"This is…really happening." Catharina paced back and forth in the Livingroom. Right between the sofa and the swimming pool. She exhaled deeply and tried to calm her hummingbird heart.

Butterflies were flying in waves in my stomach and any moment I thought they would erupt from my mouth in torrents. I'd felt scared before, of course, but I always knew the outcome of those times. This situation was totally new to me, and I kept running different scenarios in my mind as to how this would end. Would he be pleased? Would he hate me? Would he even care? "I can do this. I can. He'll be home any minute so sweet Christ I need to do this." Catharina dropped with a huff to sit on the sofa and turned to look down at her right side. What her eyes locked onto made her heart do another flipflop in her chest. "Oh mierda!" She ran her hands back through her glossy raven locks and pressed her knees together, bringing her head closer to them.

For 6 blissful months we had lived together. For the last three months I had been Señor Croc's woman. Not just his mistress but truly his lover. We still had frequent sex, of course, but some of those times he was gentle and made love to me. He had become quicker to smile, slower to temper and eager to play. The fondest memories of my life, apart from being a mother of course, were those days in Croc's arms. There were many nights were I wished to revisit those times and relish them more than I did.

But at the time, I didn't know how few my days with my love truly were.

The door opened with a clang and for the first time since living with Croc Catharina didn't immediately rush to greet him. Instead she felt herself tremble and swallow down a wave of nausea. In my mind I was praying for Croc to please not be mad with me. Over and over I thought it, as if my unrest would make it true.

"Something smells good." Croc, slightly more domesticated than he'd like to admit, eagerly awaited his dinner on the table and Catharina in his bed. Well, not just in his bed anymore. Just the thought of smelling her hair or hearing her melodic humming as she tidied around the warehouse made him start to rush his work to return to her. He'd even told her he 'thought he might' love her for the first time last week. He spotted his gorgeous Hispanic lovely sat on the sofa with her back to him and raised a brow. "How long until I get to sink my teeth into some sweet flesh?" He dropped his trench coat and hat on the floor, knowing she'd pick it up for him later, and crept up behind Catharina. "And when's dinner going to be…"

His blazing amber eyes shot open as he realised she was looking down to her right, and found what she was tensely staring at. On the seat cushion were three white pregnancy tests…and they were all positive. "…"

In that moment my heart froze as still as my body held tightly beneath his talon tipped hands. Right now he had the power to destroy me or make my day forever. It took more strength than I knew I had to turn and look up at Croc and say what we both knew.

"I'm pregnant."

"Right." His hands lifted off her shoulders and took a breath with it. Catharina turned suddenly then to look up at him, her eyes misting up and terrified of what he was going to say.

"I didn't do it on purpose I swear! We've always used condoms but a few weeks ago we had sex as soon as you came home on the kitchen counter and that's the only time I can think of when I could have-"

"Quiet."

The moment he released her he turned on his heels and gave her his back. this was worse, Catharina thought, as she couldn't tell what he was thinking. The fear and nausea was getting too much to bear. She started to tremble and sniffle. "Three tests means you're sure?"

"Si."
"Ah shit."

"Please Señor Croc! I didn't do it on purpose but please let me keep it." She clasped her hands together and begged him for all she was worth. "I-I'll do my best to keep the baby quiet and out of your way I'll still take care of your-"

"Keep it?!" Croc turned around to face her at last and looked livid. "You want to keep the thing you're carrying?" He stormed around the table and grabbed her shoulders. Catharina whimpered as she was dragged to her feet and held an inch away from his armoured mouth. "Look, its one thing to be prepared to jump my cock on demand, but it's another to squirt out your very own mini-abomination." He snarled down at her. in that moment he didn't see Catharina. He saw his own mother, crying at how God had punished her unfairly by sending her a monster for a child. He had flash backs of being beaten by his father just for asking if they could let him go outside to play. All the nights he had cried and wished he had never been born. And now that fate was about to repeat itself inside the woman he now held so tightly his claws were cutting her honey skin.

"P-Please let me keep my baby Señor Croc. Please I'll do anything to keep my baby!"

