Chapter 19 - The Meadow

I'm up before the sun rises that morning, just moving from room to room doing random tasks, like straightening a picture frame or placing pillows on appropriate couches. I'm not really sure what else to do with my time.

Anakin joins me just before dawn, only wearing his thin brown shirt, halfway undone, and pants, without shoes. He sits in the living area on the circular rug, meditating. I wish I had that kind of peace. Out of a lack of things to do, I move over to join him in the living room, with a book. I haven't read this one since I was a little girl, and back then it confused me. I wonder if still will.

I settle into the couch and Anakin moves to leave.

"You're leaving," I ask, putting my book down for a moment.

"Yeah," he mumbles. "I... Finished."

I know he's lying.

"Don't feel any obligation to leave just because I want to read. Your time is just as important as mine."

He grins. "I'm sure the senate would disagree."

I nod, and leave the book on the end table next to me. "Why don't we go out? I know a little meadow near here, we can go have lunch."

He smiles, and nods. "Sounds like a good idea."

oOo

The summers here on Naboo are glorious. Warm, but not too hot, stormy at night, and always sunny during the daytime. I'd come to this meadow almost every day when I was staying at the lake house. We'd bring our lunches and have a picnic, surrounded by friends and family. I breathe in the sweet scent of the meadow, letting it fill my body.

"This place is beautiful," Anakin breathes, gently setting down our picnic basket.

"Isn't it," I agree. "I spent many happy days here."

Anakin almost dives into the soft, tall grass, like a little boy jumping into a snowdrift, or a pile of leaves. I laugh, joining him as he rolls around in the grass. We giggle together, smiling wide, forgetting our cares.

"When is the last time you came here," Anakin asks, inquisitively.

"Probably about twelve years ago," I reply, sitting up and pulling grass out of my hair. "I came here with the other members of student service."

"Would I know any of them?"

"Mmm..." I mumble, trying to remember. My class spanned several systems, and a lot of the students weren't from Naboo. "Senator Clovis from Scipio was part of the class," I tell him, "and then there was senator Chuchi from Pantora. And of course, him..." I sigh as I remember him. He was... Beautiful.

"Something tells me this 'him' was a bit more than just a classmate to you."

"Yeah, he was," I confess. "He was my first kiss."

"What was he like," he asks.

"I don't know," I mumble.

"Sure you do," he argues, "you just don't want to tell me."

"Are you gonna use one of your Jedi mind tricks on me," I tease.

"They only work on the weak minded."

"Alright," I cave. "I was twelve. His name was Paulo, we were both in the legislative youth program. He was a few years older than I. Very cute. Dark curly hair, dreamy eyes-"

"Alright, I get the picture," Anakin interrupts. "Whatever happened?"

"I went into public service," I explain, "he went on to become an artist."

"Maybe he was the smart one," Anakin smirks.

"You really don't like politicians, do you?"

He almost laughs. "I like two or three. But I'm not really sure about one of them."

We chuckle, and I turn away to look at the grass I'd been fiddling with. His look made my stomach sort of turn, and heat rushes to my cheeks.

"I don't think the system works," he says, idly.

"How would you have it work," I ask.

"We need a system where the politicians sit down and discuss the matter. Agree what's in the best interest of all the people, and then do it."

"That's exactly what we do," I explain. "The trouble is, the people don't always agree."

"Well then, they should be made to."

"By whom, who's gonna make them?"

"I dunno, someone!"

"You?"

"Of course not me!"

"But someone."

He nods. "Someone wise."

"Sounds an awful lot like a dictatorship to me," I sigh, looking back down at the grass.

"Well," he smirks. "If it works."

I look back at him, almost ready to punch him, but he's almost... Smiling. I can't tell if he's serious or not. A long silence falls, as we stare at each other. Then, he grins, almost teasing.

"You're making fun of me," I laugh.

"Oh, no," Anakin chuckles, "I'd be much too afraid to tease a senator!"

