It was cold.
And Connor was not used to the cold.
Not like this anyways.
His body was shaking, his synthetic skin had goosebumps all over, and his teeth were chattering constantly, despite the blast of hot air that came through the vents of Hank's car.
It didn't help that his clothes were soaking wet from falling Kamski's pool, having panicked when confronted with a difficult choice.
He'd refused to shoot the girl, he went against his programming and decided not to shoot.
Just like that.
It was such a simple decision.
But, he knew in the long run, that his sudden decision to deviant was going to cost him dearly.
"How you doing, kid? Hank asked, reaching over and patting the young android on the shoulder.
Of course, Connor didn't reply, he hadn't replied to anything the lieutenant had said. The android had been so consumed in his thoughts, his own thoughts, that he hardly acknowledged anything around him.
All he could feel was the cold.
"Connor?" Hank said again, this time snapping his fingers in front of the android's face, "You listening, kid?".
He blinked, LED flashing red as Hank's words brought him back into reality.
"What?".
"I asked if you were doing okay… you keep spacing out. Not making any reports to Cyberlife are ya?".
Connor shook his head, "No… I wasn't. I was just…".
He stopped himself mid-speech.
"You were just-" the old man said, waiting for an elaboration.
"Thinking… I was thinking".
Hank hummed slightly, "And is that a bad thing?".
Connor held his tongue for a moment.
Yes… yes, it was a bad thing, a thing that could get him killed.
"I am not supposed to have thoughts other than what is in my programming,".
"Okay… but what thoughts are you having that aren't part of your programming?".
Hank knew he was pushing Connor a little too hard since the deviant hunter was forced to turned deviant right before his eyes but… the lieutenant found that he enjoyed talking to the younger android, and he was concerned about his well being.
Connor swallowed the lump in his throat and pulled the large towel closer to him.
"Death...".
It was a simple answer, but both men knew it held a lot more meaning than the word itself.
"I'm…thinking about death, Hank. Particularly my own".
The android's voice faltered, forcing himself to admit that he was scared, something that he'd almost been ashamed of.
"You're not gonna die, drama queen," Hank teased lightly, knowing that in some way… he couldn't be sure, "You just got a little fright, we've all been there. But you're fine now okay?".
Fine…
He was… fine.
Physically perhaps, since he'd successfully expelled all the water that had flooded his systems, But mentally? If that was even possible for an android, Connor was not mentally fine. Not at all.
It was like the Stratford Tower all over again.
Connor felt… fear, anxiety, unnerve.
The word that best described how he felt… was disturbed.
"I'm fine" he repeated, even though the words betrayed the truth.
He continued to blink and stare blankly at the snowy white world that passed by the windows, and that's when it occurred to him… he had no idea where Hank was taking him. And why.
Hank… he wouldn't be taking him back to Cyberlife, right?
The android swallowed another lump in his throat.
"Where are we going?" he finally asked.
"Uh, home?" Hank replied with a laugh as if Connor had asked a stupid or obvious question, "Where did you think I was taking you? Cyberlife?".
Yes.
Connor blinked again.
"I'm not sure I understand, lieutenant. I don't… have a home".
"For fucksake, Connor. Are you sure you didn't get busted from your dip in the pool?".
"I assure you I am fully operational," the android said, adjusting his tie with shaking hands.
"Home, Connor. My home? Ya' know… with Sumo and shit?".
The android just looked lost.
"Kid… you're fucking staying with me until we can figure this whole Deviant thing out okay? No way in hell I'm letting those grimy bastards get their hands on you, okay?".
Connor nodded and kept his mouth tight, his lips forming a thin line.
Hank was going to protect him… but for what reason?
If anything, Connor had been a burden to Hank, causing the older man a lot of unnecessary stress. And It wasn't like Hank liked him either, the lieutenant was still hostile towards him at times, but now… all of a sudden, after (yet another) a near-death experience, he was almost warming up to the young android, growing more concerned for his wellbeing.
Maybe there was more to Hank than met the eye.
After all, Connor was barely learning what it meant to be alive.
"That would be…" he began, trying to find the words that matched his new emotions. "Nice," he decided, "That would be very nice".
For what seems like the first time, Hank smiles at him, and surprisingly, the android finds himself smiling back.
His LED faded to a soft. Calm pale blue.
Warm…
Connor felt warm again.
It felt nice…
Hank meant warmth, and Hank meant safety, and Connor like to feel safe.
It made him feel alive.
"Home," the android repeated, this time with more confidence. He had a home, he had Hank, and he had Sumo.
Connor had a…
Family…?
But… Connor wasn't a person, and you need to be a person to be part of a family (with the exceptions of pets, of course) so… what was he to Hank? To the android, Hank was someone to look up to, a role model of sorts.
