Thank you all for being so patient with me. I am officially done with all school related obligations and now have a lot of time on my hands. Updates should resume to being more frequent now!
I thought this might be important to mention- Naley's relationship in this story is going to be kind of a slow progression-at first. Like I mentioned in the author's note of the first chapter, Nathan's got some twisted issues that run deep. As you can already tell- he drinks a lot, can't control his anger, and apparently has this voice in his head that won't shut the fuck up. It's going to take a lot more than just a few conversations with Haley for him to start to let go of all the pain he's carrying, or at least, want to try and let go. (I.e he's going to need professional help, which we'll get to eventually). I'll be honest, Nathan is going to be back and forth/hot and cold with Haley for a little while. But, it's all a part of his journey of finally letting someone in after two years of bottling everything up and finally letting himself feel after focusing on nothing but his anger and grief. As much as I want to jump right into the happy and in love Naley, I don't think it would very realistic to rush through all of Nathan's issues. I plan for this story to be quite lengthy. I'm not exactly sure how many chapters yet but I definitely have a lot to cover.
P.S. To the reviewer who said something about jealous Nathan- I have plans for jealous Nathan. I am an absolute sucker for that version of him so don't worry, he'll come around.
P.S.S. This chapter is a lot longer than the previous ones. Once I started typing, I just couldn't stop. I went back through to maybe delete some stuff but it all felt very necessary. I have to say that I am 100% pleased with how this turned out, which rarely happens when it comes to my writing. Hopefully, you all agree. Okay, I'll shut up now, hahaha.
It was unbearably hot. He could feel the sweat dripping down his face and clinging to his back. His lungs were burning, cough after cough tearing from his throat. He could barely keep his eyes open, the thick air causing them to water. His body felt weak, like he would collapse at any moment. He ignored that feeling and forced his body further on. He had to keep going. He had to save them.
He was in his bedroom, or what was left of his bedroom. The flames had already destroyed one half of his room and were quickly licking their way to where he was standing. His desk, his bed, all of the trophies he had resting on his dresser, all of the posters on his walls...they were completely swallowed in the crackling flames.
Panic and fear were quickly bubbling up inside of him.
The screaming came first. It was a piercing scream that brought goosebumps to his slick skin. It was a desperate plea of his name that had his heart pounding even harder in his chest. Whipping his head around, he frantically searched for the door to his room. When he finally spotted it, he sprang into action. He weaved his way through the flames, his body only grazing the heat. Once he reached the door, he swung it open to reveal a long dark hallway, also engulfed in an angry fire.
When he heard the scream again, he began to run. He quickly realized that even though he was pushing his body to run, he wasn't going anywhere. With every step he took, the hallway seemed to become even longer and with that, the screaming got louder. His heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest and he felt as if all the air had been sucked out of his lungs. Ignoring those feelings, he pushed on.
"Nathan!" A desperate scream could be heard through the roaring of the fire. The voice was clearly female and Nathan recognized it immediately.
"Mom!" Nathan yelled back as hot and salty tears began to pour from his eyes. "Hold on, mom! I'm coming to get you. Please, hold on!"
"Help me! Oh, God, it hurts, please help me!"
He increased the speed of his running, his feet hitting hard against the wooden floor. The longer the hall way became, the faster he forced himself to move. Finally, after what felt like hours of running, he reached the furthest door at the end of the hallway. He reached to grab the door handle, only to jump back and yelp in pain. The metal handle was scorching hot. Placing his hands against the wooden door, the panic inside of him increased tenfold. The door was unbearably hot, meaning that room had succumbed to the fire.
"Please hurry!"
Nathan frantically looked around, the tears still falling from his eyes. She was in that room. He was sure of it. But, how could he get the door open without being killed by the fire first? There was nothing in that hallway except for debris, charred wood paneling and ashes of family heirlooms. He let out a shaky breath, the feeling of desperation and defeat swirling around in his stomach.
"Nathan, please."
Her voice sounded weaker. The fear and the desperation was still evident, but he knew she was slipping away. He couldn't give up. He had to save her. She didn't deserve to die, especially not in this way-not at the hands of his mistakes. He was going to get that door open and if he ended up dying while saving her, then so be it. He was the one who deserved to be swallowed up by the flames.
