JMJ
CHAPTER FIVE: THE SAME OLD PLOT
Ka—boom!
"There's a cat living in my apartments!" moaned the Big Cheese rubbing his head aching terribly from the explosion, but the explosion had done little to satiate his passionate emotions. "Oh, how can it get any worse!? To think that all that time I spent on that stupid island some cat had been made prime minister in my place! They didn't even bother to ask the rest of the family…"
"Oh!" He threw an arm over his face after the manner of a stereotypical drama pose. After sucking in a deep harrowing breath as though his lungs struggled to support his body weakened from horror he collapsed onto his knees with a childish sulk. Smoke still rose from his head; though it was dissipating quickly. Tears began to waver in his eyes squelching the heat of his rage into self pity.
The hawk stood alone in the laboratory with the miserable fox. Brushing rubble from his shoulder, he looked down at the blubbering creature without a hint of sympathy. His robots behind him were mending the damage the explosion had done to the lab. Dr. Purple himself looked a little harmed, all black with ash and eyes having gone a little pink with irritation.
"A cat has never been the prime minister until now," sighed the Big Cheese. "The position has been in my family for six generations. My great, great, great grandfather practically invented the position! And now … it's like they forgot all about me. Me! Seymour Cheese!"
"Well, you knew that bribing to get a cheese out of a ninja crow's mouth to sing for you would have gotten you into trouble one day," muttered Dr. Purple.
The Big Cheese growled as he turned glowing red eyes to the hawk.
"What are you talking about!?" snapped the fox. "Crows sing terrible!"
"Aesop," said Dr. Purple placidly with a shrug, "but never mind that. The crow's the one that lost out in the end, and anyway! Don't let your mind linger on the past … think of the future. A bright and glorious future where vengeance is just around the corner."
The Big Cheese sniffled a little and lowered his snout back toward the floor.
"You do have a way with words," muttered the Big Cheese, "but nothing's going to cheer me up about this. I wish Jerry was here so I could go yell at him."
"Whatever for?" asked Dr. Purple with a sniff. "It's not like that old pile of feathers will do anything about it."
"Aren't you a big old pile of feathers?" demanded the Big Cheese crossing his arms; and despite what he said about not feeling any better he sat up now rather recovered.
The back door slammed open shortly after this. Jerry appeared in the flesh looking at least five to ten years older than when he had left that morning. He leered angrily from beneath his thick brows first at Dr. Purple than disdainfully at the Big Cheese.
"Ug! Take that off," he growled noticing that the Big Cheese still wore his street disguise.
"Oh, fine …" the Big Cheese grumbled picking himself up off the ground and heading for the bathroom.
"So?" asked Dr. Purple as if he noticed nothing unusually about Jerry's entrance, nor how he slammed the door behind him as he marched further in. "Are your ninja prepared?"
"As prepared as they can be," grumbled Jerry with a hiss.
"What's that supposed to mean?" the Big Cheese demanded yelling from the bathroom. "Are they in worse condition than before? I thought you said that they would be training all this time under Bad Bird because—"
"Bad Bird's gone missing!" snapped Jerry harshly.
"Oh, well, that's too bad," muttered Dr. Purple. "Sounds like things have changed a lot since your absence. You might not be that much help to me after all."
"Hey! It's too late to back out of our agreement now!" shouted the Big Cheese leaping out of the bathroom (in his usual clothes) with a finger thrust toward Dr. Purple. "Bad Bird disappears all the time anyway. He's always been moody like that. You're gunna send out that robot and that's final! I wanna drive."
"It's mine!" retorted Dr. Purple. "Besides, you'll have your turn. You two are going to be the ones to finish the cats off."
"Including the one that stole my position!" snapped the Big Cheese, and throwing his head in Jerry's face he yelled even louder, "THEY MADE A CAT THE PRIME MINISTER!"
Wincing from the volume and the bit of spittle that sprinkled his face, Jerry backed away a pace or two.
"Ouff! That must hurt, Seymour. That must hurt a lot."
"Believe me it does," sighed the Big Cheese. "Now I really do have nothing left but the cheese in a crow's mouth."
"Say what?"
"Aesop," muttered the Big Cheese. "You wouldn't understand."
Dr. Purple grinned strangely, and Jerry frowned.
"Well, I'll find him," said Jerry. "There's no question about that."
"Who?" asked the Big Cheese absently.
"Bad Bird. Who else?"
"It doesn't really matter though," said Dr. Purple. "The initial part of the plan can go on quite well without your ninja. In fact it's very possible that we won't need them at all before this is done."
Jerry crossed his arms. "In my experience with the cats there's no such thing as too much help."