Hank was like…
Connor simply did not have the word to describe it.
But something Hank said had Connor questioning their relationship.
A few more moments passed before either the detective or lieutenant spoke, the only sound was that of the snow hitting the car as they drove and the soft hum of the engine.
"May I ask you a personal question, Lieutenant?" the android asked.
"Sure…" Hank replied, seriously beginning to wonder if all androids were this curious or if it was just Connor.
"When I fell in the pool, and you helped me get out. You said something that… intrigued me… I was wondering if you'd be willing to elaborate on your reasoning".
And now Hank was pretty sure that it was just Connor, nobody in their right mind would talk so overly complicated. But… his question did make the older man slightly nervous, already knowing what Connor's question entitled.
"Your heart rate picked up just now. Is everything alright, Lieutenant?".
"Yeah, yeah... I'm fine. Just asked the damn question" He replied, trying to ignore the quick flash of red on Connor's LED.
"You… you called me 'son', Lieutenant. You do understand it isn't possible for androids to have parental units, correct?".
Christ, this kid was really something, eh?
"Yes… I'm aware of that, so what's your point? If you don't want me to call you son, I won't"
"No!" Connor said, surprised by the volume of his own voice.
He felt his face get warm, thirium making his freckled cheeks blush blue.
"I- I mean… *ahem*," Connor straightened his tie with shaking hands, "I simply did not understand your reasoning behind it, that is all".
Hank was… surprised by the young android's reaction.
Clearly, he was thinking the same thing.
But Hank wasn't going to admit it that easily.
"It's just an expression, you know… like a nickname?" he lied, wincing when the look of hurt washed over Connor's face.
"Oh…"
Nope, nope.
That wasn't how he'd meant it.
"Like when I call you kid. You're not really a kid, you're-".
The lieutenant looked the android once over.
"How old are you?".
Connor blinked.
"I am… approximately 3 months old," he replied, now completely lost as to what his age had to do with Hank calling him 'son'.
The older cop's jaw drops.
"I'm working with a literal child".
At this point, Connor was feeling…
Defensive- His age had nothing to do with his ability to work.
Annoyed- That Hank was clearly avoiding the question at hand.
"I am not a child".
"Yes, yes you are," Hank said with a small chuckle.
"Please stop avoiding the question!" Connor said, a new emotion entering his programing.
This time…
Anger…
He didn't like anger.
Hank stopped the car at the second outburst
Again, something he wasn't expecting.
He couldn't blame the android though, Hank was being difficult and Connor hadn't felt emotions until just minutes ago.
Connor took a breath for the air he did not need.
"Why did you call me 'son'?".
Simple question.
Hank did not know.
The word just slipped, and betrayed his feelings.
"Do you see me like that? Like… a son?".
The concept of family was unfamiliar, but it was something he desperately wanted.
Even though he didn't know it until now.
Connor just wanted to belong.
Hank blinked.
"Do you see me as a father-figure, Connor?".
Again, a simple question.
And Connor knew the answer.
That was was he saw Hank as, a father...figure.
Father-figure.
"I…" the android blinked, LED changing between red and yellow. "I think so".
A moment of silence passed.
"Yes…".
Connor blinked again.
"What do you see me as?".
And now it was Hank's turn.
But words refused to leave his lips.
Of course, he saw Connor as his son.
Hell it had only been a few days since they met and the android already had that effect on him
He reminded Hank so much of Cole it hurt.
Perhaps that's why he was so harsh with him.
The android looked, sounded, and sometimes even acted like Cole.
Connor was the man Hank had always hoped his son would grow up to be.
He didn't want to get attached.
Because when Hank truly cared about something, that something got taken away.
And he didn't think he could handle the death of another son.
...Son-like person.
Friend...that he was protective of.
Fuck, what was he thinking…
He couldn't lie, but he couldn't tell the truth either..
"I…".
Hank just couldn't do it.
And he hated himself for it
All he could do was hope Connor could forgive him.
The android took Hank's silence as an answer, as much as it hurt to admit, and for once Connor deciding not to pry more.
"I understand…" he uttered.
Maybe Hank simply wasn't ready to admit how he saw Connor.
Maybe he saw Connor as nothing more than just a piece of plastic.
In due time, who knew…
Maybe Hank would come around.
"I'm sorry," the older cop said.
And he meant it, he meant every word, every syllable, every letter.
He wished he was strong enough.
He wanted to be there for Connor.
He wanted to redeem himself for failing Cole.
Part of him wanted to give Connor the life Cole never had.
Not to replace his real son, no.
Hank just… needed a reason to care again.
And Connor gave him that motivation.
"I understand," the android said again, trying not to let his hurt and disappointment betray him.
Hank took a breath, started the engine again.
I'll tell you when I'm ready, son.