Mustering up every bit of strength that he had, he rammed his shoulder into the door. A searing pain ran down the side of his body, but he ignored it. Once again, he gathered his strength and rammed into the door. He did this a couple of more times before the wood finally gave way. He fell backwards when a huge gust of fire came barreling out of the now open doorway. Holding his body up by his elbows, he let out an exasperated cough, his chest heaving up and down. He watched in utter fear as the flames completely blocked the doorway.
He could hear her cries, the weak sobs leaving her lips. His name was a continuous chant. His insides were twisting in pain and his lungs were burning. If he stayed in the house any longer, he would most likely die from suffocation but there was no way he could leave her behind. Pushing himself off of the ground, he glared hard at the flames. There was a small airway between the flames, if he was quick enough, he could jump right through it.
"Mom, I'm coming for you!" He shouted back.
Taking a deep breath, which only resulted in another cough, he ran forward and jumped through the flames. He landed flat on his stomach, his nose colliding harshly with the wooden floor. The pain speared through his body and a wet trail of blood trickled into his open mouth. He was sure his nose was broken but even that wasn't going to stop him. He scrambled to his feet, wiping away the blood from under his nose. Quickly, he realized that action was futile. The blood was a constant waterfall.
Deciding to ignore his injury, his eyes swept across the room in search of his mom. His heart jumped in his throat when he saw her sprawled out on the floor, face down. A large wooden pillar was laying on top of her, holding her down. She remained completely still, almost lifeless and that scared him shitless. Her blonde hair looked matted with blood and a nasty burn covered her entire left arm.
"Mom!" He dejected, flinging his body over to her. He slid on his knees until he was right next to her. His whole body was trembling as gripped on to the fallen pillar. He gave it a hard shove, the tears spilling faster down his cheeks when it didn't budge. "Damn it!"
Nathan froze when he noticed Deb's body move. She weakly tried to push herself up and off the ground but her arms gave out."Nathan?"
"I'm right here, mom. I'm going to get you out of here," Nathan cried, once again trying to push the pillar off of her body.
"It hurts," Deb whimpered.
Nathan felt his throat close up as her words washed over him. The guilt that was simmering away inside of him was a full on boil now. He swallowed hard as he felt the adrenaline begin to pump through his veins. Over and over again, he pushed on the wooden pillar. It shifted only a centimeter before his arms gave out and he fell forward. He landed on the palm of his hands and shook as the anger, frustration, and sadness ripped through his body.
"Nathan," She whispered.
"I'm so sorry," He sobbed. "Mom, I am so fucking sorry. This is all my fault."
"Nathan," She called out again, lifting her head up from the ground. She twisted slightly so that she was facing him.
Nathan looked over at her and his eyes immediately widened when the girl staring back at him wasn't his mom. He felt like he couldn't breathe and this time it wasn't because of the smoke. He felt as if he heart had actually stopped beating.
"Haley?"
Nathan shot up in his bed, a thick layer of sweat coating his skin and matting down his hair. He was breathing heavily, his chest heaving up and down. His fingers knotted themselves in the thin sheet that was covering his body, willing his rapid heartbeat to calm down. Glancing over at the alarm clock that was sitting on the table adjacent to his bed, he saw that it was quarter to six. His alarm would be going off within the next hour for him to get up for school but he doubted that he would be able to fall back asleep. Not after that dream.
Tossing the sheet off of his heated body, he slid out of his bed and stumbled into the bathroom that was attached to his bedroom. In one fluid motion, he turned on the cold water and splashed his face. Bracing himself against the counter, he took a couple of deep breaths as droplets of the cool water dripped from his face.
That damn nightmare was playing over and over again in Nathan's head like a broken record. It was a reoccurring nightmare, one that had plagued his sleep for the last two years. The only difference was that normally his mom was the one that he couldn't save, not…Haley. This was the first time she had ever shown up in one of his dreams and the fact that it was that particular dream left him uneasy.
Nathan pushed himself up and reached for the towel that was draped over the edge of the counter. He dabbed at his face until it was relatively dry. Tossing the towel back on the counter, he paused to look at himself in the mirror. His eyes were sunken in and his skin looked sickly pale, which could only be explained by the effect years of no sleep had on the body. Seeing his body as worn as it was didn't surprise him anymore.
