"Thanks for listening to me, Asriel. Strangely enough, I do feel better."
"Anytime, Chara! I'm glad I was able to help."
I sneered at the garden around me. Part of me was still surprised I had been caught. I had tried so hard to make sure that no one knew I was even there at the time that Mettaton died, but I'd been ratted out. It was frustrating.
At least I had a vague idea of something I wanted to do this time. I couldn't harm Papyrus, and I had been completely unsuccessful in manipulating him into doing anything useful, but I could manipulate Undyne. She had proven to be fairly easy to convince on many occasions. I wanted to see what I could do with her, and this time she wouldn't be able to pin any murders on me since technically I hadn't actually killed anybody.
And so, for the billionth time, I made my way through the Underground to Waterfall. I vaguely thought to stop by the river today since the trip would be faster and I wouldn't have to go all the way by myself, but once again, the river person was nowhere in sight. I vaguely wondered where they went. It had been forever since I had seen the hooded figure. I shrugged before reluctantly taking the long way around to Undyne's house.
When I finally reached her giant fish-shaped home, I was greeted with the sounds of Undyne and Papyrus attacking the kitchen with tomatoes. I emerged immediately outside the door and let out a sigh of exasperation. I had forgotten about that. The last time I had interrupted them, I hadn't been able to talk to Undyne at all and had instead been roped into an entire day of being led around by Papyrus. I didn't really want to deal with the useless skeleton yet again.
Movement caught my eye and I glanced over to see a little yellow monster attempting to peer in through one of the windows. The armless lizard looked pretty pathetic as he teetered atop a small pile of rocks to get a good look. Out of curiosity, I decided to move closer.
"What'cha doing?" I asked casually. The monster jumped in surprise and tumbled maladroitly to the stone floor. He quickly recovered, leaping to his feet as though he was used to falling. Considering how top heavy he looked, that didn't surprise me in the least.
"Yo! Dude! Don't scare me like that!" He looked me over before giving me a huge grin. "Yo! Did you come to spy on Undyne, too? Man, isn't she so cool?!" I snorted in amusement. What a wimp. The kid continued, seeming to miss my derogatory grunt. "That big skeleton is soooo lucky! Man. What did he do to get in her good graces?"
I sighed and shook my head, preparing to leave and come back later. This was all just a big waste of my time. Then the monster kid piped up again. "Yo! You want to see Undyne, right? Here! I'll let you climb on my shoulders so you can get a better look!"
The comment took me a bit off guard and I started to chuckle. "No thanks, I'm kind of rooted to the ground." I could uproot myself if I wanted to, but I had a better view swimming underneath than I ever would trying to crawl on this miniature dinosaur. "You know what'd be really useful is if you distracted Papyrus. I'd really like to get the chance to talk to Undyne, but I can't do that with Papyrus in there." The kid gave me a wide-eyed look of understanding.
"Yo! That would be awesome if you could actually talk to her!" He glanced back to the window where I could still hear the distinct sound of fruit pelting the wall followed by a cheer. "But, um... I don't know how I could distract that skeleton guy."
I gave the monster a huge grin. "That part's easy enough. Just knock on the door and ask Papyrus to show you all of his puzzles. Trust me. That will keep him busy for hours!" The kid looked uncomfortable, bouncing between his feet.
"Y-you mean. Actually knock on Undyne's door?" He had an expression that was a mix between awe and fear. I barely restrained myself from sighing in irritation.
"Come on, it's not that big of a deal. Here, I'll knock if you're too scared to do it." The kid immediately puffed out his chest, looking slightly offended.
"No way! I'm not scared of anything! You'll see!" He brazenly strode to the door shaped like giant teeth and kicked the thing a few times. The voices inside immediately ceased and an uneasy hush settled over the cavern. The monster kid looked scared to death, but held his ground as the door opened to reveal Undyne gazing out with a confused expression. Her eye settled on the kid and she immediately grinned.
"Heya, punk!" she said cheerily. "What's up?" The dinosaur only stared back.
"Uhhhhhh..." Then something seemed to snap inside the little monster. "Ohmygoodnessthisisactuallyhappening! Yo! Undyne, you are soooo cool!" he continued babbling mostly incoherently with a silly grin on his face. Undyne was still smiling back, but the grin had turned into an awkward one. I sighed and rolled my eyes.
Papyrus took that opportunity to poke his head out behind Undyne. The fish lady glanced between her friend and the stubby lizard in front of her, obviously unsure of what to say. "Um. Love the enthusiasm, kid! But, um..." She settled both hands on her hips, expression twisting into a fierce smile. "This is an elite one-on-one training session! And as such, only the elite may enter!" The kid's eyes went wide as he gazed longingly up at his hero. She sighed, slumping a little.
"You want in, kid?" she asked in a monotone drawl. The monster nodded enthusiastically, nearly falling over from the motion. She sneered. "Well, you better work for it, punk! No loser can just show up and expect to get free training from me! This isn't a preschool! You better be prepared to show you've got what it takes before I even consider taking you on as an apprentice!"
The little monster nearly leaped into the air with excitement. "Yo!" he shouted. "I am so ready!" I sighed in frustration. He seemed to have completely forgotten what he was supposed to be doing. I glanced to the side, feeling betrayed. "But, um... Yo! You have to let my friend in, too!" I blinked. Friend? When I looked up, all eyes were suddenly pointed in my direction.
Undyne's wicked grin was trained on me and I abruptly got a very bad feeling about where this conversation was headed. "So, you want to become an elite member, huh?" I swallowed nervously. No, not really. But what could I do? This was the perfect opportunity to get into her circle and talk to her. I overcame my moment of dread and smiled broadly.
"You betcha!" The words sounded hollow to me, but Undyne seemed content as she leaned back and cracked her neck, letting her muscles ripple.
"Wowie!" Papyrus exclaimed, unable to keep silent any longer. "We're going to have a party!" The monster kid looked like he was about to faint from excitement.
Undyne started to laugh at Papyrus's comment. "Not yet we aren't! First thing's first, we gotta whip these wimps into shape!" She straightened and stepped towards the monster kid in a threatening manner.
"But, Undyne," Papyrus muttered, a concerned look on his face, "you never put me through any tests before training me." She shot him a look over her shoulder.
"Yeah? Well you aren't a member of the Royal Guard yet, so shut it!" He complied, but looked distinctly uncomfortable. She whirled on the monster kid again. "Alright, punk. You think you've got the determination to make it to the top?"
The shrimp immediately snapped to attention, looking like he was saluting even without any hands. "Yes, ma'am!" he shouted enthusiastically. Something about Undyne's phrasing caught my attention. Do I have determination? You bet I do. I found myself straightening as well, a confident grin stretching across my face. This wasn't at all what I had intended, but by golly, I was going to make it happen. Undyne turned to me, raising an eyebrow.
"Bring it," I jeered. She grinned back, satisfied.
"Excellent! Let's begin phase one then, shall we?"
"Ooh! Ooh! I love phase one! That's the one that includes deadly spikes, right? Kids love those!" Papyrus had gotten over his doubts about sending children through a training regime and had picked up on the little lizard kid's enthusiasm. I opened my mouth to object to Papyrus's comment, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything that might ruin my chances at talking to Undyne.
The royal guard captain looked pleased at Papyrus's comment, turning to him with an extraordinarily happy expression. "Oh, yeah," she declared. "And fire. And swinging blades. And cannonballs. And-" My stomach was starting to churn. She was making this stuff up, right?
Papyrus gasped, sparkles lighting up his eye sockets. "Undyne, you don't mean...?"
"That's right." She put an arm around Papyrus's shoulder, slapping him on the back. Then they both cried out in unison.
"The Gauntlet of Deadly Terror!"
What in the world were they on about? The monster kid still looked awestruck and excited as the demonic duo listed the forms of our potential demise. I sat rooted in place, mouth agape, praying that they were joking. Unfortunately, they sounded sincere.
"But first," Undyne crowed, "we have to get there! It's a full on sprint to the Snowdin forest! Fuhuhuhuhu! Afraid? You haven't seen anything yet!" She crouched, muscles tensed as she readied herself to run. "Last nerd there is a rotten egg!" Both she and Papyrus took off down the cavern, followed by the teetering form of the little yellow lizard monster.
