JMJ
CHAPTER TWO: TRI-CAST
The lights turned on at the motion of their approach, and the fox and the crow beheld a grand table set with a sumptuous feast. Although it is true that they had already eaten, it had only been a little fruit, the energy from which had already been spent from their climb up here. That, combined with the fact that they had not seen a table, much less anything on one in quite some time, would cause one to wonder little that they drooled at the sight of it.
The walls, floor and ceiling were completely white and bare. And the room was so clean and so shiny that it reflected the table in nearly every direction and their own forms as they walked weak-kneed toward it. They did not even care about their mysterious host's disturbing leer, but they did not have to worry about that much. There was not much meaning behind it, really. He was just a little mad from his years of isolation.
Thus for a time their host allowed the pair to eat in peace, which did not last long. They ate quite fast and greedily. Their host did not care about their manners, but contented himself with a glass of wine and a croissant. In fact as he watched the pair, he seemed more amused than anything else.
"I trust you enjoyed everything," said their host when they had finished.
"Oh, yes," they sighed leaning back in their steal seats with full stomachs. "Very much."
"Good," said their host clasping his hands together. "Very good. Every dish is of my own creation. My staff cooks it all, of course, but everything is one hundred percent grown and bred right here on the island or caught off shore."
"Yeah, that's all very impressive," muttered the Big Cheese. "But where are we?"
"On an island," said their host closing his eyes lightly. "I already explained that. It's an island of banishment. Why else do you think I've spent the last twenty-some years here?"
Jerry raised a brow. "With all your technology couldn't you just get off the island yourself?"
"What would be the point if I just got caught again?" asked their host. "I'm not going to gallivant off until I have a plan good enough to ensure my freedom indefinitely. I highly doubt there will be a chance for such a prison as this the next time I'm caught. They didn't know that there was ancient machinery buried in the caves here that I could manipulate to my advantage."
"So you're a criminal?" demanded the Big Cheese. "Jerry, I refuse to cohort with this man! I'm sick and tired of criminal company!"
"What do you want me to do about it?" grumbled Jerry with not a hint of sympathy. "You should have thought of that before you decided to become king of the underworld."
"Hmph!" snorted the Big Cheese, crossing his arms.
"King of the underworld?" demanded their host. "Phew, twenty years changes more things than I thought."
"And what's that supposed to mean?" growled the Big Cheese dangerously. "Who are you, anyway? If you're such a great criminal how come I never heard of you? I wasn't exactly born yesterday, you know. Jerry!"
"Yes, Big Cheese," came the crow's patronizing response.
"How come you never heard of him?" demanded the Big Cheese.
"He hasn't even told us his name," said Jerry. "I can't keep track of everyone's face in the whole world. Even if I have heard of him it's been twenty years since he's been seen by anyone. People do change appearances in that amount of time."
"Dr. Purple, is my name," said Dr. Purple, "but that wasn't what I went by before my imprisonment."
"Then what did you go by before?" asked the Big Cheese curiously.
"I should be the one asking questions, you know," said Dr. Purple. "It is my island. 'What are you doing here?' I should be asking. Tell me your story."
"Oh, very well," said the Big Cheese. "Go ahead Jerry, tell him."
Clearing his throat Jerry agreed. "Alright. He used to be the ruler of the underworld. And he had the perfect cover up."
"The perfect cover up!" agreed the Big Cheese.
"He was the prime minster as well," said Jerry, "and had total access to everything in the palace and the court."
"Not to mention very rich and culturally influential!" added the Big Cheese. "Aside from my political office. I'm almost of noble lineage, and my father also served as prime minister quite well, so that my family had good reputation among the people even before I got my position. I brought all the more reputation to my position even if it was more for my hand on the cultural side of things."
"I see," said Dr. Purple in a manner that told that whether he saw or not he would rather not.
"At least … I did …"
"Calm yourself, Seymour, there's no use in getting all moody about it."
But again it was too late.
"Who's being moody!?" snarled the Big Cheese with a growl.
His head boiled red and before either of the wide-eyed figures of Jerry or Dr. Purple could say anything more the Big Cheese promptly exploded.
Luckily it was not quite as big as the explosions could be, and fortunately for Jerry he sat across from him rather than right next to him, and Dr. Purple sat at the table's end. The table suffered the loss, however, in the form of a great missing chunk right in front of the Big Cheese. The plates and cups and platters nearest him were blackened with soot.
"Oh," grumbled Jerry rubbing the side of his head.
"Not to worry," said Dr. Purple with a careless wave of his hand.