After a few seconds of staring at his tired features, his gaze fell to the deep scar that stretched diagonally across the width of his chest. It was ragged, a deep pink that stood out like a sore thumb against his olive skin. Delicately, he dragged his fingers against the mark, feeling the bumps and hard skin. Nathan came face to face with this scar almost every single time he looked in the mirror but that didn't stop the pain from resonating deep in his chest. It was a constant reminder of everything that he had done, of everything that he had selfishly sacrificed.
It was one of the many reminders of why he didn't deserve anything good in his life.
~x~
"Is Grumpy up yet?" Jake teased as he walked into the Scott brothers' apartment, shutting the door behind him. It was just a few minutes passed seven, leaving them a good half hour before they had to be at school. Jake stopped by almost every morning so the three of them could carpool together.
Lucas hopped up on a bar stool, leaning back so his elbows were resting against the granite counter. "Actually, Nathan left about twenty minutes ago. He said something about needing to get a book out of his locker or some shit like that."
Jake raised his eyebrows at that as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. "And you believe that?"
"No," Lucas said with a heavy sigh. "But he had that look on his face. I knew that if I stopped him to ask questions, it would've just ended in another screaming match."
Jake strolled over to the stool next to Lucas and plopped his body down on it. The teasing expression quickly dissipated from his face. He slumped his shoulders, his heart heavy with concern. "I'm worried about him, Luke. For a while, I thought maybe he was finally getting better, but now it just seems like he's getting worse."
Lucas nodded in agreement. "I think he's having those nightmares again."
"What makes you say that?"
"I heard him yelling for mom last night," Lucas revealed. "That probably explains why he was up so early."
Jake ran a frustrated hand through his curly hair. "He needs to see someone. Maybe talking to a professional will help him let go of all this guilt he's carrying. Or, at least, maybe they could put him on some kind of medication that will help lessen his anxiety and depression."
"You know he won't go for that," Lucas countered. "We already tried that approach. Don't you remember what happened? He flipped over a table and walked right out of the therapist's office…ten minutes into their first session."
"Of course I fucking remember," Jake said while jumping up from the stool. The frustration of feeling so helpless was starting to get to him. "We can't just let this go. We can't just let him continue to tear himself up over this. One of these days it's going to kill him. I refuse to just sit back and watch my best friend die."
Lucas swallowed hard. "Trust me, Jake, I know. This is affecting me just as much as it's affecting you. But, I'm at a loss of what to do and I hate feeling this helpless."
Jake shook his head, placing his hands on his hips. "Damien deserves to rot in hell. I cannot believe that he's allowed to just walk the streets and be free after what he did. He killed two people for God's sakes! And now we're all left here to suffer, especially Nathan."
"That's the justice system for you," Lucas grumbled. "Apparently having two eye witnesses wasn't enough to convict him. They needed physical evidence."
"The justice system is fucked," Jake snorted.
"You can say that again."
~x~
Haley stuffed her tutoring binder back into her backpack as she said her final goodbye to her morning appointment, leaving her alone in the Tutor Center. The other tutors had finished up a few minutes before her. It was only third day of her being a tutor and she already had a full roster. Haley had approached Principle Turner on Tuesday morning about being a tutor and he had wasted no time getting her set up. Brooke wasn't lying when she said that they were desperate for some new tutors. She was half expecting Principle Turner to start crying when she said she wanted to be tutor, he was that elated.
It wasn't until he had handed her a full roster of students and a perfectly crafted schedule of when her sessions would take place did she begin to feel apprehensive. The natural worrier in her surfaced- What if she wasn't any good? What if she couldn't help anyone? What if she hated it? However, it only took one session for her to fall into a perfect rhythm. Somehow, it felt right and she couldn't find the words to describe how happy it made her when someone she was tutoring finally found clarity.
Haley saw this victory as even more proof that Tree Hill was exactly the place she was meant to be.
Once all of her belongings were secured in her backpack, she stood up from the round table. Looking up, she froze when she saw Nathan standing in the doorway. He was leaning against the frame, his arms crossed over his chest. To her surprise, he wasn't wearing his normal leather jacket, but instead a black sweater paired with a pair of dark washed jeans. His expression was blank, his cobalt blue eyes holding their usual intensity.