I cried so hard tears poured from my cheeks, shoulders and onto his hands. This was my biggest fear since learning that morning I was with child. Señor Croc had always been confident in all the time I'd known him. It didn't bother him that others found him to be monstrous. But that was only because no one thought him more so, than Croc himself.

"What for? So you can take one look at its scaly, grotesque body and beg me to take it from you? Will you refuse to breast feed a creature so ugly the doctors scream the moment the child is born? I know you're a God fearing woman Catharina, but so was my mother and she regularly told me how she understood why women had abortions after having me. I will not allow you to subject that thing to the same life I had. I-"

"Mi amor?"

It was then I looked up into his eyes and saw fear swimming in those yellow depths. Old wounds were tearing open and he wasn't angry like I thought. He was scared. More scared that I was. Catharina lifted her hands up to hold either side of his face, and looked up to him with such sadness in her watery brown eyes. "Didn't your Mama love you?" He still held her tightly, but his hands were starting to tremble. The thin black slits of his pupils started to dilate slightly and his snarl turned into a frown.

"How could she? Look at me. I was born this way Catharina. That thing in your belly will be-"

"Mine." Catharina felt a fire roar in her chest. She even brought her hands off his face and pushed him suddenly in the chest. Croc hadn't been expecting her to be violent and stumbled back one step. He never lost balance but it was enough to free her arms. Her biceps had superficial claw marks that stung, but she ignored her bleeding wounds for now. "This baby is mine. Even if I didn't love you more than life itself, which you know I do, I loved this child from the moment I did the first pregnancy test. It was never an issue for me about being pregnant with a baby that wouldn't be human. I was scared you wouldn't let me have the baby. Because you didn't want kids." Catharina was still sobbing but her Latino rage was in full swing. As was her hand and head movements. "But don't you project your bad mother onto me. I love you Croc."

"Catharina-"

"Shut up!" She screeched. This temper was so out of character that the 7 ft reptilian man found his jaw closing and his eyes regarding her warily. "Now you listen to me." She put one hand on her hip and used the other hand to point up at his face. "I am having this baby. I'm a Mama now and that means I will die before letting any harm come to mi Bebe." She fluidly pointed to her own stomach, and then back up to him. "Don't compare me to your Mama. I'm breast feeding this Bebe, unless for some reason I can't. Some women can't produce milk. But anyway!" She blushed, getting a little off topic. "I'm having this Bebe. Unless you are going to kill me. So as I'm hoping you won't I'm going to start looking online for everything an expectant Mama needs. And I'm turning the spare room I used to sleep in into the nursery. I can move back in there if you want." Whilst Croc appeared to be too stunned to react to her, Catharina started to storm off towards the stairs whilst shouting over her shoulder at him. She minced off with maximum swagger (as much as she could muster whilst mentally screaming that she was SO DEAD) as she turned for dramatic effect on the stairs. "I'll send you the list and you will pay for everything now I'm unemployed. You don't want to be a papi? Fine. But you will damn well provide for this bebe if you expect me to put out when you want it. Now you're dinner in the oven and will be ready in about 20 minutes." She marched up the stairs and held her stomach. "And if you need me I'll be in the bathroom throwing up. Excuse me." Catharina launched herself up the last few stairs and barely made it onto her knees before the toilet in time.

At some point Croc must have followed me upstairs. I don't remember how long I was sick for, but when I turned to wipe my mouth in the sink he was just leaning his shoulder against the door frame and looking at me with a brow raised. Like he did when he thought I'd done something funny. "Do you need something?" Catharina groaned as she turned the tap on and washed her face with cool water.

"…you really want this kid?"

"Si." Catharina stood tall and focused on him. She looked a little pale and clearly still felt nauseous, but the intent was received. "I really will die first. Or if you do something to kill my bebe, I won't live without it. Please don't break my heart Croc. I really will do anything you ask. Just let me have my child." She didn't even realise she'd moved her hands to her navel. "Please?"

Croc looked away from her in thought, and then rolled his eyes. When he looked down at her again he shrugged and she knew she'd won.

