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"But Mama said you were gonna marry uncle Jay one day!"
His statement knocks the wind out of me. I barely hear Jay's chair scraping across the floor as he races outside, Kim groaning and she looks over at her husband.
"Safe to say the perfect night I had planned is gone. This is so not my day"
Everyone is speechless, trying to avoid looking at me. I feel their gazes though, checking for my reaction for a split second. I assume it's like a car crash, you just can't not look. I turn to David and see Hayley getting up from the corner of my eye.
"David, I'm ... I should ..." I stutter and he just nods.
"It's ok. Go." He says, reading my mind.
I get up and rush in the direction Hayley's headed and overhear Kim apologizing to David.
I'm able to catch up with Hayley before she reaches the front door.
"Hayley! Wait!" I yell after her and she stops, looking at me surprised. It seems like she didn't expect me to run after him. She just looks at me with empathy.
"Can I? Please." I ask and she nods, trying to comfort me with a soft touch on my shoulder. I appreciate it.
I silently open the door and take a deep breath. When I stick my head out I see Jay sitting on one of the chairs on the porch. He looks like he's zoned out, looking in the distance and holding his beer in one hand.
"Hey," I whisper and he starts blinking being pulled out of his thoughts by my words, "Mind if I join you?" I ask with a soft smile even though he's not looking at me.
"I'm good Erin, just needed some air that's all." He still doesn't look at me and I can't quite tell if he sounds sad or mad. He doesn't want pity so I play along.
"Oh, I know. I remember how you get hot easily after a couple of drinks. That's why I came out here. You shouldn't drink alone just because it's a workout for you." I shrug, eyebrows raised and a little smirk on my lips. He frowns and faces me, finally, and my smirk turns into a soft smile. I know that it worked when he suddenly lets out a little laugh.
"You still remember that?" He chuckles, scratching his stubble.
"You mean your constant whining when we were at Molly's? Or you opening the windows at night when we were having wine or beer? How I suffered thinking I'd freeze to death if I wouldn't have had a blanket? Yes. I remember that." I say and we both laugh. We are both quiet for a few moments after that. Jay is looking out into the dark again.
"I'm sorry about what happened in there." I say quietly, "I didn't expect that either." This time he doesn't look at me, just keeps staring into the distance. My heart is beating faster, I'm not good at conversations like this. I'm not able to tell what he's thinking; he's just staring, chewing on his bottom lip.
"You have nothing to apologize for Erin," I'm surprised by his sudden response. There is only a little light on the porch. I only now see all of his face when he turns to me again.
"So, can you please just ... stop apologizing for moving on?" It almost sounds like he's begging. "I can't stand the the thought of you feeling bad for being happy. Don't ever feel bad for being happy. That's all I want for you." Jays voice cracks a little and I know he's holding back tears. I don't have the strength to do the same. A tear rolling down my face, burning my cold skin while I look into his sad eyes.
"I walked out on you, on us, this is my consequence. And even if I have to watch you marry another man Er, at least I get to witness you finally experiencing the love and appreciation you deserve." He looks at me with a sad smile, tears pooling in his eyes and I feel this strong urge to comfort him, to take this painful look out of his eyes or it'll kill me right here and right now. I reach forward, cupping the side of his face before I can think about not doing it. His eyes are immediately shut at my touch.
"I need you to hear this now," I take deep breath, and a single tear falls from his closed eye and lands on the back of my hand, "there was not one moment in our relationship in which I didn't feel just as loved and appreciated as I do now. You gave me so much love and memories, Jay. And I know things weren't always great but you were one of the best things that ever happened to me. And there will never be a day where I won't love you just as much as I did back then. You have to believe that." He opens his eyes to look at me again. My hand is shaking, still on the side of his face.
He moves to get up and reaches his hand out. I let him help me and the second I'm on my feet again he pulls me into a hug. His big and strong arms, wrapped tightly around my shoulders. His head resting in the Crook of my neck, the two of us finding the familiar rhythm we've always had. I can feel his breath against my skin and I forgot how comforting our hugs always were.
"Thank you, Erin," him saying my name still turns my stomach, who knows if that's a good or a bad thing, "You have no idea how much this means to me." he mutters into my hair. I hear a small sniff after that.
We stand like that for a few more moments. Trying to escape from everything, trying to ignore everything that went wrong, wondering how we even got to this moment. Our breathing and heartbeat is in sync and I could fall asleep just standing here.
A loud scream, I'm pretty sure coming out of Drew's mouth, brings us back to reality and we both pull away. To my surprise, he reaches up and his thumb finds my cheek, gently wiping the last tears out of my face. And only when he takes his hand away and I exhale, I realize that I've been holding my breath. And it scares me. It scares me to know that he still has this affect on me.
"I uh ... I should probably go home." He suddenly speaks up and points to his car behind him.
"What? No you should come inside. If it's weird now, then I'll go. Those are your co-workers in there, Jay" I tell him because I don't really want to go back inside myself. He knows that and giggles.
"You just want to avoid the attention and you know it." He smiles and I immediately do too.
"Oh and what exactly is it that you are doing?!"
"Avoiding attention, duh, besides they would all hate me if you leave. Thinking it's my fault. Sooo if you want to do me a favor, please go back inside, sit next to your man and enjoy the time with the unit. They miss you more than you think, Erin. Just as much as I have." He smirks. I haven't seen that smirk in a while. It's charming, cute and cocky at the same time. Dangerous almost.