Haley shifted nervously under his gaze. They hadn't said a word to each other since their strange encounter Monday night at what she now knew was the River Court. She had seen him around school and in English class, but he never looked her way. The insecure part of her brain allowed her to believe that maybe he was purposely avoiding her. After all, he did scurry away from her like she was an axe murder or something.
Nathan wasn't quite sure how he had ended up in the Tutor Center, staring back at the girl who had the starring role in all of his thoughts for the last three days. He left his apartment early this morning with the intention of finding some kind of distraction, something that would stop him from thinking about that stupid dream. His first idea was to go to shoot around, but physically and mentally he felt too drained to even pick up a basketball. So, the school was where he ended up. When he passed the Tutor Center, that's when he spotted her and his feet, on their own accord, led him into that very room. Apparently, his feet didn't care that his brain was trying to remove her from his thoughts, not add more fuel to the fire.
His eyes trailed over her body and he couldn't stop himself even if he wanted to. She was wearing a pair of light wash jeans that hugged her curves in just the right places. A baby blue skimmer top with a low, but still modest, neckline adorned her upper body. Her blonde hair fell in soft waves over her shoulders. From where he was standing, her make-up looked light, accentuating her natural beauty. God damn it, why did she have to be so enticing?
A sour taste crept up the back of his throat when his dream began to replay in his head.
"What are you doing here so early?" Haley found herself asking, keeping her head down to hide the blush that had formed on her cheeks from his obvious staring.
Nathan cleared his throat, thankful for her breaking the silence. Another second and God only knows what other images from his dream his brain would conjure up to torture him with. "I couldn't sleep."
Haley puckered her lips, her eyebrows furrowing. "So, your alternative to sleeping was to come to school? And my friends call me the nerd."
Nathan chuckled softly as he pushed himself off of the doorframe, stepping further into the Tutor Center. "I suppose that does sound a little odd. Are you a tutor now?"
Haley nodded. The initial nervousness she felt at his arrival was quickly melting away. "It's kind of a new hobby of mine. My mom always preaches about how getting involved in school looks great on college applications. It was either this or cheerleading, clearly I chose the former."
Nathan arched an eyebrow at that. He would have never pegged her as a cheerleader, then again, he would have never pegged her as a tutor either. "Cheerleading?"
"Brooke Davis' idea."
Nathan nodded, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his jeans. He started to rock on the soles of his feet when an awkward silence crept its way between them. He thought back to what had transpired between them on Monday and felt the sudden need to explain himself in some way. He swallowed thickly, deciding his next words carefully. "I, uh, I wanted to apologize."
Her forehead creased. "Apologize?"
"For leaving so abruptly on Monday. I didn't mean to be rude, I just happened to remember that I was supposed to help Lucas with some project. He's very anal when it comes to being on time and shit like that," Nathan easily lied.
For some reason, Haley didn't quite believe him. His gaze didn't meet her eyes and he was rather fidgety. Instead of questioning him on it, she shrugged her shoulders and smiled softly at him. "It's alright."
"Good," Nathan responded with a half-smile. He turned to leave only to pause a few seconds later. "Brooke's party is tonight, right?"
"Yes," Haley confirmed. "It starts at 9."
"Maybe I'll see you there."
~x~
"What's your poison?" Brooke shouted over the loud thumping of the music.
Haley's eyes trailed over the large card table Brooke had set up in the back of her house, which was completely covered in various bottles of liquor and cans of beer. "Uh, I think I'm just going to stick with water."
Brooke whipped around to face her, a single eyebrow raised. "Are you a straight edge?"
Haley chewed on the inside of her cheek as she shrugged her shoulders. "I wouldn't necessarily say that, I just don't like to drink. It's probably because a few years ago, my sister, Taylor, forced me to take shots with her at some bonfire that she hosted and I spent the next twenty four hours with my head in the toilet. I think I still have PTSD from that."
Brooke laughed as she reached over to grab the bottle of Pineapple New Amsterdam, pouring some of it into the red solo cup she was holding. "Understandable. There's a couple of bottles of water in the fridge, help yourself. Once you're done, come meet us over by the beer pong table. That's where we're all hanging out."
