Volume 1 (Technically Season 1), Chapter 5: The First Launch, Part 2

A/N: Alright, some people (Only two so far) have said this story's rating should be bumped up from T, to M. And I would change the rating, but I don't want to change it without involving you, the people. So I made a voting poll on my profile. If the majority vote for the rating to be change, I'll comply. Just a warning though, if this story's rating changes to M, there WILL be more sexual content in this story. Maybe even a "Shrek is Love, Shrek is Life" parody involving Salem and Cinder.

Anyway, with that over with, let's move on to chapter 5.

Cha-cha-cha-cha-chapter 5!

"I'm getting sick of this"

I'm not.

"Ugh, do you have an ending for this story in mind?"

Yes, I have my own original version of Season 4 in mind. Which will serve as the finale to all this craziness.

"At least it's an ending. And after that, you'll be gone, and EVERYTHING will go back to normal!

Hee hee...I wouldn't say normal.

"...Why did you laugh like a villain?"

You'll see once this story finally wraps up ;)

"Oz, I'm actually scared right now! DO SOMETHING!"

"Salem, I am currently flying through the air over Emerald Forest" Oz told the witch.

"SO!? You're powerful enough to make a soft land-"

"Ow. Ow. Ow. Owww...OUCH!" Ozpin mutter and shouted in pain after falling through branches and hitting the ground.

"Good, you're on the ground. NOW FUCKING DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS AUTHOR!

"Nah, I'm kinda hurting after that fall. I think I'll just lay here for a while" Oz Woz announced to Salem, laying on his back.

"You inconsiderate BASTARD! Neither of us have any idea what this author has planned for RWBY!"

"So? Everything will go back to normal. Just like always after a Fanfiction is over"

"This crazed human basically just said that things won't go back to normal after this story's over! We need to combine our powers, and get rid of him, NOW!"

"Oh please. Do you honestly think this author has the power, and the copyright ownership, to make everything that's happened, and will happen, canon?" Oz questioned.

"...No"

"Well then, stop worrying" Oz stated, taking a sip of his hot cocoa that he somehow still had. "Everything will be fine"

"Ugh, fine. But if some messed up shit happens, don't say I didn't try to prevent it"

Ha. Yes, all will be fine Salem Dalem.

"Shut the fuck up and finish this story.

Whatever you say, madame crabby.

The Skies Above Emerald Forest

In the skies above Emerald Forest, a single crow flapped it's wings in the air, flying free. Free from being attached to the ground, free from human responsibilities, free from knowing what it feels like to think like a human, to have fun, and do more with it's life. Instead, a crow lives it's life on the edge of death, knowing that it could die at any moment due to a predator, a freak accident, or natural causes. Yes, the life of a crow has pros and cons when compared to human life. Although, humans in the RWBY universe have to deal with Grimm, magical enemies, and a straight up demon witch.

"Demons and witches are two totally different things; I'm not both"

Fine, a regular witch.

"Good"

Even with all this said, the crow currently flying over Emerald Forest wasn't a crow. Instead, this crow was Qrow, Ruby and Yang's uncle. Who was taking a nice stroll, er, flight, above Emerald Forest.

"Ah, it feels good to fly around as an actual crow" Qrow thought to himself. "A nice view, fresh air, Beacon Academy students falling towards me...wait a second"

Qrow had to take evasive maneuvers. First he dodged a group of shadow students (Who don't appear anywhere else in the next few chapters. Except for Blake, who is apparently one of them in the actual episode "The First Step Part 1". And the reason I know this is because a Rooster Teeth worker "claims" that one of the shadows is Blake. Even though none of the shadow students look like her, or at LEAST have a bow. They couldn't admit that they forgot to add Blake in the background since she wasn't in the script for that episode). Second, a stuck up looking white haired gir-

"Oh wait, that's Winter's bitchy little sister" Qrow mused to himself.

Third, a red haired girl wearing golden armor. Forth, some dude with a shaven head topped with whipped cream (Seriously, Russel Thrush's hair looks like whipped cream from a distance. Watch "The First Step Part 1" when everybody's about to get launched). Fifth, an orange haired girl that was laughing like a crazed mental patient. Sixth, an edgy looking Asian teen.

"Wait a second, what the fuck is an Asian?" the uncle asked himself.

Seventh, a dark orange haired looking douchebag. Eighth, a large breasted blonde gir-

"Hold on, I recognize those breasts anywhere. Is that, Yang!?" the Crow man shouted in his mind. He quickly dodged to right, and turned around to see Yang use her Ember Celica-

I'm getting tired of all these weapon names. Salem, explain what Ember Celica means.

