Rin remembers dying.
It's perhaps the clearest memory from his previous life— the way his chest hurt, screamed in pain, his heart failing him. The way his eyelids drooped without permission. It was similar to how he would struggle to keep his eyes open in classes, mind slipping from reality, except far more painful.
He remembers thinking, some days before it happened; 'I think I'm going to die soon.'
He remembers being seventeen and thinking. 'I might die this year or the next.'
And amidst the fear and pain of death, he remembers the bitter satisfaction of knowing he was right, and the regret of knowing he did it to himself.
Rin feels none of this when his body bursts into flames. It's warm, hot, but not painful. His mind isn't slipping from him, instead it feels clearer than ever before, as if everything had suddenly just come into sharp, 1080p focus.
And their memories, his memories, they're just a click away, and he remembers so much more. Those old, old memories fill him first with nostalgia then fear.
The possessed boy is speaking to him, greeting him as a demon, but Rin isn't even listening, only staring wide eyed at the flickering blue flames that dance on his fingers.
There's chanting in a familiar voice as someone new steps into the park, and when Rin looks up he sees not his own death but the death of his father, burning in the same flames that dance on his skin.
The demon shrieks loudly, pulling Rin from his daze.
"Damn you, exorcist!" He shouts. "I'll rip that filthy mouth right off your face!"
The demon charges at his father, and in a split moment of panic, Rin jolts forward and punches him hard in the jaw, sending him flying off to the side. His father's chant never breaks, and he finishes, signing a cross with a flourish to complete it.
The demon cries in agony as something dark and sinister is expelled from the boy's body, rendering him unconscious.
The flames upon Rin's skin finally flicker and die. He jumps over to the boy and bends down to take a closer look.
"He's— he's fine," Rin breathes. "Knocked the fuck out, but breathing and fine. Bet that'll leave one hell of a headache..." He mumbles the last part, skipping back over to his father.
Shiro puts a hand on Rin's shoulder. "Are you alright?"
Rin almost nods, instinctively ready to assure his well-being. He catches himself with a cough. "I'm fucking reeling." He says, almost dizzy from it's truth. "Let's speedrun this information; demons are real, you're a real exorcist, I'm, what, a demon too?" Rin touches his teeth, as if self-conscious, but finding them still flat and human-like. It's only for show, though.
Shiro blinks for a moment, then sighs. "You've always hated pointless talk, huh?" He mutters. "You're a half-demon, Rin. The son of a human woman, fathered to a demon— not just any, either. You are the bastard son of Satan himself."
Wryly, Rin comments; "What is this, some shounen manga?" He laughs— a joke only he would fully understand. "Satan can choke." He adds with an off grin.
Shiro stiffens at Rin's apparent 'could care less' attitude. "Take this seriously, Rin—!"
"I am taking this seriously!" Rin snaps back, cutting him off at the end. His previously relaxed attitude suddenly shatters, morphing into something tense and angry. "You think I'm not serious?! I'm more serious than I've ever been!" He shouts. "This is fucked up! The fact you kept it from me is fucked up! All of this is fucked up! Do you want me screaming and yelling about it?!"
Shiro tenses, and doesn't reply immediately, eyes flickering over Rin's face, before he swats at a few stray coal tars, Rin remembers now, and grabs Rin by the elbow. "Let's head back to the monastery before any more demons come running,"
Rin allows his anger to recede for now, although still tense, and he nods to his father, allowing the man to pull him along as they run home.
The monastery is eerily silent when they enter, Shiro still dragging Rin through the halls. Idly, Rin wonders where his brother went after getting their father, or where the others are, but the thought is quickly brushed aside when Shiro stops in front of a large dresser.
"Listen, Rin, you must leave the monastery immediately," Shiro tells him, swiping up a bag and unzipping it, quickly stuffing it with as many things as he can.
"Leave?!" Rin bristles.
Shiro continues as if he hadn't even heard Rin's exclamation. "This is a kamikakushi key," he says, holding up the fancy golden key, before pushing it into the dresser's lock. "With it, you can hide anything anywhere you want." From the drawer, he pulls out a beautiful blue sword, and holds it out to Rin. "The Koma sword, also known as Kurikara. It's a demon sword passed down from old."