And with that, Brooke bounced away with her drink in her hand. It was easy to see that Brooke was in her element, acknowledging almost every single person she passed with a bright smile on her face. Haley, on the hand, felt completely out of place. Parties were never her thing, at any school that she attended. Crowds made her claustrophobic and loud music gave her headaches. Plus, the dark green dress that Brooke lend to her was a lot tighter and showed a lot more skin than something Haley would normally wear.
But, there she was, at a party, because she just couldn't say "no" to her new friends. And because she couldn't pass up the opportunity of possibly seeing Nathan again, her subconscious reminded her.
Taking a calming breath, she headed over the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water off of one of the shelves before heading over to where Brooke was standing. Naturally, Brooke was surrounded by a group of people. Haley immediately spotted Peyton and recognized Mouth, who was standing off to the side. Brooke had her arm wrapped around some guy with reddish-brown hair and a boyish grin on his face. Haley assumed that he must be Julian, Brooke's boyfriend that she was always gushing about.
"Haley! It's about time you joined us!" Peyton cooed as she tossed an arm over her shoulder.
Haley sheepishly grinned when the group of people surrounding Brooke shifted their attention towards her arrival. "Hey," She said softly.
"It's about time I met the new girl that Brooke has been raving about," The boy she deemed as Julian said, extending his hand. "I'm Julian Baker."
Haley's lips curved up into a half smile as she shook his hand. "Haley James."
"Damn! The rumors are true. You're hot as hell," A brunette boy dressed in baggy jeans and a black t-shirt pipped up from next to Julian. His eyes raked over Haley's body in a way that made her shift uncomfortably.
Brooke reached over to land a rough smack on his arm. "Jesus, Vegas, could you be any more of a pig?"
Vegas laughed in response. "I just call it like I see it."
"Ignore him," Peyton grumbled. "He forgot to take his 'shut the fuck up' meds this morning."
"Oh, come on, it was a compliment. You girls are too uptight," Vegas said with a roll of his eyes.
"A compliment is telling a girl she looks pretty or that her hair looks nice, not staring at her like she's a piece of meat," Julian spoke up, giving him a shove. "You need to work on your communication skills, man."
"Whatever," Vegas muttered.
"Alright," Brooke said as she clapped her hands together. "How about a game of beer pong?"
Haley soon found herself sitting on the arm of a leather couch, her water bottle tightly clasped in her hand, and an intense game beer pong between Brooke and Julian and Peyton and Vegas occurring in front of her. Every once in a while, Vegas would send winks her way and she would have to pretend she didn't see them. He was just another one of the million reasons she wasn't a huge fan of parties.
It was getting to be almost eleven and there was still no sign of Nathan. She had lost count of how many times she did a sweep of the room full of people, hoping to catch a glimpse of him. Every time the front door opened, her heart skipped a beat only to plummet when the person walking in wasn't him.
She couldn't help but feel pathetic, waiting on someone that deep down she knew wouldn't show.
"Okay, Tutor Girl, who do you keep looking for?" Brooke asked, placing her hands on her hips, a knowing look on her face.
Haley jumped at the sound her voice, her cheeks reddening with embarrassment. "Uh, no one."
She arched her eyebrow in a way that was just so Brooke. "Has anyone ever told you that you're a terrible liar?"
"Yes, in fact they have," Haley mumbled as she began to twist the lid to her water bottle.
"Then, spill."
The determined look on Brooke's face told Haley that she wasn't backing down. Sighing, she reluctantly revealed who she had been looking for. "I kind of invited Nathan."
Peyton's eyebrows furrowed at that. "You sure have been talking to him a lot lately. I saw him in the Tutor Center with you this morning."
"It's no big deal. He was just looking for someone," Haley rushed out. She wasn't sure why she felt the need to lie. Maybe it was because the incredulity in Peyton's voice made her uneasy. "While he was there, I happened to mention that Brooke was having a party, that's it."
"Wait, Nathan as in Nathan Scott?" Julian chimed in, dropping the ping pong ball he was holding into a discarded solo cup.
Haley nodded.
Julian's jawline visibly clenched. "I would say clear of him, if I were you."
A shiver ran down Haley's spine at the sharpness that was now prevalent in Julian's voice. "Why's that?"
