"It's alright darling." she heard Juliet say, "One step at a time to get where you're needed."
"True, but in this case, it's a grave." Marissa huffed.
It had been almost three months since the meeting in Austria, learning in depth of what was to come for her and learning of so many others. The usual sweet tart of the candied stick gave no help to her quivering mind, all she wanted was what was before.
Juliet and Amber sat before her, their gazes down like hers, wondering what next to say. He had gotten worse. Her grandfather's outburst were becoming out of hand for some of the staff, he pulled out his tubing and more, including flung a book at her own head, believing she was something of the past.
"It's the world that it is Marissa. You know this. I'm not trying to put pressure on you but it's coming to a-"
"A point where there is nothing more of the logical brain that was once him and that now is soon to show something that is nothing more but a hollow shell." Marissa spat, "Remember, I may not only do this with my work but I also lived it before. I know what is to come."
"Then you should make it last." the woman chided her.
"How?"
"Why, how?"
"How, Juliet, how am I to go in there and face him when all he sees is a stranger and gets more frightened every time, if not that he calls me Katheleen and slowly tells details of WWII. Explain how there?"
"Just go in, it may not be pleasant at times but its worth it in the end." Juliet reminded her.
That was true in itself. Her grandfather always made sure that they went in to visit her nan, no matter how bad she was that day or who she forgot. he still doted on her like he did when she was a child, humming old war tunes to her as he pulled out newspaper clippings they collected over the years. It was those times that she would see her nan back in her old self, yet Marissa could barely make herself even enter the room without wanting to break down.
"Easier said than done."
"Oh for the love of God!" she heard Amber shout, the woman standing up as anger crossed her face, "Why are you being this way? Jesus, you're being as stubborn as Alfred and I didn't think anybody could be as bad as him."
She and Juliet stared at the woman in awe, never had she raised her voice or even held a tinge of anger for anything.
"Yes, it sucks he had Alzheimers and Mesothelioma. Yes, it's hard to watch family you love so much with your heart suffer from that pain and nightmare, but you are their family. There is no one else but you that understands him better than that and you have the opportunity to speak to him, he may not all be there but you can speak to him. I'd give anything to talk to my mother again yet I can't."
Marissa's eyes widened at her, she never knew of Amber's mother. Only that she was Native American and died when Amber was young.
"During those days, where she suffered the most, I made it a point to get my ass in there and give her every moment I could. There were days she wasn't even coherent or so far in sleep that an atomic bomb wouldn't have gotten her up, yet I sat at her bedside and told her about everything that happened to me that day. From grades to what I saw walking home. I gave her everything right up to the point of her last breath."
"Amber?" Juliet quietly spoke yet Amber raised her hand to her.
"Yes, it was hard. Seeing the woman that took me out on trails and taught me about life, always smiling and speaking so brightly of her heritage. Every Powwow she was dressed of her tribe and gave it her all, even with everything wrong with her. Hell, she escaped her treatment one day to dance in the ceremony, barely able to hold her head up, yet she did it and that's what I remember of her and I can tell you, she remembers me going in that room each day."
She felt tears sting at the corner of her eyes, was she really being that stubborn?
"It's not easy Marissa, but nothing in life is. You gotta get on the horse after it bucked you twenty feet away and hang the hell on. If it was easy then it would be boring. You wouldn't have Mattie, I wouldn't have Liberty or Alfie, and Juliet wouldn't have Arthur. But that's what makes life so beautiful. Even in the darkest of times, there is light. You just gotta reach down in and pull it up. And dammit you're not alone in this. We're here for you, no matter what time of day it is or how far, we're here and I know Mattie has been worried sick about you since his last episode with him in the room."
"God that was horrid."
"Marissa, did you hear anything I just said?"
"Yes I heard you."
"Sure about that?"
Juliet sat beside her, her arms sliding across her shoulder, "Look, darling, I know you're hurting. It hurts, but you're not alone and we mean it. She's not wrong about Matthew. He's been worried sick about you, lately, he said you've been throwing up you're so deep within yourself and that's not good. Your stress is eating you away, I'm amazed your job hasn't said anything to you."