Shiro swipes the bag up from the bed and shoves it into Rin's hands, placing the sword atop the bag. "You're flames reside inside this sword, sealed by the scabbard. Should you draw it, you'll assume your demonic nature, and you'll never be able to live as a human again."
Shiro puts the kamikakushi key atop the bag as well. "Don't ever draw it, but never let it leave your possession! Use the kamikakushi key to hide it when necessary." He says, before pulling out a cellphone and adding it to the pile in Rin's arms. "Once you've left the monastery, use this phone. There's only one number saved in it— he's a friend of mine. He can't return your life to normal, but he will shelter you. Now, go!"
And as Shiro's voice faded from the room, all that's left was silence. Rin stared at his father, stunned, before he blinked slowly and shook his head. He swung his arms up and let the items in his arms drop and hit the floor.
"Rin, what are you—"
"Are you stupid?!" Rin interrupts. "I awaken to being a demon, have all this information unloaded on me, and then I'm told to get out— just how do you think this looks from my side?! You've known about what I am for all of my fifteen years of existence and all that amounts to this shitty plan?!"
Shiro bends down and picks up the Koma sword. "Rin, I understand how this must look from your side, but believe me we were not prepared for you to awaken so soon—"
"I'm not done!" Rin swipes the sword from his father. "You seriously just wanna throw me out like that?! Like, what the hell?! What about Yukio?!"
Shiro takes in a shivering breath in an attempt to calm his own nerves. "Your brother was born weak, underweight, and thus he was unable to inherit the same blue flames that you did." He explains. "He's completely human."
A surge of anger boils over Rin. "That's not what I'm fucking talking about!" He shouts. "I can't just leave him, he's my brother! And— Fuck, he's known this the whole time too, hasn't he?" Rin already knows the answer to that one.
Shiro's eyes widen. "Rin—"
"Did you think I wouldn't notice?" Rin's temper continues to rise— fifteen years worth of issues coming to a head so quickly he barely knows where to start. "Did you think I'd miss the fact that my little brother was forced to grow up way too fast? He's stressed the fuck out, like, constantly, and I can only barely support him from the outside while knowing nothing—" everything, "at all!"
"Rin, Yukio chose to become an exorcist to protect you," Shiro says.
"Does that make it okay to let a fucking seven year old become an exorcist?!" Rin shouts back. "He was just a kid— Fuck, we're still just kids! How badly do you fucking think that shit fucked with Yukio's growth?! God, no wonder we're both so fucked up!"
And instantly, Rin freezes, his heart dropping, shattering at his feet while his blood turns to ice. In front of him, Shiro goes completely still as well, but the next thing Rin knows is the sting of his father's palm slapping his cheek.
This wasn't how it was meant to go. He hadn't meant to get angry— no, god, no, he was just— Fuck, it was all just happening so fast, he wasn't supposed to yell at him.
"Dad—" Rin starts, voice so weak and afraid compared to the anger that had laced it mere moments ago. "I didn't mean— I'm sorry, I'm sorry," the words rush out of his mouth, desperate, before he loses his chance to say them. "Dad, I'm sorry, I know, I know, god, I know this whole this must be really fucking complicated, I just,"
And Shiro, god, his expression is so empty but in his eyes Rin can see the pain. Rin realizes that he's not the only one who had noticed the burdens that Yukio carries— Shiro already blamed himself, and now...
His father takes in a deep, shuddering breath. "There's no time to argue, Rin." He says, cold and distant. "Now, go," he tells Rin, and his voice is simply dripping with hurt, which is entirely Rin's fault.
No, no, no, no, Rin's heart breaks, the image of his father's dead body surfacing and haunting him. "No, no, dad, please don't—" Rin's voice breaks as tears spill down his cheeks, and he knows he's probably not making sense anymore as he babbles through his tears. "Please don't go, don't— I'm sorry," He cries, grasping the front of his father's clothes. "I didn't mean it, please don't go, please,"
Shiro doesn't reply, can't reply, as he suddenly lurches with a gasp of pain, and Rin can't do a single thing when Shiro shoves him away, falling to the ground with a hand grasping his chest.
