Chapter 40 - Open Eyes

When morning comes, I'm still shaking from the night before. The cool morning air does little to soothe my nerves, and my head swims in its own stress. Coughing, I walk out to my balcony and take a deep breath. Before me, the cityscape stretches endlessly, in a light beige haze covered in chilled morning dew.

"Good morning," a familiar voice calls from behind me, and I turn to face the man who called for me.

"I'm glad to see you're in good health," the chancellor smiles, holding out his hands for me. Begrudgingly, I take them, and force a smile.

"It's good to see you," I say, giving his hands a quick squeeze and letting go. "Is there something important I need to know about?"

"Yes, actually," he says, his eyes flitting down to look at the floor. "Our friend, Anakin Skywalker, has been acting quite strange lately. I was wondering if he told you what was bothering him."

"No," I reply, taking a gulp of air. "No, he hasn't said anything."

Palpatine nods, glancing about the room. "I hope he tells one of us soon," he says, "I'm very concerned for his well-being."

"Me too," I sigh, walking past him into my living room.

Suddenly, my doorbell rings, and with a quick nod to the chancellor, I rush over to buzz my visitor in.

"Senator Amidala," Obi wan smiles when the elevator doors open, "I'm glad to see you're alright."

"oh, master Kenobi," I smile. "What a nice surprise."

"Master Kenobi," the chancellor calls from behind me. "It's good to see you."

"Oh," Obi Wan stammers, "if you already have company-"

"Don't worry, I was just leaving," the chancellor says, placing a hand on my shoulder and moving into the now empty elevator. "I hope you'll stay in touch, Senator. My door is always open."

"Thank you, chancellor," I say, taking a deep breath, and waving goodbye.

Once the door closes, and the chancellor is out of earshot, I let out a sigh of relief.

"Why was he here," Obi wan asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Just checking up on me," I lie, brushing my hair behind my ear and moving to the living room sofa.

He follows me, taking a spot across from me. As he sits, he knits his hands together, and rests his elbows on his knees.

"I wanted to ask you something," He sighs, his eyes meeting mine for a moment.

"What can I do?"

"I'm worried about Anakin," he says. "He's not taking to his new position on the council well, and he's been under a lot of stress."

I lean back in my seat, easing the weight off of my back. "He's been distracted," I tell him. "He says he hasn't been sleeping well. I can't get his full attention."

"I've noticed that as well," Obi Wan nods. "He makes me worry."

"I thought he might have talked to you about what's bothering him. You are practically his father."

He shakes his head. "No, Anakin doesn't speak to me lately. At least, not about important things. Not since..."

Not since Ahsoka left. The words never leave his lips, but I know they want to come out. He misses her, she was his child. Losing her was like losing a loved one, not the graduation of a student.

"Well, thank you for coming, Obi Wan," I smile, rising to my feet, "but I don't have any more information than you."

"Take it easy," he says, jumping up to steady me as I stumble forwards. "I don't know whose child your having, but that belly is radiating with force energy. You're carrying a very powerful child."

I scowl. "My child will not be a warrior in this meaningless war," I remind him. "My child will live in an era of peace."

He nods, a gentle smile on his face, but pulls his hands away. "The war is coming to an end, you know," he says, "with the death of Count Dooku it's only a matter of time."

I eye him disapprovingly, and he steps away.

"Contact me if you have any new information about Anakin," he says. "In the meantime I'll try to talk to him."

He waves as he steps into the elevator, and disappears out of sight. With a sigh, I sit back down, and drift off for a while.

oOo

Afternoon

"It'd be best for you to go on maternity leave now, Padmé," my doctor says, holding my hand tightly with her own.

"No," I protest, "that's not an option in my line of work."

"If you don't stay at home, you will lose the baby. The amount of stress placed on you by your job is too much, and it'll endanger your child."

I shake my head. "I can't, it's not an option."