"Oh, they have."
That wasn't a lie there, Jenny was up her ass every five minutes it seemed just to get her to smile as clients came and went. Her main reason to keep her smile on was Sage and that prissy attitude she threw at her every time she had the chance. Since her grandfather being admitted to the hospital, the woman would snark something at her just to run with her tail between her legs to Kathrine when she finally had enough and snapped at the woman. It took everything out of Jenny to hold her back that day.
"Then you need to start helping yourself instead of sitting in this depression. It's not good for you." Juliet scolded.
Marissa stood up from them, "I know, it's just hard. I tried so damn hard to get him where he needed to be, to help him with everything that I could yet here it is slapping me in the face that I failed."
"You didn't fail Marissa, that's where you are wrong." Juliet stated, "You made it to Canada from Scotland with him and even made it almost a year here without any help until recently. To me, that's not failure."
"If your grandfather is the war vet you speak of, tell me, what would he do to you if he heard you speak like this?"
"What, me granda and nan? They'd slap the shit out of me, telling me how stupid I was for even..." Marissa trailed off as she thought of what they asked, for they were right, "Yer right."
"There we go, good start on ya." Amber smiled.
"That it is." Juliet nodded only to narrow her eyes at her, "You alright Marissa?"
"What?" Marissa shook her head, "I'm fine, what are ya talking about?"
"You're wavering. Rocking almost. That and your skin is a bit pale. You ill?"
"No, had a bout with my gut earlier with stress and such, nothing more."
"You girls ok?" she heard someone say.
Looking over, she saw the three men enter the room, eyes curious as to what was going on. Mattie's glittery purples landed on her, worry lying deep within them, worry about her that she was causing him. Dear lord, she was really hurting him and she really didn't mean to do so either.
Shaking her head, she turned to speak to him only to falter backward as the room spun around her like a carousel on the loose. She heard them all shout her name as her body fell back, just to feel Mattie's arms wrap around her.
"Marissa!" he shouted, "Marissa are you ok?"
"Lord that was a dizzy spell. I'm alright."
"Like hell. I want you in my room and on that damn bed this instant." Juliet commanded.
Mattie didn't even give her a chance to say a word as he picked her up and placed her in Juliet's exam room. Well, this was going to be interesting.
After an hour of poking and prodding, Marissa was ready to snap at the woman and her constant bickering. It didn't help that Mattie was adding his two cents.
"I told you that you were stressing too much." he chided.
"And I told ya that I was just fine."
"Fight nice now." Juliet warned them as she went over all her papers from the woman. "I pretty much have everything I need, and you are fine."
Marissa smirked at him, "See, I told ya I was fine."
"You are, just have to take vitamins and take care of yourself for the next couple of months." she said smiling at them both.
"What do ya mean by that?" she asked in confusion.
Juliet smiled at her as she showed her the paperwork, "Your blood test came back positive, well a good positive in this case."
Marissa glanced down at the paper, reading as much as she could until the true result was screaming at her.
"I'm pregnant?!"
"Yes, you're pregnant, a bit over two months I believe." Juliet explained, "It would also explain your stomach upsets as well, the stress could also be added hormones mixed with your current situation. But you are definitely pregnant."
"Pregnant?" she muttered out again, "I'm going to have a wee bairn?"
Juliet giggled at her, "Yes Marissa."
All Marissa could do was gawk at the woman, she still couldn't believe what the woman said. Pregnant. Finally, she looked down at her own body, placing her hands on her lower belly, wondering of the baby that laid within. Never did she think it would happen so soon, yet there she was, her and...Matthew. Marissa wiped around to see the man shellshocked with the news like she was.
"Mattie? Mattie?" she called out his name as she took his face in her hands, "Mattie, can ya hear me, sweetie?"
His eyes finally landed on her, small little tears sitting at the edge of his eyes as she smiled at him, "We're gonna have a baby."
Before she could say any more, Matthew scooped her up in his arms, swinging her around as he peppered her face with butterfly kisses. She felt her own tears slipping out as she held tightly onto him, excitement and happiness just filling her body.
