Welcome back, thank you so much for sticking around. I am loving parenting John and Alexander. They are so fun to write as they navigate fatherhood. I hope you are enjoying it, too. Thank you for your support and reviews, it really is the highlight of my day seeing what you think of my work and the world these guys live in.
I set my bag down, collapsed into my rickety chair, everything in the office was rickety, rickety was homey, a nice change from the upscale world I'd married into. I looked down at my shirt, coffee down the left half, spit up on the right. A button askew down the length of the shirt. Fuck me. I unbuttoned it and quickly reworked the buttons, contemplating just shucking it off and working in my tank top. I decided against that, trying to maintain a shred of dignity. James and Thomas were outside, Thomas kissed James goodbye and walked off, he'd finally found a job and no longer spent his days lounging in the office. James walked in.
"Hamilton, what are you doing here?" He sighed and let out a small laugh.
"I'm uh, I'm working."
"No, you just had a baby, you're exhausted. We're an online publication, anything you can do here you can do there, go be with your family." He leaned against my desk.
"You're sure?"
"Yeah, you go to school, you work full time, I don't need a warm body here to know you're working."
"Thank-thank you, James."
I gathered my things back up and rode the subway back home, texting John to let him know I was heading home. I arrived and Lafayette was there, just drinking tea and reading a book, Philip still asleep in his crib.
"Alexander? Is everything okay? Philip hasn't even woken up yet."
"Yeah, uh, I get to work at home for awhile."
"That is wonderful, so you don't need me?" He looked hopeful.
"No, you can go." I hesitated, he'd been so eager to watch Philip.
"Hercules just told me he is coming home from Japan tonight and I need to-" his eyes twinkled darkly.
I cut him off, clapping him on the shoulder, "-y'know, Laf, I think there are somethings that it's better we don't know about each other and however that sentence ends is one of them."
He nodded and started to leave, before looking over his shoulder, "have you and John? ...since the baby?" He cocked his head side to side.
I screwed up my face, "I think this is one of those things we shouldn't know about each other… but, no… we haven't. Honestly, the most exciting thing about our bed this last week has been getting to sleep in it for more than two hours."
"Make him dinner. Works every time." He winked at me.
"I'll take that under advisement. Tell Hercules 'hi' for us after whatever horrible things you do to him."
"Au revoir, Alexander."
I checked on Philip and found him playing with his feet, lying quietly in his crib.
"Good morning, baby! You've got to let us know when you're up. We'll come get you." I cooed at him and lifted him up.
He stared at me and I took him to the changing table, changed his diaper and put him in new clothes.
"You hungry? Papi get you some breakfast? Let's see what daddy left for you."
I carried Philip into the kitchen and strapped him into his high chair. I opened the fridge and found it filled with fruits and vegetables. Goddamn, I'm lucky. John's a good man.
I pulled out a banana and an avocado and worked carefully, employing Lafayette's knife lessons to chop them into finger-food sized pieces. I put the food on the tray of his high chair and poured myself a cup of coffee, perching on the counter next to him, across from my desk, starting to eat the remainder of the banana I sliced for him. He poked at the food, mashing it with his fingers, tasting some of it off his hands. I grinned at him.
"Guineo y aguacate, you like it? See, papi has guineo, too."
He smiled back at me and I picked up a piece of the avocado and fed it to him, he made a tiny, 'umm' sound and clapped his hands on the tray, open mouth following my empty hand. I chuckled at him.
"El aguacate es bueno?" He looked at me expectantly, "you do it, hijo."
I picked up a piece of avocado and handed it to him, he squished it in his fist and ate it. I licked some off my finger from the piece I fed him, finished the banana and watched him pick up the last green sliver and eat it. He smacked the tray again, looking for more avocado.
"All gone, sorry, come tu guineo." I pointed at the banana.
He blinked at me, mouth open, head bobbling in my direction.
"Philip, hijo, come tu guineo, eat your banana."
