Happier With You
Authors Note: I hope you enjoy this chapter! Mike's definitely got some grovelling to do! I'm back to university tomorrow, but hopefully I can keep you updated as quickly as possible :-)
Please let me know what you think of this chapter and thank you for your continued support! :-)
Chapter 7 – Telling the Truth
El tried to keep her eyes to herself as she walked through town with Mike. But her body was betraying her.
Every few seconds, she'd find herself side glancing at him and it caused a constant stirring in her chest.
He just looked so good. He was taller if that was even possible, she wanted to devour his face which was even more gorgeous with those pouty lips standing out against sharp delicious cheek bones.
His eyes were the same sizzling dark orbs that could swallow her whole and his hair…oh god his hair. She so badly wanted to dig her fingers into it.
"So where do you want to go?" El asked Mike nervously, knowing that the inevitable was coming. They needed to air quite a lot out and she knew it wasn't going to be exactly easy.
"Er…wherever you want. But I think we probably want somewhere quiet." Mike mumbled anxiously.
El nodded as she tried to think. It wouldn't exactly be a good idea to go to a dinner or even the park that was now filled with children, just in case her emotions got the better of her and she ended up using her powers.
There was only one place that El could think of that would give them the privacy they needed.
"Do you have your car with you?" she asked hesitantly.
"Yes…" he said trying to grasp onto her train of thought.
El sighed, "well…what about my dad's old cabin?"
Mike stopped and turned to her, both of them blushing. It was at that cabin where they had lost their virginity to each other way back when they were 16.
"Er yeah…that's a good idea." Mike gulped, nervously clutching his car keys in his jacket pocket.
The couple slowly made their way back to Benny's where Mike explained to El he was parked after breakfast in the dinner with the party.
El smiled slightly, "I saw them all yesterday. It was kind of brief because I was tired, but it was nice."
Well in truth she hadn't been tired, more emotionally exhausted from having seen Mike. Her heart had been left reeling.
"They should have invited you to breakfast." Mike said honestly, turning his eyes onto her.
El shrugged, "I think they thought it might be…awkward."
Mike immediately blushed and averted his eyes. "Yeah…there's nothing awkward about this." He teased in the moment making them both laugh slightly.
They went quiet again and El was thankful that they had arrived at Benny's. As she climbed into the passenger seat, she tried not to think about the last time she was in Mike's car.
It was so blissfully easy to be with Mike that El found herself reverting to old habits, like immediately tuning the radio to a station she liked. She was surprised when her favourite station was already the first one playing as soon as she turned it on.
El looked at Mike to see he was staring at her. He smiled nervously, "I never changed it…" he offered as an explanation to the radio.
She nodded slightly, understanding his words and anxiously broke their eye contact, knowing she was falling too deep before they had even discussed their very real issues.
El watched the windscreen and tried to keep her eyes glued there whilst Mike reversed and then drove out of Benny's parking lot.
The drive was mainly silent and El was thankful that it was only a 10 minute drive. In the mean time, they had polite conversation. El asked about Nancy who Mike stated was now living in New York with Jonathan.
Apparently his parents were miraculously still together but fighting a lot, so Mike liked to get Holly out of the house when he was home for college. El felt her heart warm even more at how much of a caring brother he was.
El hesitantly told him about the other subjects and what their powers were, she noticed Mike's grip on the steering wheel tighten slightly when she mentioned Hunter and how he had healed them all when they were injured.
He didn't say anything so El continued to speak, explaining how Kali and Fifi had gone to Europe, Sam was in New York and she had no idea where Emma was.
"And what about Hunter…why…why is he staying at your house?" Mike asked in a casual tone but El could see his tightened jaw.
"He doesn't have any identity so I told him to come to Hawkins with me because I know dad has that contact."
"Doctor Owens?"
"Yeah him. He helped me out with my birth certificate and everything so I'm hoping he'll help Hunter. He went through the lab too, he deserves a normal life." El said calmly looking out the windscreen deep in thought.
"Yeah he does…" Mike said quietly, his knuckles going white on the steering wheel. "And so when he gets his ID…is he leaving?"
El bit her lip not knowing how to answer. She really didn't want to have the conversation of Hunter in the car. "Well maybe. It depends on a few things."
Thankfully at that moment Mike pulled up on the gravel drive and El made no hesitation in getting out of the car.
