Tori's POV
I woke up in a cold sweat gasping to catch my breath. I Victoria Vega, a responsible adult and shaper of young minds just had a dream about one of my students. Jade West to be exact.
It wasn't a sexual dream or anything like that but it definitely wasn't appropriate at all.
Jade and I were out for coffee at some hole in the wall shop for hours just talking, finally the owner kicked us out to close up shop and Jade offered to give me a ride home just like she had done after the concert. Only this time Beck and Cat weren't there it was only us.
Jade refused to look at me and I was about to get out when she said "Do you know how bad I want you?" she said it so lightly that if it weren't so quite I wouldn't have heard it. I wasn't even sure whether she wanted me to hear it or not.
She was gripping the steering wheel so tightly her knuckles had turned white and she refused to even look in my direction.
I was frozen in my seat, should I pretend I didn't hear it and go inside like I was planning. Or should I acknowledge what my student just told me? What would I even say to that?
"Yes Jade I recognize you have a crush on me but I'm your teacher and nothing would ever happen between us."
Or would I say what I really want to say, that I know she has a crush on me and for some reason it seems like I like it.
Before I could decide what do I was pulled from my dream and pulled from Jade back to reality.
"What the hell Tori?" I ask out loud like somehow I'll magically find the reason I'm dreaming about one of my students.
I check my phone and see that it's just before eight in the morning, I sigh and get out of bed hoping a shower will somehow make this already terrible day just a little bit better.
I get out of the shower actually feeling a little better than before, but once I check my phone I go right back to the terrible mood I was in.
Hey, I know we just hung out yesterday but if you're not tired of me yet do you feel like getting breakfast?
I need to stop this immediately, yesterday this would have been fine but after that dream I had and thinking more and more about what Andre said I can't in good conscious keep spending time with Jade outside of school when I know it probably means something more to her.
And it's just too confusing for me.
Can you come over? I really need to talk to you.
Why did I ask her to come over? I could have easily told her that we won't be spending any more time together outside of school through a text.
Because you want to see her
My subconscious supplies. I think about it and it's true, I do want to see her even if I just saw her last night I already miss spending time with her. Which is another reason I need to stop this, I can't get attached to a student, especially not a student who seems to have feelings for me.
Maybe it would be different if she didn't spend all of her free time trying to flirt with me, maybe then we could continue to be friends outside of school like I had originally hoped. But now I can't keep this friendship going knowing Jade wants more out of it, I can't keep up a friendship with a student who wants something from that I just can't give to her.
Sure I'll be there in 20.
Crap! I rush back to my closet and start getting ready before Jade can arrive. I slip on some joggers and my favorite oversized hoodie, pretty much the exact opposite of what I was wearing at the concert last night.
I look at myself in the mirror and prepare for what I'm going to say to Jade when she gets here.
"It's not you it's me." I laugh dryly having no idea what I actually want to say to her.
Will she think I'm just like all of her other teachers that have given up on her so quickly? I definitely don't want her to feel like I'm abandoning her in any way but I kind of am. I can't in good conscious keep up a friendship with a student who has feelings for me, no matter how much I do wish to keep her in my life.
I know a crush is harmless, everyone at one point or another has a crush on one of their teachers. It's usually harmless but I know Jade, I know if I even give her a hint that this crush is okay she'll try to turn it into way more than just an innocent crush and I can't risk that. Not only for my reputation but also for hers, it seems she doesn't care what anyone at the school thinks of her but I refuse to give those students and teachers anything else to talk about.
I'm still thinking about what to say when I hear a knock at my door.
I walk over hands still shaking and open it.
Do you ever have those people that you see and just wish immediately that they were a part of your life? Maybe that popular guy at school that seemed to have it all and you just wished you could know him. Or that pretty girl whose life just seemed so interesting you wish you could be part of it. Or that stranger you see on the street that you know nothing about but the way they look and the way they carry themselves makes you wish you had the guts to go speak to them.
Yeah that's Jade, she's the girl you see walking down the street that you can just tell would make your life infinitely better just by being in it. The girl you want to flirt with but she could kick your ass if you said the wrong thing. The girl you want to be friends with but don't know if you would fit into her life or friend group. That's Jade and she knows it, she carries herself like she knows how much she's worth and wouldn't let anyone treat her any less than she deserved.
She's standing in front of me in her leather jacket and ray bands looking so effortlessly like the stranger you want to know I forget to speak. Maybe because I know what I have to say will actually make her a stranger to me and I don't want that.
"Uh you gonna let me in?" Jade says laughing.
Finally, I'm pulled from my thoughts and pull her in the door.
"Sorry about that I think I'm still half asleep." I say trying to sound tired even though I'm wide awake.
"It's okay I understand, I haven't had my coffee yet so I'm definitely still half dead haha" Jade says as she walks past me and looks around the house.
"Nice house, not what I expected but still nice."
"what did you expect? Me to be some old cat lady?" I ask laughing finally starting to relax.