We laugh together, and I look at him again, and his smile. His lips again, soft and...

Snap out of it, I tell myself.

"Coming," Anakin asks, extending a hand to help me up.

"Yeah," I stammer, taking his hand. He pulls me up, a little too quickly, and I end up ramming into him. He stumbles back, surprised, but laughs.

"You almost kissed me," he snorts.

I smack the back of his head, and laugh. "Whatever!"

He winks at me, and takes off, running.

"Betcha I can ride one of these things," he says, making a beeline for a shaak.

The shaak bleats, and complains as Anakin jumps up on top of it, and charges. Anakin whoops as he tries to steady himself on top of the monstrous animal, laughing as he goes. I run after them, grinning from ear to ear. They careen through the hills, wind blowing the grass around them, flinging seeds and pollen up into the air in a whirlwind of scents and colours. I laugh as Anakin slips and stumbles on the shaak's slippery skin, but quickly regains his balance and whoops.

Then the shaak bucks, and Anakin is sent flying off of it's back and onto he grass. My heart falls, and so does my grin. The animal, unaware of the danger, tramples over him, disregarding the danger. The shaak is a heavy animal, and could seriously injure anyone under their feet.

"Ani," I call, hoping that he'll get up and tell me he's okay.

He grunts, and tries to stand, pushing up with his palms against he grass, and a feeling of relief rises in me.

Then, almost in slow motion, his hands slip, and he collapses, his back no longer moving with his breaths, and his body laying still. My heart drops into the floor, and I feel sick to my stomach.

"Anakin," I call, rushing over to him, praying that he's alright. "Anakin!"

I turn him over, my breaths coming in pants.

He laughs, turning back so he can see me, his arms come up to block his face, anticipating that I'd hit him. I feel so relieved, and yet so angry that he tricked me. But my anger is trumped by the very sight of his smile, the laugh which is like music to my ears. I smack him on the chest, and hug him close.

He pulls me under him, wanting to pin me down. Not on my watch, I think, and I pull him under me. He retaliates, one more pull from him, but I'm absolutely sure I won't be cornered. I pull him one last time, and he gives up with a laugh.

I win.

oOo

We pack up to leave, and he watches me closely. I try to ignore him, but his eyes follow my every move, like he's mesmerized by me. I know he likes me. And I know I like him... But there's so many things in our way. There's nothing I can do. So instead, I just smile at him, and ask for help carrying the basket. It's not heavy, but if he has something to do, then he won't stare at me as much.

I flip my hair behind my ear and smile. "It's been a really great afternoon with you, Ani."

"Yeah," he says, "for me, too."

I try to sneak a glance at him again, and catch him glancing at me. I blush, and look away, trying to mask my embarrassment. I hear him shift hands with his basket, and feel his calloused fingers against my chin, guiding me to look at him again.

I should stop him.

But I can't.

Our eyes meet again, and his eyelids lower, so that only half of his eye is visible. It's bedroom eyes, like so many I've seen before and turned away. But for some reason, I can't turn his away. My mouth sort of drops open, slightly, inviting him to kiss me.

He drops the basket, and his other hand takes my other cheek, guiding my face to his. My heartbeat pounds in my ears, and I want nothing more than to kiss him, to feel his lips against mine again, like before on the balcony.

My eyelids flutter closed, ready to accept the kiss, when his hands suddenly drop. Immediately, I open my eyes, to see Anakin, bending over to pick up the basket again.

"Sorry, M'Lady. It won't happen again."

I nod, secretly resenting the idea. I want this. I need this. But I can't have it. Not now, not ever. I can't let my emotions for this boy get in the way of his life as a Jedi, and my career as a politician. His shoulders slump slightly, and I hear him sigh. I know he can feel my emotions, and he knows I'm disappointed. But it's for the good of us both.

The rest of the walk is silent, and awkward. The tension between us keeps us from speaking again, though. A single tear falls from my eye as I feel my heart breaking, knowing that I've fallen, head over heels, for a boy I'll never have.