"My god I can't believe it." he said into her shoulder.
"Well you better Matthew, the nurse is rarely wrong in this case." Juliet said to them, "God how I love babies."
He finally set her down, kissing her once more before looking over at the woman, "Well if that's the case, get cracking with Arthur."
The woman busted out in laughter, "Dear god you sounded like Alfred there, think the American is rubbing off on you."
"I've taken notes from another boisterous individual."
"Oi now, ya making me sound bad."
He kissed her temple, "Never."
"What seems to be the issue guys?" she heard from the door.
Amber stood at the piece as Alfred and Arthur poked their head in warily, wondering what had happened.
"Oh, nothing bad Amber." Marissa beamed.
"Nope, not at all." Mattie followed.
"Dude, then what's going on with our Ottawa then?" Alfred asked.
"Just normal things taking place, Uncle Alfred."
"Oh ok, well, as long as you both are..." Alfred paused just for excitement to cross his face as Amber gasped and Arthur clapped, "Uncle? You guys are gonna have a baby? I'm going to be an uncle? Are you serious?"
"Very Al."
The man's whoops and hollers echoed the room as she jumped up and down with the news, Amber made her way to her, embracing her in a tight hug.
Marissa couldn't erase the smile that crossed her face, she was surrounded by family that loved her, a man by her side she never believed to fully exist, and now a little one on the way. There was so much happiness in her that she had to share it with...a slow gray cloud came to her mind. She had to tell him, he always wanted to know the day she had one and now it was there before her. Small bouts of rays came around the cloud within her mind, the wonder of maybe, maybe the news would break the issue and have him see her and smile over the fact that there was one on the way. Maybe that would wake him up better than before or anything else for that matter.
Dismissing herself, she made her way to the hospital, worry and excitement rolling in her belly as she thought of the child and her grandfather. A sweet image came to her mind as she saw him sitting in his bed, smiling down happily at a baby with strawberry blond locks and glittery purple eyes, the joy that filled the man pushed both Alzheimer's and Mesothelioma away from the room, just family and love was written on the man. And that is what she wanted most.
The cool halls gave a weary chill down her spine as she ventured farther in, nurses and staff greeting her along the way as the door came to view, just for Dr. Shaffer to come out.
"Hello, Marissa."
"Hello." she nodded to the woman, "How is he?"
"Himself. Drifting between sleep at the time, if you go in try and not rouse him too much, we had a spike earlier."
Marissa nodded at the woman, quietly walking into the room. Lightly lit from the curtains, she saw him laying there. The machines beeping and whirling as his wheezing caught her ear. Tears wanted to break past her yet she held steady. She knew he was strong, saw all of the photos and witnessed him work in foundries and factories, nearly ripping off her ex's heads if they hurt her in any way. The man before her was just recouping.
"Granda?" she whispered to him, "Granda, it's Muncharoon."
No movement came from the man as she tapped his hand, "Ya hear me, granda. It's Marissa."
Still silence. She heard Juliet and Amber in her head, telling her to speak to him, no matter what was going on. To give him that nitch. Yet she wondered if it was for her instead of him. She felt a shiver roll through her body as she sat down on the bed, taking a deep breath before beginning.
"How are ya feeling? Hopefully soon, you can be out again and enjoy the world like ya always told me I should've. Should've known better, ya always told me I was as stubborn as nan. An old nanny goat, you'd say. I remember the time ya tossed a can at her, saying it fits her mood. Lord was she mad at ya but she laughed when she chucked it back at ya, saying she was gonna throw the claw cracker at ya since yer were a crab. God, how I miss yer bickering with each other."
She looked at him, her heart wanting to burst, "But that's memories now. Something to sit at the kitchen table and talk about on a lazy Sunday eh? Oh look, a bit of Canadian came out of me, think I've been around Matthew too long."
Marissa sighed, feeling her emotions rise, "Speaking of Mattie and me, I got news. I know ya wanted me married and such before this happened or even have a decent man. Well, I can assure ya, Matthew is a gentleman, one that you would be definitely proud of. And with that, I just found out I'm gonna be a mum."