"The word "ember" represents a dying or small fire, whereas "celica", derives from the Latin word coelica, meaning "heavenly" or "celestial""

I get the ember part, but there's nothing heavenly about a Yang's gauntlets.

"Really now? Well, can YOU explain why Yang's weapon choice isn't heavenly?"

All Yang can do with those is punch, shoot, and cause explosions. Something "heavenly" should have more class, be more...fancy. Or at least be more powerful than that.

"Mmmmmm-hmmmmm, can you provide an example of a gauntlet matching your list of capabilities?"

The Infinity Gauntlet from Marvel Comics, with all the Infinity Gems. With that kind of power in hand, someone could reshape the whole universe, or should I say the heavens, as they see fit. THAT, is a heavenly gauntlet.

"...I hate it when your right"

You better.

-turned around to see Yang use her Ember Celica to propel herself further across the top of Emerald Forest.

"Oh yeah, Ruby and Yang started their first day at Beacon yesterday" Crow Qrow thought to himself. "I wonder if Ruby is- SCREEEEECH!"

"Birdie no!" Ruby yelled after hitting Qrow.

Both family members went falling down onto the forest floor, with Ruby landing on top of Qrow.

"Owwwwww..." the protagonist moaned before standing up. She stood while looking around, and saw the "crow" sprawled on the ground, twitching. "Oh no! I hurt a sweet innocent bird!"

The young girl let out a sniffle, "Don't worry birdie", Ruby said, raising Crescent Rose in the air, aiming it at Qrow. "I'll put you out of your misery"

"OH SHIT!" Qrow cursed in his mind. Which came out as "CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW!"

The alcoholic managed to get up, and make a bee line away from Ruby just before Crescent Rose came down.

"Oh, I guess it wasn't half dead after all" the black haired girl figured, watching Qrow fly away. "Wait a second! I gotta find Yang!"

With the goal of finding her sister in mind, Ruby made a mad dash through the forest. "This is bad, this is really bad! I don't want Yang to get a partner who isn't me and get shipped with them! But what about me!? I don't wanna get shipped with any else besides Yang either!" Ruby thought with nervousness. "What if I get shipped with SpongeBob? Nah, I'm pretty sure Pyrrah wants to be shipped with him. Maybe I could be shipped with Blake? NO! Weiss has a crush on her, and Blake has a crush on Weiss! I can't ruin a blossoming relationshi- OH NO!"

Ruby skidded to halt, stopping a few feet away from Weiss. The Ice Princess looked up at the incestual girl. They locked eyes for a few seconds, before Weiss yelled out, "NO!"

"No is right!" Ruby Rose loudly agreed. "I wanted to be with Yang"

"And I wanted to be with Blake" Weiss revealed, crossing her arms with a blush.

Ruby let a slightly shocked expression fill her face, but returned to a calm demeanor. "Look, you don't want to get shipped with me, do you?"

"Like, I literally just said I wanted to be with Blake"

"Right, and I wanted to be with Yang. But unfortunately, by the rules of Headmaster Ozpin, we saw each other before seeing anyone else, so..." Ruby trailed off, giving Weiss a look that basically said sorry...with a smile of course.

Snow White narrowed her eyes, "Like, hell no. Plus, I have a restraining order. With YOUR name on it"

After Elsa's reply, she stomped away from Ruby. Leaving the girl a bit heartbroken...a friendship type of heartbroken, totally not a romantic type of heartbroken, ha ha...POLLINATION CONFIRMED!

"Oh God. Not Pollination"

"What's Pollination?" Ruby asked.

It's where EVERYBODY gets shipped with each other.

"Does this mean I can get shipped with Yang!?" the darkly dressed girl continued to ask.

"And everybody in Remnant"

Not everybody in Remnant. Just team RWBY.

"What's team RWBY? *Gasp* Is that my future team!?"

Yes, your team will consist of you, Weiss, Blake, and Yang.

"YAY! By being shipped with those three...I can shove Crescent Rose in each and everyone of them!" Ruby said that last part like some sort of demonic creature.

"Good God, you've created a monster. A crazed, weapon fetish loving monster"

Yeah, yeah. Anyway, Weiss is coming back.

"Huh?" Ruby got out of her craze daze and saw Weiss walking back towards her. "What happened? Did the voices in your head tell you that we're going to be on the same team too?"

"What!? No! I saw that SquareBob Spongepants guy hanging from a tree and DID NOT want to be HIS partner! Plus, he was going on about the forest reminding him of a song called the "Campfire Song Song"" Weiss explained to Ruby.

"Does this mean we're-"

Weiss interrupted Ruby by walking past her and grabbing her by the back of her red hood, dragging the black haired girl along. "If I'm going to be shipped with you, know this. I do NOT do anal"

"Can I eat your ass instead?" Red Riding Hood questioned.

