After what felt like hours but was really more like thirty minutes I heard Andre's car door slam shut.
I sprinted to the door opening it before Andre had the chance to knock.
"Alright kid I'm here tell me what's going on." Andre sighs before walking past me into my living room.
I start pacing in front of the couch Andre is laid across trying to find the words to explain the situation I'm in but none f them seem to be enough.
"I think I have a crush on my student?" No that sounds like im some creeper and I'm NOT a creeper.
"Jade is quickly becoming a huge part in my life and I don't know how to stop it, or if I even want to stop it?" Once again that is such a creeper thing to say!
I think Andre can see that I'm on the verge of a complete breakdown, and he's off couch hugging me in an instant.
"Tori, calm down it's going to be okay. I'm not going to judge you okay? I promise, I just want to understand what's going on." Andre says soothingly.
I pull away and look up at him, I can see he means it. There's no judgement at all in his eyes, which shouldn't be surprising, Andre is the most supportive guy I've ever met but it's still a shock. I expected him to disappointed at least, I'm disappointed in myself but all he wants is to help.
"I like Jade." I had wanted to say more than just that obvious statement but I started crying and couldn't hold back.
I had kept this to myself for months, I had quietly hated myself for months for not being able to control how I felt for Jade. I knew it was wrong, and inappropriate and could never ever be a real thing and it ate away at me every day. Now I was forced to deal with what I actually felt and oh man did it hurt.
I had been crying for a few minutes now before I could get another word out.
"I really like her Andre and it's killing me." Was all I could get out before I started sobbing again.
"Shh, I know Tori. I know." Andre said calmly still holding me, keeping me from falling to the ground.
I cried like that for a good half hour but eventually I stopped. It wasn't willingly, I think my body just ran out of tears. If it was up to my control I don't think I ever would have stopped crying.
"I'm sorry." I said wiping away the last of my tears before pulling away from Andre and heading towards the couch.
"You don't have to apologize Tor, I just want to understand what's going on. You don't have to justify anything with me just help me understand what's been happening." Andre said once he was seated next to me.
I was quite for a while trying to figure out where to start.
"I like Jade, and I've liked her for a while now. I don't remember the exact moment it all started all I know is everyday this feeling just gets stronger and I don't know how to stop it." I put my head in my hands not able to look at Andre.
"Yeah I kinda figured that out a while ago Tor. I knew nothing was going on, but I had a feeling you liked her as more than a student."
Oh god I feel like I'm gonna be sick.
"Do you hear how disgusting that sounds Andre! I like her as more than just a student, she's my student and I have feeling for her it's so inappropriate and I hate myself for it. I'm not a creeper okay! I wouldn't ever be attracted to a kid or anything like that!" I practically scream freaking out about how bad all this sounds.
"She's almost an adult and I'm only 22, it's not like I'm so disgusting fifty-year-old preying on a kid!" Oh, god now I sound exactly like those creepy people who say age is just a number!
"Tori calm down it's okay." Andre says trying to reassure me but I keep going.
"I like people my own age okay! Every guy I've ever dated has been my age! I don't know why I like her but I do, and I promise it's not in a creepy way okay? Please don't think I'm creepy." If I hadn't already run out of tears I know I would be bawling again.
"Tori, calm down I know you're not a pedophile or anything like that. Just relax please so we can talk about this okay? I'm not judging you and I don't think differently than you now, let's just start slow and work our way up from there." Andre huffs out.
I nod and put my head back in my hands.
"Okay, you like her obviously, but does she feel the same way about you?"
I think about that for a while.
I know it's wrong, but every part of me wishes she felt the same as I do. I want her to think about me as much as I think about her, I want her to get as nervous around me and I do around her. I want things to be mutual between us but I know they aren't. I know this is all on me.
"No, she doesn't feel the same way I do." I say sounded like my parents just told me my puppy went to go live on a farm with grandma.
"How do you know she doesn't feel the same? I mean this is kind of an odd circumstance how do you know she isn't just trying to hide her feelings for you?" Andre sounds sure that it's a mistake but I know it's not.
"She told me she has no romantic feelings for me what so ever." I whisper trying to keep my voice steady.
"I'm her favorite teacher, and I'm even one of her friends, but that's all I am to her." I clench my eyes shut, somehow my body is already trying to produce more tears.
"I know you don't want to hear this Tori, but that's a good thing. I mean it's not good that the person you like doesn't like you back, but it's good that she doesn't have feelings for you too; it makes it easier to move on."
"Yeah but how do you move on from someone you didn't even date Andre? This is only a crush and I feel like I did when my first boyfriend broke up with me." I say getting up to get tissue.
"Right, well I was thinking maybe Jade isn't the whole reason you feel like this. I know you like her a lot and I'm not going to tear that down. But as long as I've known you, you've only ever liked men and you've only ever dated men. You didn't even have an experimental phase in college like every other girl, maybe this is it. Maybe you wanna experiment and Jade just happens to be the first girl to catch your eye." Andre says trying his hardest to not upset me.
"Girls in college get drunk and make out with other girls when they want to experiment, not develop actual feelings for another girl." I say dismissing the idea.
"Hold on just listen okay? You remember Stacy Porter?"
"The cheerleader we went to high school with?" I ask confused.
"Yeah, okay you remember she dated that tool Ben every year of high school and everyone thought they would get married?"
I nod for Andre to continue.
"Okay well guess what? She just married Alicia Stevens!"
"Wait, didn't they hate each other in high school?"
"Yeah but it was probably from all those repressed feelings! What I'm trying to say is it's never too late to figure out that you might not be completely straight. And whether you just need to experiment, or if liking girls is your new thing I think figuring that out will help with this Jade situation." Andre says sounding excited.
"So you think I should experiment with other women to see if Jade is just me experimenting or not?" I say completely skeptical of this plan
"Exactly!" Andre shouts, extremely proud of himself.
"Okay, but what if I do experiment and I realize that I do actually like girls. That this crush on Jade isn't me needing a girl to experiment with or being confused about me sexuality, but me actually liking girls and liking Jade for real?"
"I haven't figure that part out yet, but we'll worry about it if it happens. But for now, go get ready." Andre says standing up.
"For what?" I ask confused as hell.
Andre claps his hands together and smiles "It's ladies' night."