This night has been eventful to say the least. To start things off I almost had a panic attack about four times when Jade picked me up from my place. I was nervous before Jade picked me up but it was amplified as soon as I got into the car.
I don't know why but I was so focused on Jade and what Andre said that I completely forgot to worry about the fact that Jade and I were not going to be alone this evening. In all honesty us not being alone tonight is probably a good thing, however now I am not just out with one of my students but three; to say that my anxiety increased would be an understatement. It is highly inappropriate, but sadly the main reason for the increase in anxiety is from not knowing how to act around them, I'm used to it just being Jade and I alone but now I have to worry about two other students seeing the different relationship I have with their friend.
I got into Jades car and said hello to Jade and her friends and hoped that they could not tell how nervous I was, Cat and Beck seemed to overlook this but Jade always managed to sense how I truly felt and for some reason it seemed as though she took pleasure in my nervousness.
"You're being crazy." I thought to myself and tried to push the thought out of my mind and relax myself however that becomes impossible when Jade tells me my outfit is slutty, however I pull of slutty well.
I didn't even know what to think at that point let alone what to say so I keep quiet and try to hide the blush that rises to my cheeks.
The car fell into an awkward silence after that and I prayed that it was simply because we had nothing to talk about rather than Jade's friends not knowing what to say after watching our interaction.
I was about to speak up when Jade stopped at a red light and told Beck to start rolling the blunts. immediately I began the early stages of an actual panic attack but before I could say anything to object I heard music begin to pulse out of the speakers and when I looked over to Jade she had on the most devilish grin I have ever seen on someone.
At this point in our friendship I thought I knew all of Jade's smiles, mainly because they do not happen that often but also because early on I had made it my mission to make her smile as much as possible; but this one was different, this smile was dangerous somehow and I had a feeling that not very many people got to see it.
I was so caught up in my head analyzing her damn smile that I didn't even realize she began to speak and by the time I tuned back into what she was saying I wish I hadn't.
Sitting not a foot away from, refusing to break eye contact was Jade singing in one of the most beautiful voices I've ever heard about how I could ride her face. It was in that moment that I seriously contemplated just jumping out of the car and walking myself home.
The rational side of me knew that it was just the lyrics of the song and they were not mean for me, that Jade just enjoyed the song so much so had to sing along with it, and that Jade was using this to make me uncomfortable as a joke. I tried very hard to listen to the rational part of me, but the other side of me didn't believe a word I was telling myself.
I soon found myself thinking back to the conversation I had with Andre before Jade picked me up. I knew the reputation that Jade had and while I chose to not let that have any impact on the way I have handled our friendship in the past I see now how foolish that was. Jade is known as Hollywood Arts biggest player, and it would be foolish of me to sit here and ignore that fact.
I don't think that Jade has any interest in me other than as a friend, and I know that I feel the same way about her, but right now with Jade singing the most inappropriate song I have ever heard while looking directly at me, I cannot ignore that. I decide that once this night is over I will sit down with Jade and have a talk about our relationship and the boundaries that we need to have.
I will also need to sit down and figure out what the hell is going on with me because even though it is just Jade, one of my students and even though she's just singing the lyrics to a song It is having an effect on me; she is having an effect on me. Before I can begin to over analyze what the hell this new development means im pulled out of my head once again by Beck handing Jade a Blunt.
I snap out of my head and try to reprimand Jade for even thinking about smoking weed, I am after all the only adult here and it's about time I act like one. Somehow Jade manages to talk me down and I sit in silence while she and her friends smoke until we arrive at the venue.
I step out of the car and have to catch myself from falling over, I guess even though I didn't smoke any second hand smoke can still get you a little high. I try to be mad at Jade but as soon as we walk closer to the entrance my anger falls away and all that I am left with is an extreme amount of excitement.
Jade wraps her arm around my shoulder as we walk in and I don't even think twice about the gesture, I have Cat in my classes and I am well aware that I am bouncing as much as the red headed girl does on a daily basis and Jade does this to calm her down, so I chalk it up to Jade trying to relax me.
