Chapter 22 - A Sleepless Night

"He left," Beru muses as she steps out of the house.

"Yeah."

"You can stay with us until he comes back. If he comes back at all."

"He will come back," I tell her. "He's a Jedi."

She shakes her head. "Follow me."

She leads me through the house to their small guest room. "I don't suppose you have a change of clothes with you," she asks.

"Always," I answer, "it's in the ship."

"Good, I don't think any of my clothes would fit you." She shrugs her shoulders and pulls a woken blanket over the foot of the bed.

"Thanks for the offer, anyway." I smile and sit down on the bed.

"So, are you joining the family anytime soon?"

"What?"

"Well, it looked like you and him were pretty close." She eyes me suspiciously.

"Anakin and I?"

She nods, and lifts an eyebrow.

"He's a Jedi, Beru. We couldn't even if we wanted to."

"That's never stopped anybody," she argues, turning her back to me.

"Why do people keep saying this to me?"

"Because it's true," Beru says. "I've seen it happen."

I roll my eyes. "Why am I even talking to you about this?"

"Because I'm the only girl here," Beru huffs, "and your boyfriend just sent himself out on a suicide mission."

"He's not my boyfriend," I state, firmly.

Now it's her turn to roll her eyes at me. "Whatever you say, doll."

She leaves the room, closing the door behind her. I fold my arms and pace for a moment, anger and confusion swelling up in me like a peeved off rancor. My hands somehow make their way up to my hair, removing the tight hairpiece and letting it drop to the floor with a thud. My thick, brown hair drops to my shoulders, still tangled in braids and twists, but no longer retaining their shape. Then I comb my fingers through my hair, letting the intricate braids loosen and fall away.

After a moment, I feel much better, no longer angry. I sigh, and head for the door again, knowing I'll have to go get a change of clothes from the ship.

As I leave the house, R2 comes to meet me, trailed by an exasperated droid squawking orders at him.

"R2?" I ask, "what are you doing away from the ship?"

The droid beeps angrily, and shudders with anger.

"Yes, he's going to be ok, R2. Honestly. He'll be back by morning."

R2 bleeps again, still frustrated with me.

"Can we talk about this later, R2? I need to get my suitcase from the ship."

The droid beeps as if he's muttering, and rolls back towards the ship with me.

"Don't worry, R2," I tell him. "He'll be back."

oOo

When dawn breaks the next morning, the sound of a speedbike returns, and I rush out of bed to meet him, throwing a shawl over my shoulders, not bothering to do my hair. I watch him as he lifts a large bundle from the back of the bike, his lips twisted into a darkened frown. His eyes are dark, tortured, angry.

Cliegg takes one look at the bundle and tears begin to form in his eyes, his shoulders shaking and shuddering. Owen and Beru place their hands on his shoulders, their own eyes misting as well. But Anakin stands alone, clutching the bundle that was once his mother, with tired eyes and a heavy heart.

He places her down on the table, so that the others can help him prepare her for burial. Beru quickly makes her way over with a warm cloth, wiping away the dirt and dried blood from the woman's skin. Owen follows with a change of clothes, and I watch with a heavy heart as Anakin touches her cheek one last time before she's lifted up onto the transit stretcher.

Anakin doesn't speak to me, but heads towards the stairs leading to the basement. I watch him in dismay, words wanting to burst forth and to tell him that I feel bad for him, but refusing to come out. His shoulders shudder and shake as he descends the staircase, and I watch him nervously.

"This must be so hard on him," Cliegg whispers next to me. "She was his only parent." I nod, and he takes my hand. "He'll be counting on you to take care of him now," he says, and squeezes my fingers. "Can you do that, senator?"

I glance over at him, surprised he knows who I am. He smiles at me, hopeful.

"Yeah," I reply, guardedly. "I can do that."

oOo

A few hours pass, and he doesn't reappear, opting to stay in the basement for the time being.

"He ought to be hungry by now," Beru tells me, handing me a tray with a large bowl and a glass of blue liquid on it. "Bring this to him."

I nod, and gratefully take the tray. I find him in the appliances room, bent over a broken piece of machinery. He huffs as he cranks his wrench, wiping away what tears manage to move past his eyes. He stays completely focused on his work, his mind too preoccupied to dwell on his mother.

