SHERLOCK POV
Sherlock wakes up to a text from Molly.
He'll be at Baker Street. - M
On cue his heart begins to race and if he were one to be lead on by his emotions he is sure he would not have survived. Taking a breath he tries to calm his body down. Sluggishly he walks over to his meager belongings in this apartment his brother provided him. He needs to choose something to wear. He rarely cares about his attire, anyone could attest to that, wearing his hair disheveled and possibly wearing a nightgown. However, today is different. He needs to look presentable. A voice inside of him starts asking him the sort of questions he wants to avoid, such as 'why? why does he need to look presentable?'. In fear of feeling like an insane man he doesn't answer that voice. He finally decides on a semi-casual black and white suit with a maroon bow-tie. Maybe it's a bit much but somehow he doubts John will actually care. John. Though he is loathe to admit it, Mycroft was right in saying that it all comes back down to John. Feeling satisfied with his outward appearance he hails a cab and it is not long before he appears at Baker Street. He notices that Mrs. Hudson is out and can't help but be thankful for that. He was not in the mood for questions, his mind too busy concentrating on what to do when John comes. If he comes. He walks to the window and stands without moving, looking out for a familiar face. It's hours he's sure, but only feels like minutes, when a familiar face appears in his vision and he can't help the big gulp. Suddenly, unsure of himself he flitters about the apartment, trying to decide where to stand or sit. He can hear the slow, unsure footsteps in the staircase. It sounds like John hasn't been here since…well since that bloody fall. Finally, the shorter man appears in the doorway and the two men stand face to face.
JOHN POV
John swallows. He's having a nightmare again. He's either asleep or hallucinating, like usual. But it's different this time. Has he truly gone mad? The Sherlock he sees in front of him looks so…solid.
"Hello John." The tall man says. His hallucinations never talked, only his nightmares. Yet, somewhere in the back of his mind he was being told that this wasn't a hallucination or a nightmare.
"No." John shakes his head. He feels a sinking feeling in his stomach. Any second the apparition before him will disappear and he will be left feeling hollow. But the apparition isn't disappearing. He isn't even sure he wants it to.
"John?" The man before him takes a step forward. John, not expecting that takes a quick step backward.
"You're not here." John mutters. Sherlock frowns.
"You're just a hallucination, granted a strong one, but still. Or a nightmare I am not waking up from. Or…or…." John doesn't know where he's going with this. He also feels foolish for talking to himself and suddenly is reminded of the fact that he's supposed to be meeting Molly here.
"Molly…" He says without meaning.
"She's not coming. I asked her to get you here so that I could…talk to you."
The more John hears Sherlock speak the more he has a sinking feeling in his stomach. It's dread mixed with hope. A hope he wouldn't dare to have.
"John. You look a bit…green." Sherlock says and if John didn't know any better he would think it sounds like concern. It is in that instant that John realizes that the man in front of him is real.
SHERLOCK POV
Really, he should have seen it coming but he had been too concerned with John's greenish look that he had not noticed the fist flying towards him.
He gives out a rather unappealing sound as it connects with his jaw and he is sure he hears a cracking sound as well. He had stepped back a few steps so that he wouldn't fall but before he can right himself fully that same fist, John's fist, connects with his face yet again. He will have nasty bruise there tomorrow. He wonders whether he should let John punch him until he is unable or stop him. He can take the pain, after all all he's had in the past years is pain. He does also know John's stamina and fighting skills and decides to allow him one more punch before stopping him.
"John, stop."
Instead of a response, Sherlock is rewarded with a growl. John moves in for another punch but Sherlock is ready for it this time and manages to move away, even gracefully. He puts a coffee table between them in hopes that it will stop the shorter man from coming after him. He was wrong in thinking that of course.
"You…" John says, his nose flaring as he comes after Sherlock again.
"John, stop it."
"You…you…bastard! You utter, filthy bastard!"
"John, can you let me explain?" Sherlock says whilst moving more items in between their bodies.