They walked the 5 minute walk to the cabin in silence, both of them fit to burst from the tension surrounding them like a fog.
Mike watched in awe as El opened the cabin door with a flick of her head. God he had missed seeing her use her powers, he had missed everything, he had missed her.
They walked into the disused cabin, where most of the furniture was covered in white cloths, the Hopper's moving out not long after El had turned 16 to move in with Joyce and Will.
"I can't believe how long it's been since I was here." Mike mused looking around at the warm and friendly cabin.
El laughed, "I know. The last time was when you and the party were helping with all the moving boxes and Dustin swore he pulled his back."
Mike laughed too, remembering this certain memory like it was yesterday. "You know he still says his back isn't right to this day."
"Really?" El asked him playfully, her eyes bright and happy and making him feel so incredibly dazed.
"Yeah…" he answered breathlessly, the smile disappearing off his face as he just stared at her intensely.
El's smile also disappeared too and she stared back at him, the tension became unbearable.
She was the first to look away, clearing her throat. "We need to talk Mike."
Whilst he knew they needed to talk, he couldn't get over how terrified he was about telling her about that night with Jen. He knew he needed to be honest with her, and it would kill him if he wasn't. But he knew it was going to hurt her. He was going to hurt her.
El chucked the white sheet off the couch and they both sat down on either end with a very obvious gap in the middle.
"I…I don't even know where to start." El said, her hands in her lap.
"Me either…" Mike said, his leg jittering slightly. He shut his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. "You said earlier that Hunter leaving depended on a few things…what does it depend on?" He asked, his voice choked from the terror of what her answer could be.
El sighed and turned to him, "Hunter and I kissed after we got back from the lab. He…has feelings for me. He wants to stay in Hawkins if I want to be with him." She said in almost a whisper.
Mike felt the heaviness on his chest crush down on him painfully. He couldn't look her in the eye, he didn't want her to feel guilty at how much pain her words caused him.
Whilst the jealousy in him wanted to ask what the kiss was like, was it a peck or was it passionate making out? He knew there really was only one question he needed to ask.
"And…do you? Do you want to be with him?" His voice was shaking and his palms were sweating.
El was quiet for a moment, looking down at her hands. "No." she said quietly.
"Oh," was the only choked word Mike was able to get out as he looked at El desperately, wanting her so badly that he was physically shaking.
But he knew if she did or didn't reciprocate his feelings, he needed to tell her the truth too.
"El I need to tell you about something…something that happened after you'd gone." His voice was dry and his stomach clenched painfully at what he was about to say.
El looked up at him, her eyes shadowed with something Mike couldn't explain. "Is this about Jennifer Hayes?" she clearly tried to ask calmly but he immediately felt the aching in her words.
Mike's eyes widened and he was frozen in horror that she already knew. "Did…did Max tell you?" he asked incredulously, unable to believe that Max wouldn't let him tell El himself.
El looked confused for a moment but then shook her head, "no…I was the one who told Max."
Mike's breath had caught at the realisation of El's words. He had assumed when Max dropped the bombshell that she knew, she had heard it off Jen herself.
"H-how did you know?" he asked in a hushed voice. The sickening feeling in his stomach told him he of course already knew the answer to his question.
El looked at him, breathing heavily. "The void," she said as a tear ran down her cheek.
Mike felt like his heart had just been ripped out. He had never hated himself more. She had seen it.
"El I…" he couldn't talk from the trembling and he could barely see through the tears that were rushing down his face.
"I am s-so, s-so s-sorry. I n-never meant for it to h-happen." He cried, trying to reach for her hand but she moved it away.
"But it did happen." She said, her eyes cold and hurt.
Mike nodded his head slowly, feeling physically sick from his actions. "It's the worst thing I have ever done El. I am not excusing it. I can't excuse it. But I was s-so drunk and I was so fucking h-heartbroken over you. It had been 353 days and y-you hadn't come b-back to me-"
"So it's my fault?" El asked sharply her eyes wild with anger.
"NO! That's not what I meant! El it's not your fault at all. I am so sorry. I just…I thought I had lost you. I was so drunk and then that song…that Every Breathe You Take came on, the one we danced to at the Snow Ball. And I just lost it, I was crying and n-nothing made sense without you."
El stood up from the couch and turned to face Mike. "You said you needed her." She was no longer glowering with anger but with hurt and it killed every part of him.
Mike stumbled as he stood up, trying to get closer to her, but she started to back away.