We get to our seats and I can't believe how amazing they are. They're about ten rows away from the stage close enough to actually hear the songs but not too close to where you go deaf by the third song. I start bouncing more not being able to control my excitement while Jade looks around for something or someone.
She heads to the bar with Beck and I hope that for once she listens to me and just brings back a bottle of water and only has her one drink for the night.
Cat offers me a piece of candy that I'm not even sure of where it came from, but not wanting to be rude I accept and nibble on.
I'm about to excuse myself and go look for the bathrooms when Cat speaks up.
"She cares about you." The red headed girl says not taking her eyes off of me.
it startles me how serious she's being, I don't even know what to say so I stay quit and hope she continues. she does.
"Jade doesn't have very many friends, she doesn't let a lot of people in but she's decided to let you in. don't make her regret it"
I swallow the lump that has formed in my throat and nod.
She's about to continue when Jade and Beck come back with our drinks. I'm more than slightly irritated when instead of a water Jade hands me a beer. Too much has happened tonight and this is the straw that broke the camel's back.
I yell at her with as much anger as I can muster up but it quickly dissipates when she calls me Tori. It's pathetic really that I can forgive her so quickly because she simply calls me by my actual name, I don't know why but whenever she calls me Tori I feel like I've won a battle and my reward is the feeling I get from Hearing her say my name.
I briefly think that friends shouldn't feel that way when the other simply calls them their name, after all I never feel this way when Andre says my name. But I push it to the back of my head for now and Jade guides me to our seats.
"So The XX should be headed on stage any minute now." She whispers in my ear and I can't help when my breath catches.
I nod and hope that she didn't notice.
"So you never told me your favorite song by them." I whisper back hoping Jade can't hear the strain in my voice.
Jade puts her hand on my lower back to bring me closer to her and I can't help the gasp that escapes my lips at the contact.
"Together." she whispers this time her lips graze my ear.
"of course that's your favorite." I can't help the laugh that escapes with the words.
"What's that supposed to mean?" she asks and I can hear amusement in her words, something I'm not used to but I decide immediately that I like it.
I smile before responding.
"Because it's not a very sexual song but it's a great song to have sex to." My smile gets even bigger when I see her choke on her beer after hearing what I said.
"you sound like you're speaking from personal experience." Man she recovers quickly, and now I'm the one choking on my drink.
"Maybe." I probably sound like I'm trying to be mysterious when actually I don't know what else to say that won't cause more trouble.
Jade just smiles and focuses back onto the Band.
I'm actually having an amazing time, not that I expect to have a terrible time or anything, but this is different. I'm not worried about grading papers, or my crazy family, or any other stressful thing in my life; I'm just enjoying the moment and that doesn't happen very often. Normally I'm worried about someone else or something else but right now with Jade I feel free.
I'm pulled back into reality when the band starts playing my favorite song.
"Oh my gosh this is my favorite song!" I scream and practically spill the remaining contents of my beer as I jump up and down.
Jade just smiles and laughs at how dorky I must look right now but I don't even care I'm completely focused on the stage.
"I know it's your favorite song why do you think I requested it?"
I look back over to Jade confused.
"What do you mean requested it?" I ask.
"Well they weren't originally going to play it so I made a few calls and put in my request." Jade replies back casually like it was the simplest thing in the world.
"Wait how'd you know this was my favorite song?"
"God Tori have a little bit more faith in me, believe it or not I do pay attention when you tell me things, especially about things you like." Jade does her evil smile and I can tell she's trying to play this off like no big deal but I won't let her.
"Hey." I say to get her attention and when she looks at me I wrap her up in the biggest bear hug I can manage. "Thank you, it means a lot to me." I exhale the words onto her neck and I can feel her stiffen. Suddenly remembering that Jade West does not do hugs I let go but intertwine an arm with hers and focus my attention back to the stage.
"I know why you love this song so much by the way." Jade whispers as she leans over closer to me.
"Why?" I ask genuinely curious.
"listen for a minute and then I'll explain."
And everyday
I'm learning about you
The things that no one else sees
And the end comes too soon
Like dreaming of angels
And leaving without them
And leaving without them
I close my eyes and lose myself in the song, forgetting about everyone else in the room and focusing on the lyrics.
