CHAPTER EIGHT: A SCREECH OF HEAVY METAL ON AN OLD RECORD

That night of the fireworks Jerry did not return to Dr. Purple. In fact he had not returned anywhere for a long time. Not that anyone had been particularly worried about him. Jerry could take care of himself, and Jerry preferred people to think of him that way. No matter what else age had done to him, he was still fit enough to take care of himself very well.

However, Jerry was annoyed when the ninja crows did not greet him as he banged open the door to his old house at the Ninja Village, or rather he was annoyed that the one who did greet him was none other than the Big Cheese. He would have rather had a whole murder of crows smothering him to death with worry than the Big Cheese's big ugly head peering down at him the second he came in through the door. A surprise birthday party with people singing "How old are you now?" would have been better than that obnoxious voice exclaiming, "Oh, there you are, Jerry!" as if he had been late for a very important appointment.

Jerry did not answer him. He felt less in the mood for the Big Cheese now than he had when he had first discovered the current status of his best ninja. Now it just became ten times worse.

"Hey, Jerry! I'm talking to you! Hello!" the Big Cheese exclaimed. He was wearing his old ninja mask he had once used what seemed so very long ago when he showed his face in front of the Pizza Cats to keep his alter ego secret.

Taking note of this mildly, Jerry continued walking towards his table where a pot of tea sat next to a tea cup. It was still warm too, which pleased him. At least it was warm enough to drink. Pouring himself a cup, Jerry knelt down and with high brows and eyes nearly closed he began to sip.

"Hey, Jerry!" exclaimed the Big Cheese coming behind him. "I've been thinking …"

"Oh, have you," muttered Jerry sarcastically.

The Big Cheese wrinkled his nose and straightened himself with some pomp. "That's not funny."

Jerry lifted his shoulders a tad vulture-like and glared out at nothing in particular as he slowly brought the cup to his beak again.

"Did you find Bad Bird?" asked the Big Cheese suddenly remembering why Jerry had been gone in the first place.

Slouching further downward and scowling harder Jerry returned, "We don't need Bad Bird."

"Oh," shrugged the Big Cheese. "Well, then I wanted to tell you that from now on I think it best to stay in the village now that I'm a ninja outlaw too."

"Hence the mask," muttered Jerry to himself.

"What?" demanded the Big Cheese.

"You are not a ninja, Seymour," said Jerry for the first time turning around to face the fox.

"Technicalities," scoffed the fox. "The point is, since I don't have my position anymore, and I want revenge, and I'm an outlaw, I might as well be a ninja and therefore live in the Ninja Village and—"

"Big Cheese, can't you see I'm sulking?" Jerry demanded throwing his arms out in front of him.

"No, it just looks like you're drinking tea," said the Big Cheese with a shrug. "You always do that. I guess that's just what you old people do. Sit around and drink tea and be a fuss pot."

Jerry rolled his eyes and growled something very unpleasant under his breath.

"Well, then as a ninja," muttered Jerry loud enough for the Big Cheese to hear well enough, "why don't you find the other ninja crows and see what sort of work their up to."

"Work?" laughed the Big Cheese picking up a fan and beginning to fan himself with it. He leaned idly against the table. "That's a good one. You know I never work."

"Well, if you are a ninja," said Jerry closing his eyes with a most condescending air, "you have to get used to work and lots of it. You're not a pampered kit anymore."

"If you don't stop patronizing me, Jerry, I'm going to get livid with you," the Big Cheese warned, "and I was in a pretty good mood too."

"Well, I'm not in a good mood! I want just a moment to think in peace and quiet, okay!? Without your incessant jabbering!"Jerry snarled banging his fist on the table. Then pouring himself some more tea he began to sip calmly again quite sudden in his change of mood, or at least externally.

A childish, angry pout appeared on the Big Cheese's face, but after a moment and haughty snort, he marched away.

"Fine," he said. "See if I ever talk to you again, you crabby old dink!"

"Fine!" growled Jerry.