"I didn't m-mean it like t-that El I promise. I just…I was a wreck and I just wanted to feel something other than heart ache. I wanted to feel normal…I wanted to feel alive again." Mike sobbed, desperate to hold her, desperate to prove his love.
El said nothing, she was shaking, tears running down her red cheeks.
Mike took another step closer to her. "I regretted it straight away El. It didn't make me feel alive at all. I felt ashamed, dirty, disgusting. I still feel ashamed, dirty and disgusting."
She sobbed and tried to turn away from him, but Mike reached for her arm and although she fought for it back, she eventually let her tight grip loosen.
"P-please. I need you to look me in the eyes El. I need you to believe how s-sorry I am."
"I c-can't." She wept.
"Please El." He was frantic, he knew there was a very strong possibility that he could truly lose the love of his life and he couldn't let it happen.
Taking a shuddering breath, El slowly turned to look at him. Her eyes so full of hurt was like physical and mental torture to Mike all at once. But he realised he deserved this torture, he had done this to her.
"I wish every single second of the day that it never happened El. I'm disgusted with myself. I always swore that I would p-protect you from a-anything. And then I...was the one to h-hurt you." He cried, trying desperately not to break his eye contact with her despite the heavy tears.
Mike sobbed as he looked at the love of his life. "I don't deserve y-you. You deserve so much more than me. And if Hunter can truly make you h-happy then I won't stand in your way. But…but I n-need you to know that I love you. I never s-stopped loving you. I have loved you since I was 12 years old. It's always been you."
El gasped through her tears, "I l-love you too. I always have. B-but…I just don't know if I can get over what I s-saw."
He bowed his head in shame for a moment, allowing the pain and hollowness to take over him, closing his eyes as the tears flooded from his eyes.
Mike slowly looked back up and into her hazel eyes. "I always thought the day you left was the worst heart break I had ever experienced. It was even worse than the demogorgon because you went willingly-"
Before he could say another word, he felt a sharp pain to his cheek and realised El had slapped him. His eyes widened in shock as he looked at her.
"You think I wanted to go willing! How dare you!"
El pushed him back and stormed off out of the cabin.
Mike groaned in pain and rushed after her.
"That's not what I meant El!" he shouted, following her as she walked quickly into the woods that surrounded the cabin.
"Well what the hell did you mean?!" she screamed back at him, her face dangerously angry.
"I meant that I thought I experienced the worst heart break on the day you left. But seeing what I have done to you is 100 times worse."
El stopped and turned around to look at him. Her chest was heaving from how sharply she was breathing.
Mike tried to approach her again, but slower and more cautiously. "El I am so sorry. I will tell you I'm sorry for the rest of my life if you let me. I just need you to believe me. I need you to forgive me." His voice cracked on his last words.
He was shuddering from his tears and he couldn't understand how El would ever be able to forgive him. He in turn had broken her heart and it was the most horrific feeling he had ever experienced.
El sighed, as emotionally and physically exhausted as he was. "I just…I need some time to think Mike. Alone."
He shut his eyes in despair and nodded silently, accepting her decision. But knowing he couldn't leave it like that.
Mike opened his eyes and stared at El for a moment, seeing her slowly bringing her guard back down.
"That's…that's fine El. I understand. But…I just need you to know how much I miss you, how much I love you, how badly I want to make you happy, how sorry I am and how much I want to be with you forever."
El watched him with caution in her tired eyes. After a while she slowly nodded, as if accepting his words.
"Can you take me home please?" she mumbled out, her voice dry.
"Yes of course," Mike said quickly, wanting to do anything to make her happy even if it meant separation.
El's jaw set tightly and she walked past him towards his car. He followed numbly behind.
The drive to her house was in complete silence, but Mike strangely felt as if some of the tension had gone.
He watched her every few seconds out of the corner of his eye as she lay her head on the passenger seat and stared out of the window deep in thought.
Mike took a breath and tried to keep his eyes on the road.
When they arrived at the house and he pulled up, El immediately unbuckled her seat belt and got out of the car.
He truly felt as if she wasn't going to say anything, but then she hesitantly looked back.
"Thank you for telling me the truth."
Mike felt stunned and the only thing he could think to say was "friends don't lie."
She smiled sadly and Mike felt worse than ever, but as his gaze followed her walk across the grass and enter the house, he knew that there was no way on this earth he was giving her up without a fight.