"Yeah," said Seymour. "What makes you think that this one robot will defeat the cats any better than ours have? Its quantity not quality that we're going for. They can't defeat the whole world!"
"Exactly," said Dr. Purple. "Except… my robots are quite top quality."
"Don't be so vain," muttered the Big Cheese.
"Hmm, well," said Dr. Purple, "I don't have to wait for laborers who eat, sleep, and complain. I'll have a new robot up and running so that the Samurai Pizza Cats won't have time to recover from the first battle."
"It's such a brilliant plan!" exclaimed the Big Cheese clasping his hands together with glee. "Good thing I thought of it."
Dr. Purple opened his mouth to speak, but Jerry cut him off.
"It's not worth it," he muttered.
"He's crazy," whispered Dr. Purple.
"Why do you think in Japanese his name means 'retarded fox'?"
"Does it really?" asked Dr. Purple.
"Yes, it does, in fact," said the Big Cheese strangely calm about this fact.
Clearing his throat Dr. Purple then turned to his robots, "Get it ready!" he commanded. "The annihilation of the cats begins tonight!"
The Big Cheese began to laugh. So did Jerry. Dr. Purple soon joined in the evil jollity. Their cackles echoed ominously up and out of the lab and into the coming dusk. The rising moon glistened on the ocean waves, which grew harsh in the coming sea breeze.
"Oh, I just love a good spaz of evil laughter!" shouted the Big Cheese, and the villains laughed all the harder.
#
A trickling of light filtered through the sides of the shades from the city outside and struck the glass of water on the night stand where it glistened in still calm. Everything proved dead quiet save for the faint sound of the night train in the distance, and the soft snores of the sleepers in their beds in the basement bedroom. The sleep proved near as tranquil as the water in the glass as placid as a lake in a Minnesota postcard. Or maybe … not so tranquil as a very familiar Spielberg inspired procedure occurred.
The water began to stir, and it stirred at the sound of a low boom somewhere very far off in the distance. It was not long before the sleepers too began to stir in a similar fashion.
From deep within a hard to escape slumber, Speedy lifted heavy droopy lids, and fastened them a moment onto the third stirring of the glass, and his thoughts drifted to the new movie he had seen that summer. He smiled lazily, and like the glass on the table he did not really move although he stirred. He put his head back onto his pillow with a yawn and might have fallen back to sleep again until one boom sounded a little too close for comfort.
"It's an earthquake!" he cried leaping upright in bed.
"An earthquake?" moaned Guido, and he listened.
Boom!
"Earthquakes don't sound like that," Guido muttered. "Maybe it's a band down the street."
BOOM!
That was even louder than before.
"Nyah!" cried Speedy losing his balance and falling out of bed.
Guido looked down at him a moment, but before he could speak another boom sounded. Both he and Speedy found themselves standing on a dresser to reach the small basement window. Throwing back the shades they looked outside.
"I don't see anything," whispered Speedy.
BOOM!
"Me neither," said Guido in a similar hushed tone as the cats huddled together.
Then they heard an echoing mechanical snarl, and it was not long before they saw a cart whip toward the window.
"AHHH!" cried the cats and ducked just in time before the cart crashed through the window and into the room.
Daring to lift their heads they also then caught sight of a dinosaur-like creature poking its head out of the buildings as it stomped some more through the city.
"What's going on!?" Polly cried from the hall. She threw open the boys' bedroom door and gasped at the sight of the cart stuck in the wall across from the window. "What happened!?" she demanded.
"It's Godzilla!" cried Guido thrusting a finger.
"What?" gasped Polly.
"No! It's the Indominous Rex!" wailed Speedy thrusting a finger of his own in the same direction.
"I told you to be careful what you wished for," said Francine's voice from the hall.
Speedy frowned, but not with annoyance. A look of solid determination had overtaken his features. His teeth clenched as he glared out the window and heard the screams of innocent citizens.
"Then you know what we gotta do, don't you?" demanded Speedy.
"Get the T-Rex with a flare in high heels?" asked Guido sarcastically.
Speedy slammed his fist into his palm. "No! We gotta get into action! After three years, don't let people think the Samurai Pizza Cats have turned coward!"
"Right!" cried Polly.
"And I was getting so used to early retirement," sighed Guido.
"Come on, guys!" cried Speedy dragging Guido away from the window. "Francine! Get the cannon ready! We can take on stupid old Godzilla just as well as the Indominous Rex any day! It's time to save Little Tokyo …!"
It was not long before they were prepared and fired out onto the scene. Falling with style through the air they landed on the rooftops not far from where the great lizard-like beast made its rampage. They saw soon enough that beast was a robot, and although no one said so at once, all their minds were set on the idea that as annoying as it was, the Big Cheese and his army of crows must have returned, and with better robot-making skills.