"It's going to have to be," she says, calling Dormé and Miré into my room. "Now no more of this nonsense, alright?"

Nodding, I let the girls pull me to my feet, and smile at her, although I wish I could rip her very eyes out. "Thank you, Doctor," I say, as the girls escort me out. With a shudder, I face the rest of the waiting room, absolutely filled with other women who look up to and depend on me, the people I represent and care for. And I can't anymore. Not for several months.

The war isn't over yet, and I have failed.

oOo

Evening

Anakin comes home later that evening than usual, the smell of alcohol on his breath. He's not drunk, not yet, but he's definitely more stressed than usual.

Marching into the living room, he takes a quick glance around, and locks eyes with me.

"Obi wan's been here," he accuses, "hasn't he?"

Fluffing a pillow, I smile. "He came by this morning."

He shakes his head. "What did he want," he asks, taking a deep breath to calm down.

"He's worried about you," I tell him. "He says you've been under a lot of stress."

Anakin sighs. "I feel... Lost."

My heart skips a beat. "Lost? What do you mean?"

His tired eyes are full of worry and doubt. He turns his face away from me, ashamed. "Obi wan and the council don't trust me."

I shake my head. "They trust you with their lives."

"Something's happening," he sighs, "I'm not the Jedi I should be. I want more. And I know I shouldnt."

"You expect too much of yourself."

He finally looks back at me, and I feel a warm surge of pure unadulterated love for him.

"I found a way to save you," he states, taking my hands.

"Save me?"

"From my nightmares," he says.

I scoff, outraged but at the same time sympathetic. "Is that what's bothering you?"

He shakes his head, indignant. "I won't lose you, Padmé."

"I'm not gonna die in childbirth, Ani. I promise you-"

"No, I promise you."

He wraps his arms around me and pulls me close to him, our lips meeting in a violent kiss. His tongue slips into my mouth, and I melt beneath him. I want him to protect me, I want him to love me more than anything in the world.

I pull away, leaning my forehead against his, and breathing in his scent. "Speaking of childbirth, my doctor says I have to go on maternity leave now."

"What," he says, his eyes widening in shock. "But the war isn't over!"

"No, it's not," I sigh. "But this baby is coming when it's coming and not a second later."

"Excited to get out of there," he asks my belly, stroking the large bump.

I lean into his shoulder, nuzzling him with my forehead.

"The baby's not the only one who's eager," Anakin grins, turning my head to look at his, and placing a gentle kiss on my lips. His hand wanders down over my belly to my pelvis, and his fingers just gently glide over the sensitive nub nestled between my legs.

"It's been a long time," I mumble into his neck, planting kisses along his sun kissed skin.

"Too long," he agrees, working his fingers around my clit, and making me shiver.

"Mmm," I hum as he presses deeply into the sensitive spot, and he smiles.

"Should we take this to your room?"

"Yes, please," I pant longingly, and he takes my hand to lead me there.

He guides me to my room, and, after undressing me, sets me down on my bed, so that I lie on my side. His eyes look me over, resting on my new stretch marks and ugly skin, and suddenly I feel ashamed. My body isn't what it was before, and it will never be again. His fingers graze over my new scars, sending shivers down my spine. Then he carefully leans down and kisses every last one.

"I'm sorry," I mumble, "I don't look like I did before."

"No, you don't," he says, "you look a thousand times better."

A hot sensation rises in my belly and surges towards my heart. Blood rushes to my cheeks and I can't help but giggle, just a little. Anakin smiles.

"I'm gonna touch you now, tell me if it hurts."

I nod, and twitch as his fingers graze over my exposed clit. Gathering the wetness from between my folds, he slowly pumps back and forth across my nub, teasing small moans from me. His eyes are full of lust as he watches himself work. I can't help but watch him, speechless.

"I love you, Anakin Skywalker," I moan as his fingers slowly slide into me.

"I know," he replies, with a grin. "I love you, too."