"No! No, no no!" Rin sobs, jolting towards his father again. It's my fault, it's my fault— I should've shut my mouth and talked to him later, calmly, shouldn't have said that, I shouldn't have said that, I shouldn't have blamed him, It's my fault, god, I'm so stupid, I knew and I still lost my cool—
The lightbulb above them suddenly bursts, and the glass falls atop them, but Rin pays it no mind. "Dad, no, I'm sorry, I didn't— Please don't—"
"Rin—" Shiro chokes out. "Get... Away—!"
And then everything stops cold. The room is as silent as a graveyard, which is fairly compared, considering what Rin knows will happen next— and dread creeps up his spine as Shiro slowly raises his head to look at Rin.
Jagged irises made of a bright blue with cruel red pupils stare back at him. It sends a shiver down Rin's spine, and a wild grin splits Shiro's face. Abruptly, Rin ceases his crying, a horrified expression washing over his face instead.
"My.. dear son," Shiro's voice says, distorted, forced, as if Shiro was still fighting the possession— He probably was. "How I waited for this moment,"
And then, without warning, Shiro bursts into flames— blue flames, just like the ones that had coated Rin's body not too long ago. Shiro— no, Satan sits up and beings to cackle wildly. "— Sometimes I crack myself up!" He crows, rising to his feet and peering down at Rin. "Hiya, junior~! I came all this way to greet you, my darling boy! Aren't you the least bit grateful?"
Rin, who had subconsciously backed into the wall, shivers. "Satan," he whispers, horrified.
"Ding dong~" Satan sings. "That's correct! God of demons and your true father— But you can call me 'Papa' if you want!" He jeers, before throwing his head back and laughing some more as blood begins to spill down Shiro's face, from his eyes, his nose, and the corners of his mouth. It coats the sharp fangs that Satan smiles with, and it only makes the image that much more terrifying.
Satan stops laughing with a sigh and looks down at his hand, Shiro's hand. "As much as I'd love to prolong this emotional reunion, it seems even this guy's body won't hold me much longer." He says, grasping three of Shiro's fingers with his other hand, and then with a sickening snap and a spray of blood, Rin watches with horror as Satan rips Shiro's fingers right off.
The blood pours from Shiro's fingers, splattering against the floor as Satan whispers something in a language Rin can't understand, and then the blood begins to move, drawing out a square in a deep red, almost black. It begins to... almost bubble, as it forms something, faces of agony in red that make up the door to hell.
"I'm the only demon who can make this," Satan boasts. "Gehenna Gate. Now, let's go home, my son," He swivels to Rin with a bloody smile, before his eyes lock onto the sword that Rin still holds a death grip on. "Ahh, that's right, we should destroy that damnable thing, and return you to your true demonic state!"
Satan reaches out for the sword, grabbing it by the scabbard. He yanks on it, but Rin only tightens his grip.
Don't ever stop fighting.
The thought is so sudden it makes Rin jolt, and he kicks upwards, his foot connecting with Satan's— Shiro's elbow, forcing it to bend awkwardly, and thanks to that he lets go of the sword. Rin jumps to his feet and shoves, pushing Satan away.
"Get the hell out!" He demands, blue flames bursting forth with the exclamation.
Satan stumbles back and stares, shocked, before he begins to laugh at Rin. "What was that?! Did you piss your pants or something?!"
"Give it back," Rin whispers, gripping his sword so hard his knuckles turn white. "Give it back!" He shouts, launching himself at Satan, who easily side-steps him. "That body is my father's, so give it back!"
Give it back, give it back now, before it's too late—
Satan laughs loudly, a sound that sends waves of fear over Rin, shaking him to his core. "Haven't you been listening?! Daddy dearest is right here!" He exclaims. "This wretched priest may have raised you, but the blood of the God of Gehenna runs through your veins!"
"Blood means nothing to me!" Rin shouts back. "My family is who I decide they are, and my father is Fujimoto Shiro!" He declares, but hesitates to attack Satan again. After all, he doesn't want to hurt Shiro.
Satan grabs him by the arm with overwhelming strength and throws him into the gate as if he were nothing. "How ridiculous." He shakes his head. "Regardless, I need you to lay claim to Assiah,"
The gate grabs him, pulls him, and Rin can barely tear his arms loose, losing his grip of the Koma sword. "Let me go! Let me go!" He shouts angrily as he fights against the gate.