"Ugh, you're literally a bigger freak than I thought" Weiss said with disgust in her voice.

SpongeBob

"Ah, isn't the view just wonderful? Trees and mountains that look like paintings in the background. Birds flying in the air, a clear blue sky, and a blonde haired girl using bursts of fire to jump across the top of the forest. Yep, just beautiful" the Sponge said to himself while sitting atop a high branch.

"SpongeBob! Hey, SpongeBob!" Pyrrah shouted up to him.

"Hm? Oh, hey Pyrrah" the Sponge shouted back down at her.

"I uh...overheard you telling Weiss the forest reminded you of the "Campfire Song Song"" the redhead told SpongeBob.

"Yep" Mr. Squarepants confirmed before jumping all the way down to the ground (Without taking any damage since he's a cartoon character. Or at least more cartoony than RWBY characters).

"Are you...in the mood to sing it?" Pyrrah inquired, slightly shy.

SpongeBob instantly pulled a ukulele out of nowhere, "I'm always in the mood to sing!"

"Yay!" Ms. Nikos exclaimed, jumping for joy.

"Alright, I'll start us off. Ahem" the Sponge began. "Let's gather 'round the campfire, and sing our "Campfire Song". The C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G Song. And if you don't think that we can sing it faster then you're wrong. But it'll help if you just sing along!"

"Bum, bum, bum..." Pyrrah trailed off, mimicking Patrick in the actual SpongeBob episode called "The Camping Episode".

"C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G Song, C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G Song! And if you don't think that we can sing it faster then you're wrong! But it'll help if you just sing along!" SpongeBob sung faster while Pyrrah sung along with him. "C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G Song, Pyrrah!"

"The C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G Song!" the fangirl quickly sang in her solo.

"Salem!" the pineapple dweller shouted.

"What!?"

"Good!" after that, a stage appeared out of nowhere, with Pyrrah playing drums, SpongeBob still playing his ukulele, and fireworks going off in the background.

"It'll hellllllllp, it'll hellllllllp! If you just sing alooooooong!" the square creature finished, jumping off stage and repeatedly slamming his instrument on the ground until it was destroyed. Then Pyrrah ran up behind SpongeBob, and threw her drum on him. "OH YYYYYEAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" the Sponge screamed, popping out of the drum like a Chestburster from the Alien franchise.

"What. The hell. Did I just witness?"

The Campfire Song Song.

"I know, but what the hell was all that extra equipment for?"

What equipment?

The stage, drums, and fireworks! And why did the song keep getting faster, and faster? How is the forest not on fire after those fireworks going off? Why did SpongeBob slam his ukulala on the-"

It's ukulele. Not ukulala.

"WHATEVER! Just get me away from this nonsensical sponge!"

...Okay.

Back with Ruby and Weiss

"You...actually listened to me"

Only because I needed a way to transition from SpongeBob and Pyrrah, to Ruby and Weiss.

"Oh, I should've know you didn't care about what I think"

You make me sound like a bad person.

"You are!"

But you're trying to kill all the humans in Remnant! I'm not trying to do that!

"I get the strange feeling that you are, and then some"

"Hey, can you two stop talking? Weiss is about to tell me something" Ruby politely asked.

"Are you talking to the voices in your head?" Weiss questioned, walking next to the protagonist.

"Yes" Ms. Rose answered.

"Ugh, you're totally fucking crazy" the Valley girl muttered. "Why do I have to be shipped with a crazy girl?"

"Okay, do you know anybody named Salem?" Ruby asked the white haired.

"I know my man servants talk about her "Legendary Dick" sometimes, but that's about it" Weiss admitted.

"Well, she's one of the voices in my head. I think she's linked to me for some reason" Ruby revealed.

"Ru-bae! There is no such thing as Salem, she's just a figment of your psychotic tiny mind!" Weiss loudly told the black haired girl.

"Okay, maybe she isn't. But what about the Fanfiction writer in my mind. He's writing the story as it goes along!"

"Really? Okay, why don't you make him make me trip and fall" Weiss joked.

"Hey, Fanfiction author! Can you make-"

On it.

Weiss tripped, and fell.

"Ow! Like, what the heck just happened!? There wasn't anything in front of me!" Weiss angrily shouted.

"It was the Fanfiction writer!" Ruby stated, squatting down to Weiss' level.

"No it wasn't. Me tripping was just a coincidence!" Snow White argued, standing up as Ruby stood up as well.

Are you sure, little Ms. Valley girl?

"...Who said that?" Weiss questioned, looking around.

"Oh, great. Now Weiss can hear us"

"Is that...Salem!?" Elsa shouted.

And me. The Fanfiction writer.