"Ya hear me granda? You're gonna be a great-granda." she sniffled back her tears, "There's gonna be another baby around. One I know you've been waiting for for so long. And ya know what, if it's a boy I'm naming him Walter."
She knew he hated his name, made her vow years ago to never name a child that hideous name, but as she said it, he still didn't move. Slowly, Marissa got closer to him, laying her hand on his chest as it rose and fell slightly, "Granda, wake up please."
No movement or recognition came to her, just sleeping silence that was slowly eating at her. Looking over at the door, she prayed the nursing staff wouldn't come in, demanding her to stop what she was going to do, but it was all she could do to be close to him. Lightly she laid her head down on his chest, listening to his heartbeat thrum against her ear and his weak breaths filling her with worry as she continued to speak to him.
"Ya know I told myself that no matter what happens, that I would be strong and accept the fate before me. That no matter what I'd be ready." Marissa said, feeling herself shake with soft cries as her tears fell, "But I was wrong. I was so wrong. I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready."
It became too much for her, the world was blurred as she took a shaky breath, "I'm not ready for this. You can't leave me yet, you promised. You promised me you wouldn't go until it was really time. You promised me to be there when I needed you. You promised to walk me down the aisle when I got married. You promised to be there when I have my first baby, to hold them and give them a nickname like you've done for everyone here. You can't leave me yet, you promised. You promised!"
She couldn't stop, even if she tried she knew she couldn't. It was too real for her, so many things before her and yet the one she wanted most was leaving her behind and venturing forth without her. She really wasn't ready for this, no matter how many times she told herself she would be, it was all a lie.
Gentle, strong arms wrapped around her as nimble fingers rubbed her head. She didn't have to look and see who it was, there was no one that matched his touch. She cried harder into his chest as she felt him kiss the top of her head, proving he was really there that time with her.
"Please don't go." she begged her grandfather as he comforted her, "I'm not ready."
Dad. That's all that rang in his head, one simple word, dad. Dad. Daddy. Dada. Hell, even Papa set his heart and mind on a whirlwind of happiness that he dared not venture away from. He never thought it would happen so soon for him, well at all really. But now there it was, Marissa pregnant with his baby and he to be his capital.
"I wonder what city it'll be?" he asked himself aloud as he drove towards the hospital.
There were so many things rolling in his head that he wasn't sure which to start on. Well, he did know that much. If anything, he had to do this, at least for Walter. As the man crossed his mind, a small well of worry came to him. It had been almost two hours since she left the building, no calls or text saying how it was going or such, just silence. Was he that bad today? The hospital seemed the same, no Marissa outside crying, nor her slumped in the halls as he made his way to the room. Maybe today was a good day.
"Mr. Williams." he heard someone call his name.
Whipping around, he saw Dr. Shaffer standing there, giving a small smile as she held her finger to her lips, "Quiet, don't want to wake them."
"Wake them?" he wondered as the doctor nodded to him, continuing on her papers.
Quietly walking in, he saw why she said what she did. There on the bed with Walter laid Marissa. All curled up against his side as her head rested against his chest, slow, steady breaths leaving her as Walter's machines chirped and beeped at Matthew. This. This was what Juliet and Amber tried to get her to do, no matter how hard it was. Just to get that solace of happiness from him.
Sitting on the other half of the bed, he looked over the two of them, knowing the bond between the two was forever eternal. Yet he, himself, knew the man was far from eternal. And it was all but a matter of time until that day.
"Hey, Walt." he whispered, "I see Marissa told you the good news then. I don't think I've ever been this excited. Already had the family ask what we were going to name it."
"Anything but Walter." came a reply.
Looking over, Matthew saw Walter looking at him with a smile crossing his face, "I was trying to let you sleep."
"Sleep's for the week Sgt."
Oh, he saw the war version of him, not the one before- "I know it's you, Matthew. And I know Muncharoon is beside me."
"Oh, well that's good then."
"Am I really that bad at times?" he asked him.
Matthew sighed, "There are times. You threw a book at me once for I wore a green dress shirt but you saw a Nazi in the room."