Satan cackles maniacally. "The cry of a newborn, for today you shall be reborn!" He exclaims. "Happy birthday~! Welcome to Gehenna~!" He sings.
And then, suddenly, he chokes on blood. With wide eyes, Satan crumples to the ground, a hand to his chest. He leans back, revealing the sharp exorcist pin sticking out of his chest, coated in blood. "Wh— Why you— Damned exorcist!" He shouts, flames roaring angrily.
He jolts forward a little, his eyes returning to their original shape and color, full of pain. "Rin is my son," he says, Shiro says. "And I'm taking him back!"
Shiro's eyes sharpen and turn blue once again. "Suicide? Some priest you are," he mocks, his voice wavering as he wobbles. "But the gate already has him in it's grasp... and it won't... Let go..."
The fire goes out like a candle with a hiss, and Shiro falls forwards, but Rin dives and catches him before he falls completely into the gate.
"No! Damnit! I didn't— Fuck!" Rin stumbles back and forth over his words, tears quickly spilling over his cheeks once again.
"Rin," Shiro whispers, his voice quiet and weak.
"Dad?!" Rin's eyes snap to his father. "Can you hear me? Hang on, please hang on, you're gonna be fine!" He says, struggling to rise out of the gate. But it's no use— the grip it has on the two of them is strong, and his father is too heavy for him to carry.
"Rin," His father wheezes. "You've always been... such a cry baby..." He says, choking on his own blood. A weak, bloodied hand, missing three fingers, reaches up to Rin's and attempt to brush away the thick tears streaming down his face, however it does nothing but smear blood on his cheek. "C'mon, k-kid... You gotta... f-fix those.. those leaky eyes of yours..." His voice trails off.
"Damnit!" Rin cries, reaching for his sword. "Hold on, dad— Please just hold on! Don't you die on me!" His hand clamps around the handle, and he pulls.
Instantly, Rin lights up in blue flames, flickering wild with panic and fear, and once again Rin's mind is sharper than ever, and he feels whole. He brings the sword up high and swings it down with everything he has and—
The gate bursts, and the next thing he realizes is that he's sitting upon a scorched and bloody floor.
Fujimoto Shiro's dead body stares back at him.
A/N:
Me: hm, with Rin knowing what's going to happen, how am I gonna still end up with Shiro dying?
My evil hands: "we're fucked up and it's your fault"
Me: yowza!
Anyway. I'm very sorry for the wait, I struggled a lot with this one. This one... It was important this part end the same way, so I'm sorry if this chapter was boring, and I'm also sorry if you thought Shiro was gonna live in this fic... I'm so sorry... As much as I want him to, it's better plot-wise that he doesn't. Also, better for me because I struggle with writing him -_-...
"But Kopitou! If Rin knows what was gonna happen, why did he still yell at Shiro?! Why did it still end up like this?!"
Because sometimes, no matter what you know logically, you still get caught up in emotions and mess things up. Yukio is Rin's most important person so he's obviously upset about how this situation negatively affected him, and he himself is very hurt by how Shiro handled their situation. He's desperately been trying to do damage control from the outside all his life. Yukio's been under a lot of stress because of all of this, but so has Rin. Trying to be the family therapist all the time is extremely stressful— even if it's something Rin wants to do because he loves his family. He's always been upset with the situation, but he couldn't be open about it— that's such a huge can of worms that he wasn't prepared to open, but now that the secret was out, he could finally voice all of his complaints. It just happened that it all burst like a volcano instead of a peaceful discussion, since the situation was so stressful...
Anyway! Does it ever fuck you up that Rin and Yukio are only fifteen at the start of AoEx? Yukio was seven when he started exorcist training. That's so fucked up! Idk how old you guys are but I'm eighteen and I'm like. These are kids! What the fuck! This shouldn't be happening to them! What the fuck!
It's 2am as I'm writing this so I have no idea if any of this makes any sense -_- unrelated but did you know I hate using bold text in my fics? I try to avoid it when I can, but sometimes I need it. I just feel like it sticks out far too much, it's very jarring.
Anywhosies thanks for reading Please Leave A Review I Will Kill For Feedback.