I shook my head in bewilderment before diving into the ground and heading towards Snowdin. The nice thing was that, unlike all the runners on foot, I wasn't confined to the winding paths of Waterfall. I wasn't entirely certain where this gauntlet of doom thing was supposed to be, but I did know the fastest way to the Snowdin forest, courtesy of my many resets and all the time I spent rushing from one side of the Underground to the other.
Just as I reached the end of Snowdin Village, I stopped and hastily looked around for any sign of Undyne or Papyrus. I had completely lost track of them on my way there, and for all I knew, they were far ahead of me. Those two were stinking fast! Thankfully, I caught sight of them plowing through the village. They were neck and neck with each other, neither one relenting.
As I watched them run, it almost looked like Papyrus was purposefully keeping pace with his superior officer. Any time Undyne stumbled in the slightest, the skeleton would get ahead before easing back behind the crazy fish lady and matching her relentless speed. It was an odd thing to note, and I vaguely wondered just how strong the skeleton really was. I knew that Sans kept the full extent of his powers hidden, but did Papyrus do the same?
The more I thought of that, the less it made sense. Papyrus was way too stupid and naive to keep anything a secret. Besides, wasn't he trying to impress Undyne so he could make it into the Royal Guard? No, being sneaky wasn't in his nature. I was probably just imagining things.
They were gaining on me pretty quickly. In a flash, they zoomed past and it was all I could do to keep up with them. Thankfully, they didn't go too much further before skidding to a stop next to a giant ravine. Undyne doubled over, grasping her knees and panting, and Papyrus flopped backwards in a clatter of bones, also breathing heavily. I, too, felt winded, but most of my movement was fueled by magic power, so I was more drained of magical energy than anything physical. The wimpy kid was nowhere in sight.
Papyrus and Undyne exchanged grins as they both wheezed and puffed. Then Undyne collapsed beside her skeleton companion, howling with laughter. "I haven't raced like that in ages!" she proclaimed between gasping chortles. "Geez, Papyrus! How in the heck did you keep up with me?!"
He stuck his chin in the air, looking proud of himself. "Nyeh heh heh heh heh! I am the Great Papyrus! There is no greater secret than being me! It all comes from hard work and perseverance!" He leveled his gaze to meet Undyne's, then gave her a sickly sweet expression. "I also couldn't do it without being trained by someone as great as you. For truly, you are very great."
Undyne looked touched. "Awww, Papyrus! I think you're pretty great, too."
This sappy stuff had better stop. I cleared my throat, interrupting the two of them. They jumped, noticing for the first time that I was there. Instantly, Papyrus leapt to his feet. "Oh-ho! Our flowery friend has arrived! Nyeh heh heh! I was not expecting you to show up so soon! Clearly, I have underestimated you!" I rolled my eyes, then noticed that Undyne was peering at me suspiciously. I met her expression with a challenging grin.
"Ok, ok," she sneered, "so maybe you were able to keep up with us, but that doesn't mean anything! How in the world do you even move, anyway?! You're a flower!" The way she looked down at me annoyed me to no end.
"Oh, I'm sorry you're too stupid to figure out something like that," I retorted. Thankfully, Papyrus butted in before I could insult her further.
"Maybe he can fly!" he shouted, pointedly ignoring my negative attitude. I grumbled softly and reminded myself that I was trying to get on Undyne's good side this run through. The fish lady turned a raised eyebrow towards the skeleton.
"Fly? Really, Papyrus?"
"You never know! Think of it! He doesn't have legs, so he must move somehow! I bet he can grow little leaf wings that rotate like a helicopter!" He stared up in space, clearly imagining the exact functionality of how a flower could possibly fly. The look I gave Papyrus closely matched Undyne's.
"I move underground," I intoned before any more nonsense could spew forth from his mouth. "Anyway, what's this test thing you're going to put us through?"
Undyne joined Papyrus in standing up, having recovered from the long run. "Not so fast," she declared. Her glare implied that she hadn't missed my insult, but she disregarded it for Papyrus's sake. "The rotten egg hasn't showed up yet. He's the one who pulled you into this, so you better make sure you both go into this together. Got it, punk?" I let out a frustrated sniff, but refrained from saying anything.
We waited there for an agonizingly long time. Papyrus rattled off some story about painting the natural rock formation to make it look more like a wooden bridge and Undyne emphasized how deadly and awesome this thing was. I sat there in stoic silence, hoping that the stupid monster kid would show up soon so I wouldn't have to sit through this torture any longer. I thought about trying to pull Undyne aside and talking to her, but the chances of her listening to me were minimal at this point. Maybe if she already trusted me, she would actually consider what I had to say. And so, though I was internally suffering, I waited patiently like a good little flower.
Finally, the endless white snow was broken by a dot of yellow as the little monster kid made his way towards us. He tripped and fell a few times, but always got up a split second later. I glared at his approach, willing him to move faster with every step. Strangely, though he wasn't nearly as fast as the other two monsters, he didn't seem as winded as they had been when he finally made it up to us.
"Yo!" he called as he jogged up the last couple of feet. "Undyne, you are sooo fast! Oh man! I want to be as fast as you when I grow up!" She grinned at him, clearly favoring this kid more than me.
"Oh yeah?" she exclaimed. "You'd better keep pushing yourself, kid! Guess who's the rotten egg!" She stuck her tongue out at him. His eyes went wide and he hastily looked around, finally noticing for the first time that I had beaten him.
I gave him an innocent smile. Served him right. "Yo! How did you get past me?!" The kid looked thoroughly perplexed. I didn't bother pointing out the amount of opportunities I would have had to pass him from the countless times he had face-planted on the way here. It was a wonder his nose wasn't permanently smashed in.
"Sheer dumb luck," I lied. Undyne flashed a distrustful look at me, but I paid her no mind. I was getting used to her hating me, and I barely held back a sneer as I directed my next comment at her. "So now that he's here, you gonna explain to me why we're all gathered at this giant ravine?"
Strangely, it was Papyrus who started laughing. "Oh ho! This is no ordinary ravine! This here is a beauty that Undyne and I created together! Secretly, it is the most dastardly of traps, sure to ensnare any human who would dare try to pass through this area! That is what makes this... The Gauntlet of Deadly Terror!" He posed dramatically, looking proud of himself.
I gazed down into the ravine, the gap so wide that it would be completely impassible if it weren't for the narrow stretch of land decorated to look like a rickety bridge. Attached to the sides of the cliff were several mechanisms and cannons. As I watched, the devices sprang into life, presumably having been activated by the Royal Guard captain or her apprentice. I was actually surprised to see that Papyrus had played a part in building this thing since the deadly blades and flame throwers seemed out of character for someone as friendly as him to have built.
Heck, if a human did come down here, he would probably try to make friends with it rather than try to harm the thing. I couldn't see him willingly put any living creature through this death trap. And yet here I was, facing down my own doom. I gave him a concerned look, trying to judge whether he was really serious about making me do this.
Papyrus seemed content to let us run to our deaths. It occurred to me that the stupid skeleton probably saw the flames and blades as being something considered cool and awesome. When I scanned the obstacle course, it actually did look pretty neat, in a deadly sort of a way. It was entirely possible that Papyrus didn't even understand the concept of "deadly."
I sighed and accepted my inevitable demise. Not that I would die permanently. That was the beauty of determination, and I was certainly determined to take up Undyne's challenge, if only to prove that I could. Unfortunately, I wasn't really sure how I would go about crossing the bridge. Normally, I got past this area and the other gaps around Snowdin forest by plunging underneath the ground. I sincerely doubted that Undyne would let me skip past without actually crossing the bridge, though.
While I was contemplating, both Undyne and Papyrus began an explanation of what we were supposed to be doing. Though Papyrus seemed more interested in talking about how the gauntlet itself functioned. Undyne was just itching to throw one of us in. The dumb lizard kid seemed as excited by all of this as Papyrus, thrilled that his idol was paying attention to him.