"Ugh!" I throw my head back, slightly annoyed, "Alright! But promise me that you won't drive. Take an uber or walk but don't drive, please."
"As you wish, Miss Lindsay." He nods with a little smile. "Thank you. Don't hesitate calling me okay? Whenever you feel like it. I need to know what's going on in this little head of yours." he winks.
"As you wish, detective." I mock him and we both laugh. He leans over, his face coming closer and closer. His lips find my cheek and he gives me the softest kiss and I immediately feel myself blushing.
"What was that for?" I smile like a 4th grader and his smirk is back again.
"For running after me? For the things you said? For caring? For taking the fall for me in a few minutes? You pick." He winks again and slowly backs away. Put turns around again, "Oh and Erin? I love you too." His voice so soft that I almost didn't hear him.
On my way back inside I hear David's voice. He's talking to Kim. They seem to be alone doing the dishes.
"They both did questionable things I think." I hear Kim say. She is not wrong I guess but I will definitely listen and see what else she has to say.
"Yeah, I'm sure I don't know everything about the two of them but Erin was always honest to me when it comes to Jay. And I want her to deal with her past, even if it means that I have to stay in the back in some situations. I know she would do the same for me." I smile. He is right. "This is their story, it's not good for anybody if I get involved. Erin and I have our own story and that's important to me." I never knew that this is how he sees it but I truly appreciate his point of view.
"That is really impressive David," I hear Kim say, she sounds impressed too. "I don't know how I would handle this but definitely not as good as you do." She jokes and they both chuckle. "I mean it's been a really messy breakup but you probably know that. But there is a lot that Erin doesn't know. There are always two people that go through that pain. I mean I doubt that Jay knows a lot about what Erin went through but Erin also doesn't know what he had to deal with." I swallow hard. I never thought about that. There have been dark days, really dark, but who says that he hasn't been through shit too?
"Yeah..." David exhales, "I think a breakup, especially one like theirs, that it's always hard." I imagine him shrugging.
"Definitely. I'm glad you found each other, though. Erin seems really happy," I smile again, "And I'm sorry about my son earlier. I know it sounds weird but there actually was a time where I did tell them that story. You know, it took Jay a while to get back on his feet. And there are still days that are hard for him. And he had a little bit of a relapse when his brother got married last year. Because of their mothers ring and all of that stuff. There were some nights I had to take him home, put him on our couch and wait for him to sober up. Get him back on track. Obviously, these little boys had questions about that. So I told them a story, about uncle Jay who has bad dreams sometimes and needs us until he's not alone at home anymore, until auntie Erin comes back and they finally get married someday." My tears are falling listening to Kim's story, listening to how miserable Jay was and I had no idea.
"I'm sorry for the guy, I hope he'll find his way. But why are you telling me this Kim? I mean I'm not complaining, just wondering."
"I don't know to explain myself, I guess? And maybe because I can't tell Erin so you're as close as it gets?" I have to take a deep breath trying to pull myself together.
I try to walk in as casually as possible, as if I wasn't standing there listening to them for the past 10 minutes.
After they asked and made sure that I'm fine about 20 times we could finally go on with the dinner party. It was fun. We played games like charades and karaoke, obviously the girls team won both. Spice girls-wannabe will never not be a good karaoke song.
Adam made sure he apologized too saying that those are his kids after all "they say stupid things, it's in their blood." We laugh because he definitely isn't wrong with that statement.
But as fun as it was,I'm glad to be home after this long day. David and I had another glass of wine and are cuddled in on the couch. We're watching some stupid romantic comedy. He loves those but apparently not enough to stay awake. He fell asleep halfway through the movie so it's just me, the movie and phone at this point.
I'm just going through my instagram feed when I get a notification.
- Kimberly Ruzek tagged you in a photo. -
It's the picture we took after we all arrived, before that awkward moment happened.
We are standing together like a big happy family. Jay's arm is slung around me from the left, David's from the right, talk about awkward. I smile at the caption.
'Family Dinner with my favorite people.'
My heart swells and I press the heart button. All of a sudden there is another notification and another one.
- Jay Halstead left a comment on a photo you are tagged in: "Fun times! Let's have another one soon!" -
- Jay Halstead started following you. -
I immediately click on his account and smile at his bio.
'Don't take me seriously unless I'm sitting in front of you in an interrogation room or show you my badge before talking.'
There aren't a lot of pictures. The last one he uploaded was a selfie with his brother Will. They went fishing together. I press the heart button and follow him back.
About 5 minutes later my phone vibrates next to me, it's a text from Jay.
'I thought you hated fishing? Lol'
I smile at my phone. He's right, I hated when he went fishing. He left in the middle of the night to just sit on a boat and kill fish that he'd later eat with his brother. He'd come back dirty, smelly and tired. My fingers hovering over the screen, thinking about what to reply.
'That is true. But I liked it for the people in the picture and for what you were doing.'
'Okay, then thank you ;)'
'Of course :) have a good night Jay.'
'Goodnight Erin.'
I smile. I'm glad we're friends again and I hope it stays that way. When I look up, I see the credits rolling over the screen.
I gently drive my hand through David's hair and he slowly wakes up.
"Let's go to sleep babe. It's time."
Hey! So I'm not too sure about the ending but I figured a cliffhanger isn't always needed lol. I loved your reviews for the last chapter! Please keep them coming :) I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well and will leave a review. I'll try to update ASAP! Love yous *