"I'll give you my plastic so you can just buy what you need. Don't bother me with what you buy just do it. And I'm not running around after you when you start to crave weird shit like gherkins or Big Macs. Oh, and I don't care how fat you get, I'm getting my needs seen to whenever I want. And this is your choice, your kid. You want the damn thing so bad, fine. But it's yours. You understand me?"
"Absolutely! Yes! Oh thank you Croc!" Catharina threw herself into his arms and wrapped her arms around his neck. she started sobbing again and thanked him over and over again in Spanish. "I will do whatever you say. But I know that once our bebe gets here you will look into their eyes and fall as deeply in love with him or her as I know you will." She squealed a giggle, planted a big kiss on his cheek and seemed to be giving her lover emotional whiplash with her mood changes. She pulled her mobile from her back pocket and started taping her finger rapidly across the screen. "I'll start with looking at government baby websites. You know, to get a checklist of things we'll need to buy. Then I'll look at baby books for pregnancy and baby names and labour and oh!" She was walking around the spare bedroom and it was like she was seeing the nursery around her already. "Do you think I should have a water birth? Do you think that would be better for a bebe cocodrilo?"

"…you are so fucked up." Croc found himself chuckled and shrugged. "Sure. Whatever you want."

"Thank you." She hugged him round his middle and hummed contently. "I'm so happy."

"Like I said? Fucked up." Croc chuckled and stroked her hair affectionately. "But then again a normal woman wouldn't love me, or want my kid, so…that's probably a good thing?"

"Si Croc, it is."

"Woman? Would you stop moving around? You look like you're going to start rolling around the place. Sit down will you?"

"I can't! I have too much work to do."

"Seriously?"

"Si!"

Croc grumbled, sat on the sofa and watching as Catherina continued to 'nest'. She was now 8 months pregnant and so huge Croc thought she'd burst any moment. Her long raven hair was swept up into a plait and she wore black maternity leggings and a long pink tank top to her knees. "The doctor said I could go into labour any day now."

"Well we have baby shit. You've been ordering and hording crap since you found out you were expecting." He huffed, trying to concentrate on the profile of his latest hit he received this evening from Eric Falcone. But instead he found his amber eyes watching his Catherina as she waddled around the place. "What more does the squirt need? We have nappies, wipes and clothes. Calm down and sit down? Please?" Croc had half a mind to get up and drag his rotund lover over to the couch.

"The Moses baskets are done, upstairs and down, but I haven't built the play pen for down here or fixed the safety screen over the pool." Catherina grunted as she lowered herself to her knees on the tile floor beside the latest set of boxes. "And the metal cotbed you ordered isn't built yet. I need to-"

"You are not building shit Catherina." Croc threw his file to the side and stormed over to her. At first Catherina lifted her wide brown eyes up at Croc, really thinking he was angry at her. but he huffed and pointed to the boxes. "You'll end up using half the parts and building it upside down or something. Then cry about it because your so fucked up on bloody hormones. Give it here." He lifted the flatpack box up effortlessly onto one shoulder, and used his other hand to lift Catherina to her feet. "I'll even build it right now, if you'll sit down and take it easy?"

"Well, that's very kind of you Croc, but I still need to-"

"Woman?!" Croc barked at her and growled until she waddled her ass over to the side of the sofa where his file wasn't. He pointed at her, seeing tears prickling at her eyes, and sighed. "Stop fussing."
"I'm not fussing." Catherina held her hands on her massive belly and huffed. "I'm just-"

"Driving me mad! You've bought everything you need for the kid when it gets here. If you were having ten kids, you'd be armed and ready. It won't even sleep in a cotbed until it's older." She opened her mouth to complain. "I'll still build it, and put the cover screen on the pool blah blah whatever. Just sit down, take it easy, and stop worrying. You're more than prepared."

Croc pursed his lips together sheepishly. He'd watched her these last 8 months do her very best to still be his sexy Latino lover, house keeper, and prepare for the arrival of their child all on her own. He was adamant that if she really wanted this baby she was to take full responsibility herself. He never wanted kids…

…yet watching her smile and giggle as she looked at the scan of their child…he found himself wanting to see how each one had changed. 'Out of curiosity', he had told her.

