Volume 1 (Technically Season 1), Chapter 7: The Master Emerald Forest, Part 2
A/N: Woo! Only three days between updates. I think that's a personal record for me. Mostly because the actual episode, "The Emerald Forest, Part 2" was so short. It's only four minutes and forty-seven seconds long, with the intro and outro segments. So yeah, pretty short. Anyway, here's chapter 7, enjoy.
Well well well, Chapter 7 is-
"Shut up!"
Damn, what did I do? I'm just trying to narrate.
"I'm trying to plan my grand entrance!"
Your grand entrance?
"I uh...might have told Salem to have fun in this story" Ozpin informed with a sheepish smile.
Wha-? When!?
"After you left in Chapter 6" Ozpin further informed.
After I...what else have you two done after I left!?
"Actually, that was the fist time Ozpin and I have spoken without your knowledge"
Aw, c'mon guys. We're not supposed to do stuff without each other. (That's a lie. I started my secret plan at the end of Chapter 5.)
"Who the hell came up with that rule?"
...Me.
"Ha! I don't follow the rules of a mere mortal"
Ugh, fine. But what's this grand entrance you're talking about?
"I want to make my first physical appearance to team RWBY early. Which is really early considering none of them have seen me yet, and Ruby, Nora, Juane, and Ren are the only ones who know I exist in Volume 4"
Hmm...that might actually be beneficial to the story. You appearing earlier than expected would really make this an Abridged Crackfic Parody.
"Rolllllll credits" Oz joked.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"You know how in movies when someone says the movie's title, and the credits roll right after?" the silver haired man asked.
"No"
You've never seen a movie?
"I live in an ancient castle with no electricity in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. What do you think?"
"That you actually live in the middle of hell instead of bumfuck nowhere?" Oz questioned with a smile.
"Shut up!"
"Oz!? How did you get back here!?" Glynda Goodwitch furiously inquired the headmaster.
"Ruh-oh"
Beacon Cliff
Ozpin promptly turned around to see a steaming mad Glynda.
"Greetings, Glynda. How are you doing?" Oz politely addressed the blonde.
"You mean after you told me to go make you sandwich?" Ms. Goodwitch shot back.
"No, you didn't get the joke. I asked you that because your last name is GoodWITCH. Get it?"
"...Oh. That changes everything" the basic anime teacher answered in a slight chuckle.
"Really?"
"Nope" Glynda sharply replied, kicking Ozpin in his balls.
The silver haired man dropped his cane, and hot chocolate to grab his crotch. "Ouch, I...never realized...being kicked in my balls...could be so painful"
"You've never been kicked in your balls?" the blonde haired woman question in curiosity.
"Believe it or not...no" Ozpin answered, falling to the ground in pain.
"Hmph, anyway. I wish we had some convenient live footage of what the students are doing right now" Glynda wished, crossing her arms.
"I don't think you would like what you'd see" Oz responded, still on the ground.
"What do you mean?"
"Let's just say Ruby Rose just finished licking the crack of something"
"...What!?"
Ruby and Weiss
"...What!?" Weiss shouted.
"I said, can I eat out your ass again?" Ruby repeated, holding Weiss' left hand with her right hand.
"You literally just finished eating me out a minute ago" the white haired girl stated, walking next to Ruby hand in hand.
"Can we have a make out session?" Red Riding Hood asked.
"Like, hell no. Your mouth was in my ass. So I don't want your lips anywhere near mine until you brush your teeth 20 times" Ms. Schnee ordered.
"Yes, please hold off on doing that. My stomach can only take so much"
"Wait, YOU SAW US!?" Weiss screamed out in utter embarrassment, letting go of Ruby's hand and turning redder than a tomato.
Uh, yeah. We're the narrators. We see everything.
Elsa gasped in surprise, "You too!?"
"Wow, so we kinda experienced exhibitionism...I like it~" Ruby pervertedly said.
"No! I don't want to be watched by people every time I do something private!" Weiss shouted in defense.
But all we do is narrate. It's not like we're gonna tell the world what you-"
"I just posted pictures of Ruby eating out Weiss' ass on the internet"
"WHAT!?" the Ice Queen shrieked.
How did you do that? You just said that you live in an ancient castle with no electricity in the middle of bumfuck nowhere.
"Yes, and as a narrator, I can change little things. Like my castle finally having electricity and Wi-Fi"
"I-I can't believe you did that Salem! Wh-why would you do that!?" Weiss cried out.
"Because I'm the villain, bitch. It's my job to make your existence and life as difficult, and as frustrating as possible"
"Why? What did I ever do to you?" Snow White pressed.
"It's not about what you did. It's about what you, and team RWBY will do in the future to thwart my evil plans!"
"Team RWBY? Future? Evil plans?" Weiss asked herself aloud.
"I told you we were going to be on the same team together!" Ruby happily told Weiss.
Woah! What happened to not telling the characters what'll happen in the future?
"I'm done trying to prevent the impossible! From now on, I'll only provoke the plausible!"
Uh...what the hell does that mean?