He frowned at the banana and slapped his tray again, waving his head, mouth still hanging open. I picked up his banana and took a little bite, making my own 'umm' sound, I squished a little bit onto my finger and popped it into his waiting mouth. He reached for the rest that was in my hand and I handed it to him.
"You do it." I reassured him.
By the time he was finished he wore green and yellow warpaint. I cleaned him up with a wipe and wiped down his highchair.
"You gonna let papi do some work?" We sat on the floor, Philip having tummy time and me, back against the couch, working on a piece for work.
John called us and I held the camera in front of Philip who narrowed his eyes at the screen, making sense of it.
"How's the first day back, querido?" I asked him.
He rolled his eyes, "fine. How are my guys?"
"We're good. We miss you."
"I miss you both, too. I'm so happy you get to stay home for a little while. I sure like James, even if he's got a weird boyfriend."
"Weird boyfriend got a job, I think!"
"Did he really?" John laughed.
Philip stared into the phone a repeated the laugh, John melted in his desk chair, resting a chin on his fist.
"The avocado was a big hit." I told him with a grin, remembering how much breakfast had ended up in Philip's little curls.
"Oh, good, 'cause remember, they said it's high enough fat that it will help him put on weight and help with brain development."
"I know, that's why I gave it to him." I said matter-of-factly. I can do this. I can be good at this.
"I know you know. You're such a good dad already. Just a week and you're super dad. Alright, boys. I should get some work done so I can come home to you."
"Love you," I kissed in the air, and tickled Philip, "tell daddy, 'bye, love you.'"
"Alright, love you, bye, guys."
He hung up and Philip looked up at me and then at the phone and big tears welled in his eyes, I picked him up and rocked him against me, "hey, hey, daddy's just at work. You're okay, he'll be home with us tonight."
Philip calmed down as I rocked him on my chest, and fell back asleep. I rubbed his back with one hand and drew my laptop into my lap and resumed my typing now one-handed. Once he was asleep enough, I was able to move him to the middle of my chest and regain the use of both hands. James and I discussed timelines for new releases via email, it was just as easy to work from home. I was thankful that I hadn't found this job two years ago, I'd have never left my apartment.
I grew stiff, but didn't want to move for fear of waking the baby, but once he started wiggling I took the opportunity to set him next to me and stand up and stretch and pour myself another cup of coffee. I noted the time, John would be home before long.
"Should we try and make dinner?" I asked Philip, going into the kitchen where I looked at him over the breakfast bar.
"Babababadada?" Philip leaned his head to the side.
"That's a pretty strong argument, kid."
I opened the cupboards and found the makings for grilled cheese and frozen bags of tomato soup. I buttered the bread and fried it in a skillet adding cheese between the slices. The first one came out burned, really burned.
"That one's mine." I laughed to Philip who had occupied himself with a rattle in the shape of a duck.
I tried carefully not to burn the second sandwich, it came out a mostly… lighter shade of black? Next problem, how do you unfreeze soup? I thought about calling Lafayette, but decided against interrupting whatever was happening there and turned to google.
"You put the bag in the sink with hot water and then once it melts a little you put it in a pot. Did you know that? I didn't." I chatted with Philip.
"'eh? Babadada, hee?"
"See, we both learned something new today," I glanced into the living room, he was on his elbows and knees, "well, how'd you do that?"
I wiped my hands on my pants and crouched in front of him, he rocked forwards and back, trying to figure out how to move.
"You'll get there, hijo. Keep trying."
Philip gave up his effort and rolled back over, chewing on his hands. John got home as I was stirring the now melted soup in a pot.
"Hi, baby!" He picked Philip and kissed his cheek, blowing raspberries against his neck, Philip erupted into peals of laughter.
"You made dinner?" He grinned at me.
"Sure did. I'm pretty sure it fucking sucks, though." I smiled back at him as he came to hug me.