Still even Guido had to admit that being back out in action was a wonderful feeling. It had been so long since they introduced themselves to such a beast rather than little leaderless ninja crows who more often than not took flight in terror before the intro came to an end.
"Who will save us?" cried the people below.
Spotlights appeared.
"We will!" cried Speedy's voice.
"Guido Anchovy," said the first cat. "Back in action and never felt better. Didja miss me?"
"Polly Esther," cried the second blowing a kiss. "Forever with love!"
"And Speedy Cerviche!" exclaimed the final cat. "Any robot you dish we can take on like French toast!"
The dinosaur roared with power that almost knocked the cats over, but they caught themselves smoothly and neatly into great fighting poses. They opened their mouths to announce themselves as their group title, and yet before they could utter a word a speaker crackled and screeched from the robot's head. No one could ignore that ear splitting sound, and the cats held their ears quite annoyed.
The voice that came out was not the voice of the robot, and was certainly not a voice of one of the ninja crows or Jerry.
"Ah!" exclaimed the soft, light, sophisticated voice from inside the mech, which sounded strangely like the famous voice of Snowball from Pinky and the Brain or the Mad Hatter from BTAS. "So you're the cats! The Samurai Pizza Cats! I'm a little disappointed, I must admit."
"Oh, yeah!" cried Speedy. "Wait till you see us fight!"
"We'll have your dinosaur sent back to the Stone Age!" added Guido.
"The only thing you'll be disappointed about then is that you lost!" declared Polly.
"Oh, no, it's not that," said the voice. "It's just you are so very small and young. I was expecting someone more experienced after what the Big Cheese told me."
"And who are you?" snapped Speedy. "Just a new lackey for that maniac?"
The voice laughed. "I am the infamous Dr. Purple!"
"Never heard of you," said Guido.
"But you will find me a lot tougher to beat than Bad Bird and Jerry or their pathetic excuses for ninja."
"We'll just see about that!" said Polly.
An actual yawn came from the voice now. "Well, enough of this. Talk is cheap. Let's see how good you really are before I die of boredom."
Hefty guns popped out from the back of the dinosaur.
"Ha!" Speedy yelled. "Those guns don't scare us!"
WHAP! The dinosaur's tail thrashed forward, spikes on the end of it. It nearly splat the cats flat, but they just barely leapt out of the way with cries of surprise. The guns had been used as a diversion. This guy was not as stupid as he sounded. They had to be careful, Speedy realized, and diversion or not those guns were quite able to inflict damage.
He had not landed as well as he should have and had half tripped on a damaged pipe. The other two had not landed much better. They had lost some of their edge.
But this creep won't beat us even still, thought Speedy scrambling to his feet.
TSSSsssww … KA-BOOM!
The guns fired, and the building upon which the cats stood shook beneath them and fell to the ground. Leaping to another building Speedy looked to see if the others did the same. They all landed much better this time.
"Where's the offence? The offence!" the voice demanded. "I thought you were heroes! Fight! Weaklings!"
"Grrrr! Don't tempt me!" snapped Speedy.
No messing around. He would just use cat slash right now and be done with it. No matter if some of his skills were a little rusty he could still use his famous sword. The dinosaur's driver was not messing around either. He was preparing to launch another assault with an even larger round of gun fire from a great cannon on the dinosaur's back.
Speedy grabbed for his sword, but was interrupted by the firing of the little missiles in the dinosaur's mouth, which happened to look like its teeth. The teeth quickly filled in with new ones as the old ones fired. They were heat seeking besides! Wailing through the air like vengeful ghosts they aimed for Guido. They aimed for Polly. Speedy was not exempt by any means. One missile found its way through the window of a nearby building and exploded. The cats were forced to still be on the defensive for the most part. Leaping away with all agility they possessed they slashed some of the missiles away back at the dinosaur with their swords.
"Eeek!" cried Polly as she lost her footing on an awning as one missile nearly struck her in the back.
"Gotcha!" Guido called, grabbing her up again.
"Oh, if only we had the Supreme Catatonic!" growled Speedy.
But that was long gone.
A second round of missiles fired after the first had all exploded against something other than their targets. Again the cats readied themselves for leaps and swings their bodies were not used to. They had to now though. They had to for their lives.
Fortunately, some of the missiles they struck back with their swords locked onto the dinosaur robot as it lunged forward with a snarl and tried to trap them in its mouth. Striking the head a spark or two flew, and Speedy at least felt satisfied with that as he rubbed an achy shoulder and looked up at it.
The voice from within the robot only laughed. "Good work, cats! That's what I want to see! Real action!"