Right after the Fanfiction author asked his question, a large purple fire started behind Ruby and Weiss. Both girls turned around and were surprised at the sudden flames. The fire slowly started dwindling down, to the point where an unsettling figure could be seen. A figure with deathly pallor skin covered with deep red, and purple veins that ran up it's arms and face. The sclerae of it's eyes were jet black, and it's irises were colored red. Along with a black diamond shaped marking in the center of it's forehead.
"L-l-like, wh-who the hell are you?" Weiss stuttered to inquire in terror.
"Yeah, and why do you look evil?" Ruby also inquired, not scared in the slightest.
"I'm Salem" the witch responded as purple fire formed in her hands.
Little Red Riding Hood and Snow White glanced at each other for a second before sprinting away.
"Come back here you little brats! I only want to kill you! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Salem shouted, running after the two girls.
Um...okay. Why don't we check up on Blake and Yang fellow readers?
Blake and Yang
"...I feel like something evil just appeared" Yang said aloud, looking around the forest.
The Bumblebee pair were still trekking through Emerald Forest, trying to find an emerald Professor Ozpin assigned them to find back in Chapter 4.
"I...I feel like we shouldn't be shipped together. Meow meow" Blake commented in a shy manner.
Yang instantaneously stopped in her tracks, and looked at Blake. "Look, I don't want to be shipped with you either. But if we don't learn to love each other, then bad things will happen"
"You mean rabid fans going online and bitching about their ship not being canon? Then going on, and on about how their ship is superior to all the other ships? Even though their ship doesn't make any sense? Meow meow" the black haired girl derided.
"Uh...well, that certainly isn't good, or bad, more like annoying actually. But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about bad things happening to us!" Yang warned.
"Bad things happening to us? What could possibly-"
*CRACK-A-THOOM!*
The not Faunus suddenly found herself being struck by lightning, and fell to the ground from the shock of it all (Get it? Because she got struck by...I'll be quite).
"Told you" the blonde gloated, standing over Blake.
Blake was covered in soot, and coughed up a puff of it. "Yeah...you told me. Meow meow" Blake admitted as she got up with a saddened face.
"Blake, I know this may be hard, but maybe there could be a bright side to this. For instance, maybe Ruby and Weiss got shipped together" Ms. Xiao Long told her.
"Yeah right, let's just find the damn emerald and get this over...with..." Blake trailed off as she and Yang saw something amazing.
In the middle of a clearing lied a circular stone temple with seven pedestals on the outer edge. Five of the pedestals had emeralds on them, and in the center sat a large green emerald, with a dark skinned girl standing in front of it. Said girl had her hair stylized as straight fringe and bangs, as well as two long locks on each side, in the back.
Black and Yellow approached the young woman, with Yang greeting her, "Hi there"
"Oh, hello" the girl replied with a forced smile.
"So...my name is Yang, and this "ball of sunshine" is my shipped partner Blake" the large breast girl revealed. "What's yours?"
"My name is Emerald" Emerald told both of them (Yes, the same Emerald who works for Cinder)
"Wait, your name is Emerald, and you're guarding emeralds? Meow meow" Blake questioned.
"That's right" Ms. Sustrai confirmed.
Both Blake and Yang gave Emerald a deadpanned look that basically said, "Are you fucking serious?"
"Okay...well, we're just going to take one of these emeralds, and-"
"Yoo-hoo~! Emerald~, I'm here~" an unseen female said from the sky.
All three girls looked up and saw Rouge the Bat fly down (If any of you know who she is, you know why her and Emerald mix well together).
"Rouge!" Emerald yelled out excitedly.
"Aw, how's my darling little Emerald doing?" Rouge cooed, patting the mint-green haired girl's hair.
"Wonderful" the young thief responded.
"And did that idiot Knuckles believe you would keep the Master Emerald safe?" the humanoid bat questioned.
"Mostly because of my name" Emerald revealed.
"Ho ho ho, what a numbskull" Rouge made fun of.
The white haired furry reached behind her and pulled a jetpack out of nowhere. "Alright, here's your jetpack. We're going to steal this emerald from right under that red bastard's nose"
Yang and Blake just watched in dumbfoundment with wide circular anime eyes as Emerald put on the jetpack, and flew up in the air with Rouge carrying the Master Emerald, going in the Northeastern direction.
"Uh...was that bat woman a Faunus?" Yang asked Blake.
"All Faunus look like humans with some form of animal appendage. I...don't know what Rouge is. Meow meow" Blake answered.
"Hmm...anyway, we should take one of these smaller emeralds before-"
"My name is Knuckles, I don't chuckle. If you fuckle with me, you'll get a knuckle sandwich" Knuckles the Echidna sung aloud with eyes closed, walking toward the temple.
"Oh great, who the fuck is this?" the blonde bombshell angrily asked no one particular.
As soon as Knuckles heard Yang's voice, his eyes shot open. He looked directly at where the Master Emerald used to be, and screamed like a girl, "EEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!"
