auction - The scarf of sexual preference
258 words, by gdocs
Harry's back in the Great Hall. He's eleven again and he knows this scene. He knows Snape sitting at the head table. He knows Dumbledore looking at him with a twinkle in his eyes. He knows Quirrell looking nervous. He knows McGonagall standing at the front and holding a scroll of parchment, reading from it.
He's at his sorting.
This is crazy. He's probably in a dream, right? Right?
"You will come up and be sorted by the Scarf of Sexual Preference," McGonagall is saying, standing up tall.
Wait.
That's not right.
Where's the Sorting Hat?
Harry shakes his head, trying to remind himself that he can't actually be resorted – this is a dream. He's not eleven. This'll be over again.
McGonagall calls up students one by one. Harry sees that Hermione is sorted into 'waiting until marriage'. He wonders what he'll get. He's straight, right?
Finally his name is called. McGonagall drapes the scarf around his neck and Harry is just seeing that the scarf has a set of eyes which are slightly terrifying.
"Hmmmm," the scarf says, peering up at Harry.
"Let's just get this over with," Harry says, pleased that his voice actually works.
"I pronounce you Malfoysexual!" the scarf tells him. A shower of green and silver come down onto Harry.
"What?" Harry asks. What's 'Malfoysexual'?
"You have a deep crush on Draco Malfoy," the scarf explains. "You sit over there."
Harry turns to see a table with Ginny, Charlie, Astoria, Pansy, and… is that Blaise and Theo?
Fuck.
How did it know?