Chapter 21 - Night Terrors
His laugh fills the air and makes my heart swell. I watch as his head reels back, his shoulders heave as his voice escapes from him in joyful bursts. My head swims in his voice, in his being, in him. He smiles at me, and I realize that I recognize his face.
"Anakin," I breathe, a smile stretching across my face.
"I love you, Padme," he says, taking my hand in his own.
He leans over to kiss me, and my heart beats quickly, wishing, willing his lips to meet mine. I'm filled with excitement, with happiness, almost giddy in the quiet meadow where we sit, far away from the Senate, from the Jedi Order. Here, in this one moment where we can be here, together forever.
His arms tighten around me, and I feel safe, I feel home. My eyelashes flutter closed as his lips brush against mine, and the whole world falls away.
And then, it actually falls away.
I scream, clinging to his arm for dear life, Rush Clovis clutching the other. Together, we dangle off the edge of a building, surrounded by blaster fire and explosions.
"I can't hold both of you," Anakin grunts, pulling us upwards with all his might.
I watch as the fire disappears from Clovis' eyes, and he opens his mouth to speak. I shout in protest, but it is already too late. I watch as he falls several stories to his death. Anakin sighs as he pulls me up to join him in safety, and I resign myself to a crying mess on his chest.
oOo
I awake to the sound of his cries, a childlike whimper coming from his room. He's having another nightmare. I roll over onto my side, and watch as he opens his door and stumbles down the hall towards the balcony. He twists his fingers into his hair, and bites his lip, his shoulders heaving.
I shouldn't get involved. This is his problem to deal with. And I'm so tired. I could stay here and rest some more.
I lie there, on my back, tossing and turning in thought. On the one hand, he is my friend, and I care about him. On the other, he wants to be my lover, and if I show him that I care, he may take that opportunity to do something stupid.
"Ugh," I grumble to myself as I pull myself out from under the sheets. The sun is about to rise anyway, and I can't sleep with this on my mind. I follow him, quietly moving through the hall.
He stands on the center of the balcony, his hands clasped behind his back, his shoulders back, and his eyes closed. His breaths come in evenly, and he looks almost serene. He looks... Tranquil. I shouldn't bother him. I turn to go.
"Don't go," he says, making me stop dead in my tracks. A shiver comes over me, as I take a deep breath.
"I don't want to disturb you," I explain, turning around.
He takes a deep breath, as if he's breathing in my scent. "Your presence is soothing."
I watch him, as he shifts his stance, less rigid, and more comfortable.
"You had another nightmare last night," I say.
"Jedi don't have nightmares," he protests.
"I heard you."
He stays silent, for a moment, contemplating whether or not he should tell me what he dreamt. "I saw my mother," he says. "She is suffering, Padmé." He turns to face me now, his breaths coming quicker and quicker as he begins to panic. "I saw her as clearly as I see you now. She is in pain," he nearly sobs, turning away from me. "I know I'm disobeying my mandate to protect you, senator, but I have to go. I have to help her!"
"I'll go with you," I tell him, resisting the urge to put a soothing hand on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry, I don't have a choice."
oOo
We arrive back in the capital a few hours later, and take my senate ship to Tattooine. I dread the memories of stumbling over towering waves of sand and being pelted by tiny rocks, but I have to support him. I can't just let him suffer while his mother may be dying somewhere, far away from him.
"Where are we going to start," I ask, if only to fill the silence as we reach the sun-baked planet.
"We'll ask Watto first. He's her owner, after all. Maybe he knows where she is."
The ship touches down, gently, and Anakin leads me through the hangar, like nothing has changed in the last ten years. He wrinkles his nose at the feeling of the sand against his skin, but keeps walking.
We head to the shop, and find the Toydarian shopkeeper outside, attempting to put a pit droid back together, with little success. Had this been a happier occasion, Anakin might have laughed at the bumbling old guy, but instead, he walks over to him, his face neutral, his gait full of purpose.
"Chut chut, Watto," he says, speaking to his old master in the dialect of the people of Tattooine. The Toydarian looks up at him in shock and fear. "Dingme chasa hopa," Anakin continues, picking up the piece of machinery and fixing the shopkeeper's mistake.
"Gibuda," Watto protests. "Yu banabe hota! Jedha..." His eyes widen in fear. "Jedi! No badha, no dohdoh!" He then knocks the wrench he's holding out of his hand, and it falls down on top of his foot, making him yelp in pain.
Anakin ignores him. "Mi boshka de Shmi Skywalker."