"...You totally cursed me!" the white haired girl blamed, pointing at Ruby.

"N-no I didn't" Ruby Rube defended.

Well, if it wasn't for you trying to prove my existence, then Weiss wouldn't be hearing me right now.

"Nor me"

"Grrrrrrrrr...that's it! Fanfiction writer! Make Ru-bae go away!" Weiss demanded.

Alright.

Soon after Ghost White's demand, both girls heard rustling coming from the bushes.

"Ha! A Grimm! That'll get rid of-"

A blue blur jumped out of the bushes, interrupting Weiss, and said, "Hi! I'm Sonic! Sonic the Hedgehog!"

"What!? How is this blue humanoid pin cushion supposed to-"

"Hey, Ruby! I hear you have speed Semblance! Wanna race?" the hedgehog asked.

"Sure" Ruby replied with smile.

In the blink of an eye, both Ruby and Sonic dashed out of sight. With Ruby leaving behind a trail of rose petals, while Sonic left a blue blur.

"Where do those petals come from?" Weiss inquired to herself, waving them away. "Bah, whatever. At least Ru-bae is gone. Thanks Fanfiction writer!"

I wouldn't be thanking me just yet. According to the canon in "The First Step Part 2", you get attacked by a Beowolf.

"WHAT!?"

"RRROOOOAAAARRRRR!" a Beowolf roared, lunging at Weiss from a bush.

Oh no! What a cliff hanger! I hope Weiss doesn't die!

"The sarcasm is literally dripping in your sentence"

But seriously though. Did the writers really think the audience would think Weiss would die this early in the series? Especially when she had her own trailer before RWBY aired. Well, RWBY isn't a T.V series, so the show didn't exactly air. It was posted on Rooster Teeth's website and YouTube.

"Uh-huh. Can you just end this chapter already?"

I'll end this chapter when I feel like it.

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...Okay, I'll end it. The End.

"At last. Good day to you, malicious sir"

...

...She's gone. Do you know what that means dear readers? I can finally put my true plan into action!

Juane

Far, far away, on an island in the middle of the ocean lied Swallow Falls (From Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs). On said island lived Juane Arc. A handsome, slightly basic looking blonde haired anime character (3-D anime if you want to be technical). This character who gained popularity in RWBY fanfiction as an OP character was working in his father's sardine store (Appropriately named Tim's & Son's Sardine bait and Tackle (Also, Tim Lockwood is Juane's father. The blonde changed his name to sound cool)).

Currently, the young man was stacking Sardine cans on a shelf. Not knowing of his destined fate.

Hey, Juane. Can you hear me?

"Huh? Who said that" Juane asked, looking around the store.

I'm uh...a God. Talking to you, through your mind, with my godly powers.

"Oh yeah? What would a God want with a simple chump like me?" Juane pressed, stacking more cans.

What if I told you that you can become the most powerful person in the world?

Mr. Arc stopped stacking. "I'm listening"

Okay, to become the most powerful person in the world, we'll have to start small. So, I'll unlock your hidden abilities.

"Unlock my hidden abilities? I don't have-"

Juane suddenly felt a wave of energy flow through his body. Stretching out to the tips of his fingers and toes.

"Whoa! Is this...is this my hidden power?" the young man questioned. Clenching, and unclenching his hands.

Yes, now crush a sardine can.

Juane Arc did what he was told, and crushed a sardine can with his bare hand. Letting the disgusting fish smelling juice flow out, and down his arm.

"Wow, y-you actually gave me powers!" Juane remarked, shaking off the juice.

Good, but I must leave you until you learn how to control your power. I will return once you've gained more control, and teach you how to become even stronger.

"Of course, but...why me? I mean, I'm just a nobody" the blonde questioned.

You know the cliche in anime where a weak person is secretly the strongest person in the world? Or becomes the strongest person in the world due to bullshit reasoning? That's you.

"Oh, well, cliches aside, thanks for unlocking my hidden abilities" Juane thanked. "I'll make sure to master them to learn more from you"

Excellent, until next time, Mr. Arc.

Mwahahahahahahahahahaha! My perfect plan started off without a hitch! Now all I have to do is wait until Juane gains control of his abilities, and return to teach him how to become, "The Ultimate Superior Legendary OP Mega Supreme Super Saiyan God"! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

"Why the hell are you laughing!? You ended this chapter, remember!"

O-oh yeah, right. The End!

A/N: Uh-oh, what could the author have planned for Juane!? What will happen to the world once he reaches "The Ultimate Superior Legendary OP Mega Supreme Super Saiyan God" state!? Stayed tuned fellow readers, because it only gets crazier from here.

Make sure to Favorite, Follow, and leave a review/comment. It lets's me know you're enjoying the story.