Julian sighed. "You seem like a nice girl, Haley. One of the good ones. Nathan's bad news. He's been bad news for most of his life. You're just asking for trouble by getting involved with him."
"He hangs around with Damien West and his gang of low-lives," Vegas butted in. "They're infamous when it comes to drugs and corruption. Rumor has it, Damien is the reason Nathan's parents are dead and Nathan helped."
Haley's eyes widened at that, her throat suddenly feeling very dry. "His parents are dead?"
Vegas nodded. "Yeah, about two years ago in some 'freak accident' that caused a house fire. It was the biggest scandal to ever grace Tree Hill."
Haley wasn't really sure how to respond that. Her stomach was in knots at this new found information. She wasn't sure what to make of it. His reaction to her talking about her own father's death definitely made sense now, but did he really have something to do with his own parent's deaths? The serious expression on everyone's faces definitely proved that they believed there was some truth to that rumor.
"I need some air."
~x~
"Nathan dragging us to a party, this is definitely a new development," Jake joked as they walked the cement pathway that led up the Brooke Davis' mansion of a house.
Nathan shrugged indifferently. "I didn't feel like staying in tonight."
Jake and Lucas exchanged a curious look as the three of them entered the house. It was already completely jam packed with people, the music drowning out everyone's conversations. Nathan began to look around. He knew exactly who he was looking for, but he didn't allow his brain to say her name. After taking a few steps more into the house, he spotted Brooke and Peyton over by the beer pong table, Haley nowhere in sight.
Glancing behind him, he saw that Jake and Lucas were already heading towards the liquor table. Before they could notice his disappearance, he continued to sweep through the house. It wasn't until he saw the back door open that led out to a patio did he find her. She was sitting on the edge of it, her legs dangling of the side. He back was to him, her soft blonde hair, which was straightened, was blowing in the wind.
He paused in the doorway, the weight of what he was doing finally hitting him like a ton of bricks. He knew that he could turn around and act like he was never there. She would never know the difference. Once again, his feet seemed to have a mind of their own and before he knew it, he was walking over to her.
"Is this seat taken?"
Haley jumped at the sound of Nathan's voice, her head snapping up to look at him. Her heart was in her throat but she swallowed it down. "Nope."
Nathan saddled up next to her, leaving a comfortable distance between their bodies. "What are you doing out here all by yourself?"
"I just needed some air," Haley muttered. "It's really crowded in there."
"Yeah," Nathan responded, his eyes falling to the water bottle in her hands. "Water?"
Haley sheepishly smiled, lifting the water bottle out of her lap to show him more clearly. "I'm not much of an alcohol drinker. It doesn't sit with me well."
It was a microscopic detail about her that in the big scheme of things, meant nothing, but it was yet another reminder of how different they were.
"I wish I could say the same," Nathan joked, resting his elbows on his knees.
Haley smiled. Julian and Vegas' words still burned in the back of her mind but she pushed them aside. Besides, they were just going off rumors. The boy that stood in front of her didn't seem capable of the things they were accusing him of. "I was beginning to think you weren't going to show."
"Truthfully, I didn't think I was going to either," Nathan admitted. "Parties really aren't my thing."
He had spent a good hour debating with himself whether or not he was going to come that night. That voice in his head kept telling him that it was a bad idea. He had to stay clear of Haley and going to that party was just asking for trouble. But of course, he chose to do just the opposite.
"That's surprising. I kind of had you pegged as a partier, especially since you hang around with the two biggest basketball players at Tree Hill High," Haley mumbled with a small smile.
"It never pays to judge a book by its cover, Haley," Nathan replied with smirk. "I used to be huge into partying but it lost its appeal to me."
"Does that have anything to do with your parent's death?" Haley blurted out before she realized what she was saying. Her hand flew up to cover her mouth, her cheeks burning of embarrassment.
Nathan tensed, the warmness in his eyes disappearing. "How do you know about that?"
She swallowed hard. "I'm sorry. I just, I heard a rumor, that's all. I really didn't mean to offend you or anything."
His facial expression softened when he saw how regretful she was of her outburst, her brown eyes shining with something that was hard to decipher, at first. It wasn't fear or pity, something that he had often seen in people's eyes whenever they looked at him. Her eyes held this type of sympathy that he had never seen before, mixed in with a grave innocence. It pierced his heart.