"Alllllright!" Undyne whooped when Papyrus finished his explanation. "Who wants to go first?" That seemed like a silly question to me since the answer was pretty obvious as the monster kid immediately started jumping up and down, calling out his eagerness. The fish lady totally ignored him and gave me one of her gigantic toothy grins. "Thank you for volunteering!" I rolled my eyes. I didn't give her the satisfaction of pointing out that I hadn't volunteered, instead smirking at the obstacle course and moving to the edge of the land bridge, feeling determined to beat this thing.
I was roughly shoved aside by the yellow dinosaur rushing past. He had clearly misinterpreted which person Undyne had been referring to. He sprinted over the bridge and was immediately under assault by various weaponry attacking from all sides. He screeched like a girl and backpedaled just in time to avoid being sliced in half by a swinging blade, then had to jump while a cannonball whizzed beneath his feet. The spectacle was amusing enough that I actually started to laugh.
A swift kick took me in the back of the head, ending my moment of elation. "Get in there, you!" Undyne snarled. "You can't just sit back and watch while other people do all the work!" I mirrored her scowl, then turned to the task of trying to cross the bridge.
Not having feet made this challenge almost impossible. There was no way in heck I was going to crawl across the bridge by my roots. That seemed like a great way of getting myself pruned. I grimaced at the swinging pendulums when a crazy idea suddenly struck me. With Undyne edging me forward, I made the irrational decision and went with plan insanity.
I whipped out one of my roots, shooting it out as a long vine that wrapped around the base of the blade nearest to me as it passed. This particular blade was swinging in a diagonal sweep over the bridge, so as it swung forward, it took me with it. I had hoped that the momentum would carry me through a full swing where I could catch some air and gracefully latch onto the next pendulum. Instead, the vine had too much slack and it dragged me across the ground, forcing me onto my back.
This was instantly a problem because it placed me directly in the path of the blade. The sharpened metal reached the peak of its arc, then fell, headed directly for my face. It hit with a resounding squish and my vision went white.
I opened my eyes, back on the edge of the bridge. A split second later, the monster kid rushed past, starting his run at the gauntlet. I scowled at the stupid thing, frustrated that I had died so quickly. I was pretty sure I could do something with the vine and pendulum idea, I just needed to approach the situation more tactfully. Thankfully, I was able to anticipate Undyne's kick this time, dodging to the side before her foot made contact with the back of my head.
"Get in there, you! You can't just sit back and watch while other people do all the work!" I glanced up, looking for a better anchor to latch on other than the pendulum itself. Stretching over my head was a large rod, the axle holding a number of swinging blades. I grabbed hold of it with a vine and pulled myself into the air. From there, my vantage point of the obstacle course was significantly less daunting. I could better observe the steady swing and pattern of each part of the course. I also got a better look at the annoying lizard kid's close calls with death, which was satisfying to watch.
I stopped to observe him run the course for a bit, still trying to get the rhythm of the swinging pendulums down. Swish, swish, cannonball, fire, swish. I blinked. Maybe it was my imagination, but it almost looked like the stupid kid running the course had been yanked backwards just before getting skewered on a blade. I squinted my eyes at him, trying to see if I could catch what he was doing. Again, he was pulled away just in time to miss dying. For that brief second, he had glowed blue. I glanced back at Papyrus who was quietly observing the kid.
Papyrus had seemed a bit too willing to let us go into this obvious death trap. But would it maybe be not so deadly if he were affecting the results? I narrowed my eyes at his unblinking gaze. I quickly shrugged the thought off. That seemed way too precise for the skeleton. Besides, I had died once already and he hadn't saved me then. I was probably just thinking too hard. I refocused my attention on the course and readied myself to enter it properly.
The blade that had so recently caused my death swung a short ways below me and I caught hold of it. As it fell, I released my vine on the top of the gauntlet and fell with the blade, swinging with the full arch. This worked much more successfully than before and I cleared the ground easily enough, launching into the air. Unfortunately, there wasn't anything to grab onto on the other side. With a grimace, I swung back down, following the blade. Thankfully, I seemed to be relatively safe despite being tied to a pendulum of death over a giant chasm.
A cannonball whizzed by, missing me by a mile since it was headed for the course and not my face. This time, when the blade peaked, I shot another vine up to the pole on top and leapt into the air, swinging dangerously close to a ball and chain. I steadied myself with an anchored vine into the ground until I stopped moving, then glanced up to the next section of gauntlet.
The blades running perpendicular to the bridge wouldn't help me get a swing going in the proper direction, but I probably wouldn't need that trick again. My vines themselves could easily become pendulums, so long as I placed them right.
Now that I wasn't in immediate danger, I noticed cheering and encouragement coming from behind me. Some of it was directed at me, but a lot of it was directed at the monster kid who was getting very close to the end. Speedy little bugger. I watched the beating rhythm of the pendulums in front of me, waiting for a break between them.
There.
I shot a vine through the gap, up to the overhead beam further down the track. Unfortunately, the blades converged again, neatly slicing my vine in two. I growled in frustration as useless plant matter dropped and shattered into dust. I really should have anticipated that, but mostly I was just angry that I was having to run this stupid course in the first place. Why the heck had I agreed to this?
"Come on, flower, you're taking too long!" Undyne called behind me. I rolled my eyes. I couldn't help it. I whirled around to face her, dropping to the bridge.
"I'd like to see you try to move across this stupid thing without legs!" I shouted back. I was so frustrated with this whole situation that I no longer cared about insulting her. If she was justified in sending me to my death, then I was most certainly justified in calling out her stupidity.
Papyrus looked concerned and placed a hand on Undyne's shoulder, saying something in her ear. I didn't get much of a chance to observe them because a jet of fire suddenly streamed towards my position. Instinctively, I dove under the rocky surface, only to find myself falling through the air since there wasn't enough rock for me to safely fit under. I shot a vine upwards and rooted myself to the land bridge, preventing my plunge to certain death.
I stared at the underside of the gauntlet. There were flamethrowers and cannons placed down here, but they were all pointed at the bridge up above. I vaguely wondered if this would be considered cheating, but I decided that I didn't care anymore. I planted a vine a ways down the bridge and swung, perfectly safe now that I wasn't under constant attack. Using this method, I was easily able to make it to the far side of the bridge where I poked my head up through the ground and turned around to give Undyne my best smug look.
My attention was immediately brought to Papyrus who was in the center of the gauntlet doing a ridiculous ballet while trying to avoid obstacles. What in the world was he doing? I cocked my head in confusion before bursting out laughing. He looked so stupid leaping about amidst the whirlwind of death. He jumped at the sound of my voice, looking across the bridge to meet my gaze.
"Oh thank God you're alright!" he shouted. "I was so worried when you disappeared!" I raised an eyebrow at him. What a weirdo. Did he jump into the gauntlet to try and rescue me? I vaguely wondered what he had done the time I had died, but I brushed aside the thought. It was in the past and wasn't worth wasting my time thinking about it.
The skeleton was soon forced back into his silly dance when a cannonball went straight for his knees. "Papyrus, get out of there!" Undyne called, cupping her hands to her lips to amplify the sound of her voice.
"Wheeee!" he whooped back. Strangely, he seemed to be having fun despite the threat. Undyne rolled her eyes before also jumping into the fray to pull the idiot out before he got himself killed.
"Yeah, go Undyne!" The kid shouted beside me. I was a bit startled since I hadn't even noticed that he was there. I was also more than a little bit disappointed that he hadn't managed to get himself killed somehow in all the chaos. He jumped up and down, calling out encouragements to the two older monsters as they navigated the obstacle course.
I was a bit surprised when Undyne summoned one of her spears and cleaved some of the blades in half. That was one way to do it. I snickered, knowing that she was going through the same hell I had just endured. She finally reached Papyrus and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, yanking him out of the way of an incoming missile. She ushered him forward, practically throwing him past the next few obstacles. He recovered swiftly, dancing his way towards me and the monster kid.
They both made it through the obstacle course much faster than I had anticipated. I concluded that they probably used the gauntlet as a training course. I wouldn't put it past Undyne anyway. That lady was insane.
