You guys remember how I was all, "hey, I'm going out of town, so I won't be writing as much."? That was funny, wasn't it? Another phone chapter, so be gracious with my spelling and grammar. Autocorrect sometimes sneaks one by me. Thank you for all the love last chapter, reviews keep me going, they stroke that writer ego and keep me writing thousands of words a day even with a drink in hand and toes in the sand. Love to y'all.
"What do you mean, 'no wedding'?" Lafayette set his jaw and narrowed his eyes looking between us.
John laughed and reached over to pour more wine into the glass in Lafayette's hand, "we just don't want the pomp and circumstance of it. At the end of the day, we just want to be together and start our family."
"Some people don't want the flashiness, babe." Hercules adjusted his beanie and shifted in the armchair that he has sitting in, Lafayette on his lap.
Lafayette leapt up, careful not to spill his wine and took a long drink, free hand balled up.
"Here it comes." John whispered.
Lafayette inhaled sharply, "je ne le veux pas! Je ne le veux pas? Pas de fête? Pas de gâteau? Pas de costume? C'est le pire! Mon meilleur ami va se marier comme s'il délivrait une licence de voiture? Qu'est-ce que c'est? Je vais tu dire ... c'est le pire! Le pire."
John and Hercules looked back at me for translation, Lafayette stole the wine bottle from John and emptied it into his glass.
"He's amazed that people could not want the big wedding, and that there won't be cake or fancy suits," I stifled a laugh, "he compared our marriage to licensing a car and then basically just said this is the worst day ever."
Lafayette flopped back into Herc's lap.
"You are such a drama queen." John leaned forward to ruffle his hair.
"Hercules could make you such beautiful suits…"
"We still want you to be there, just at the courthouse. Nothing fancy." John told him as consolation.
"You'll be our witnesses." I added.
"'At the courthouse. The courthouse! Where people go for their jail sentences? Fine." Laf scowled at John.
"It's their choice, babe. Someday when we finally get married, we can have the biggest most ridiculous wedding ever, but it's their choice what kind of wedding they have." Hercules played with the buttons on Lafayette's shirt.
"See?" John laughed.
"I hate you." Lafayette broke into a fit of giggles.
John collapsed into me, giggling as well. Hercules and I exchanged glances.
"You having fun living together?" I asked Hercules suspiciously.
"Could be worse… does John sing a lot?"
"All the time. So much singing… and dancing. Making dinner and singing. Doing chores and singing. Brushing his teeth and singing."
"Right? Like, why though!" Hercules shook his head.
"Laf, too?"
"All the damned time. From when he wakes up until he falls asleep."
The debauchery continued, Hercules and I kept talking, our kinship growing deeper on each occasion that we spent time together. John and Lafayette at some point ended up on the floor, Lafayette doing something bizarre to John's hair.
"I love that man too damned much." Hercules chuckled, gesturing at Lafayette asleep in a pile with John.
"I didn't even know I could love someone like I love John. You and Laf tying the knot anytime soon?"
"I don't know, man. It feels too soon. We got a good thing. I don't wanna screw it up."
"Damn, I know that's right, I was scared, but honestly it just feels like the next link in the chain for us. You guys want kids someday?" It felt unnatural to be so friendly with Hercules… to have friends at all, really.
"I dunno, man, maybe. I'm working a shit ton. Don't wanna be that dad that's never around."
"That was my dad."
He nodded, a silent understanding, "what are they gonna call you guys?"
"What?"
"Your kids, what are they gonna call you guys?"
"Dad, I guess?"
"But then how will you know which is which if they call you the same thing?"
"Damn, that's a good point."
"I better take my 'baby' home."
"You guys are welcome to crash here."
"I know, but you don't deserve to put up with him in the morning. Might as well sleep in our own bed."
"I feel you. Be safe getting home."
Hercules slid down the floor and rubbed Lafayette's back, "wake up, Laf, my love, we need to leave so these people can go to bed."
Lafayette turned his face into John's shoulder blade and tightened his grasp around John's ribs. I smiled at the sight of the two best friends, chuckling to myself about the pangs of jealousy I felt forwards Lafayette when I first met him. John was drooling on the back of his hand as he slept face down. Hercules was finally able to rouse his boyfriend who seemed to have a sense of gravity separate from the rest of us. I walked him and Hercules out and crouched on the floor.
"John, wake up, querido, let's go to bed." I rubbed his arm.
He bolted up, "where's Laf? Is he safe? I need to make sure he's safe."
"Shh, he's okay. Him and Herc went home. Let's go to bed."
"Okay," he let me help him stand and walked him to the bedroom.
"There you go. You feel okay?"
"I'm okay. Do you still love me?"
I peeled his clothes off, leaving him in his boxers, "of course I do, John. Love you so goddamn much."
"We can still get married, right?"
"Of course, amante." I pulled the blankets over him before crawling in bed beside him.
"And have a baby?"
"Yup… hey, what do you want the baby to call you?" He took his place in the crook of my arm, hand finding my hip, other hand wiping away drool.
"Ugh, 'lex, it's obvious, I'll be Daddy and you'll be Papi," he giggled, "mi papi chulo."
"Good night, querido, go to sleep."
He he onto me, "don't get up tonight. I want you with me."
"I won't, John. Goodnight."
"Goodnight, papi."
"I like 'papi'. Good job, John."