"You didn't offend me," He finally spoke. "I just wasn't expecting you to find out about that so quickly. Although, I probably shouldn't be surprised. My life is constantly a topic of conversation around here."
It was hard to miss the bitterness in his voice.
"I hope I'm not overstepping any boundaries when I say this but if you ever want to talk about it, I'm always available," Haley stated quietly. "Losing a parent…it's hard. Losing my dad changed my entire life. I could never imagine losing both of my parents, but maybe I could still be of some assistance."
Nathan felt a calmness come over him at her words. No one, besides Lucas and Jake, had ever offered something like that to him. Most people acted like they knew him, like they knew everything he was going through and never cared enough to find out the truth. There was a genuineness to Haley, one that most people didn't have. She was like the sliver of sunlight in a dark and gray torturous sky.
And that was exactly why Nathan started feeling guilty about spending so much time with her. He was sucking her in, sucking her into a life that she had no business being in. The taunting voice in the back of his head was screaming at him, a piercing sound that he had to fight like hell to push back. It took everything in him, internally, to do just that. Somehow, he was able to.
"Thank-you. I'll keep that in mind," Nathan said, a genuine smile gracing his face.
Haley smiled back, her heart skipping a beat the sight of him smiling. She'd never seen him genuinely smile and she found that she liked it. The way his eyes light up, the years of tiredness it seemed to wipe away…his smile was beautiful and she wished to God she'd be able to see it again.
Tearing her eyes away from him, she looked back at the clock that was just inside of Brooke's house. Her eyes widened when she saw that it was a little past twelve. Her curfew was twelve-thirty and her mom would probably kill her if she was late. Abruptly, she jumped up from the porch.
"Shit, I'm sorry. I gotta go. Curfew," Haley babbled, brushing the dirt off the back of Brooke's dress.
Nathan followed suit, standing up as well. "How are you getting home?"
"Uh, I was going to walk. It's only about a mile," She responded.
"Let me walk you home," He offered. "It's late and I wouldn't feel right letting you go by yourself."
"Okay," She gave in. "Sure."
The walk to her house was silent, save the sound of the leaves crunching underneath their feet and the occasional howl of the wind. Oddly enough, it was a comfortable silence. The type of silence that existed between two people who were content around each other. It was that same silence that allowed Nathan's thoughts to go haywire.
The voice was back and it was stronger than ever. It had come out of thin air, almost knocking him flat on his back. He should've been used to this by now. The loud octave was screaming at him to put an end to whatever was forming between them since that night on the River Court and to do it fast. The guilt was creeping up inside of him, threatening to eat him alive. Images of Haley's lifeless and burned body re-entered his mind. He knew that, that was her fate if she stayed around him.
There was no way he could live with that.
"This is me," Haley announced when they reached her house.
Nathan barely registered her words as he followed her up the pathway that led to her front door. He knew that he had to do something. Without even thinking, he gently grabbed her and pinned her up against the brick of her house. Through the fog that was invading his mind, he heard her squeal at his sudden actions. A sound that he felt all the way down to his toes.
Her heart was beating loudly in her chest as Nathan's fingers knotted themselves in her hair. She couldn't look up, her eyes staying trained on the little patch of skin of his collarbone that wasn't covered by his zipped up leather jacket. He was so close to her, his hot breath fanning across her face. His fingers that were delicately dancing across the skin on the back of her neck felt like electric shock waves running through her entire body. The little voice in the back of her head was screaming at her to run away but it felt as if her feet had suddenly become a permanent fixture in the concrete of her porch.
Gently, Nathan yanked Haley's head up, forcing her eyes to meet his. A shiver ran through his body when she audibly gasped. He watched as she stared back at him, her brown eyes so full of curiosity mixed in with a sliver of fear. A heavy weight seemed to be lifted off of his shoulders at the slightest hint of fear, fear was good. She needed to be scared of him. He needed her to be scared of him.
Despite himself, took a step closer to her. Her minty breath danced across his lips and he felt them tingle in response. He watched in fascination as her eyes fell closed and she tucked her bottom lip between her teeth. It took absolutely everything in him to not press his lips against hers.