Undyne stood tall and proud before us, Papyrus chuckling at her side. "Congratulations," she said with a grin. "You made it through the Gauntlet of Deadly Terror." She leaned forward ominously, looking directly at the stupid kid beside me. "And that's just a taste of the kind of stuff we do on a regular basis! So you've proven that you're not as big of wimps as you look. Don't think that's all it takes to make it into the Royal Guard!" Papyrus grinned and nodded in affirmation.
"Yeah!" he said. "You have to be cool and famous to make it into the Royal Guard! Like me!" Undyne gave him a sideways smirk.
"Hold your horses, you aren't a member of the Royal Guard yet."
"No, but that does not mean that I am not cool and famous! Can I let go of my horses now?"
This conversation was turning into exactly what I had wanted to confront Undyne about. Papyrus was there, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity. "Why isn't Papyrus a member of the Royal Guard yet?" I interrupted. All eyes turned to me and Undyne's grin melted away into a look of surprise, then to embarrassment. Papyrus was the one who answered.
"Nyeh heh heh! I have yet to capture a human! Only then will I be admitted into the Royal Guard! Then I shall be popular, prestigious, and all other things I utterly deserve!"
Undyne grinned in an attempt to mask her previous embarrassment. "Yeah! It takes great feats of strength and courage to make it into the Royal Guard!" I scowled, knowing that Undyne was purposely avoiding the truth.
"None of the other guards have done things like that to make it in," I pointed out. Undyne mirrored my sour expression. Again, though, it was Papyrus who answered rather than the person I was accusing.
"Oh-ho! You see, my good friend, I am not like any of the other guards! I am the Great Papyrus! Clearly, someone as great as I needs to demonstrate the full extent of their powers before achieving the title of Royal Guard!"
That made no sense whatsoever, but Undyne swiftly agreed, trying to avoid the answer. I frowned at them. I would need to corner the stupid fish lady later. Though, the more time that passed, the less I cared about this. Undyne's reasons for keeping Papyrus out of the Royal Guard were incredibly stupid and that really bothered me, but the problem wasn't directly applicable to me. Mostly I just wanted to point out to Undyne how stupid she was being, and although helping people did nothing for me, at least it would keep me from being bored. However, since Undyne was being stubborn about it, I was losing interest in the ordeal rather quickly.
That being said, what else was I going to do? With nothing better to do, why not? And if it was a challenge, then all the better. I just needed to get Undyne alone somehow. I eyed them all carefully before realizing that they were all staring back at me in anticipation. I blinked, faintly aware that Undyne had asked a question.
"Sorry, what?" I asked, caught off-guard.
Undyne let out a snort. "I didn't take you for a space case. Allow me to repeat for you, slow poke. Nice cream. Do you want to go get some?"
I blinked again. I hadn't anticipated anything like that. "Oh, um. Sure." I grinned. "Why not?" With that Papyrus leapt into the air with a whoop before scooping both me and the monster kid up and taking off running.
"Though, I must ask. What brought you here of all places?
"It's where I first fell down. The way back to the human world."
"Haha! I remember that! Hey, you aren't thinking of going back, are you?"
"No. Never. I hate that place."
The nice cream would have been nicer if my stomach wasn't doing cartwheels. I clutched my stem trying hard to not retch. I was slightly annoyed that I could still feel so sick even when I technically didn't have any organs. I really, really hated it when people picked me up and sprinted like that, a problem that I never had before I had been turned into a flower.
I was abruptly shoved over by the stupid lizard kid who was leaping about, hoisting his nice cream like a trophy. "Yo!" he cried in my ear, making me wince. "That was sooooo awesome! I can't believe we survived that! Did you see how close I got to those blades? And then when Undyne and Papyrus jumped in, oh man!" He continued to rehash the events of the gauntlet for the twentieth time in a row. I might have attempted to share his excitement, but I was feeling way too sick for that. As it was, it was all I could do to not glare at the moron.
Apparently the nice cream stand was set up in Waterfall next to the iridescent swamp. The idiotic shop keeper had scratched out some of the invaluable ancient writings on the wall so he could write up nice cream flavors and deals of the day in its stead. The blatant destruction of the priceless history annoyed me enough that I refused to order anything from the stand. One thing could be said for the guy, he picked a nice place to set up shop. The crystal formations on the southern wall made a beautiful pattern.
Undyne came behind me and slapped me on the back, a motion that nearly sent me into the ground. "I gotta hand it to you, punk, for a flower, you sure know how to get around. I saw those vine moves you pulled down there on the course."
"Yo! I did want to ask you! How did you get across?! By the time I turned around, I couldn't even see you!" The kid stared at me with a goofy grin on his face. I smirked at him, trying hard to hide my misery.
"Skills," I said. I would have made a more witty remark if I was feeling a little better.
"That's the spirit!" Papyrus said. "It's as I always say! Believe in you!" I blinked, suddenly rocked by what he said. Something about that phrase triggered my memory. I still believe in you. It was what he had told me when I had killed him. I met his eyes, but of course he didn't remember it. He just truly believed in me. What an idiot.
"Yeah, what Papyrus said!" Undyne grinned, gesturing towards me with her own nice cream. "One of the best ways to make it to the top is to have confidence in yourself! Believe that you can do it, no matter what! If you really push yourself, you can accomplish anything!"
"Like me!" Papyrus added, flexing non-existent muscles.
What a bunch of crap. Growing up, I had heard all of that nonsense about becoming anything I wanted. It was a bit like the wishes made on the crystals in Waterfall, dreams made by monsters who believed that we could one day see the real stars. There had been a time where I had believed in all of that stuff. That was before I learned the truth of this world the hard way. Problems couldn't be solved by hoping, just as I couldn't set Papyrus on fire by glaring at him.
"Hey, you alright there, kid?" Undyne abruptly asked, her tone softening considerably. I immediately glanced at the monster kid before realizing that she was referring to me. She continued before I could say anything. "I didn't scare you too bad with that Gauntlet of Deadly Terror thing, did I?" I snorted.
"Oh, no way! I come face-to-face with my own death every single day!" I smiled, emphasizing my sarcasm while also hiding my moment of melancholy. She wouldn't understand what was bothering me anyway. No one in this underground bubble of optimism would.
Strangely, Undyne started laughing, sounding legitimately amused. "Hey, I think I'm actually starting to like you, punk!" she chortled. "At first I didn't like your negative stuck up attitude, but you actually seem to be pretty cool." She gave me a huge smile.
"Oh! Oh! Would you say he's beginning to 'grow' on you, Undyne?!" Papyrus had this huge grin on his face. Gradually it started to fade as he realized what he had just said and he burrowed his face into his hands. "I've been around my brother for too long," he mumbled through his gloves. He shot up, pointing at Undyne dramatically, looking almost angry. "Forget I said that!"
"Gladly," Undyne intoned. Then she turned to the monster kid who was nearly done with his nice cream. "Hey kid, where'd you meet this guy, anyway?" She gestured to me again. The lizard looked up, his eyes wide.
"Huh? Oh, um. Yo! You wouldn't believe it, but I actually met him right before I knocked on your door!" Undyne's eye narrowed. "Yeah! He was actually the one who really wanted to talk to you, and he dared me to knock in the first place!" I sunk lower into the ground, willing the stupid kid to stop talking. "Yo! To think none of this would have happened if it weren't for you!" He was giving me one of his silly smiles.
Undyne glanced at me sideways. "What did you want to talk to me about?" she asked, more than a little bit suspicious. I cursed the monster kid in my head. I had already tried bringing it up once, but having Papyrus there meant that I wasn't going to get a straight answer from her.
"I was hoping to ask you in private," I mumbled, glaring at the ground. Undyne didn't respond right away. Instead, Papyrus broke the silence.
"Oh! Oohhhhh!" I raised an eyebrow at him. "I gotcha," he said, returning the look with a sly grin. "Wink wink!" He abruptly stood up, sweeping the monster kid up into his arms. "Whoopsie Doopsie! Don't mind us! I just remembered that we were going to go do something very important that needs to be attended to right away!" The monster kid let out a squeak of confusion and dismay before Papyrus loped off down the boardwalk and dove into some of the tall sea grass on the side of the trail.