Watto thinks for a moment, and then the thought dawns on him. "Ani," he asks, "lil' Ani?"
Anakin places the fixed droid back on the table in front of Watto, and almost smiles. Watto looks down, and jumps for joy.
"You are Ani," he exclaims, "it is you! You sure sprouted, huh?" He laughs. "A Jedi! Whaddya know? Hey, maybe you could help me with some deadbeats, who owe me a lotta money."
"My mother," Anakin demands.
"Oh, yeah, uh, Shmi," Watto stutters. "Ah, she's not mine no more, uh, I sold her."
"You sold her?"
"Years ago! Sorry, Ani, but you know, business is business, eh?" He chuckles. "Yeah, I sold her to a moisture farmer named uh, Lars. At least I think it was Lars. Believe it or not, I heard he freed her! And married her! Can you beat that, huh? Yeah!"
"Do you know where they are now," Anakin asks, disheartened by the thought of another wild goose chase.
"Oh, long ways from here. Someplace over on the other side of Mos Eisley I think."
"I'd like to know."
Watto shudders, and almost snaps back to attention. "Uh, sure, absolutely," he smiles. "Let's go look at my records, huh?"
oOo
Only a few hours later, we arrive at the home of one Cliegg Lars, the man who supposedly married Anakin's mother, and the place of her last known whereabouts. Anakin digs his fingertips into his palms, and I follow him silently, trying to distract myself from the awkwardness of the situation. As we near the house, a rusted metal figure watches us in mild wonder.
"Oh," the droid exclaims, "hello! How might I be of service? I am C-"
"3PO," Anakin asks in disbelief. I remember that droid, the one me made all by himself. He'd shown it to me ten years ago, laying across the spare bed at his childhood home. A nostalgic smile spreads across Anakin's face as he remembers the droid as well.
"Oh, um," C-3PO mumbles, before gathering his thoughts. "The maker! Oh master Ani. I knew you would return. And miss Padmé, oh my!"
"Hello, 3PO," I smile.
"Bless my circuits I'm so pleased to see you both!"
"I've come to see my mother," Anakin explains.
"Oh," the droid says with a more solemn tone. "Um, I think perhaps we'd better go indoors."
We follow the quirky droid down into the house as I calls out to his masters.
"Master Owen," he says, "might I present two most important visitors."
Anakin introduces himself, and he young man named Owen announces himself. "This is my girlfriend, Beru." He gestures at the young woman by his side.
"Hello," she says.
"I'm Padmé," I say, mostly out of courtesy.
"I guess I'm your stepbrother," Owen says. "I had a feeling you might show up someday."
Anakin begins to wander, looking around the small dwelling. "Is my mother here," he asks.
"No, she's not," an older man says, making us all turn to face him. He sits in a hover chair, his legs, or what's left of his legs bandaged up. "Cliegg Lars," he says, shaking Anakin's hand. "Shmi is my wife. We should go inside, we have a lot to talk about."
oOo
"It was just before dawn," Cliegg explains, "they came out of nowhere, the hunting party of Tusken Raiders. Your mother had gone out early like she always did to pick mushrooms that grow on the vaporators. From the tracks, she was about halfway home when they took her. Those Tuskens walk like men, but they're vicious, mindless monsters."
I feel a bit sick to my stomach, and Anakin rests his head in his hands.
"Thirty of us went out after her, four of us came back. I'd be out there with them, but after I lost my leg I just couldn't ride anymore, until I heal.
"I don't wanna give up on her, but she's been gone a month. There's little hope she's lasted this long."
Anakin stands, and I my mouth drops open in surprise.
He's going to look for her.
"Where are you going," Owen asks.
"To find my mother," Anakin replies, and my heart sinks a little further into the ground.
"Your mother's dead, son," Cliegg says. "Accept it."
Anakin shakes his head, and I watch him go, matching up the stairs back to ground level. I excuse myself and follow him, hoping to catch him before he zips off on his own.
He waits for me outside, meditating again.
"You're gonna have to stay here," he says, his eyes looking straight back at mine. "These are good people, Padmé, you'll be safe."
His eyes are full of worry and doubt, and I reach out to touch him, to soothe his tortured soul. "Anakin," I plead before wrapping my arms around him. My lips lightly brush his cheek, almost as if it was an accident. I want to kiss him, to convince him to stay, to be safe here with me, but no amount of begging or pleading will do any good.
"I won't be long," he tells me as he breaks away. I stand and watch, helpless to stop him as he mounts the Lars' speedbike and disappears into the distance.
All I can hope now is that he comes back safely.