"It's only a little smoky in here," he wrapped his free arm around me, the baby between us, his hand trailed down my back and took a handful of my ass, "look at you being all domestic and shit… I know, I know, don't stare directly at it or make any sudden movements."
My face cracked in two with a smile at our continued game of taunts about my new-found domesticity.
"When was his last bottle?" John asked.
"About two, maybe a little later?"
"Ooh, you are hungry aren't you?" He was talking to the baby again, voice light and playful.
I brought him the less burned, now also cold and soggy sandwich with a hot bowl of soup and placed it on my desk, and set my own down on the counter, that had become my new mealtime perch. John had Philip stripped out of his clothes and in his high chair, no clothes, no mess. Brilliant. How did you not think of that?
"Did you get him some soup?" John asked inspecting his own bowl.
"Yup, it's in the fridge cooling down."
"Perfect, I'll get him a bottle." John took a bite of his sandwich and tried his hardest not to pull a face at the blackened, cold, soggy dinner I'd presented him with.
He returned with a bottle, the small bowl of Philip's now cooler soup and a handful of cheerios.
Philip drank the bottle while we ate.
"It's really early for him to hold his own bottle." John sighed.
"He's… Independent. He's okay, querido. We have him. He's okay."
He nodded and dunked his excuse of a grilled cheese into the soup.
"Soup's alright." He smiled.
"You made it." I rolled my eyes.
"I guess you've got me there. Still nice to come home to dinner. Thank you."
"You're thanking me for that pathetic excuse for a meal?"
"No, I'm thanking you for loving me… us… enough to try."
I smiled and looked at the ground, dragging my teeth over my lip, "I do love you."
"Hey, so, good news, I got you on my insurance today, and Philip is co-insured on mine and he gets medicaid at least until the adoption is final… I also made you an eye doctor's appointment."
"Look at you holding it down, running this family."
"I try." The hooded look in his eyes didn't escape me. Lafayette's a smart man.
John fed Philip his soup and ended up with more cheerios on the ground than in the kid. I got the broom out and swept around him once the meal was over.
"We should get a dog." He giggled.
"Hard pass." I shook my head.
"Joking. I'm joking."
"You good on baby duty? I really need to get some work done."
"'Course, just let me get out of these clothes."
"Be better if you'd stay out of them." I winked.
He blushed and disappeared into the bedroom.
I worked until John put the baby in his crib, turning on the sound machine, turning his nursery into a rainforest. John put his hands on my shoulders, rubbing the tired muscles there. I sighed and rolled my neck.
"Come to bed with me." He whispered in my ear, making it clear that he wasn't asking.
I let him escort me away from my computer, fingers still typing at the keys as I rose and stepped away until I was out of reach. John pushed me down on the bed and yanked at my clothing. I took my shirt off and he nipped at my chest, hands kneading the flesh there, hungry and searching. I pulled at his shirt he sat up over me and pulled it off his head, his toned body earning a low grunt from me as my eyes climbed over the muscles of his abs. He kicked his sweats off, down to his underwear.
"Sexy." I growled into his neck when he lie back over me.
I ran my hands over his body, fingertips tracing the insides of his thighs, I played with the hem of his boxer briefs. He gasped into my mouth and rutted against me, trapping my hands between us.
"I'm so in love with you. You're so good. You're good, Alex. You take care of us. So sexy how you take care of us."
I'm not that good.
I flipped us, wanting to take control before I got lost in my head.
"You like being taken care of? Think it's sexy?" I pinned his hands over his head and kissed my way down his chest.
He nodded, gasping at the wet trail I left across his abs, "so sexy."
"Oh, I'm going to take good care of you."
"Please, please." His brows reached for each other.
"Flip over." He did and I took the opportunity to slick my fingers with lube from the drawer in the side table.
He shivered against the sensations of my suckling kisses and the scratch of my goatee on his spine. I slowly traced his entrance, he bucked and I steadied his hip against me.
"Please. I need it."