As the Big Cheese made his exit he did not forget to slam the door. The whole little hut shook with the convulsions of an earthquake but Jerry remained unmoved until the shaking had ceased. Then he took another sip of his tea. After another moment or so, he then stood up and rolled down a mat on which to sleep; though he did not lie down until he locked the door after posting a sign outside it that read, "Do not disturb" with a skull and cross bones painted underneath it.

#

He did not sleep as long as he would have preferred, but his mind was busy with what to do next. When he woke up, he had some left over rice to eat with some old cold meat, and he glowered the whole time until the last grain of rice. All the while he thought of Bad Bird and everything that had passed between them the previous night.

What bothered him more than anything about their debate was that most of what Bad Bird had said about the Ninja Crows happened to be true. Most of what Bad Bird had said about Jerry himself had been true, though he did not quite admit that to himself just yet.

It's like losing all the time had you falling into his delusions, Bad Bird's voice echoed in his mind, but Jerry shook his head.

He would deal with the Big Cheese later.

And who needs Bad Bird anyway? thought Jerry sulkily. He's still a traitor no matter what he says about the Big Cheese or the clan.

Then what was to be done?

Jerry thought a moment.

"The Rude Noise?"

With a grimace Jerry shook his head. "No, no, I have enough aggravation as it is," he muttered waving his arms in front of him.

Then wrapping his arms behind him he began to pace.

He could have the ninja build another robot. He had no time to train anyone else. Nick was the best in the clan right now, and that was a very sad, sad thing to say. Oh, any robot they could build in a short amount of time would not hold a candle to Dr. Purple's fancy mecha and Jerry knew that quite well. Besides, he still wanted Dr. Purple on his side for now. He did not want to act competitive. No new enemies had to be added to the list of ones he already had. He needed more allies.

With a heavy sigh he leered out the window in utter defeat.

"The Rude Noise …" muttered Jerry again.

They were the only allies he could think of now. Bad Max may have been a defiant little squawker, but he was not exactly a traitor, and Jerry did not believe he ever would be. It would be humiliating to beg his gang for help, but he could nonchalantly enlist them.

"Oh, Jerry," moaned Jerry pulling his claws over his eyes. "How low can things get?"

#

They claimed to be a band, but they did not have many fans. The fact that they made people deaf from their screechy style drove most people away. It was not just because their lyrics made absolutely no sense. After all, most band lyrics don't. They did have a small and very loyal following most of whom were at least half deaf or played their music very low as a form of background noise. The Rude Noise managed to make enough to live on with this small obsessive group of fans who bought every T-shirt and every album as often as they could, but the fact that their following was summed up in a number no more than a few hundred people around the whole world proved detrimental at times. That was the main reason why Bad Max liked it so much when he was summoned by Jerry to fight those flea-bag cats.

Jerry awaited the arrival of this financially inept crew atop the tallest structure in the ninja village with full knowledge that Max would want to be well paid for his work. Jerry did not have much to give him, except the promise of shares of the emperor's wealth once the cats were defeated.

Checking a watch that randomly clung to his wrist at the moment, Jerry rolled his eyes.

"Of course they have to be late," he muttered.

Some of the other ninja crows who were also with Jerry expressed their sympathies.

Tapping the watch impatiently, Jerry tried to trash the thought that Bad Bird had never been so late. He had been late only once by a few minutes and (although unbeknownst to Jerry) it had only been because his and Jerry's clocks had not matched.

It doesn't matter, he told himself. Inferior to Bad Bird or not, Bad Max has to equal Bad Bird with a whole gang to back him up. Besides, maybe they trained up since last time I saw them.

It was too much to hope for, Jerry soon realized when suddenly in the shade of the trees lights turned on in bright neon pink and green. He cringed at the squeal of an electric steel guitar and nearly fell over. The other ninja crows did likewise, except a couple of them did fall over.

"Only fashionably late!" laughed one of Max's companions. Jerry thought it was Mojo Rojo, but then he purposely got Ronnie Geissmuller and Mojo mixed up as they were not members of the Flying Skull nor ever had been.

Then the music started. It was somehow reminiscent of a brand new, high tech Team Rocket motto and continued to be so as it went on and the stars of the display presented themselves with a spotlight each as they continued to play on their instruments.