Taking in a deep breath of cold air, he finally spoke, "You don't want to get involved with me, Haley."
The sound of Nathan's gravel voice had Haley's eyes popping open. His blue eyes were staring back at her so intensely. They were pleading, silently begging her to listen to his every word. A warning sign. She never was good at following directions. "Nathan," She began softly.
He shook his head, silencing her, "I can't give you anything. I can't give you what you deserve."
"I never asked you to," Haley quickly shot back, her voice quivering just slightly.
The corners of his mouth turned up into a small and sad smile. Ever so gently, he brushed the pad of his thumb against the warm skin of her cheek. There was a pang in his chest when her eyes fluttered closed once again. She was so Goddamn beautiful, it made his heart ache. There was an alarm going off inside his head. A bright red light that was flickering incessantly, begging for his attention. He needed to leave, and he needed to leave now or he feared that he would never find the strength to.
Forcing his hand away from her soft and warm skin, he took a step back from her. "Just trust me, you're better off if you stay away from me."
Haley's eyes snapped open at his words, her eyebrows furrowing together. She had so many questions, so many questions that she knew he wouldn't answer…but she wanted to ask anyway. Before she had the chance to open her mouth, Nathan was already walking away from her. She wanted to call out to him, beg him to come back so they could talk but it was like she couldn't find her voice. So, instead, she watched his retreating figure. An uneasy feeling swirled around in the pit of her stomach as a dark voice in the back of her head taunted her with Nathan's previous words.
"You're better off if you stay away from me."
~x~
Quietly, Nathan closed the door to his apartment. He saw Jake's car in the parking lot, so he knew they were back from the party, but by the looks of it, they were asleep. The apartment was dark and silent. He slid out of his jacket and hung it back on the hook before stepping further into the room. His mind was still reeling from being with Haley. Every one of her movements a permanent fixture in his memory.
"You're home early," Jake's voice came from the couch.
"Jesus Christ!" Nathan shouted, his hand coming up to rest over his heart. "You scared the shit out of me."
Jake chuckled as he sat up from the couch, swinging his legs over the side. "Sorry."
"Is Luke asleep?"
Jake nodded. "Yeah, he passed out as soon as we got back."
Nathan also nodded. "Okay, well I'm going to head to bed." He turned to go towards his room but he didn't get very far before Jake spoke again.
"I saw you with that girl."
Nathan froze, his heart thudding hard in his chest. Slowly, he turned around, trying his hardest to keep his voice as level as possible. "Haley?"
"Yeah," Jake confirmed. "She's beautiful."
Nathan instantly recognized the look that was on his best friend's face. It meant that he wanted to talk and what he wanted to talk about, Nathan wasn't interested. He swallowed thickly. "Yeah, she is."
"You know-"
"Don't start," Nathan growled, his fist clenching at his side.
Jake stood up from the couch, a loud sigh escaping his lips. "Nate, I haven't seen you smile, like actually smile, in God only knows how ever long. But tonight, with that girl, you actually smiled."
Nathan shook his head. He really did not want to be having his conversation right now. Right now, he just wanted to fall into a deep sleep, a sleep that hopefully would free of him Haley. "Don't read too much into it."
"You can't keep your heart closed off from love forever," Jake said, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Love isn't real," Nathan mumbled bitterly.
"Oh, trust me, it is. And it's a beautiful thing."
Nathan rolled his eyes, his jaw clenching. Frustration and anger were the only two things he was feeling now. The look on Haley's face when he left her on the front porch of her house was continuously flashing in his mind.
"Look, it doesn't matter, okay? Because even if I did believe in love, you know that I can't go there. Haley, she's a good person. She's pure and innocent and she's everything that I'm not. I can't bring her into this life. She deserves more than that," Nathan declared, his eyes alight.
Jake took in the way Nathan was speaking and the look that was evident in his eyes. That was all he needed. A slow smile spread across his face. "You do feeling something for her."
"No," Nathan quickly denied before sighing. "I don't know. Just drop it, okay?"
Jake closed the distance between them so he was standing right in front of Nathan. He placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Stop running from your feelings, Nathan. You're only going to end up hurting yourself more."
But didn't Jake know that the only thing he was good at was running away?