Jade just smiles and shakes her head at me.
"Nah I mean I know in like twenty years you'll be an old cat lady but you still got at least five good years before you adopt your first of many cats."
My eyes go wide and I can't help but laugh.
"Oh yeah? Well keep talking like that and I won't let you see any of hundreds of cats!"
"Ouch! You know how much I want to see your kitty." Jade says looking back at me.
Of course leave it to her to be here five minutes and already start flirting.
"Jade sit down we need to talk." I say seriously motioning towards the couch.
She looks at me suspiciously but sits down anyway.
"Alright what's so important you had me race over here before I've even had my morning coffee?"
"Jade-" I start but of course she doesn't let me finish.
"Why does this feel like you're breaking up me?" Jade laughs as she says it but I can tell it's forced.
"I think that going to the concert last night with you and your friends was a mistake."
I see something in Jades eyes but it's gone before I can figure out what it was.
"How was it a mistake? You told me you had fun." Jade says sounding defensive already.
"It was fun Jade, the most fun I've had in a while actually; but it was extremely inappropriate and I shouldn't have let it happen. "I say trying to keep my voice neutral.
"How the hell was it inappropriate? It wasn't a date Cat and Beck were there the whole time and I didn't do anything inappropriate." Jade was clearly pissed off at this point.
"Jade it's not what we were doing it's the fact that we were doing anything together outside of school that wasn't related to school. This is completely inappropriate and against school rules." I say trying to keep my voice calm to hopefully not make Jade any more upset than she already was.
"That's such bullshit Tori. You told me you wanted us to be friends, you told me you thought of me just like you do with all your other friends. You said yes to the concert, you told me to start calling you Tori, you did everything to make me think that you actually cared and wanted me to be your friend and now all of a sudden you say it's against the rules when you knew that from the beginning." Jade stood up now looking more upset than I had ever seen her.
"Okay Jade calm down let's not get upset" I say trying to touch her shoulder to calm her down.
Jade rips her shoulder from my hand harder than I thought was possible for the young girl and continues.
"Don't fucking touch me Tori! You sat there and told me I could always count on you and now you want to end it. You sat in my fucking car last night and told me how much fun you had and now you just wake up and decide you don't want to be friends anymore? That's bullshit so you better tell me the real reason for this."
I can see she's visibly shaking so I figure I might as well get it all out in the open now rather than just upsetting her again later.
"It's inappropriate- "Jade cuts me off before I can finish.
"You already said that!"
"Just let me finish what I have to say and then it will hopefully make sense okay?" I ask sincerely.
Jade doesn't say anything but she doesn't take her eyes off of me either so I continue.
"I meant what I said about wanting to be your friend, I really do want that. I love spending time with you and I did have an amazing time last night. But I can't continue this friendship knowing you have feelings for me." I say trying to keep eye contact with her.
It's quite for a few seconds before Jade starts laughing.
"Wait what? You think I have feelings for you?" She asks in between laughs.
Now I'm confused.
"Um yes Jade you've made it very clear your feelings for since the day we met. You flirt seek out physical contact with me and as much as I do want to continue this friendship I cannot be your friend knowing that you want this friendship to be more than that." I say sounding very much like a teacher.
Finally, Jade stops laughing and looks serious again.
"Tori I hate to break it to you but I flirt with everybody. I flirt with about a hundred girls a day, girls at school, women I meet when I'm out doing things, I even flirt with Cat and Beck. Most of the time when I'm flirting it's not serious I'm just doing it because that's what I do. I don't have feelings for you Tori I flirt with everyone, and most of the time when I do flirt with you I just like the look on your face when you get uncomfortable." Jade says looking back at me.
I stare at her for a second and try to analyze if she's lying or not. From what I hear Jade is a great actress so it's hard to tell but I think she's telling the truth.
Well this is embarrassing and not how I thought this conversation was going to go at all.
"Oh well I didn't know that." I say trying to hide my burning cheeks.
"You didn't know because you didn't ask, you just assumed shit like everyone else does. But look if it's that big of a deal I won't flirt with you or make any more jokes okay?"
Jade sounds sincere and I believe that she means it when she says she won't flirt with me anymore.
It bothers me, which is completely ridiculous I was about to throw away this friendship because she was flirting with me and now I'm sad that she's going to stop. I need to get it together.
"This is really embarrassing." I say hiding my face in the palm of my hands.
Suddenly I feel Jades hands on my wrists pulling my hands from my face.
"Hey look I understand I'm hot, a lot people I know think I'm trying to get with them when really I just flirt a lot. No big deal." She says stepping away from and immediately I miss the warmth of her hands.
Before I can even process what the hell missing her warmth even means she's walking towards the door.
"But you did force me to go without my coffee so you're buying me breakfast. I think even on a teacher's salary you can afford a cup of coffee and some pancakes, I'll be in the car don't take too long." Without even waiting for my response Jade walks out the door and back to her car.
I'm left standing in the middle of my living room trying to figure out what the hell is happening to me.