He immediately ran up to the pair of girls, and bombarded them with questions, "Who are you two!? Where's the Master Emerald!? Where's Emerald!? Why are you looking at me like I'm crazy!? Do you work for Eggman!? Shadow!? Rouge!? That fucking blue-"
*SLAP!*
Blake slapped Knuckles across his face in an effort to calm him down.
"Listen, our names are Blake and Yang. We don't work for, or know who Eggman, Shadow, or Rouge are. Emerald, the girl who you let guard the Master Emerald, works for Rouge, and they flew off in the Northeastern direction. Then we were looking at you like you were crazy because, well...you look crazy, plain and simple" Blake calmly told Knuckles.
"Ouch" the Echidna muttered to himself, rubbing his left cheek. "Grr...alright, I believe you guys. For now at least"
Knuckles then ran off to the Northeastern side of Emerald Forest, in an effort to catch up with Rouge and Emerald.
"Geez, let's grab an emerald before-"
"Your sister is falling from the sky. Meow meow" the bow headed girl informed Yang, interrupting her.
"WHAT!?"
SpongeBob and Pyrrha
The square sponge, and Amazon warrior stared at the opening to a cave. Not noticing the OBVIOUS cave drawings that warn them of the danger they'll soon encounter...or at least SpongeBob didn't notice.
"Do you think this is it?" Spongebob asked Pyrrha.
Pyrrha had a choice to make. She saw the cave paintings, and knew they meant a Deathstalker was inside the damp, dark, domain. She could tell SpongeBob no, and search somewhere else for the emeralds. But, she could lie, and have an intimate moment with SpongeBob, a very intimate moment.
"Um...yes! I do think this is it!" Pyrrha lied with a smile.
"Great, now if only we had a source of light to see in that cave"
"W-we don't need light" the red headed girl quickly replied. "We'll just fumble our way in the dark"
"That sounds a little danger-"
"Nonsense!" Pyrrha interrupted SpongeBob, grabbing his right hand and running into the cave.
Soon after, Ms. Nikos and Mr. Squarepants found themselves inside the cavernous cave. Pyrrha guided the yellow sponge through puddles on the ground, and past a few stalagmites
"Uh, Pyrrha? I'm not so sure the emeralds are in here anymore" SpongeBob told her, a bit unnerved by the dark.
"Don't be ridiculous. Something valuable like emeralds are always found in caves...and underground too" Pyrrha stated, letting go of spongeBob's hand.
"Huh!? Pyrrha!? You let go of my hand! Where'd you go!? I can't see where...why is my nose being stoked?" the Krusty Krab worker said that last part with a nasally voice.
"Wait, that's your nose?" the female warrior inquired.
"Yes" SpongeBob answered, still with a nasally voice.
"Damn it. I forgot how short you are" Pyrrha angrily muttered, letting go of his nose.
"You forgot how short I was? So...what were you trying to grab?"
"Uh...hey, what's glowing over there?" the redhead quickly blurted out, changing the subject.
Deeper in the dark, dank cave, Pyrrha saw what seemed to be large pointed chuck of gold that was hovering in mid-air.
"Wow, is that the emerald? It looks a little more golden that I thought" the sponge questioned.
"I don't know, but I'm gonna throw it outside so we can have a moment of intimacy in the dark" Pyrrha furiously declared, marching up to the "emerald".
"Uh, Pyrrha?"
The girl with polarity Semblance hopped up, and hung onto the "emerald", trying to pull it down. "Why. Won't. You. Move!?"
"Uh, Pyrrha?" SpongeBob addressed again.
"What!?" Pyrrha snapped back in 80% of annoyed frustration, and 20% of sexual frustration.
"That's not the emerald" Mr. Squarepants exclaimed.
"Pardon?" Pyrrha asked for confirmation.
"That's not the emerald. It's the stinger to a giant scorpion" SpongeBob revealed in nervousness.
The "emerald" then floated a bit further in the cave, allowing Pyrrha to be face to face a Deathstalker.
"Ooooooohhhhhh...this is a stinger. And the whole thing is a, Deathstalker" Pyrrha realized. "Y'know, this whole situation reminds me of the season 2 episode, "Sandy, SpongeBob, and the Worm". So I'll use one of Sandy's lines, ahem...RUUUUNN FOR YOUR LIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE!"
Both SpongeBob and Pyrrha bolted out of the cave, with the Deathstalker chasing after them. Not knowing of the greater danger that awaited them.
Done!
...Wow, this story doesn't feel the same without Salem giving her two cents on everything.
"Indeed, but the next chapter should be pretty exciting since Salem will be encountering team RWBY, and SNPR (Sniper)" Ozpin expected.
I hope so. I don't really know what'll happen next since Salem is out and about doing her own thing. So for now, The End...of Chapter 7.
A/N: That wraps up chapter 7 guys and gals. Then if you haven't figured it out yet, the next chapter will be about Salem trying to kill Ruby, Weiss, Blake, Yang, SpongeBob, Nora, Pyrrha, and Ren.
Make sure to Favorite, Follow, and leave a review/comment. It lets me know you're enjoying the story.