Never did I think that tomorrow wouldn't exist, that it would never come to me or anyone else. But it didn't. I told myself that there's always tomorrow, tomorrow for sure. That I'd tell you about my day or my job, the kids or even my writing, but now your voice is gone.
No smell of foundry or Old Spice, no gentle touches when I'm sick of down, no "One, one only, of my deviled eggs", no encouragement or words of wisdom or love. No Muncharoon or Roon as I sit with you at the old table as we go over everyday things or looking at the old pictures of past and history.
I never thought I'd cry like this. I thought I knew hurt after all I've been through, yet this was more. I prayed that it wasn't real, that it was just worry and fear in her wary voice, yet it wasn't. I try so hard to keep a smile on my face, yet even thinking of your voice just kills me. You were so much to me. I took the days I had with you for granted, thinking that there'd always be a tomorrow but not even tomorrow is infinite. Hearing the news, I believed that I screwed up everything, that I was nothing more but a disappointment in your eyes.
Yet as I sit here, surrounded by family and pictures, I know this is not what you'd want me to dwell over. You'd tell me that it's ok to cry and be sad as we say goodbye yet it is a way for us to make more memories and keep going on. To pick up our heads and smile more no matter how hard it is and to just remember the good with you. Hear you bragging about me to everyone. Never pausing to tell them about your Roon. I can hear you now, telling me to watch the old Godzilla movies with the bad dubbings. To think of Walt Disney World with you, to listen to the oldies station as I sit in the old car. And to hug grandma a little tighter and kiss the kids a little more. So now I shall.
I'm taking leaps where they are needed, doing what I should have long ago, and just enjoying everything and everyone around me. For that is what you would want most from me. I will do my best and achieve what I desire while I think of you and smile. There won't be a day that goes by that I won't hear you or have something remind me of you, but maybe that's your way of telling me that you're there and telling me that you love me.
So here I'll be, writing away to the world, letting my imagination and passion free for everyone to see, including you. I'll always look out for tomorrow and do what I need to for others and myself, just like you. I love you so much, I'm glad you are no longer suffering and now watch over us. I'll miss you every day and love you even more.
Love,
Muncharoon.