Just a filler for Sam finding out about the events of 6.5 "Live Free or Twi-Hard".
Takes place in season 8, after the events of "Freaks and Geeks" because that's the next time they use the Vampire Cure. I was sketchy on the dets of that episode so I glossed over that a bit.
I find Jared's ability to portray SoullessSam to be an absolute miracle of acting, I mean one look and you can just tell it's not Sam. I don't even know what he's doing exactly but he looks like a totally different person.
That said...I MISS SAM ,( his puppy eyes and his compassion and concern...I just miss the real Sammy.
So this tag is just because I wanted a reaction to what happened to Dean in that episode and I felt like Dean needed to talk about it but I'm a little worried because I'm afraid that I'm repeating the show somehow. I can't remember if the boys ever had a conversation about this, but if they did, then I haven't gotten there in my rewatching just yet. Sorry if this tag is redundant.
I'm not Kripke.
T for Dean's mouth (hehe I mean language...although Dean's mouth is so pretty it should be R-rated. ;)
"How did you know how to make that vampire cure?" Sam is leaning back on the motel bed while Dean cleans a shotgun. His long legs are stretched out and he's holding his laptop and typing away with that intense look that he gets. "Back at the cabin after Seth turned that girl. I need to know so I can put it in my journal." He continues as he writes.
"You saw what was in it," Dean replies nonchalantly , "Biggest thing is blood of the fang that turned you, and some garlic and sage. You mix it up and as long as the new vamp's still a blood-virgin, then it's back to apple pie and PTA."
Sam stops typing and looks up at Dean. "Ok, but how did you learn that?"
Dean shakes his head and shrugs a little,"you know what, I don't even remember, Sam. You don't really need your little diary to be that detailed do you?"
"You don't remember?" Sam squints in disbelief. "You don't remember where you learned how to make a magic cure that turns vampires back into humans?"
"I got a lot on my mind, Sammy, I'm not as young as I used to be. I guess I just forgot." Dean starts cleaning the rifle in earnest, not looking at Sam who's now staring intensely at Dean.
"Dean, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, I'd just appreciate it if you didn't lie."
Dean still doesn't say anything, just keeps going over that rifle, polishing the barrel up and down with gun oil until it's shining, and rubbing varnish into the stock.
"Wow. It must be pretty embarrassing if *you* don't want to tell me." Sam persists.
"Would you just drop it, Sam?!" Dean is getting frustrated and Sam just won't let up.
"I wouldn't even have been suspicious, Dean but you're just being so secretive now."
Dean pushes the gun away angrily and goes to the cooler beside his bed for a cold beer. He cracks it open, sits down on the edge of the bed and sighs.
They sit in silence for awhile, Sam pretending to write again while he watches Dean out of the corner of his eye.
Dean runs a hand over his neck and takes a long swig of beer, then reaches into the cooler again and gets one out for Sam. He opens it and hands it to him.
"I didn't actually ask for..." Sam starts to say and then takes it when he sees the look on Dean's face.
"I got something to tell you, Sam."
"Okay..."Sam shifts nervously, feeling a twinge of anxiety at the serious tone of his older brother's voice.
"I got something to tell you," Dean repeats "but, I don't wanna tell you unless you promise me you aren't gonna freak out on me. Because this isn't anything that I blame you for, it's just one of those things and it couldn't be helped."
"Okay, Dean you're scaring me now." Sam is sitting up straight and holding his forgotten beer in his lap, the condensation making a ring on the leg of his jeans.
"Oh, Sam. It happened awhile back, you lost your soul and you weren't right. And I knew it, I knew somethin' was off but I didn't know what."
Sam's eyes are narrowed and he's barely breathing as Dean speaks.
"It was just a vamp hunt, just a normal, everyday vamp hunt. Sons a bitches were luring crazy Twi-hard kids out with the promise of a little dirty, dark, immortal love and then turning them into a blood meal." Dean pauses, takes a sip of his drink and a long look at Sam.
"I tracked a guy into the alley with a girl and saw him biting at her, but he turned out to be just some horny nerd using bad poetry and plastic fangs to get laid. I turned around to go find you and there was this huge, beast of a fang standing there. He called me 'pretty boy' and he was just coming at me before I could think."
Dean is staring at Sam again, his eyes practically begging him to hear what he's saying. "Now this next part, Sam...I just really need you to listen to me, because you were a shell. I mean the light was on in the attic, but nobody was home, if you know what I mean."
