I'm really excited for you guys to read this chapter. I will admit that I do throw a lot of things at you at once. This chapter is one of the many pinnacles of this story. Although this is a Naley story, Haley's and Nathan's individual lives are just as important to this story as their relationship is. And their individual lives definitely have some connections to their relationship. You get a little more insight to both of their lives in this chapter, especially Haley. I know I've been a little vague on Haley's past and I've focused a lot more on Nathan's past than hers, and I've done that on purpose. You'll see why that is later down the line. There is a method to my madness, I promise.
There is also a huge breakthrough for their relationship in this chapter, which If I'm being honest, it's one of my favorite things I've ever written. For the first time in my writing career, I was able to write something that played out exactly how I pictured it in my head. I hope you all enjoy it! I'm pretty excited to see your guys' reactions to the ending of this chapter, too. I'm not sure its anything you guys saw coming and I've been planning this from the very beginning. Okay, I'll stop tooting my own horn now.
P.S. Remember when I said I was going to push the envelope on some things in this story? There are hints of that in this chapter. If mentions of rape or drugs are triggers for you in anyway, you might wanna skip over some parts.
P.S.S. Sorry about the length. It was again one of those times where I started writing and just couldn't stop. Everything was too important to delete anything.
"Haley! Have you seen my wallet?"
Haley looked up from her bowl of cereal to see Lydia blazing through the kitchen. Her dirty blonde hair was messily falling out of her usually sleek ponytail. Her usual prim and proper grey suit was wrinkled, the pale peach blouse half peeking out of her belt. Haley couldn't help but notice how pale her mother's skin looked and the bags under her eyes were practically covering the entire length of her cheeks.
She looked level ten hung over. Haley couldn't hide her disappointment even if she tried.
Swallowing her bite of cereal, Haley shook her head. "No, sorry."
"Well, get off your ass and help me look for it! I'm already twenty minutes late to work and I can't get into the building without my ID card, which is in my wallet!" Lydia snipped at her.
Haley sighed heavily as she pushed her chair out from the kitchen table. Her heart clenched as her mother's tone was yet another piece of evidence that confirmed her suspicions over what Lydia was doing the previous night. Lydia never snapped at her, not even when they caught themselves in the middle of a mother-daughter dispute. She was always cool and collected...unless she was hungover. But for the past few years, it seemed as if Lydia James was always hungover.
Gritting her teeth, Haley started to look around the house for her mom's wallet. She tried her best to ignore the way her mom was angrily muttering under her breath. It was her own damn fault that she was so late for work.
Making her way into the living room, Haley's eyes to fell to the empty bottle of wine tipped over on the coffee table. Even though Haley already expected that her mom was drinking again, seeing that bottle of wine had her stomach churning painfully. Next to it was the brown and white wallet Lydia was looking for. Not wasting another second, she stomped towards the coffee table and picked up the empty glass bottle. Holding the neck of the bottle with just two of her fingers, she dangled in in front of her.
"Tie one on again last night, mom?" Haley accused. She wasn't even trying to mask the pain and anger in her voice.
"I had a couple of glasses, that's all," Lydia mumbled as she continued to search around the kitchen for her wallet, looking through various drawers and sifting through discarded mail.
Haley's eyebrows rose as she felt a surge of anger spread through her body. It amazed her how Lydia didn't even flinch at her accusation. "A couple of glasses? Mom, the bottle is empty!"
Lydia paused at the choleric tone in Haley's voice. Whipping around, she placed her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes. "It was half full when I started drinking it!"
Haley rolled her eyes at her blatant lie. "I went in the cellar last night and all of the bottles were unopened. Wanna try again?"
"It's not that big of a deal," Lydia mumbled.
"Not that big of a deal?" Haley shouted incredulously. "Finishing three bottles of wine a week seems like a pretty big deal to me."
Lydia tossed her hands in the air, a groan of aggravation ricocheting through the kitchen. "Can we talk this later, please? I have to get to work. If I'm any later, they'll fire me. I need to find my damn wallet."
Haley exhaled sharply as she hastily placed the bottle back down on the coffee table. Snatching the wallet off the table, she held it up. "It's right here."
A relieved look came across Lydia's face as she crossed the kitchen and grabbed her wallet off Haley's hand. She stuffed it in her purse before brushing past Haley and walking towards the front door. "I won't be home for dinner. There's some left overs in the fridge."
Haley watched in melancholy as her mom scurried out of the house. When she heard the front door slam shut, she released a shaky breath of air and collapsed on to the couch. Running her hands through her hair, she laid her head back and closed her eyes. Her chest felt heavy and she felt like screaming. When it came to her mother, she was tired…mentally and physically. For the last few years, her life had been a constant cycle of coddling her mother, then yelling at her, then trying to talk to her in a more rational way only to be back to coddling her. She wasn't sure she could take much more.
Then on top of that, Nathan…no, she wasn't going to think about him. Not right now.
Opening her eyes, Haley glanced around her living room. She caught sight of an old piece of paper folded on the ground. Furrowing her eyebrows, she bent down to grab it. Once she had it in her hands, she smoothed it out and her face softened. It was a love letter—a love letter that her dad had written her mom, to be more specific. The blue inked was smeared in some places, from Lydia's tears, Haley assumed. Tears of Haley's own started to well up in her eyes as she scanned over her father's beautiful words.
This explains last night's wine binge, Haley thought to herself. It has been at least a year since Haley had last seen one of these letters. She felt an ache in her chest as she wiped away her tears. Folding the letter back up, she placed it down on the coffee table as a reminder to definitely talk to her mother once she got home from work.