As he spoke, about half a dozen robots appeared from a chute in the floor. Quickly they floated to the damaged spot in the table, cleared the broken dishes and sealed the table with a new, freshly measured and cut piece of steal. They left as quickly as they had come, and everything was as it had been before the explosion, save for a little smoke rising out of the ears of the shaken head of the Big Cheese.
"Now, where were we?" asked Dr. Purple pouring the Big Cheese some wine with which to calm the nerves. "Oh, yes, you were the prime minister and the master of the underworld. Where was this now? And who's he then?" He motioned to Jerry. "Your butler?"
Now it was Jerry's turn to get angry, but he did not quite get fired up enough to explode. With eyes blazing and teeth grinding he growled unable to speak.
"Nah," said the Big Cheese sipping quite happily. "He makes a terrible butler. I know. I've tried it. He's a ninja master who leads his ninja crows to do my bidding in all my underworld schemes."
"You mean used to, don't you," grumbled Jerry who really did not feel like in the sharing mood anymore.
KA-BOOM!
The table went black again and chunks again were missing. The robots came for the repairs just as before, but the Big Cheese was not yet finished.
"If it wasn't for that stupid princess getting all upset about the money—!"
"And the cats," Jerry reminded.
"OH! I hate those cats! I hate them! If it wasn't for them I never would have had to overspend!"
KA-BOOM!
The robots came yet again to fix the damage.
"Does he do this frequently?" asked Dr. Purple with some annoyance.
"You have no idea," grumbled Jerry, rubbing his temple.
"Well, you didn't exactly help, Jerry! If your ninja crows weren't so lame maybe they could have defeated those dumb cats! Not even Bad Bird did any good! Or those stupid band guys, the Rude Noise. We wouldn't've needed those robots if your stupid crows didn't suck so bad!"
KA-BOOM!
Dr. Purple's robots did not tire of their duty.
"I thought you liked the robots!" said Jerry. "And don't bring my ninja into this."
"I DID like my robots!" snarled the Big Cheese. "Oh! I'm so mad, Jerry! I'm so mad I could just—GRRRRR!" He smacked his hands over the table and stood up with his chair flinging backwards behind him as he growled some more in Jerry's face.
Dr. Purple held up a platter to shield him against the blast.
KAAAAAA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"Oh …" moaned Jerry, and he fell from his chair onto the floor.
"I told you I was mad," moaned the Big Cheese quite exhausted by this point.
"I have an excellent medical facility if you require it," said Dr. Purple placing his tray neatly back onto the table.
The robots arrived a final time to fix the damaged portion of the table.
"Uh … maybe later," muttered Jerry from the floor. "I'm used to this."
"It's his own fault," wined the Big Cheese.
#
"So it seems," said Dr. Purple later as he led his guests around his manor, "we both are out for vengeance of some sort. I'm glad. I was worried at first that you might be honest people — or worse! Ordinary people."
"Oh, I know exactly what you mean," replied the Big Cheese with a haughty nod. "Peasants. Pfft."
"I seem to remember you now, I think," said Jerry.
"Oh, do you?" asked Dr. Purple.
"Yes, you were the scientist hired by the palace to install more reliable vid-phone use in the city and then used your money and five to six years of valuable time for cyber genetic research instead."
"I still advanced the vid-phone technology on the side," snorted Dr. Purple.
"You mean that geeky guy with the glasses that used to wander around on the palace grounds with a magnifying glass?" demanded the Big Cheese looking quite unimpressed. "Yeah. I remember you. That was a while before I met Jerry."
"Hmph!" snorted Dr. Purple. "I've replaced my eye balls since then."
"Really? They look normal to me," muttered the Big Cheese.
Dr. Purple nodded. "And it was an X-Ray magnifying glass of my own invention that could see straight through a person's skull. It was I who unbeknownst to everyone to this day caused the failure of the young emperor's dentist appointment. Plenty of people get their wisdom teeth pulled and nothing happens. He denied me advancement with my research … my rejuvenation project! What is the point of cyber genetic technology if we still all die just as soon as biologically normal as if we didn't have the technology at all?"
"I think he's crazy, Jerry," the Big Cheese whispered.
"Shhh!" hissed Jerry. "I'm listening."
"With my rejuvenation project everyone would have the chance to live forever! I was willing to guinea pig a taste of it myself. But it didn't matter! I'm banished now regardless, but I still got a taste of revenge on the emperor! Well! I was never just some geeky guy with glasses no more than you, I suppose, Mr. Cheese, were just an urchin who threw pebbles at the ornamental fish in those same palace gardens just to laugh maniacally at them as they scattered."