Undyne stared after him incredulously before turning back to me. "Alright," she said. "Out with it. What did you want to talk about?"
This was not at all how I wanted this conversation to start. I found myself at a bit of a loss for words, unsure of how to bring it up. I grinned awkwardly, sinking under her intense gaze. "I actually tried to ask you earlier," I said quietly, feeling increasingly dumb. "I'm a big fan of Papyrus, and I was wondering why you don't let him into the Royal Guard."
She blinked, not expecting that. Then she sighed, glancing away towards the direction the skeleton had gone. "Look," she said, "Papyrus is one of my best friends. And don't tell him I told any of this to you." She gave me a brief sneer, but the expression softened and she stared down at the ground. "I don't think I could ever let him into the Royal Guard. It's not because he isn't strong enough or anything like that. He's actually pretty freaking tough! It's just that, well. He's too much of a goofball. He's way too innocent and nice. If he ever did go into battle, he'd probably get ripped into little smiling shreds."
Finally. I got the truth out of her. It was basically what she had said before, but now it was time for me to point out the holes in her logic. I would have to do so more gently this time, though. Insulting her outright would get me nowhere. "But Undyne, if you really wanted to keep him out of danger, wouldn't it be better if you let him into the Royal Guard?" She scowled.
"Didn't you hear what I just said?" I gave her a level expression.
"Yeah, I did. But I'm telling you that it doesn't make sense. Papyrus is stupi -erm- brave enough that he'd head into battle whether he was a part of the Royal Guard or not. He'd actually go just to try and impress you." Undyne actually seemed to be listening to me this time. I went on.
"You told him that he needs to capture a human in order to join the Royal Guard. But by doing so, you've put him into even more danger since he's sure to be on the front lines any time a human really does come down here. You can't keep Papyrus out of danger by keeping him out of the Royal Guard. If anything, if he were in the guard, you could assign him to duties and locations that would keep him out of harms way. Golly, you could tell him to defend the kindergarten and you'd be sure that he'd defend it with his life."
I met Undyne's eye, growing more confident the more I spoke. "You're actually hurting him by keeping him out of the Royal Guard. People brush him off because they assume that he's weak and stupid. Part of that is they see that you won't let him in and they automatically assume that you don't think he's good enough. And though Papyrus seems confident in himself, I think you would find that he cares about your opinion more than he lets on." I trailed off, having said the bulk of what I wanted to say. Any more, and I would probably digress into name-calling. I looked away.
"You really do care for him, don't you?" I blinked. The truth was that I didn't. Did I? Papyrus was nothing but a naive idiot. No, I didn't care about him. Not the same way I cared about Chara. I didn't have to let Undyne know that, though. I met her gaze and she continued with a sigh.
"Dammit. You're probably right, as much as I hate to admit it. I wish I knew what I could do for Papyrus. I started teaching him how to cook, hoping that he'd find something else to put his passion into. If anything were to happen to him, I don't think I could live with myself." She scowled, much to my satisfaction. For some reason, I was filled with pride knowing that I had actually succeeded in my goal. I didn't really care if Undyne let Papyrus in or not, mostly I had just wanted to point out her stupidity.
She leaned back against the stone wall of the cave. "Alright. I'll consider it. Might be a bit tough, though. I did tell him that I'd only let him in if he captured a human, and I'm not going to back down on my word just because some snot-nosed kid told me to." I snorted. "Papyrus, you can come out now!" she called, her words echoing through the massive cavern.
The rustling came surprisingly close and Papyrus arose from his scrub of grass, eyes a-glitter. He had both hands pressed to his cheekbones which were reddened with magical blush. "I didn't know you cared!" he cried. I blinked, suddenly aware that he had been within earshot the whole time.
Undyne looked vaguely annoyed, but had a distinct smirk on her face. "Figures you couldn't leave well enough alone," she muttered. The skeleton leaped over the sea grass followed closely by the monster kid who also looked surprisingly giddy. Papyrus ran over to me and scooped me up into a giant hug. I let out a grunt of general discomfort, but was helpless to do much else other than squirm.
"Yo!" the monster kid said, "Here I thought you were a fan of Undyne's! Oh man was I wrong! You really thought that through, didn't you?" I lay limp, crushed against Papyrus's shoulder, feeling quite miserable.
"So what do you think, Papyrus?" Undyne asked with a hand on her hip. She was standing up straight again, her shoulders squared off as she faced down the skeleton. "The flower seems to think you're good enough to get into the Royal Guard. I'm apt to agree."
Papyrus let out a gasp, setting me back down on the ground and raising a hand to his sternum. "You mean...?" Undyne scowled back, letting her fangs show.
"Don't think that means I'll let you in easy! You've got to show me that you've got what it takes! Perhaps capturing a human is a bit far-fetched, but I want to see something equally great from you!"
The skeleton planted both hands prominently on his hips, arching his head back. "Nyeh heh heh! I would expect nothing less! After all, I am the Great Papyrus, the soon-to-be famous Royal Guardsman!"
I watched as Undyne's face slowly twisted into an evil sneer. "I know exactly what you can do to prove yourself," she said with an eerily dark tone. Even though the comment wasn't directed at me, I suddenly got this horrible feeling, and I just knew that I was going to get mixed into this somehow.
"Haha! Good! For a second there, I thought you were thinking of leaving us!"
"Why would I ever do that?"
"I dunno. I can never tell what you're planning on doing next."
"Alright, everyone!" Undyne shouted, standing atop the peak of her rock. There was quite the crowd gathered around, all in various suits of armor. Undyne herself had donned her heavy plate, making her look even more formidable. It seemed that the entire Royal Guard had gathered for this event, including King Asgore himself.
I glanced sideways at my father, a little bit surprised that he had agreed to this, especially on such short notice. He stood with his arms folded, looking quite satisfied. I scowled at him. Apparently he had nothing better to do with his time and had volunteered to not only attend the event Undyne had planned, but to participate in it.
Undyne called again and the crowd fell into a hushed silence. She leaned forward, a sly grin on her face. "So who here can tell me what it takes to get into the Royal Guard?"
"Popularity!" Papyrus called immediately, earning him a glare from his superior.
"Strength!"
"Courage!"
"Teamwork!" The last came from a female dog who was clutching quite closely to another dog, probably her husband.
"Thank you!" Undyne said, pointing to the canine who had spoken. "It's all well and good to be strong. But what it really takes to survive on a battlefield is relying on our friends! I'm talking tactics! Responsibility! Coordination! We can't be an army unless we work together!"
Several grunts of agreement went throughout the crowd and Asgore nodded to himself solemnly. Undyne gestured to Papyrus who joined her on the rock, taking me with him since I was hitching a ride on his shoulder. "As some of you know, I've been training Papyrus here for a while now. I believe he's strong enough to make it into the Royal Guard." Papyrus beamed, but Undyne bore her fangs. "However, not just anybody can make it in. We're training the best of the best here! This isn't just some kindergarten training course, this is a full on war we're talking about! So this exercise isn't about strength or numbers, it's about strategy!"
"I'm putting Papyrus here in charge of half of you. The rest of you are with me! There are two sides, defenders and attackers! Attackers! Your job is to kill the dummy!" She held up a stuffed training dummy with one arm for all the monsters to see. "Defenders, you're going to try to keep the dummy alive! Papyrus will be the leader of the defenders, and anyone with me will be the attackers!"
She eyed Papyrus seriously with her one remaining eye. "If the dummy dies, you're out of a job," she stated quietly. "So no messing around. This is the real deal!" Then her face abruptly split into one of her huge grins. "I'm counting on you to make it, so do me proud!" She then proceeded to count off everyone, dividing them into two groups. By some miracle, Papyrus ended up with Asgore on his team, though the rest of them seemed to be pretty useless. There were five people per team, not including myself.