"That guy's really starting to bug me!" snarled Polly.
"He's crazier than the Big Cheese," agreed Guido repositioning himself on a ledge.
The dinosaur snapped again quite without warning, and Guido and Polly, although managing just by the hairs of their tails to miss its chomp, fell now to the ground. They were on a low enough building by now that they were not hurt much, but they were quite knocked out of breath, and moaned as they scrambled upright again.
"Oh, we should have been training more!" groaned Polly. "Keeping up our strength."
Guido only let out another moan, but he held his sword at the ready for another round of missiles. Polly snatched out hers and once again together they tried to slash the missiles back or at least to slice them in half.
And of Speedy? Oh, he was not forgotten, nor was he himself left in a stupor. The dinosaur also shot missiles at Speedy, but Speedy was on the move. Though the missiles tried to catch up with him, he managed to prove at least his name was fitting from time to time, and he had a plan.
"Come and get me, creep!" snarled Speedy. "Stop playing!"
"Playing?" laughed Dr. Purple. "What? You want me to snap the mouth in front of you so that the missiles strike my head? Who's playing? This isn't a video game! Don't be so stupid."
Speedy frowned, and almost stopped in his resentment. He had hoped the dinosaur would fall for that, but to no avail. A missile struck so near him his fur singed. With a cry, he jumped away from another wailing banshee scream, and to make a bad situation even worse, his suit was running low on power. They were solar powered. This was night! It caused him to wonder why the ninja crows hardly ever fought at night. They had obviously known about the solar energy needed by the suits.
This guy must know it too, he thought angrily.
There was nothing for it. The next time the robot aimed its missiles at Polly and Guido, who too were looking quite worn by this point having to fight a suit that would not glide easily with their motions any longer, Speedy took action.
"Alright!" snarled Speedy taking his sword. "Take this! Cat Slash!"
With that final blow, the wild whipping strike of that famous weapon sailed through the air and struck the dinosaur square in the chest, and was enough of a blow even to cause the head to smash off. It sailed through the air, exploding as it crashed into town square.
"Wow, Mom!" said a familiar though slightly older little boy who thrust his hand out his bedroom window. He had Donkey Kong glow in the dark pajamas. "I haven't seen that much intense fighting since Transformers 4!"
"Oh, I don't know," said his mother handing him a glass of water as she appeared at the window in her nightgown, "The Hobbit 3 was pretty intense for me. And what about Terminator 5?"
"Well, maybe, but I can't judge The Hobbit 3 until the extended edition," said the boy. "Hey, Mom, can I have The Hobbit 3, the extended edition for Christmas? Can I, Mom?"
"Sure you can, son."
The boy held up a fist of victory. "Yes!"
Meanwhile Nobu/X-Bad Bird from his own bedroom loft opened the window just then. He had been preparing to help the cats, but it was too late now. The cats had won without him. Well … at least they had not lost, and he sighed in relief for that. But he could not help the feeling of annoyance that he had almost been ready by the time they finished the monster off.
And meanwhile again, the princess three years older than before stuck her head out of her bedroom window angrily and yelled, "STOP ALL THAT RACKET!"
Al Dante frowned from the palace balcony. He was not especially pleased about the robots' return, and he had not heard a word of it beforehand either. Closing his eyes and turning away, he was at least satisfied that the cats had finished the robot with what appeared to be the same ease as usual. Though, the town suffered for it with a little more than most robots' damage. It certainly was not over, this new assault, and most-likely from a vengeful Big Cheese.
"Yatta!" cried the cats back outside on the ground in the middle of town. This was a cry of success.
And hurrying over to town square they made to see who would come out of the head. Panting and tired, but still feeling the effects of victory, they leered with determination as they circled the head.
"Congratulations, cats," said the crackling speaker from the now broken and shattered robotic head from which the skull could be made out behind its outer shell. "I'm a little impressed, at least."
And with that a pod released from the top of the skull and launched upward.
Covering their heads, the cats' first impulse was that it was a bomb, but it was an escape they soon realized. It was the getaway of Dr. Purple, and it sailed off into the distance.
"He's getting away!" cried Speedy.
Guido clenched his teeth. "That means he'll be back."
"Great." And here Speedy sighed. "Well, there's nothing we can do about it now — ouch!" he rubbed his wrist. "He won't be back tonight at least. Let's — ouch — go back to bed. Looks like the bad guys are back."
"Okay …" agreed his companions.
"At least this'll whip us back into shape," said Speedy with a grin. "And it was kinda fun, ya gotta admit!" He swiped his sword and pretended to slice the head off of another adversary.
Neither Polly nor Guido looked the least bit amused.