I pressed a finger into him and he threw his head back, loose curls trailed down his back. I squeezed his thigh with my free hand, fingers delicately reaching for his swollen length. He squealed when I did make contact, timing it perfectly with a stroke of his prostate.
"You like this? Like how I'm touching you?"
"Like it so much." He sat back against my hand, seeking the nick of his prostate again.
I added another finger and he groaned low and guttural, "that's right, let me know how much you like it, so slutty for me sometimes, look at you bucking against me, so desperate."
"Alex, Alexander, please." I saw him flex his feet, trying to find an angle to get more leverage.
"You ready, amante?"
He nodded, his hair dancing across his spine making him shiver. I retrieved my finger and coated my length in more lube, I lined myself up behind him, pressing him lower to get the right angle despite our height difference.
"Please. Please. Ready, need it, need you in me."
I pressed the tip against him and he groaned in anticipation of the press. I steadied him with a hand on his hip and pressed in slowly, letting him relax into it. I closed my eyes, trying to stay in control, can't hurt him. I leaned slowly, he whined against the intrusion. The monitor on the table caught my attention, the grainy night vision camera showing Philip moving, his arms flailing, he made little snuffling noises. We froze, waiting to see what would happen next.
"Shh. Shh. Just wait a minute." I left my hand on his back, rubbing slow circles with my thumb.
"Should we?"
"Hold on," I stared at the monitor and watched Philip tense, then let out a shriek, "goddammit."
I pulled out gently and retrieved my boxers, stepping into them as I crossed the room to the door. I crossed the hall and picked Philip up.
"What's the matter, baby?" I rocked him.
He quieted in my arms and started to fall back to sleep, I kissed his forehead and put him back in his crib. I went back to our bedroom. John was on his side, staring at the grainy video feed on the monitor. I climbed in bed behind him and ran my hand down his flank.
"Where were we?" I nipped at his shoulder.
"Pretty sure you were about to have your way with me." He yawned.
"We can also just go to bed." I chuckled.
He handed me the lube, "I said, 'I'm pretty sure you were about to have your way with me.'"
"Noted." I bit harder on his shoulder and stripped out of my shorts, slicking myself once more.
He pulled his knees up in front of himself and I slid in. He leaned against my chest and relaxed slowly.
"Okay?" I confirmed.
"Great." He reached back and put a hand on my hip, the other hand holding the hand of the arm I'd slid under his neck.
I ran my fingers through his hair delicately, admiring how pretty he looked - eyes closed, lips just parted in a grin, nose crinkling - and started to move. He gasped and straightened himself out against me. I moved my hand from his hip down to his length and started to work him over in time to my movements. He whimpered at my touch and his breath caught.
"Wait, John, wait for me. Not yet." I sped up, feeling the urgency in my body.
"I can't." He breathed.
"Wait." I demanded, biting his shoulder, concentrating my efforts, feeling the pleasure well inside me.
"Hurry, Alex." His muscles tightened around me.
I choked a moan out around his shoulder and he came in my hand, pressing back into my chest. I followed him, panting in relief at the release. I slid out and we cleaned ourselves up before falling back into a sweaty tangle. John brushed my cheek and swept the sweat dampened hair away from my forehead. I mimicked the gesture on him and we grinned at one another, he rested his head on my sweaty chest and twisted his hair through my fingers. I started to doze in post-coital bliss and was jarred into awareness by Philip's cry on the baby monitor.
"Well, that lasted a long time." John winked at me and got up, pulling on my shorts and going to the baby.
Philip was harder to console this time, I could hear John sit in the rocking chair and sing to him. I couldn't help but smile, bubbling with oxytocin, exhausted from the day. Philip quieted as John continued to sing to him, the soft creak of the rocking chair a metronome. I was dozing again when he came to bed, he turned off the lamp and curled himself around me, sliding his arm under my head. I situated and rolled to face him. He tangled a fistful of my hair in his hand and kissed the top of my head.
"Goodnight, babe. I love you."
I mumbled something of a reply and let the waves of sleep pull me under.