That You May Always Remember Me

Chapter 14

"a fire"

Alistair entered his bedroom as he did every night and immediately began to undress. Although he had spent a good chunk of his life in chainmail and plate armor, nothing felt as heavy to him as the trappings of a king. Once the furs and fine fabrics were tossed into the corner of the room he felt he could finally breathe easy in his cotton pajamas. He plopped down onto the couch when he thought he heard something just outside the window and looked up to find a shadow move quickly past. He instinctively reached to his hip, only to be reminded that he was completely unarmed. As he searched the room for something that could be used as a weapon there came a soft tapping at the balcony door and Elissa's face revealed itself in the low light of the candles.

Laughing at his own paranoia he opened the door for her. "What are you doing here?"

Elissa slipped into the warm room. "You said if I ever needed anything…"

"Of course, I just figured you'd use the door." He looked back at the second floor balcony. "How did you even get up there?"

"I climbed the trellis." She spoke matter-of-factly but stared at the floor, clearly uncomfortable. "I didn't think I should make it too obvious I was here." Alistair noticed for the first time that she was awkwardly thumbing a book in her hands. When his gaze landed on it she took in a deep breath and held it out on display. "I read this."

Alistair's heart missed a beat when he recognized the cover: a man and woman wrapped in each other's arms while the world burned around them. 'Wardens of Love' was the title of this particular tale and it was, unfortunately, one of many that popped up after the Blight ended and rumors of a romantic relationship between the Hero Fereldan and its new king spread across Thedas. They all found the most fantastical situations to put the couple in where the only logical choice was to make love for forty pages. This particular book was the worst of the bunch, though.

"Where did you get this?" Alistair asked before quickly smacking himself on the forehead and answering his own question. "Zevran! That sneaky little elf…"

"Do you know what's in there?" Elissa's voice reminded Alistair that his plans for revenge had to be put on hold for the moment.

"Yes, it… it's a silly fantasy someone let out of their head. It's nonsense!"

"But it says we were…"

"You know you can't believe everything you read and… and people will write almost anything for money…"

Alistair tripped and stumbled through his words but Elissa's stare remained vigilant. She narrowed her eyes and spoke coolly, "You lied to me."

"I didn't lie; I just… left out a really big part…" His voice trailed off at the end of a feeble defense.

"A big part?" Elissa's coolness was turning to anger. "Alistair, according to this we were lovers!"

He cringed at a word that had been making him blush since he was a child. "But we were never like this!" He held up the book to her before tossing it aside in disgust. "That is nothing but lies and…" He contorted his face. "…gross words like 'moist'."

"And it's not based on any sort of truth?" She laughed at Alistair's silent and blushingly pink confirmation and threw her hands in the air. "And everyone knew, didn't they? Here I thought they looked at me because I'm supposed to be some sort of hero, but they probably thought I was…"

"Damn what they all think!" Alistair's temper finally broke and he feared the guards in the hall would react to his screams. "Believe it or not I brought you here to keep you close, keep you safe, not to lie to you."

"Then why did you?"

"When we met in the woods you thought I was some sort of demon. Would you honestly have come with me if I told you the entire truth?"

She looked away from his gaze and didn't respond. "I thought I was going crazy…" she mumbled to herself. "I thought you thought I was crazy."

"Why would I think that?"

She looked back at him and there was a glimmer of desperation in her eyes. "Because I just couldn't stay away from you. Here you were, a married king and I attacked you every chance I got." She walked a few feet away and leaned on one of the intricately carved bed posts with a sigh.

"If it helps," Alistair started instinctively closing the space between them, "I enjoyed every second of it."

Elissa smirked briefly before a frown fell on her face again. "So what were we? Honestly?"

Once again those eyes met him with a longing look that he wanted only to answer. All the lies he believed he had to tell and all the careful movements he had to make to keep the fragile threads of his life intact had seemed so necessary until that moment when he realized the only thing that would ever matter to him was those eyes and that girl, and she wanted the truth. He grabbed her hands and held them loosely in his own. "Elissa, I can honestly say that I never have and never will love anyone like I love you. I feel like such a fool for giving up hope of ever seeing you again, but now that you're here I can promise you: even if you kill a thousand Archdemons and disappear a thousand times over, I will always find you."

Elissa stared at him, speechless, and it took every ounce of strength he had to fight his insecurity and meet that stare. He couldn't do it the first time he told her he loved her, and this was just like that night all over again; the need to be honest, the fear of what she'd say.

"Alistair…" The word fell from her lips in such a sad tone he had to look away, but Elissa wanted his eyes on her and she always got what she wanted. She took her hand out of his hold and placed it on his cheek, turning him back to her, and spoke decidedly, "Alistair." A smiled flashed across her lips and suddenly they were intertwined again: his hands in her hair, her breath on his neck. The line that divided one from the other steadily blurred as all questions dropped, all worries were forgotten, and the intimidation of their youth was long gone. Alistair couldn't remember when he first felt the cushion of the soft mattress beneath him or when his shirt was flung onto one of the bed posts like a white flag of surrender, but he could distinctly recall when his hands met across Elissa's back. His fingers aptly removed the wedding ring that had kept its place for 10 years, and with one swift motion it was thrown into the abyss of the night.

OOOOOOOOOO

Hours later, the room had grown dark and quiet. Alistair listened to the rhythmic beating of Elissa's heart as he held her close and nestled his face into her sweet-scented hair. There was a time when he believed he would never get to do that again, but he didn't want to think about that now, or the nights they'd lost and the consequences they still had to face. Right now it was just the two of them lying on the edge of sleep in each other's arms while the night crept all around them. Nothing else existed, nothing else mattered…

"What was that?" Elissa sat up and stared into the darkness intently.