Sam is getting frustrated "Dean, just tell me what happened already."
Dean takes a deep breath and holds it, running a hand over the back of his neck, before letting it out in a rush. "It happened pretty quick. I was fighting him but he was huge and before I knew it he had me on the ground and I thought I was a goner. He didn't bite me though, he bit himself on the wrist and then he just..." Dean motions rubbing his wrist his mouth. "I really thought I was a dead, Sam. And I almost was. We went back to the motel and called Samuel, and our crazy, old grandpa showed up with a cure."
"Oh, of course, Samuel had the cure." Sam shakes his head, not following him. "Why would I think that was my fault?"
Dean's head shoots up. "I told you right off, Sam nothing about this is your fault, ok? Get that through your head right now."
"Ok, Dean, ok! Just finish your story." Sam scoffs.
"After we hunted down that vamp and got his blood, we mixed it all up and I was sick for days after, puking my guts out. The foulest, black-blood..." Dean shudders at the memory. "But I guess I was also seeing flashbacks to what happened before I was turned and one thing I saw..." Dean drifts, struggling to continue. "One thing I saw was you, Sam. You were standing in that alley when that son of a bitch was pouring his blood down my throat."
Sam still looks confused. "What does...? What...?"
"You were standing there Sam. Just watching. The whole time."
Sam's face pales a few shades and he looks like he just got sucker punched.
Dean gets up and goes to sit down beside Sam, he just needs to be close to him for this conversation.
"That's when I knew you were really not you. I knew my little brother would never let me get blood-raped by some fang just to gain intel."
Sam's freaking out and Dean is mentally kicking himself for even mentioning this.
"Oh my god, Dean you could have...died...no, worse, you could have become a monster and it was all because..."
Dean cuts him off before he can finish that sentence. "If you even say it was because of you I will punch you so fucking hard you'll be drinking your froo-froo, organic, Greek-yogurt through a straw." "Dammit..." Dean curses under his breath. "Look, Sammy, this is why I didn't want to tell you. I know what a drama queen you are, I knew you'd make this into a big deal. I should have kept my damn mouth closed."
Dean puts a hand on Sam's shoulder and Sam looks up at him with those huge, sad eyes and Dean feels like he's just stabbed a puppy with a pitchfork or something.
"God, Sammy. I really shouldn't have said anything. I just didn't want you to find out about it some other way. From some demon or something. I thought about telling you before but I was afraid that...well this would happen. You know what though, Sam? I mean you did some pretty shady stuff when you were RoboSam, but even without a soul you weren't as bad as some I've seen." Dean feels like he's not being very reassuring and that agonized look Sam wears so well is still etched across his features.
"You still listened to me. You still stuck by my side. You still hunted down monsters and tried to protect people. I mean you were basically running on a string of code, but it's like that spark of decency is hard-wired into your DNA or something. I really mean it, Sam."
Sam looks at Dean with glassy eyes and Dean clears his throat and takes his hand off his shoulder.
"You're just a good kid, Sammy. Always have been. It's like everything we've seen, everything we've done, it should have burned you down a little bit, but it didn't."
Sam nods and bites at his lip to stop it from trembling. "I'm sorry," He whispers "I know, I know, it wasn't really me that did it, I'm just sorry you had to go through all that alone, Dean. I wish I could have been there."
"Alright, enough with guilt, Sam. Anyway, you've been alone plenty of times yourself. It's just how it goes sometimes. But we always get back together, though. No matter how many demons or dicks with wings try to break us apart."
Dean punches Sam lightly in the arm and Sam jerks out of his reverie. "Let's quit this slumber party conversation before we start painting each other's nails." Dean goes and sits back down on his bed while Sam composes himself.
"Dean?" Sam's eyes are red but he seems to have brightened up a little bit.
"Yeah, Sam?"
"How do you do that?"
"Do what?"
"Say exactly the right thing."
"It's a learned skill, Sammy. I've had years of practice calming your crazy moose-butt down."
Sam rolls his eyes but laughs a little.
"Thanks, Dean."
"No problem. Moose."
~end
Now comes the part where I publish it and re-read it and go ohhh fuccckkkk I forgot that comma and that one and that one and that word and that should probably be a hyphen...etc. etc. just don't judge me too harshly.
Thank you all for reading my stories! You guys are my people.
Roses are red
Violets are edible
If you review me
That would be incredible.
~original poem by me.