Being
As in love with you as I am
Being
As in love with you as I am
Being
As in love with you as I am
Being
As in love, love, love
Love, love, love
Love, love, love
And with words unspoken
A silent devotion
I know you know what I mean
And the end is unknown
But I think I'm ready
As long as you're with me
I gasped as Jade leaned over to whisper into my ear pulling me back to the present.
"This song describes how you want to be loved, you want someone to love you the way she loves the person she's talking about. You want someone to fall so in love with you and your little things that they think if anyone else paid attention to them it would be easy for them to be in love with you too. You want to be so close to someone that only they know a certain part of you that no one else is lucky enough to see. you want someone to give their all to you, you want someone to show you that you are it for them, someone to show you that you are their future."
Wow, I honestly don't even know how to respond to that; mostly because she's right. I just stare at her and think to myself that this is the real Jade. Not the Jade that scares people away, not the Jade that everyone else see's; this is the real no bullshit Jade. But I know she'll be gone soon so I try and appreciate her while I can. I feel special, but more importantly I'm grateful for her showing me a part of her no one else gets to see; and no matter how long it will take or how hard I will have to fight I will prove to her that this Jade is safe with me.
Still not knowing what to say I just smile at her and lean a little closer.
Jade wraps her arm around me and we spend the rest of the evening listening to music with no more interruptions.
It's 11:30 when the concert ends and it's safe to say this is the most fun I've had in a very long time.
Jade, Beck, Cat and I all head out of the arena with the mobs of people trying to leave and it takes us a solid fifteen minutes to get to Jades car.
By the time we exit the busy parking lot and hit the freeway Cat is sound asleep in Becks lap and Beck is busy on his phone ignoring the rest of the world.
"Hey Cat is gonna spend the night with me she's still worried about Robbie." Beck says looking up from his phone.
"Alright I'll drop you both off at your place." Jade says and I wonder who this Robbie person is but decide not to bring it up now.
Twenty minutes later we arrive outside of what I assume is Beck's house.
Beck slides out the car carefully and after a few minutes of unsuccessfully trying to wake Cat up Beck picks her up and carries her in his arms.
Beck closes the door and comes around to Jades side of the car.
"Hey when are you gonna come over tomorrow so we can talk." Beck asks clearly uncomfortable talking about this in front of me.
I shift in my seat starting to worry about what it is they're talking about.
"I'll come by around eight and probably crash here." Jade says in a semi hushed tone.
"Okay I'll see you then. Goodbye miss Vega it was nice seeing you." And with that Beck disappeared past a trailer in the driveway into the house.
Jade pulls out and we start the drive to my house.
Were about five minutes away from my house when Jade breaks the silence.
"Did you have a good time tonight?"
"It was amazing Jade thank you for including me I know you didn't have to."
"I wanted to, I wanted you to meet my friends outside of school; and I really wanted to hang out with you outside of school."
"why?" I asked genuinely curious.
"Because you're my friend, and I don't have a lot of those. Just because you're my teacher doesn't mean I can't treat you like my other friends and this is what I do with my other friends."
Jade sounded weird when she said that but I decided not to push.
"Well I appreciate it Jade, and I do consider you to be just as much my friend as any of my other friends I have, and I can't wait until the next time we hang out together." I said truthfully.
Jade smiled and put the car in park and I realized we were in my driveway.
"Well I better get inside I have a lot of papers to grade and I don't want to keep you out later than necessary."
"You sure you don't want me to come in with you? I'm very helpful." Jade says with that devilish smirk back on her face.
I never know with this girl, one minute we're having a deep conversation and the next she's back to flirty Jade.
"I'm sure you are but I think I can manage by myself." I say smiling.
"Okay, goodnight Tori."
"Goodnight Jade."
I smile when I close my front door and look out the window to see that Jade waited for me to get into the house before she left.
I clean off what's left of the makeup on my face and change into my pajamas and climb into bed.
It doesn't take long for me to drift off, but the last thing I think off before I fall asleep is Jade.