Alistair held his breath but neither heard nor saw anything. "It's nothing," he tried to convince her and wrapped his arm tightly around her waist to pull her back to their former comfort, but she remained stiff and alert like a Mabari standing guard. "I know I heard something…"

"It's just…"

A guard burst through the doors of the king's bedroom. "Your Majesty…" he began in an out-of-breath huff but stopped when his face twisted in shock at the sight of Elissa who had thankfully managed to cover herself with the silky sheets in time.

"Is there a reason for this invasion?" Alistair cut in quickly and ferociously.

The guard's attention was immediately drawn back to the current situation. "There's a fire in the palace!"

"Maker's breath!" Alistair exclaimed, dismissing the guard with an assurance that he and Elissa could make it out of the building on their own before placing his bare feet on the cold stone floor. He raced to the wall where his robe was hung, a deep shade of Fereldan green, and gave it to Elissa. For himself he scanned the ground for his pants but they had somehow disappeared in all the activity of a few hours earlier. He gave up the search quickly and threw on a fresh pair from the wardrobe before grabbing Elissa's hand and racing out of the castle.

There was a mass of people standing in the courtyard, from servants and guards to palace guests, including Zevran who approached the couple first, examining their attire and not even trying to hold back a huge grin. "And what have you two been up to?" Elissa blushed but stared him down as Alistair rolled his eyes and caught sight of Anora giving instructions nearby.

"I'll be right back." As much as he hated to think what Zevran might say to Elissa if he left them alone, he felt obliged to ensure Anora was okay. Though he approached with kind intentions the look she gave him turned his warm, "how are you?" into a much colder, "Find anything out?"

"I don't know any more than you do," she responded, folding her arms against the chill of the night air and looking Alistair up and down. "What are you wearing?"

It was the first time he had bothered to look down and was greeted by the sight of his gold pants glittering in the moonlight. "It's been a long night," he sighed.

"I can see." Anora's sight had fallen on Elissa, who stood giggling with Zevran in a very recognizable robe.

Alistair followed her icy stare and found himself growing defensive. "Is there a problem?"

"You know exactly what the problem is."

"No, as I recall, it was your idea to announce to the world that I have a mistress."

"To distract people with meaningless gossip so they don't start asking the wrong questions. I did not intend for you to go throwing your affair in everyone's face like this."

That word hit Alistair like a ton of bricks. It had been floating around in the back of his mind for a while, but this was the first time someone verbalized it. But rather than give in to the rush of guilt that suddenly seized him, he got angrier. "What makes you so possessive all of a sudden? You've never cared about me. You don't even like me!"

"This is about much more than how anyone feels. Maybe if you bothered to comprehend that you'd be a better king!"

That was the final straw. "I think you're just jealous because you know if she hadn't gone missing you'd be rotting in a dungeon somewhere for your father's crimes!"

Anora's face had grown beet red with rage and her response would clearly be explosive but suddenly a charming voice cut through the tension of the night. "My, but things are never dull in Denerim, are they?" Alistair turned to see that their argument had caught the attention of quite a few onlookers, including the Teryn of Highever.

"Fergus!" He immediately went to shake the man's hand and pulled him into a hug.

"Am I interrupting?" Fergus watched Anora step away from the crowd to calm herself down.

"Not at all," Alistair assured, glad the man's presence was helping to relieve the bitter taste in his mouth. "You got my message?"

"Message?" Fergus frowned in confusion. "No, I just got into town for the Landsmeet day after tomorrow."

"Landsmeet? But I didn't schedule a…" He saw Anora whispering to their seneschal and a group of guards and knew exactly who ordered this. "Of course. The Landsmeet. But first, there's something I want to show you."

"If it's the shirt that goes with those pants, I'd love to see it."

Alistair grimaced at Fergus' amused laughter and forcibly turned him to see the woman standing only a short distance away. Fergus said nothing, strode over to her, and wrapped his arms around her in what was certainly one of the tightest hugs Thedas had ever seen. Over his shoulder Elissa looked at Alistair with confusion, but when Zevran whispered something in her ear her eyes lit up and she returned the hug with full force. Alistair smiled at the sight of brother and sister reunited, but there was still something he had to take care of. He took a deep breath before approaching Anora for the second time that night. "So there's a Landsmeet coming up?"

"Did I not mention it?" she asked innocently, not looking up from a letter she had been handed recently.

"Did you schedule it while I was gone?"

"You told me to take care of things. There are issues in the Bannorn that need to be resolved."

"But you didn't know when I was coming back." His eyes narrowed and his temper rose as she continued to refuse to meet his gaze. "You were going to hold it without me."

"I was going to continue running the country, yes." She finally looked into his eyes with cold resolution. "Fereldan doesn't stop every time you have a mental breakdown."

A guard approached the monarchs, interrupting what was about to become yet another public battle. "The fire is out. It was small; evidently a kitchen maid overreacted. You can reenter the palace at any time."

Anora walked away but Alistair stood in thought for a while as the masses of people moved about him. Anora had never been a particularly kind or supportive wife, but something about Elissa's return made her more sour than ever. Maybe it was that Elissa refused to name Anora queen ten years ago or, more likely, she saw her as a present threat to her title. He chuckled to himself as he watched Elissa and Fergus talking excitedly. Maybe it was right of Anora to worry. Anyone with a brain in their head could see that Elissa was always a threat.