Jerry frowned not impressed in the least as they began:

"Applause is unnecessary;

Just give us your screams!

We're only new tricks now,

So nothing's as it seems!"

This little ditty sung behind the screeching and wailing and chinking of hard metal had been performed by Maxie himself, though he was still doused in shadow.

The first to appear in full neon glow was Ronnie.

"The light of the moon,

The light of the sun

All are pretty bright,

But it's us who'll've won!

"Ray!"

Second was Cannonball Battery.

"The thunder in your eye

Is me kicking your butt!

"Cannonball Thud!"

"That doesn't even rhyme," said a ninja crow, but his voice was drowned out by the music.

Then it was Mojo Rojo's turn.

"Nothing too hard.

Never a quack.

Nothing at all will stop

The master of hack!

" Dweebs!"

Then the leader himself resumed.

"Masters of anarchy,

More than just bad,

We'll make your life bedlam

We'll make you go mad!

"Mad Max!"

Then the music got even louder as all joined in the chorus at screeching volumes:

"We're the Apocrowlypse!

Yeah! The Apocrowlypse!

The most unbreakable

Unstoppable

Apocrowlypse!

We're—"

Jerry's mouth dropped. "Dweebs!?"

Just this single exclamation caused the whole band to stop. It was mostly be because Bad Max had stopped playing, and leaping down from the shelter of the trees and onto the roof he said, "We changed our alter ego names to fit our new-age group."

"But 'Dweebs'?" asked Jerry again in utter disbelief.

"Yeah, dweebs are in," said Mojo.

"I think that's nerds that are in," said Nick rubbing his aching head where his ears would be under his helmet.

The rest of the ninja crows behind him were moaning miserably.

"Who asked you?" demanded Mojo glaring down at the smaller crow.

Nick snorted unafraid.

Jerry was still in a state of muddled confusion. "But … 'Dweebs'?"

"Did we play too loud for you, Master Jerry, and rattled your brain?" asked Bad Max with a bit of humor. "You're going like an old record there."

"But 'Dweebs'!?" demanded Jerry and coming to his senses he glared at Bad Max, crossed his arms staunchly, and said, "And you can't call yourself 'Mad Max'. That name is copy-written."

"That's just how bad I am," said Bad Max. "We needed new names for our new image. Not only do we have a brand new image for our band, we're neo ninja now. Right guys?"

"Right!" exclaimed the others.

"Well, fine then, but don't expect me to call you those names," said Jerry. "The only one that was an improvement was probably 'Ray' from Ronnie Geissmuller."

"We can't expect you to understand the new age," said Max. "You're age and all."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Jerry demanded. "I keep up with the times just fine. You should see the new robots on our side."

"Where are they?" asked Max.

"Well, I can't show them to you now!" exclaimed Jerry, and he cleared his throat. "Now let me explain what I called you for."

"How much?" asked Max.

"How much what?"

"How much will you pay us?" demanded Max. "We don't come cheap anymore. You'd have to pay us an awful lot to get us to work for you, especially since I know the only reason why you called me here was because you found out you don't have Bad Bird anymore or Good Bird or Nobu or whatever he calls himself now."

"I don't care what his name is, don't talk about him," muttered Jerry waving his hand aside. "You know about him too?"

"Everyone knows about Bad Bird," said Cannonball Battery candidly. "He's married to Carla and has pizza all the time and he hangs out with the c—"

"I know all about the volunteer firefighter bit," muttered Jerry. "I said not to talk about him. You'll all get a share of the emperor's fortunes if we succeed in this venture we've got cooked up."

"But what do we get up front?" asked Max.

"Nothing!" snapped Jerry. "We're broke!"

"What about the Big Cheese?" asked Max. "Where is he?"

"How the stink should I know where the Big Cheese is?" Jerry said. "I don't keep track of that crazy fox. He does whatever he wants. Besides he's broke too. He was kicked out of the palace, don't you remember?"

"Then no deal," retorted Max cocking his head upward haughtily.