The monster kid stood towards the back of the group, his enthusiasm undimmed by the fact that he wasn't allowed to participate. Undyne had been all for letting the kid in, but the moment Asgore had seen a small child on the roster, his face had gone grim. The king was way too much of a softie. He probably picked up some of that attitude from my mother, and I was slightly surprised that he didn't wrap the poor kid up in pillows for his safety.
What surprised me even more was that I was not only allowed to join, but I was being forced to do so against my better judgment and will. Undyne had insisted on me being a part of this fiasco because it was me who had petitioned Papyrus for this position, as if that qualified me for anything. I sat stoically on the skeleton's shoulder, grumbling to myself. I really should have never bothered trying to help the idiot accomplish his dreams.
"Ok, everyone clear on the rules?" Undyne asked when the teams had arranged themselves. "Remember, though fighting and magic is allowed, this is a sparring match! Everyone comes out of this in one piece, ya hear? You have to defend the dummy for half an hour! Now let's go!" With that, she leapt down from the rock, hair streaming behind her. She hit the ground at a dead run, followed closely by her four teammates.
Papyrus also jumped down from the rock, though in a significantly less dramatic fashion. He held the dummy in the crook of his harm and he led the way across the stone bridge and down the path towards where Undyne had gone.
"Nyeh heh heh!" he laughed as he loped ahead of the group. "All of you are truly in for quite the treat, for you are on my team! Team Papyrus! It is the only team to be on! Unless, of course, you are on Undyne's team. But mine is clearly the best because I'm on it!" He looked over his shoulder to give the rest of the monsters a huge grin. 01 and 02 saluted him, Doggo lit up a dog treat, and Asgore smiled back with a soft incline of his head.
With that, we passed into the next room which was pitch black. Only a few dim crystals lit up pieces of the walls marking the edges of the massive cavern, but otherwise, it was impossible to see much of anything. Papyrus reached out and touched a lantern set on a pole and light abruptly streamed from it, illuminating the path. As we walked, though, the lantern dimmed back into darkness. Up ahead, I could see another lantern light up and a few shadows passed by it, marking where Undyne's team was walking. It seemed that this black hell hole was our chosen battle ground.
It was impossible to tell exactly where we were in the room, but judging by the crystals, we were somewhere in the middle. There weren't any lanterns around to light the area, so as far as I could tell, we had just stopped in an arbitrary, unlit location. It was here that Papyrus firmly planted the dummy into the ground. "Stay," he ordered, pointing to it.
"What, what, WHAT?! You really think I'm dumb enough to leave?" it retorted angrily. I sighed. It would figure that we would end up with a dummy that was inhabited by a ghost. Papyrus abruptly lifted me off his shoulder and set me down on top of the dummy's head.
"What are you doing?" I asked irritably. He stood back and posed, looking proud and confident of himself as usual, though it was hard to make him out in the darkness.
"I am placing you in charge of guarding the dummy!" he declared. "Nyeh heh heh! There is no one else I would rather have watching the dummy directly than my trusted compadre." He grinned and leaned forward, looking serious. "I trust that you shall guard it with your life!"
He then pulled away and joined the rest of the troupe. What an idiot. He began ordering the team to patrol various paths around the area, though he did so awkwardly, letting his uncertainty show through. Papyrus was fairly strong, but he was not a leader, and he was definitely not used to giving orders. Except maybe to his garbage brother, but that didn't count. I did not miss the fact that he also placed Doggo in charge of watching over the dummy, possibly due to the fact that the poor dog was practically blind. It still irritated me, though. Having two people stay back with the dummy meant that my job was superfluous.
The lantern light faded to black and I watched as the lanterns marking the movements of the rest of the team got further away until it was hard to tell which ones led to friends or foes. Undyne's group had also spread out to various locations around the cavern until the edges of my vision were constantly flickering with lantern light.
I got bored very quickly. The whole place just felt creepy. Footsteps resounded throughout the cavern, but they were muffled and hollow. I could also hear the faint whisper of echo flowers, though that quickly became white noise that I instantly tuned out. I glanced at where Doggo stood watch, marked by the glowing embers of the dog treat in his mouth. I sighed and hopped down from the dummy, diving into the ground.
Yes, Papyrus had put me in charge of watching the dummy, but that didn't mean I had to follow orders. I wasn't a part of the Royal Guard, and I hadn't even wanted to participate in this stupid game anyway. Besides, it would be way more fun to mess with people.
I was drawn to the sound of a scuffle and some shouts of alarm. Sparks of glowing magic engaged and I caught sight of Asgore summoning his trident and batting a glowing ax aside. Combat erupted in a few other locations as stars met with swords. I couldn't see Papyrus's magic or Undyne's in the mix, and there was only one other lantern light that wasn't associated with an ongoing fight. The silhouette briefly outlined Papyrus's figure and I frowned. That meant that Undyne was sneaking around without the use of the lanterns. That could be bad.
I decided to start messing with people. I reached out and brushed against a lantern and it sprang up to life. Unfortunately, it was Papyrus who instantly called out, "Aha!" and I could picture him bee-lining towards my location thinking that I was Undyne. Whoops. I grinned and moved to a completely new location on the far side of where I had just been, then lit up a lantern there. I continued the pattern, rushing around to various arbitrary lanterns and hitting them at random.
A curse sounded close to me and I turned to see the flash of a spear appear in darkness. A volley of blue bones flared up and flashed through Undyne's retreating figure, and she was abruptly surrounded in a faint blue aura. Somehow, Papyrus had actually managed to catch Undyne.
"Gotcha!" he called in triumph. Undyne turned and summoned more spears, sending them straight at the skeleton. He dodged with a cry of dismay, but Undyne was still locked in the soul prison Papyrus had surrounded her with. That didn't stop her from turning and running the other direction, though. Apparently, though the blue magic inhibited her ability to turn to the left or the right, she was still able to move forward and backwards just fine.
She wasn't expecting a vine to suddenly wrap around her foot, though. With a yelp, she fell face-first into the marshy ground. I laughed hysterically, unable to contain my amusement. I then released her foot and dove back into the safety of the ground before she could spear me.
"What the heck?" she asked, confused by what had just happened. She didn't have long to contemplate the matter because Papyrus abruptly caught up. He stood over her and posed.
"Nyeh heh heh! Had a little spill, I see!"
He wasn't able to continue to gloat because suddenly a new voice cried out in alarm. It was the dummy. All eyes turned towards the sound and Doggo abruptly started barking and snarling. Whoops. I shot through the ground back to my post. Perhaps I shouldn't have left it after all. I got there in time to see a brawl break out between two of the dogs, sword clashing against spear. Doggo pushed the other dog back, away from the dummy.
Papyrus caught up and a wall of bones materialized in a circle around the dummy. Other monsters on the team started to come too, but Papyrus quickly shouted an order for them to return to their posts. Reluctantly, the team held their ground, forming a protective ring around the area. The bones vanished, apparently only a temporary summon. Too bad. That would have been a great way to keep the enemies back.
The whole place went to chaos. The battles were much closer now and the room had lost its sense of emptiness, filled by the sounds of war. Papyrus was forced to leave to help beat back more enemies. One of the smaller dogs shot past Doggo and rushed to the dummy, tongue lolling and sword held ready. I was apparently the only one there to stop it. I summoned a ring of pellets and threw them at the dog. It let out a yip and stopped to paw at his face where the bullets had struck. Suddenly a spear split the darkness heading straight towards me. I cried out and ducked back to safety.
Thankfully, Papyrus came back, leaping over where I had just stood. He summoned a volley of bones and sent them towards Undyne and the dog. "Fall back!" Undyne ordered. I looked around and observed the other battles, realizing that Undyne was pulling a tactical retreat, probably to lose the defenders and try a different angle. Lantern light went crazy as various units moved about.
The defenders took chase, following after the retreating monsters. I scowled. At that rate, they would quickly leave gaps for someone, probably Undyne, to slip by unnoticed. Papyrus himself called out a cheer and rushed in pursuit of the fading lights. "Idiots," I muttered. I sped forward to get ahead of Papyrus. I reached the dog that had attacked earlier, then lit up a lantern leading off away from the dog. Thankfully, Papyrus was far enough away that he could only see the lantern light, and he hesitated only a second before following the lit path that I had made. I grinned, leading him back towards the dummy so he could defend the thing.
