Chapter 38 - Together

I wait for Anakin in my room. My hands rest on my belly as I pace back and forth across the room, humming quietly under my breath. It's a Nabooian lullaby, soft and sweet. My mother used to sing it to me when I was a child, and now I'll sing it to my child when it's born. I run my fingers over the silky fabric of my nightgown, soothing the small life contained inside of me.

When he finally arrives, I'm standing on my balcony, hairbrush in hand. He grins as he enters the room and joins me on the balcony, leaning back against the door jamb.

"Sorry I'm late," he sighs, watching me closely.

"It's alright," I tell him.

"Why are you due," he asks, glancing down at my belly.

"In a month," I say, "but the other senators think it's two months."

"I'm-" he begins, "I'm just so... Happy."

"Ani, I want to have our baby back home on Naboo. We can go to the lake country where no one will know, where we can be safe." He smiles, his eyes sort of glazing over as he watches me. Grabbing another section of hair to brush, I continue. "I can go early and fix up the baby's room. I know the perfect spot. Right by the gardens."

He hesitates, enjoying this moment of peace. I glance down, avoiding his eyes and letting him look at me. "You are so... Beautiful," he says, the corner of his mouth curling up.

I put down my brush, and smile. "Its only because I'm so in love."

"No," he chuckles, "no, its because I'm so in love with you." His smile disappears for a moment, and a familiar expression of arousal and peace comes over him.

"So love has blinded you," I joke, staring at him with a confused and betrayed expression.

He laughs. "Well, that's not exactly what I meant."

"But it's probably true."

He rolls his eyes and moves to stand next to me. His arm wraps around my waist, the palm of his hand resting on my belly. Our eyes lock for a moment before his lips brush against mine, a sweet, tender kiss. When he pulls away, I want more. Frantically, my arms wrap around his neck, and I capture his lips again. He leans down uncomfortably to accept my kiss, and laughs, before gratefully kissing me back.

"You need to sleep," he says, winding his arm around my waist again.

He guides me to my bedroom, and helps me into bed before joining me there. I use his bicep as a pillow, and curl my oversized body towards his. He smiles, leaning his face down to smell my hair. His gentle hands caress my skin, moving over my shoulders to the small of my back. I feel safe, protected in his arms, with the man I love. Peacefully, I drift off to sleep there, the last sight I see being him.

oOo

A peaceful void of black, the silence of sleep, suddenly is whisked away from me, and I plunge back into harsh reality. Anakin is awake, panting violently, his entire body shaking. He draws a ragged breath, and crawls out of bed, cautious not to disturb me, but its too late. Once he leaves, I get out of bed and throw on my shawl, following him out to the terrace. He stands, shivering, in front of the fountain, looking out into the street. Speeders pass by him, and he focuses on them with his eyes, seeking peace from the loud machines.

He realizes I'm here, and lets out a small huff of disappointment, since he woke me up.

I move next to him, and take his hand. "What's bothering you," I ask, gently touching his arm.

"Nothing," he lies. His eyes land on the small totem I wear on a string around my neck. Smiling, he takes the small wooden carving in his and and laughs. "I remember when I gave this to you," he says.

Annoyed, I push his hand away. "How long is it gonna take for us to be honest with each other?"

He sighs, ashamed. "It was a dream," he says.

"Bad?"

"Like the ones I used to have about my mother," he explains, "Just before she died."

My eyebrows furrow, and I clench his hand tightly. "And?"

"And it was about you," he sighs, trying to mask the tears rushing to his eyes.

"Tell me," I plead.

"It was only a dream." He expects me to leave, and turns his back to me. I stand firm, refusing to leave. Eventually, he admits the dream. "You die in childbirth," he gasps, struggling for air as he begins to cry.

My heart sinks, and my head begins to spin. I die in childbirth? I can't believe it. Then again, when his mother died his dream was real.

"And the baby," I ask, hesitantly.

He shakes his head. "I don't know."

My legs are about to give out, but I have to stay strong for him. "It was only a dream," I smile, wrapping him in a warm hug. He's shaking, and I can feel the heat of his anger emanating from him.

He pushes me back, his hands wrapped tightly around my biceps. His fingers dig into my skin, and his eyes are nearly overflowing with tears. "I won't let this one become real," he says, firmly.

He lets me go, and pulls me into him again, his arms looping around my back and pressing me into his body.

I sigh. "This baby will change our lives." He looks down at me, his mouth twisted into a sickly frown. I don't want to think about it, but the consequences for our actions are going to be terrible. "I doubt the queen will continue to allow me to serve in the senate. And if the council discovers you're the father, you'll be expelled-"

"I- I know," he interrupts, letting go of me and absentmindedly walking over to the railing of the terrace. "I know."

My fingers begin to shake, as my body calms itself down. "Do you think Obi Wan might be able to help us?"

"We don't need his help," Anakin says, turning to face me again. I know he's afraid, and he doesn't think Obi Wan will understand.

He forces a smile and places his hand flat against my belly. "Our baby is a blessing," he says, sweetly. Then he wraps me in his arms once again, and I let out a sigh.

I cannot die in childbirth. I have to stay alive, for Anakin.

oOo

When morning comes, Anakin is gone, and I am alone in my bed. The sun is high in the sky, blinding me as I open my eyes. Outside the city is bustling, people rushing about to do their errands or to go to work. In the meantime I lay here, watching them pass by my bedroom window. Dormé and Jar Jar must have already headed out to the senate meeting today, and they'll bring back the issue we'll vote on next week. I have to go to a doctor's appointment today, and I can't look like the senator of an important planetary system when I get there.

I pull myself out of bed with difficulty, and throw on a simple maternity gown, which covers me from head to toe. Then I throw on a shawl and, after eating some breakfast, head to my appointment.

As I exit the senate building, I take a deep breath of the fresh city air, and smile. It's been a few days since I've had reason to go outside, and the cool air feels good against my skin. I board the common transit, and head to the office where my doctor works.

An hour later, I'm sitting in her office, my head in my hands, crying once again.

"It can't be," I mutter, "that's impossible."

My doctor nods her head. "I'm afraid so. You should have come to me earlier, you would have known!"

"What do I do?" My head is swimming, and my vision is getting blurry. "I can't- I can't just take care of this."

"I'm afraid you'll have to," the doctor smiles, placing a reassuring hand on my back. "You'll be a wonderful mother."

"I'm not ready, I can't-"

"But they'll love you oh so much. You'll be so happy once they're here. Just think. In less than a month, two new lives will be here, with you, and your husband."

"Twins? I'm not ready for two! I'm barely ready for one!"

Twins. Two children at once. Both of them definitely force-sensitive, surely to be found by the Jedi order. I can't watch two children taken away from me.

"Congratulations, Padmé. You're going to be a mother of two."