Closing his eyes Jerry growled and after a few seconds he opened them again and said, "I don't have time for any of your nonsense! This is for the honor of the Flying Skull! Of which you are still a part of! Of which blood and sweat demands! Of which your destiny as a ninja demands! I won't have back talk!"

"The honor of the Flying Skull," laughed Max. "You mean the honor of a bunch of clucking hens!"

The other three members of his gang joined his laughter.

Anger boiled in Jerry's head like a witch's brew and raged like a torrent of the sea. In fact the color in his face changed quickly from purple and black to bright tomato red.

The other crows behind Jerry just stared at Max in utter shock.

"We're neo ninja. The ancient ninja are history!" Bad Max added. "And the Flying Skull is living proof!"

"Want us to kill them, Master Jerry?" Nick cried.

"Just try it, punk," huffed Bad Max.

Nick whipped out his sword and with a growl of rage ran at an unconcerned Bad Max with all his strength. Bad Max had only to lift out his leg at the right moment and Nick tripped dropping his sword. Snatching it away with one hand Bad Max then lifted out his other hand as Nick tried to tackle him. In vain were Nick's craws and snatching claws trying to reach for Max as Max's hand held him back by the head.

"Sad, isn't it?" Max yawned examining the little sword, and he tossed it aside while its owner continued in his pitiful attempt to attack him. "And you're too old to fix them now too. Neo ninja are the way of the future … not this pipsqueak and his knitting club. And we're not interested in fighting those cats either."

The other ninja crows quite offended by this point themselves flung out their weapons one and all in almost complete unison.

"We can fight!" they cried. "You traitors!"

"I don't have time to fight little ninja like you," scoffed Bad Max. "We got bigger fish to fry. Come on, gang, let's go."

And after the other three agreed, they took flight with Max (mad or bad) in the lead. They laughed as they flew, and Jerry remained standing and staring straight ahead of him. By now his whole body had become the color of a raspberry.

"Master Jerry …?" Nick ventured studying his master with care. "Should we … go after them?"

A heavy growl released from Jerry's beak. He might have blown up in a similar fashion as the Big Cheese, but now that the sight of the Rude Noise had vanished with memories more rude than ever left behind, Jerry seemed to calm somewhat, and that growling breath had released from the pressure.

"No!" Jerry snapped. "Forget them! We don't need them!"

And withdrawing he returned to his hut slamming the door behind him.

"Hey, Jerry?"

Jerry jumped and spinning around he saw the Big Cheese still with his ninja mask on in front of a television set and holding a mug of hot chocolate.

"Wasn't that the Rude Noise outside?"

"YES!" snarled Jerry.

Standing up and putting down his mug the Big Cheese hurried up to his side and said, "Didn't go too well, huh?"

"No," said Jerry very darkly, and then crossing his arms he demanded, "What are you doing in here, Seymour? This is my house!"

"Well, you know, I just wanted to tell you about my new plan to get revenge on that cat that calls himself the prime minister," said the Big Cheese.

"I don't care, Seymour," said Jerry.

"Sure you will," said the Big Cheese. "Just listen a moment."

"Seymour!" snapped Jerry.

"What?" said the Big Cheese. "You called me 'Seymour' three times in a row. What's the matter with you, Jerry? Feeling sick?" He patted Jerry on the shoulder. "Why are you being such an old stick-in-the-mud? I have a brilliant plan to get revenge on the cats and you just sulk about perimeters. I'm still in charge here and—"

"You're not in charge!" Jerry snapped taking up his cane and smacking it across the Big Cheese's muzzle. "I'm in charge! I've always been in charge! And I always will be! I only was using you because you were a stupid, rich, powerful and pampered brat for my own ends! Don't you get that!? I hate you! I always have hated you since the moment I saw your ugly pupiless eyes in front of my face and your putrid lips on my beak! And I don't care about your stupid ideas! And quit calling me 'old'!"

Now it was the Big Cheese's turn to change to a strange color. It took a while for his mind to comprehend what Jerry was telling him. First he turned quite ashen, but as Jerry came to the end of his rant it finally registered with the fox that Jerry meant every word he was saying. Many things clicked together in his mind, and in a passionate red rage he promptly exploded in a roar of fury.