I itched for a cigarette and held still while John slept, his breath washing notes of the sweet wine he and Lafayette had been drinking over my face. He deserved more than just courthouse. Neither of us wanted a big to do, maybe just something at home even, but he deserved more than courthouse. My fingers held a cigarette that did not exist and I thought about it, let Hercules make suits, let Lafayette make a cake, invite people from work, the Schuylers… maybe that's too weird.
I tried to be as still as possible as I reached for my phone, I texted Eliza
Coffee on our bench in the morning before my class?
I didn't expect a response, but one came anyway
It's late, Alexander. Are you okay? Coffee what time?
I'm fine. 6:30?
That's early, you get to bring the coffee
Deal
I tucked my phone away and snuggled up to John.
5:30 came earlier than usual, John was asleep face down beside me, his ankle catching my own, hand holding onto my forearm. Even groggy as I was, I smiled at how he always slept touching me, making sure I was still there, holding on somehow, anchoring me to reality. I skipped away from him and dressed myself in the dark before making for the train. Late January still made the cold its home and I pulled my scarf up higher on the walk to the coffee shop, ordered our coffees and stepped aside to doctor hers, remembering how she took it like I remember my own name, long splash of half and half, three packs of sugar, couple shakes of cinnamon on top. I carried our coffees to the park and found our bench. She sat waiting for me.
"Morning, Betsey." I handed her coffee to her.
"It's so early." she remarked, has clattering in the cold.
"I know," I sat beside her and wrapped my arm around her to try and warm her, "this okay?"
"It's fine," she leaned her head against my shoulder and held her coffee close, "you sure you're alright, Alex?"
"I'm great. Just wanted to talk to you… I'm marrying John. But I want you to know. I'm sorry."
She pulled away and turned to properly look at me, I couldn't bear to meet her eyes and stared at the frosty lake… like a coward.
"Why are you sorry?" she swept my hair behind my ear.
"Because it could have been us. I found you after all these years, but I have this amazing life now and I'm dragging you into the middle of it and I don't want to hurt you again or more."
"Alex, what happened with us was a million years ago. It's our history, it binds us, but it isn't your whole life, mine either, it's all past tense. I'm glad you're getting married. John's a good man. I couldn't pick out a better person for you, love."
I still looked at the water, "we want to start a family."
"Good. I can't wait to see you be a father."
"We're adopting… and I read that it's easier if you're married, so we're… I asked him to marry me."
"What agency are you going through?"
"I'm not sure yet."
"Love, let me help. You know that that's basically my job, right?" she paused and in my peripheral saw her look out at the water, too, "...I can still help make you a father."
"Betsey, I can't ask that of you." I looked at her, she wore a placid but determined closed lip smile.
"Then it's a good thing you aren't asking. When's the wedding?"
"I don't know… we're talking about just going to the courthouse but that doesn't feel good enough."
"Do something. Even small, but do something. I know you'll regret it if you don't."
"You know me too well." I drank my coffee.
"Don't you have class soon?"
"You're right. Thanks for the talk." I squeezed her hand.
"Anytime. Have a good day." she called after me as I hurried to class.
After the lecture, Aaron Burr, one of Washington's favourite objects of torment approached me.
"Hamilton, I was ill during the last class and was instructed to get notes from you. Would that be okay?"
"Sure, if you can read my handwriting." I flipped my notes to the section from last class and he took pictures of them with his phone.
"Thank you, I owe you a drink."
"No problem."
I spent the rest of the day at work, trying to get ahead of the workload I had. My mind kept working back to our wedding. It hit me like a stack of bricks. Sofrito's. John had decided it was our first date. One of my favourite haunts. We could get married at the courthouse and have a reception at Sofrito's. After work I hurried home to talk to John.
He was editing on his computer, mug of tea in his hand. I kissed him on the cheek as I sat down once I shed my winter layers.
"I have an idea." I told him.
"What's that?" he shut his computer and turned his sole attention to me.
"What if we go get married at the courthouse and then have a big reception at Sofrito's?"
"Like our first date."
I smiled at him, "just like that." You score points, Hamilton. Good job not being a sack of shit.
"I love it. We can still have the flourishy fancy bits, just our version of it."
"Exactly. We can let Hercules make our suits. Maybe Lafayette can make a cake. We just invite whoever and feed cake to the bar patrons until we run out."
"This is why I love you." He kissed me.
"I love you, too. Hey, Eliza offered to help with the adoption stuff."
"She did?"
"Yeah, insisted, really."
"She's a sweet woman, I see why you were with her."
"She is a sweet woman. Good girl."
He grabbed me around the waist and pulled me to him, "you're mine, though."
I nuzzled against him, inhaling the strawberries, being surrounded by him. Happy. Really, just happy.
"When do you want to get married?"
"I don't know. Anytime, really. Speed everything up. How long will it take Hercules to make our suits?"
"No idea. I'll call them, but, hey, no matter when, I want us to have a honeymoon. I want to take you somewhere, just us. Life's gonna get crazy when there's a baby in the mix."
"We don't-" he cut me off.
"-No, I want to. You took me home for Christmas, I want to take you somewhere. Think of it as a belated birthday slash wedding present."
"See, this is why I didn't tell you about my birthday."
"Hypocrite," he giggled, "Mr. Drop off your sister at the airport, psych!"
"That was pretty slick," I admitted.
"Pretty slick." He agreed.
"So where are we going?"
"Can't tell you. Surprise."
"I hate surprises." I glowered.
"Bummer." his grin was spritely.