Then he watched her do hours of research on her phone or laptop about raising a baby, and even zoological articles about crocodile breeding programs. This hadn't been a fad for her that she got bored of. For 8 months solidly she had dedicated herself to give birth and raise their child. She was going to be such a better mother to their child, than his mother had been to Croc.

He also thought she was so beautiful as a mother. He lingered in doorways and secretly watched her when she was in the nursery. Singing soft lullabies and rubbing her belly, reading stories to 'the bump'…Croc didn't deserve to have such a heavenly angel as his woman. But he wouldn't let her go either. He needed her too much.

Croc watched her shower and before bed she would rub moisturiser on her swollen breasts and stomach. Croc didn't want to admit he was looking forward to watching Catherina be a mother to his child, or that he wanted to meet the kid…but he had come to realise that he truly did. "You need to relax Catherina. You'll get plenty of sleepless nights once the baby is here. So like your book says, you should rest up and take it easy." Croc nodded at her and marched over to the stairs. It wouldn't take him long to build this cotbed. He was good at following instructions.

"Like my book says…?" Croc had only made it to the second step when she called after him. "My pregnancy to 1 year of motherhood book?"

"Yeah that one." he called back and tried to flee.

"You've read it?" He flinched and looked over his shoulder at her. She was smiling brightly, and he realised he'd been caught.

"The best hitmen do research and prepare for the take down. I wanted to know what's about to take over my house, so yeah."

"…Croc?" Catherina was smiling coyly up at him. "There was a chapter at the end for new fathers. Did you read that one as well?"

Croc growled and marched up the stairs to build the damn cot bed. His lack of answer was an answer in itself. He entered the nursery and lowered to the floor to get to work.

As he matched up slots A to B and used screws C and D to fix them in place, he found his amber eyes looking around. She's done a really good job here. Catherina didn't want to know the gender, so they went with a jungle theme. She painted the walls green, the carpet was blue, there were trees and animal stickers everywhere, and a long crocodile height chart on the wall. He held a secret smile as he looked over to it and saw two notches already in place. She insisted that we were on there. In her delicate handwriting it had 'Mama' at 5ft 6 and 'Papi' at 7ft 3 inches.

He sighed and still couldn't really process that one day very soon there would be a little croc crawling around the place. He tried to imagine what that would be like. Catherina rolling out of bed in the middle of the night to come in here and breast feed or bottle feed the kid. Having the splish splash of a little croc in the pool…I'll have to add a shallow ramp or something. Get some water proof nappies. I used to love being in the water. I had to run off and jump in the canal to feel that cool peace of swimming. I bet my kid will be the same. Swimming circles around Catherina as she tries to catch…

Croc felt her heart stop and his hands stilled.

That had been the first time he called the child 'my kid'. Up until that moment he had always referred to it as 'the kid, 'the squirt', it, or specifically 'your kid' to Catherina. But just then he was smiling and thinking about a familial scene in the pool…with his kid…

Suddenly Croc was terrified. This tiny little creature with his face was going to be here any minute. What if Catherina couldn't stand the sight of it? what if she rejected him and the baby? What if- "CROC! COME HERE QUICKLY!"

Croc dropped the metal poles with a clang and ran like his ass was on fire down the stairs. He skidded to a stop in front of her Catherina with his eyes wide and his teeth bared. "Give me your hand! Quickly!"

"What the fuck?" He hissed, livid to find Catherina sat comfortably on the soda and bloody smiling up at him. Croc hadn't taken a breath since she'd shouted him, so he panted with rage and snared at her. "I thought you were in danger, or worse in labour or-"

"Hand! Now!" She urged him, waving her hand up for one of his. He hissed and in the heat of the moment allowed Catherina to take his right hand. She pulled him suddenly down to his knees and pressed his colossal palm to her stomach. "Wait...just…there!"

He told me later that in that moment his whole world changed. "Did you feel it?"

"…yes…I did." Croc's mouth was open and he stared down at the back of his scaly hand. "It did it again!"

"The baby moves a lot when I'm still. At night time I think she's swimming up a storm in there." Catherina giggled and placed hand her over Croc's. "Do you think she'll need arm bands? Or will she take to water more like a crocodile bebe?"