"I brought you something, are you hungry?" I offer him the tray, letting my voice turn his attention to me.

"The shifter broke," he sniffs. "Life seems so much simpler when you're fixing things." He stares down at his work, suppressing what tears threaten to spring to his eyes.

I sigh, and place the tray of food down on the counter, and move to be closer to him without touching him.

"I'm good at fixing things," he says, "always was. But I couldn't-" his words break away from him as his sadness and grief deepens.

I want to stop him, to tell him that it wasn't his fault, but he keeps struggling, forcing his words out.

"Why'd she have to die? Why couldn't I save her? I know I could have!" He sighs deeply, his body almost deflating.

"Sometimes there are things no-one can fix." I want to reach out to him, to fix him. "You're not all-powerful, Ani-"

"-Well I should be!" I take a step backward, startled by his sudden outburst. "Someday, I will be," he continues, anger seething through him. "I will be the most powerful Jedi ever! I promise you," he growls, looking straight at me now, his eyes never faltering. "I will even learn to stop people from dying!"

"Anakin-"

"It's all Obi Wan's fault! He's jealous! He's holding me back!" His anger takes over his body, and launches the wrench in his hand towards the wall, where it clatters to the floor.

"What's wrong, Ani?"

"I... I killed them," he whispers.

I take another step back, almost knocking the tray off of the table.

"I killed them all. They're dead. Every single one of them." I take a deep breath, hoping that he's just bluffing. "And not just the men." My heard drops into my feet as he shakes his head, his eyes locking with mine. "But the women, and the children, too! They're like animals, and I slaughtered them like animals." His tears streak down his face now, his beautiful blue orbs leaking. "I hate them!"

His legs almost give out, and I watch as he collapses against the thick metal container of the shifter, tangling his hands into his short hair, and shuddering as he sobs.

"To be angry is to be human," I soothe, reaching out for him.

"I'm a Jedi! I know I'm better than this."

My heart reaches out to him, and before I can even understand what I'm doing, I have my arms wrapped around him in a warm embrace. He doesn't reciprocate, other than leaning his head on my shoulder to cry. Even so, I watch as his muscles relax and he begins to calm down.

"We can get through this," I whisper, tangling his short hair in my fingers. "Together."

oOo

I decide to go to bed early tonight, realizing that it'll be an early morning tomorrow to get back to Naboo without the council or Obi Wan noticing. I change clothes and flick off the light, ready for a restful and quiet sleep. Today was enough stress for the whole year, let alone one day. I'm just curling up into my blankets when suddenly, I'm greets by a knock at the door.

"Padmé," a quiet voice calls from my doorway.

"Come in, Anakin," I tell him, brushing the hair out of my eyes, and flicking on the light.

"Oh, if you were sleeping-"

"It's fine, Ani. What do you need?"

He blushes, nervously. "It's ok, it was a stupid idea, anyway."

"What is it," I ask, my voice firm.

"It's..." He scratches the back of his neck, concealing tears. "Whenever I had nightmares about my mom when I was little, Obi wan would let me sleep next to him. But I realize now that's a stupid idea," he mutters, turning to leave. "I'll see-"

I shift the covers on my bed and grab his hand, pulling him back towards me. He stumbles, falling back first against the soft mattress with a thud.

"It's okay," I tell him. "I'm okay with that."

He watches my eyes, as I shift the covers to make room for him.

"You're sure this is alright," he asks again, not wanting to cross any boundaries.

I don't answer him, I just bring the covers up over his shoulders, and guide hie head down towards the pillows, then flick off the light. Then I bring my arms around him, letting my body be the teddy bear he has to squeeze to relieve his stress. He's long, and lanky, so his legs have to curl around mine, for comfort. His arms creep up around my waist, his hands finding a place on the small of my back. His head turns down towards my chest, and he rests his cheek against my breast. I feel his breathing slow, and notice the cold tears against my warm skin. His arms tighten around me, and he lets out a long sigh of relief as he drifts off to sleep. We lay there, together, a broken man and a supportive friend.

And then slowly, I drift off as well.