Papyrus skidded to a stop when we did reach the dummy. Doggo was there, brandishing his glowing blue swords. "Where'd they go?" Papyrus asked, bewildered. Doggo looked up and cocked his head in confusion.
I surfaced before Doggo could say anything. "Sorry, Papyrus, that was me," I explained. "Look at the lanterns, they're leading everyone that way." I nodded my head towards where the lights were converging in the distance. "Which means we'll be hit from behind. Undyne apparently doesn't need the lanterns to get around here, so she's probably out there somewhere. I led you back to defend."
"Ah, I see, I see," Papyrus mumbled, bringing a gloved hand to his mouth. "Excellent work, my good flower! You have clearly proven your worthiness in battle! Nyeh heh heh! It is to you that I shall owe this victory!" I snorted. Only because Papyrus was a complete moron.
As I had predicted, fast footsteps sounded in the shadows, but what I wasn't expecting was the blood-red trident that materialized soon after. Apparently my father had also anticipated the sneak attack and had held to his post. He beat back Undyne who was forced to summon a spear to defend herself from the massive goat king. Papyrus whooped, then rushed off into the darkness to help.
I breathed out a sigh. I vaguely wondered if it wouldn't have been easier if everyone had stuck close to the dummy, but since it was Papyrus who was in charge of tactics, it made sense that he hadn't thought the battle through entirely. I turned to look at the lanterns behind me, just to observe the battle some more.
I stopped dead when I noticed that there was a silhouette leaned up against the dummy. "Foolish, foolish, foolish!" the dummy cried. "Can't you idiots do anything?!"
"Nope," the owner of the silhouette said. I instantly recognized the voice of Sans. I blinked before glaring at the shadowed skeleton.
"What the heck are you doing here?!" I snapped. "You aren't a part of the game!" Sans's face was suddenly lit up from underneath by a faint blue light coming from his cell phone that he held casually in one hand. His grin looked extra creepy in that light.
"Just thought I'd come over to join the fun," he remarked. "I can't miss my bro's graduation party. Who do you take me for?" Without looking at me, he continued. "The better question is, who are you and what are you doing here?"
Thankfully, just then Doggo jogged up to join us before glancing around hastily. "Big guy? Is that you?" he asked, obviously unable to see Sans.
"Nah," Sans replied. Doggo let out a low growl.
"Don't lie to me!" he snarled. "What took you so long?" I cocked my head. Wait, was Sans actually told to come and participate?
The sounds of battle had been getting closer and Undyne suddenly flew by us and landed on her back with a grunt. She rolled over and started to get up before she noticed Sans standing there. "About time you showed up!" she shouted at the skeleton as she clamored to her feet. "Don't just stand there! You're on our team! Your job is to kill that dummy you're leaning on!"
Sans blinked lethargically at her, his ever present grin appearing to mock her. "Huh," he said slowly. He glanced down at the dummy as if weighing in the decision on whether to destroy the thing or not. I didn't give him the chance to decide, summoning pellets and shooting them at him. In a flash, he had dodged and was standing a few feet back.
Undyne might have helped the skeleton, but she was immediately mauled by Asgore again, his trident pinning her to the ground. The king was apparently refraining from using his fire attacks, probably not wanting to cause too much damage. I grinned and turned back to Sans. Doggo looked confused, glancing between Undyne and the dummy. He probably wouldn't be much help. That was fine by me.
I was perfectly content with fighting Sans. As per the rules, he couldn't kill me this time. The same did not technically apply to me. With a shrill laugh, I bombarded Sans with bullets. Slowly but surely, I pushed him away from the dummy. The stupid bag of garbage had the nerve to look bored as he danced away from my attacks, but I decided to pay that no mind. As much as I hated to admit it, it was unlikely that I would be able to kill Sans here. But I could at least keep him busy. For some reason, having Sans join the battle filled me with the determination I needed to see this battle through and see that my team won.
As I pushed Sans back, I started to lose visual on him. He had pocketed his cell phone again, so there wasn't any more light illuminating his face. The only thing I could see of him were the tiny pinpricks of his eyes, but those were nearly impossible to make out. I blindly fired, only occasionally catching sight of his silhouette to make sure that I was still aiming in the proper direction.
"Like, incoming!" I heard 01's voice somewhere behind me, close to where the dummy was. A canine yip shattered the air and I glanced behind me to see what was going on. Apparently one of the other dogs, one of the ones wielding an ax, had gotten past 01 and was rushing towards the dummy. In a flash, Papyrus was there to defend, summoning another wall of bones. When I looked back, Sans was completely gone from my view. It could have been the darkness, but somehow I just knew that he had gotten away. I grimaced, feeling frustrated.
I decided to return to the dummy and help out over there. It seemed a little odd to put Sans on the opposite side of Papyrus since I would think that Sans would potentially sabotage his own team to help out his brother. However, when I got back to the group, I immediately spotted the stumpy skeleton standing in full lantern light dangerously close to the dummy. I scowled. How in the heck had he gotten past me?
He summoned a bone and spun it in the air. "Hey Doggo," he called. Doggo's head whipped around, distracted from his current battle. Sans waved the bone in front of the dog's eyes so he could see it clearly. "Fetch." Sans chucked the bone out into the darkness and Doggo's canine nature kicked in and he hurriedly rushed after it. I scowled. What a cheap move. I whipped out a vine and surprisingly caught hold of Sans's ankle, but when I yanked on it, the skeleton had somehow slipped free and he casually stepped aside as though nothing had happened.
"Sans!" Papyrus called, noticing his brother for the first time.
"'Wassup, bro?" Sans did not look like he was standing in the middle of a battle field with his hands in his pocket and his entire figure relaxed.
Papyrus broke away from his battle and marched over to his smaller counterpart with hands on his hips. "You know what's up, brother! I simply can not believe that you would show up more than halfway through my initiatory ceremony!"
"Hm. You're right. I should have shown up even later. I'm way too early." The taller skeleton stomped his foot in anger. I might have paid more attention to the two brothers interacting, but just then, Undyne got free of Asgore's defense and made a run for the dummy, murder in her eyes.
It was a simple matter to trip her with another vine, but she was expecting that this time and recovered surprisingly fast. I surfaced and launched bullets at her, vine still wrapped tightly around her foot to prevent her from properly dodging. She responded by summoning a spear and batting them aside, almost taking a face full of magic.
A volley of bones whipped by me and I glanced back to see the two skeletons locked in combat, though mostly it was Papyrus who was attacking while Sans dodged. The spot immediately around the dummy was in chaos as attackers fought against defenders. They were getting way too close for my comfort. In a fit of inspiration, a new idea popped into my head and I cleared my throat, adjusting my voice.
"Fall back!" I shouted, doing my best impression of Undyne's voice. It actually sounded pretty good, and amidst the clamor, it was almost impossible to distinguish from the original. All the attackers looked up in surprise before backing out of their battles, getting ready to retreat and circle back like they had before.
The real Undyne shook her head in bewilderment before shouting her own command. "Belay that order! Belay it I say! That wasn't me!" She glared around her before locating me, then she summoned a spear and readied it to throw. I grinned at her cheerily.
"All forces to me!" I called again, still using Undyne's voice. I was so glad I had taken the time to learn how to do voice impressions. All the members of her team looked baffled and kept glancing between their battles and Undyne. All the members except for Sans. He seemed completely unconcerned with the whole thing and continued to lead his brother on as though no orders had been issued forth.
Undyne looked pissed. "Ngaaaaah! You little impersonator! Everyone keep pushing forward! Stay on the target!" She leapt straight for me along with a bunch of her spears. I chuckled and dove underground before she could reach me. My father then intercepted her, beating her back with his trident. I turned back to the dummy just in time to see one of the dogs bounding towards it, sword ready to swing. In a moment of dread, I knew that I was too far away to do anything about it.
"Time, time, TIME!" the dummy shouted. The cavern abruptly fell into near silence as everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to look towards the dummy. The little Pomeranian looked disappointed as he lowered his sword.