Croc lifted his amber eyes with wide black slit pupils foxed on Catherina. "…Croc? Are you o-"

"She?" The word slipped out of his mouth like a rasp. Catherina gasped, realising what she'd done. "…a girl?" Catherina smiled brightly at him, seeing light in those reptilian eyes. She nodded and he looked towards his hand again. It helped him to break his mental stall when the baby kicked his hand again. "A baby girl. A…daughter…" He couldn't imagine a baby girl being anything but...beautiful...not monstrous like him...surely?

"Si." Catherina held either side of his face and stroked his cheeks. "We're having a daughter. The doctor told me at my last appointment by accident."

"That was a week ago." Croc grumbled. "You've kept that quiet for a week? Why?"

"I…thought you didn't…" Catherina bit her lips. She didn't want to finish that sentence with 'I thought you didn't care', but the meaning was implied. He frowned and looked down at the still squirming stomach beneath his hand. "I've been thinking of names, since I know the baby's a girl."

"Names?" Croc shifted his weight to sit beside her on the sofa and continued to feel his daughter as she moved. "Man she's really wriggling in there isn't she?"

"She's strong. Like her papi." Catherina leaned into his side and rested her cheek on his shoulder. "Would you like to talk about names? Or shall I just pick?"

"You can pick." Croc cleared his throat. "I'd be no good at that sort of thing."

"Ok." Catherina smiled sadly. She had hoped he was coming round to being a father, but perhaps she was wrong.

"I'll teach her to swim though." He nodded. "And bench press. Sharpen her claws. Stuff like that." Catherina smiled and kissed his shoulder. "How to stay out of sight and defend herself." Croc lowered his head to rest on top of hers. "You can do all the girlie shit. Like periods and dress and singing. That shit."

"Oh 'that shit'?" Catherina giggled. "Because that's what makes a woman is it? periods, dresses and signing?"

"Hn." He grunted, but smiled. "See, that's why she needs a senorita to reach her. I don't get the girlie stuff. You make her a woman, and I'll make her kick ass."

"Sounds like team work to me." Catherina closed her eyes and sighed. "I'm so happy, mi amor."

"Hmmmm." He hummed and nuzzled the top of her raven hair. "I've never told you this, but you smell fantastic."

"I do?" She blinked, a little confused.

"Yeah. Since you hit 4 months pregnant you smell good enough to eat." He licked at her cheek and hummed. "You know? Your book says that there's a hormone in semen called prostaglandin." He chuckled hungrily and scooped his mate into his arms and purred hungrily at her. "It softens the cervix. Helps to get you ready to push that melon out."

"I-I read that too Señor Croc." She said his name so filthily he growled and quickened his step up the stairs. "It's been a week since we last had sex. Be gentle mi amor." He carried her into the bedroom and laid her down so tenderly on the bed she thought she was dreaming. He sat beside her and leaned down to kiss her so sweetly, it was hard to think this was the same man she traded sex for protection with nearly a year ago. Her eyes welled with happy tears as he purred and nuzzled his mouth to her neck. "Oh Croc."

"Hush love. Papi wants some lovin'. I'll make sure not to poke our kid in the head. I'll be reeeeeeaaaaaal gentle." He kissed her and smiled against her desperate kiss.

He called me love. For the first time, and the last time, he called me love. His love. Like he meant it, and knew what it meant at last. I cried as he made love to me so gently it was like poetry. He was wonderful, my beasty lover.

That night he washed my back in the shower, applied coco butter to my stomach and gave me a running commentary every time you moved. I didn't have the heart to ruin his excitement by saying that I could feel you moving, as you were inside me, so he didn't need to tell me. The man inside Croc was shining through in a way I never thought possible. He took more jobs for the Falcone, saying he needed a rainy-day fund for us in case he had to spend some 'time inside' at any point. He didn't want me to run out of 'nappy money'. I didn't care that I'd be buying nappies with blood money. I hadn't forgotten what Killer Croc did for a living.

I simply didn't care.

I wrote to my mother, called her, visited her with Croc waiting in the Van, and we both hadn't decided what to do when you were born. An explanation would be in order when showing my mother her reptilian grandchild. Not that I cared. You were my little miracle. The fruit of my love for Croc. My sweet little angel.