The Big Cheese made a face. "Yes. I was the picture of a gifted young prodigy."
"But I still don't understand," said Jerry ignoring the Big Cheese completely. "If you have all this power and all this technology, even more advanced than anything I've seen in Little Tokyo, why don't you take action? You must have thought of a million plans. Why stay here?"
"You see this?" asked Dr. Purple thrusting a finger to a window in the side of the corridor.
The Big Cheese and Jerry looked through the thick glass blocking the way of any easy entrance, but they could see a great bulk of metal the size of a skyscraper and shaped a little like an egg with a pointed top. They looked at each other and then back behind them at their host.
"That was one of my first plans that I succeeded in constructing after I found a way to harness technology again. That bomb could blow up the entire world."
Jerry smiled wryly as the Big Cheese glared at the bomb again skeptically.
"We've already tried that," said the Big Cheese simmering.
"Thus why I'm still here," said Dr. Purple. "And so I shall remain until the right moment has come."
"How do you know that the wind hasn't just changed now at our arrival?" asked Jerry.
"Well, I did just meet you," Dr. Purple retorted. "And none of us are exactly trustworthy. Oh, and don't try anything stupid, I've already put my robots on alert and will now obey nothing that you tell them to do except bring you the type of food you want at meal times and what color bed sheets you may want. They are programmed to fire on any suspicious activity or if anyone but me messes with any lever, button, or switch that you are not authorized to use."
"So we're your prisoners," said Jerry.
"No!" laughed Dr. Purple. "You're free to leave whenever you wish."
"You idiot! We can't leave! Our raft broke!" snarled the Big Cheese.
Jerry cleared his throat as interruption. "As— ahem, as you say, Dr. Purple, our motives are quite similar. We could use each other in … uh … completing our goals."
"You just want me to help you off the island," retorted Dr. Purple. "Then you'll tell everyone about me, and my secret will be gone."
"Oh, don't be so paranoid!" said the Big Cheese.
"But you would," said Dr. Purple.
The Big Cheese crossed his arms. "That's beside the point!"
"What do you have that you could possibly offer me in return for my services?" retorted Dr. Purple. "I have all the technology I could ever want."
"And yet here you remain," Jerry pointed out with some jest.
"You're scared!" declared the Big Cheese.
"I'm not!"
"Listen," said Jerry as candidly as possible. "How about you help us off the island, and in return we'll tell you what you're up against in Little Tokyo."
The Big Cheese graced Jerry with a horrible glower. "We will not!"
Jerry winked at him. "Yes, we will," he said. "In exchange for getting us off, and," he placed his hands together, "we will work together. We know the city better than you do now, and we have eyes and ears, and you, as you have also said, have the technology that no one will be expecting. They think they've won, I'm certain of it!"
"I have my own ways of figuring stuff out," said Dr. Purple.
"But you won't know where to look," said Jerry. "We know about—"
The Big Cheese gasped and pushed Jerry out of the way with excitement: "The cats! You don't know anything about the Pizza Cats! Jerry, I just thought of something brilliant! We work together with Dr. Purple to stop the cats in a way they'll least expect it! We'll lie low here for a while and when we reemerge they'll be so used to the idea that they've won that they won't know what hit them before it's too late! It's just like a movie, except this time the bad guys win!"
And he laughed, rather maniacally it must be added. Leaping into air he began to use his tail like a helicopter for the first time in months. Hovering away he continued laughing with glee.
"Is he alright?" asked Dr. Purple with a raised brow.
Waving a hand aside Jerry shook his head. "No."
Dr. Purple shrugged. "Alright. It's a deal. Tell him that when he comes back. I'll take you back to Little Tokyo, and we'll work together to stop the cats but first … tell me everything. Tell me everything you know about these 'Pizza Cats.'"
"How do I know that you won't just take everything we'll have just told you and leave us here while you take on the cats yourself!" demanded Jerry thrusting a clawed finger into Dr. Purple's chest.
"What would be the fun in that? Besides, it's either that or try to build your raft without harming any of my good trees, and even if you accomplish that, you and your master are fugitives. You have nothing with which to fight back. You'll just end up banished, imprisoned, or possibly killed."
Jerry frowned. "Alright!" he said. "You want to know about cats? I'll give you cats! And he's not my master. I'll let you know that right now!"
"I'm liking this already," chuckled Dr. Purple. "Give me more."