Undyne was the one who broke the silence, striding towards Papyrus. "You heard the man, time's up! Well done!" She reached the skeleton and offered him her hand which he shook solidly, closing the match. "Looks like we have ourselves a new member of the Royal Guard."
"Are you ready? Let's go home."
"Wowie!" Papyrus exclaimed, eye sockets aglow. "I feel so honored!" We had retreated to Papyrus's house in Snowdin to celebrate. After being in the near darkness of Waterfall for so long, the bright snow was almost blinding. Most of the other Royal Guards had left already, but a few stayed to offer Papyrus congratulations and eat the free food being offered on the house by Grillby, apparently a special request from Sans. I would have rather hidden in a hole, but Papyrus had insisted that I come with, allotting his victory to my efforts.
I probably should have felt happy or excited. After all, I had accomplished precisely what I had set out to do. It had even proven to be somewhat fun for a while. Yet for whatever reason, I felt dissatisfied. I scowled at the floor while everyone came to pat the skeleton on the back. Perhaps if I actually cared about Papyrus, I might have been happy, or at the very least pleased with myself. Instead I just felt... Well... There wasn't any good way to explain the emotions that ran through me.
"You better feel honored, Papyrus! After all, you are officially a member of the Royal Guard!" Undyne slapped her skeleton friend on the shoulder and he gave her a huge grin in return. "Never thought I'd say this, ya big pile of bones, but I'm proud of you." The skeleton blushed, obviously pleased to receive such praise.
Monsters milled about the tiny space, conversing and eating food. I eyed Asgore warily, feeling a little bit weird seeing my father and knowing that he had no idea who I was. I couldn't make out his conversation, but I did hear his great, booming laugh as he chuckled at something amusing the shorter skeleton had said to him.
Sans was chatting with the guests more than Papyrus was, probably since he was apparently good friends with all of them. I still couldn't figure out that guy. How could such a sleazy jerk be so popular? I turned to glare at the wall, suddenly miffed. The nice thing was that Papyrus seemed content to stay in the kitchen while Sans was in the living room, which gave me an excuse to hang around Papyrus and avoid the trash bag.
"Hey, you, what are you looking so down for? You got your wish." Undyne pinched one of my petals hard enough to hurt. I glanced up at her. How could I ever explain? I wasn't even sure what the reason was. I tried to smile at her to cover my emotions, but my heart wasn't in it.
"It's nothing that you should care about," I said with a tinge of my anger seeping through. Instantly, Papyrus was kneeling by my side. His expression flashed from one of concern to one of contemplation. I stared at him dully, not really fully focused on him.
"I know what the problem is," he declared, pointing to the ceiling dramatically. "You wish that you could be a member of the Royal Guard as well!" I gave him my best dead-pan expression before turning away with a sigh. "No? Hm. Well then. Perhaps you need some spaghetti. I know that always cheers me up! Nyeh heh heh!"
I gave the skeleton a smile, slightly stronger than the one I had given Undyne. "No thanks, Papyrus. I'm fine. Really." I found that I hated being catered to. I couldn't understand the logic to it, being kind to someone because they were feeling down. Everyone feels down sometimes. What was the point of worrying over another person's sorrows? It was stupid. "I think I'm going to go now. Congratulations, Papyrus!" I grinned at him before leaving the crowded house. I didn't miss the look of concern on Papyrus's face as I left. What an idiot.
There wasn't anywhere in particular for me to go. I just wanted to be away from people. Thankfully, Grillby's was deserted since most of the regulars there were in the place I had just left. I located my favorite corner and slumped against the wall, feeling emotionally exhausted. It had been a good day, so I knew that there was absolutely no reason for me to be feeling this way, but here I was.
I didn't want to reset. Not after coming so far. There was no reason for me to go back to the beginning. Even if I did, I would be left with the same question in mind: now what? I had to keep going, keep pushing forward. That was what it meant to be determined. And since determination was literally the only thing keeping me alive, I had to find something to do with myself. Anything.
"Heya." I hadn't heard Sans walk in, but I wasn't surprised to hear his voice next to me. I was getting kind of used to the guy just randomly showing up exactly when I wanted him there the least. It showed just how depressed I was that I didn't even look up to glare at him. He settled down beside me and I was faintly reminded of when I had first met him in this very location. Sans sighed as though contemplating what to say.
"Go away," I mumbled before he could start.
"Hey now, that's no way to be," he said without a single hint in his voice that he had taken any offense. "I wanted to talk to ya for a sec."
"Clearly," I grumbled.
"Geez, kid. Who stuck a stick up your butt?" I refused to look at him and contented myself with glaring at the wall. After a moment of silence, he sighed again. "Listen. All I wanted to say is thank you. I haven't seen Papyrus so happy in a long time. You did a good thing today, whether you like it or not." After another awkward pause, I heard him get to his feet. He stood there for a moment, waiting for a response. I didn't give him one. Finally, he left without saying another word.
What did it mean to be good? I helped one monster fulfill his dreams. Wouldn't it have been better if I had shattered the barrier and freed all monsters? And yet for some reason, that was considered bad because it would take the life of a human. Similarly, it was a bad thing to kill Mettaton even though his influence was poisoning the Underground. The concept of good and bad used to be so black and white to me, but now the line was blurred. They seemed to be almost arbitrary assignments made by those who were in power.
I wished that I could be in power. Then I could set everything right. I wouldn't have to deal with all these stupid idiots and their moronic views of morals and laws. Then everyone would see the true meaning of this world. It's kill or be killed. If we don't fight, we will be slaughtered. That was all there was to it. There wasn't any of this 'looking after each other' nonsense.
In a moment of pointless anger, I blasted one of the bar stools in the room with a volley of energy pellets, knocking it to the ground. It was a good thing the room was empty. I stood, glaring at the fallen stool, tears streaming from my eyes. What was wrong with me? Why did I feel this way? This was just so stupid! It wasn't fair!
Again. It happened again. It seemed like any time I tried to do the right thing, nothing ever worked out. Yes, I had made Papyrus a member of the Royal Guard. So what? It wasn't like the monsters would ever actually go to war against humanity. Asgore was too stupid and soft-hearted for that. And even if they did, they would all die anyway. I knew the power of humans. I had seen it first-hand. These worthless monsters didn't stand a chance.
No matter what I did, it would all end in disaster anyway. What was the point of going through all these stupid resets? They never amounted to anything. Everything was all just going to be reset anyway, so why bother doing anything at all?
Something about these dark thoughts combined with being in close proximity with Sans reminded me of something the skeleton had said while he had mercilessly killed me time and time again. "Why try? If it's all going to be reset, then what's the point?" I closed my eyes and shuddered. "But you killed my brother just now. What if one of these times, he doesn't come back?"
Chara was dead. We were all still trapped underground. I was forever stuck in a timeline where everything had gone wrong and there was no going back to fix any of it. Sans's worst nightmare was my reality. There was no going home for me because my home was long gone. For that brief moment, I could almost understand what the skeleton had been thinking. That sense of helplessness. That sense of inevitable loss. Even someone as powerful as Sans couldn't go back and change the past. Even someone as determined as me could not bring Chara back from the dead.
I felt the first symptoms of my determination draining to nothing and my body splitting apart. For whatever reason, I couldn't bring myself to care. I would wind up back in the throne room again, a fresh canvas to start painting. After all, what had I really accomplished today? In the grand scheme of things, not a lot. I gazed up at the ceiling thinking of Chara. I missed her. I missed my best friend. Chara would have known what to do. She was always so good at coming up with things to do. Part of me was still determined, determined to fix the past mistakes I had once made.
In a wave of rebellion, I sat up straight and my particles fused together again. I wasn't going to reset. Not yet. Not this time. I was going to keep going. By golly, I would make things right, slowly but surely, by any means that I could. I had helped one monster, yes, and I was determined to help the rest. Who cared if I didn't love any of them? Who cared if I was a soulless husk of a flower? Who cared if there wasn't any point in trying anymore? Chara wouldn't have given up, and she wouldn't want me to give up either. For her sake, I kept going.