"Explain? Explain?! Explain what exactly Sherlock?" John says.
Sherlock frowns. "Wait, I thought that would be obvious. Explain why I am here."
John growls in frustration and comes after Sherlock again.
"You are a complete wanker you know that? Did you have a laugh Sherlock?" John asks.
"Why would I laugh? I did not laugh. Do you think this is a laughing matter?" Sherlock asks.
"No I don't think this is a laughing matter you twit. But you're the almighty Sherlock, who knows. You got too bored. The cases we…you worked on were no longer seductive, no longer helping your addiction so you decided to mess with anyone that ever cared about you. Which mind you isn't too many people. So I applaud you."
"I did not mess around with anyone. But you are not letting me explain." Sherlock says trying to keep calm.
"Yes, deduce for us Mr. Holmes, please." John says sarcastically.
"Well…it's not really deducing…" Sherlock says.
"I'm out." John suddenly turns around to leave.
"No! Wait…please…" Sherlock says the last part quietly. He is not one to beg but he must admit he is a little bit desperate now. He knew John would react strongly…he just thought he would have at least had a chance to explain. John was full of surprises.
John shakes his head a turns slowly back around to face Sherlock, but he stands in the doorway, ready to leave any moment. He can see John's shoulders sag as if the fight is out of him.
"I didn't leave to mess around with anyone. I wouldn't do that."
"I wouldn't be surprised." There's a sting to John's words and Sherlock can't help but flinch. If only John understood how hard it had been for him to leave.
Sherlock takes a breath but before he can continue John steps in to say something.
"You…you made me watch." John says with a tremble in his voice.
Sherlock looks away. He knew John was referring to the fall. He wasn't proud of that moment. It had been the weak part of him that wanted one last chance to speak to John before he disappeared from the face of the earth.
"People said that you only thought about yourself. And let's be honest I believed it partially myself. But I thought there was some part of you that did care. But you made me watch you die. Because it was all a show. It was fake and you wanted me to one day know how well you can put on a show. Well congratulations Sherlock, you have outdone even yourself." John says and Sherlock can now see tears bubbling up in his eyes.
"I…I shouldn't have made you watch or listen." Sherlock says.
"Is that the best you can do? Probably the weakest apology if I've ever heard one."
"It was selfish of me."
"Well that's no surprise." John says. Sherlock was starting to get tired of all these remarks of Sherlock's selfishness when the only reason he jumped was for him.
"I…I didn't want to be alone." Sherlock says trying not to let any tears go in his eyes. He would not cry in front of John. For a fleeting second he sees John's face open in care but it's gone.
"I had to jump. I jumped for you John." Sherlock is getting desperate. He really wants John to understand.
John was about to say something but then he stops and frowns.
"I had to dismantle Moriarty's networks." Sherlock says.
"Is that supposed to mean something?"
"In order to do so…he had to believe me to be dead. Everyone he knew had to believe I was dead. He had threatened to kill you if I didn't jump. I…I…He had to believe I was dead."
There's a long silence. Sherlock watches as John takes it all in.
"I saw you jump. And if it was staged then you couldn't have done it all alone."
"No. I had…help."
"Who?" John asks.
"It doesn't matter." Sherlock waves it away.
"It matters!" John yells.
"Mycroft and Molly."
"Molly knew…And you didn't tell me. Was I so low on your short list of people that care?"
"No! You were at the top, which is why you couldn't know!" Sherlock says. He belatedly realizes that he let slip how much he actually cared for John but it was too late now.
"Why not?!" John yells back.
"Because it had to be believable, and if you knew they would come after you. I know they would." Sherlock yells back and he is sure a tear actually escaped his eye.
John shakes his head and before Sherlock can say anything John storms out. At the last minute he turns around and gives Sherlock an icy glare.
"I never want to see you again Sherlock. Never."
Sherlock watches as the man who was once his friend, maybe his only friend, storms across the street and catches a cab. Within moments he is out of his sight and possibly gone forever.