Walt sunk into his bed, the idea flooding his head as Matthew waited for the man to speak. He knew the man was fighting the disease as he battled the other for breath.
"How bad is she?"
"She's hanging on." he replied, "It's all we can do."
Walter nodded as he gave a shaky sigh, attempting to hold back a cough, "So is it true what she said? I'm gonna have a wee great-grandbaby?"
Matthew smiled at him, "Yes. Very true."
A sparkle laid within the man's aging eyes, one that he swore made him look years younger, "Oh lord in heaven. Finally."
He chuckled, "Seems you wanted this more than we thought."
"Oh now, I would've pitched a fit if it was someone else. But it was you, and I'm forever grateful that it is ya."
"Like me that much?"
Walt smiled as he pet Marissa's hair, "You'll find out one day."
He knew what Walt meant; one day a little girl would grace their lives and it would make him question any men that came near his baby girl. Heck, he already was doing that with Marissa.
"You know Mattie, I really wish I was what she sees me as."
"What do you mean?"
"Both she and Katheleen looked at me like I was invisible, Superman to be exact. But I was far from it. It's why I like ya really, you remind me of me when I was just a young lad. I did whatever I could to make sure Katheleen had what she needed, never a doubt in my mind even working three jobs at a time. There were days I wanted to give up, toss the towel in some would say. The mousy boy from Glasgow that was lucky to be louder than a church mouse and just as poor, yet when the two of them graced me life, I felt like a king. I can see that in you, the way you look at Marissa is the same I looked at Katheleen." Walter explained to him, laying his hand upon his own, "As I said, they looked at me as if I was Superman. If that was the case then they were my kryptonite. For when someone does that, yer truly meant to be."
Matthew felt the sting in his eyes, Walter's very words hitting him harder than most before. Suddenly he felt Walter dig in his pocket, fumbling out the small box he kept away from her. The old man popped it open, smiling at the piece within as his eyes locked back on to his. Closing it up, he placed it in his hand, wrapping his fingers around the velvet piece.
"Sgt. Matthew Williams," he nodded to him, "I give you my granddaughter's hand in marriage. To have and hold for all of time until the end of days. Now it's your turn to care for her as I did."
Matthew felt the lump in his throat grow solid as he tried to blink away his emotions, "Please don't speak like that, Walt."
"Ya know as well as I do, it's growing near. I'm not immortal."
He knew. God, he knew and he hated the knowledge of it. The man was more than her grandfather to him, he was someone he would've loved to taken out and spoken like men about anything and enjoying one another's company. Speaking of the war and what it did to them and what they had gained afterward. It was killing him with that very thought.
"Matthew, I want you to get in that box right there." Walt pointed to the corner of the room.
Getting up, he did as asked, taking the ornate box to the man, just to see him rummage around in it with his free hand. With a nod, he removed his hand for Matthew to place it back in its home and himself back beside Walter.
"Now I want ya to listen to me, this is for yer big day together." Walt pointed at him as he saw the simple orb of a pearl within the man's hand, "The necklace is the something borrowed for it was Kay's when she married me. The blue flower pin for the something blue, as Kay's wedding ring is the something old for her, you can decide the something new for her."
Matthew held onto each piece, feeling the love that Walter had for Katheleen within each trinket, "And Matthew, since you and I are about the same in hand size, I want you to have mine."
"Walter, I can't do that."
"I'm not giving ya a choice lad." Walter smiled at him, "You are my family and I am treating you as such."
The man paused after placing the ring in his hand. The cool, somber feeling once again filling the room. He looked over at Walter, seeing the wells filling the old man's eyes, yet he, himself wasn't far behind.
Walt's hand graced his cheek, feeling the warmth of love from the man as he took a shaky breath, "Now, I can call you my grandson."
Matthew let out a small chuckle, just for his own emotions to go stir-crazy. He laid his head against the man's shoulder, feeling the pain of his mother's fading blending into the pain that was soon to be his death. And with it, did he feel completely weak.
"God Walter, don't go yet. We both need you."