again.
"Well, they're made like that so that men can have better air circulation...you know, down there."
The little pig lazily gives out one more grunt.
"How should I know, why?! What's with all these questions? Are you a tailor all of the sudden?! Now move your curly tale towards the castle! We got work to do."
The pig huffs, turns sharply and starts walking. Serbia is right beside him: "Everyone's a critic these days."
Next scene: Hungary is humming while sweeping the garden. Serbia approaches and says hello.
"Oh, you're here. Austria will be with you soon" she says seeing their guest.
Serbia presses her lips and sadly nods. She sits on a rock in the garden and waits.
Next scene: It has been over 3 hours. Hungary is almost done with her garden chores. Serbia is playing with her tassel. Runt is with the other pigs, rolling in the mud and having the time of his life.
"So, what's new?" Hungary final speaks.
"Same old. The Ottoman is being a bully as usual. That's why I'm here actually."
"I know...I remember the time I fought him as well. I was a fierce warrior you know" she says swinging her broom like a sword.
"I remember. We were in the same predicament once. So how's life treating you now?" Serbia smiles.
"Oh, not so bad. He plays the piano beautifully. I can hear it from here. It helps me not think about how much work I have to do" Hungary sighs as we hear some music played by an invisible piano.
"I guess that's one way of taking your mind off things. By the way, I could use a glass of water" Serbia clears her throat.
"Oh, sorry" she rushes inside the residence, quickly comes back and hands her the glass.
"Can I ask you something?" Hungary continues.
"Sure" the other replies pressing the glass to her lips.
"How come your people sing about you as if you were a girl?"
Water springs out of Serbia's mouth. A big drop of sweat appears on her face as she starts to babble: "Oh you know how silly my people are. And besides it's popular to imagine your nation as a beautiful woman these days. I'm sure it's just a fab."
Hungary stares at her intensely. Serbia's face is shown with a vague smile. Then Hungary's intense stare. Then Serbia's wide open eyes.
"You're right. And besides, you're too much of a hot-head to be a girl anyway."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Don't you remember that company unit a few decades ago. Poor humans. They were looking for their teeth on the field for a month."
"Serves them right. Their captain calling me a puny weakling. He was lucky I was holding back" Serbia continues drinking her water.
Next scene: One more hour passes and Austria finally shows up. Serbia stands up and follows him inside.
Next scene: "It's not the time" Austria says with an even tone.
"You keep saying that" Serbia says with a visible vain popping out off her head.
"Well, you keep asking for the same thing. It's getting annoying." There is a slightly smaller vain on his forehead too.
"I just don't understand why you won't support my uprising. Wouldn't it be better for you to have the Ottoman Empire off your boarder? I could be the perfect bumper zone. Greece and Bulgaria would soon follow..." she yells jumping out of her chair.
"It's not up to you reshape national boarders!" Austria keeps a calm tone.
"It is when it comes to my boarders! My people have been living there for centuries. I have the right to decide my own fate you know!"
"Oh you poor little...thing. You show an absolute ignorance when it comes to world politics. You're not even a real country. Just look at you. You're almost see-through" he snickers. (Disclaimer: This is true. The last time Serbia was a recognized country was in 1459, the only thing keeping her from crossing to the side of all the other defeated nations was the will of her people)
"I wasn't this solid in ages! Austria, it's not like this would be the first time we fought the Ottomans together. You can't say that I didn't fight for you bravely. We cooperated before, why are you making such a problem out of it now?"
Austria sits silently. He takes a drink from his cup and continues to admire it's shine.
"Well?" her voice breaks.
There is silence again. Figures can be seen on the windows spying on them. It was probably the other nations.
Serbia scratches her head in frustration and quietly adds: "Is there anything I can do to change your mind?"
Austria takes another sip: "No. I'm busy... Take your smuggled goods and go home."
Next scene: Serbia pounds down the road visibly upset. Runt is running behind barely keeping up. He grunts a few times and she slows down.
"Sorry Runt. I just want to get out of this place as soon as possible."
Runt grunts confused.
"No, we won't wait for the cart. I'll sneak in tonight. Besides the cart would be too full by now."
Grunt.
"Why I smuggle so much? Well that's simple. The Ottomans take so much that there is barely anything left for my people. Luckily, Serbs who migrated north didn't forget about us. They trade and even send supplies. Others trade with me in secret too. Giving Austria a perfect opportunity to rub it in my face" the last part is said louder.
Grunt.
To this she starts nervously jumping from leg to leg: "Why I have so many pigs? I don't know if you want to hear that story."
Next scene: (Her memory, or, at least, how she remembers it). Sometime after the Ottoman Empire annexed Serbia. Defeated and tired she stands next to him. He is giving a speech: "In my religion, pork is strictly forbidden."
A question mark forms above her head. Half of her face turns black as she smiles maliciously.
"I get nauseous even thinking about it" he grabs his stomach saying this.
"I eat it a lot actually" a quiet voice is heard behind him.
"What?" he turns raising his upper lip.
"In fact..." the background turns to fire for a second. The screen goes to her eye and then moves away to show her clenching fists and torso"...that's all I ever eat!" The back now shows many pigs in different poses followed by a loud defiant squeal.
Next scene: Back on the road. "Basically I have many pigs because that's the only thing the Ottoman doesn't eat. Can't imagine why, it's delicious.
Runt squeals in protest.
"Oh calm down, it's not like I'm gonna eat you...yet" she cackles.
Runt squeals even louder and starts hitting her in the shin.
Serbia laughs very amused by this. She goes down on one knee and pets the poor little piggy to calm him down.
"You know I'm joking, right? I would never eat you. You're too small" she laughs.
Runt squints his eyes at her and blows air from his snout. She smiles lovingly and gives him a small treat as an apology.
Next scene: It's night time. At the boarder, there are some Ottoman guards. She is in the bushes with Runt.
"Okay, you know the drill. Go!" she whispers.
The little pig runs far and starts making noise. The guards go to see who is making the racket while Serbia swiftly gets in and runs as fast as possible.
"Works every time" she thinks while running through the forest.
Suddenly, two white eyes appear in the dark. A large hand grabs her by the shoulders and screams: "Gotcha!"
I'll try to finish Part 2 by next week. Sorry but I'm busy these days. So, I would like to say something. If you have read my stories, you may have noticed that I don't do accents. Still, I do try to make the things the characters say "period-accurate". That means that they don't have some modern views or understanding how their decisions will affect the future. So don't expect nations to act like they do today because many of them changed a lot through history. Thank you for reading the entire text. :)