~x~
Haley's eyes scanned the hallway for what felt like the millionth time since she arrived at school a whole three minutes and twenty seconds ago. She knew what she was doing and she was powerless to stop it. She was looking for even the tiniest glimpse of Nathan Scott, both consciously and subconsciously.
Between constantly thinking about her mom's drinking problem and now, the love letter from her dad that she stumbled upon and her mind going haywire over Nathan, Haley was convinced that she was going insane. Only one of those things seemed to overpower the other by a landslide, though. She tried to distract herself, to force herself not to think about his haunting blue eyes or the feel of his hands gripping her waist. Selfishly, she hoped that the events of the morning with her mom would be just the distraction she needed. Unfortunately for Haley, that wasn't the case.
Four days had passed since Nathan kissed her. Four long and confusing days, filled with so many tumultuous feelings that she was surprised she didn't just combust. It's also been four days since they had last spoken to each other. Occasionally, she passed him in the halls but he kept his head down, purposely avoiding her gaze, she was sure. He would sit at his normal table during lunch in the courtyard with Lucas and Jake, but even then his eyes seemed fixated on the stone table.
His jaw remained tense and there was a look in his eyes that she couldn't quite pinpoint. He seemed exactly like the Nathan she had first laid eyes on—cold, distant, and angry at the world.
Occasionally, she felt his eyes burning holes into her skin. Every hair on her body would stand straight up and a delicious shiver would run down her spine. It was those lingering stares that gave her hope—hope that maybe he didn't regret kissing her. Her moments of reprieve didn't last long, though. When she worked up enough courage to meet his stare, he looked away so quickly that she physically felt a piece of her heart break.
Time and time again, she tried to get herself to confront him—to demand him to tell her why he kissed her and then abandoned her. Did he regret it? Was it just a moment of weakness? Did it mean anything to him, like it meant something to her? Was he just leading her on? But as soon as she found that courage, it was gone. She wanted answers, but she was also terrified of those answers.
Never in her life had she ever felt this way about someone. Sure, she had her occasional crushes, but that's all they were— meaningless school girl crushes. What she felt about Nathan…she wasn't sure how to define it. The only thing she was sure of was that if Nathan said that he regretted kissing her or that their kiss meant nothing to him, it would tear her apart.
Pushing all of that aside, she found herself angry, confused, hurt…and wanting so desperately to kiss him again. Sometimes she swore she could still feel his lips brushing against hers and that she could still taste him on the tip of her tongue. Every time she replayed the kiss in her head, her stomach knotted and her skin broke out in goosebumps. She—
"—Tutor Girl, are you listening to me? Hello? Haley, are you in there?"
Haley jumped at the sound of Brooke's voice and blinked hard to eliminate the fog that crept its way inside of her. Once her vision cleared, she was met with the concerned faces of Brooke, Julian, and Peyton.
"Oh, um, sorry. I just zoned out there for a moment," Haley mumbled after clearing her throat. "What were you saying?"
"Are you okay?" Peyton asked as she leaned back against her locker. "That's like the third time you've zoned out us on today and school hasn't even officially started yet."
"Oh, yeah, I'm fine," Haley insisted, avoiding their gazes. "My mom and I just got in a little fight this morning, that's all." Well, technically you aren't lying. She could have easily opened up to them about Nathan, she knew that. But there was something about their relationship that she felt she needed to keep on the down low, at least for now.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" Brooke asked next.
"There's not much to tell," Haley said with a shrug. "She got drunk again last night and she was hungover this morning. And when she's hungover, she gets cranky, which occasionally leads to little arguments between us."
Peyton furrowed her eyebrows, her forehead creased in concern. "She sure drinks a lot."
"She's been that way since my dad passed," Haley explained sullenly. That's all she really wanted to say on the matter. All things considered, she was a relatively open person. But even open books still have their mysteries.
"Well, you know that if you ever wanna talk about it, we're here for you," Brooke said with a genuine smile.
"That includes me, too," Julian spoke up. "I know that we haven't talked much but a friend of my girlfriend's is a friend of mine, too."
Haley smiled gratefully. "Thanks. Now, what were you talk about before I got distracted?"
"So, I was thinking about hosting a 'friendsgiving' this year," Brooke announced as she took a drink of her water. "My parents won't be around for Thanksgiving anyway and I'm sick of celebrating the holiday alone."
"You know that you're always invited to Thanksgiving at my house," Julian reminded her, his hand reaching out to rub her back.
Brooke sighed as she shrugged her shoulders. "I know that, but I read something online last night about friendsgiving and I thought it would be fun. Don't you think, P. Swayer?"
"I think it would be fun."
"Great—"
Haley tried to pay attention to what Brooke was saying, but her words soon became nothing but muffled sounds. She could feel a familiar shiver run down her spine. Nathan was watching her again, she was sure of it. It was unnerving for her to be completely in tune with someone the way she was with Nathan. Most people would probably be frightened by that—and there was a part of her that was—but for the most part, it made her feel…euphoric.
Glancing around the hallway, she once again searched for him. Her heart was beating loudly in her chest and it took every ounce of strength she had to not bounce in her seat. Her eyes first darted to his usual lunch table and her heart sank when she saw only Lucas and Jake occupying it. Sweeping through the rest of the corridor, heart lurched when she finally saw him leaning against the brick wall directly across from her. His arms were crossed over his chest and his lips were pressed into a hard line.
Hesitantly, she met his eyes. Seconds passed and she waited for him to immediately look away. He didn't. Apparently that was all she needed because it felt as if something had snapped inside of her. As if her body was on autopilot, she started walking towards him, ignoring the questioning calls and glances from her friends. It wasn't until Nathan realized that she was walking his way did he tear his eyes away from her and started walking in the opposite direction.
"Nathan!" Haley called after him, paying no attention to the few strange looks that were sent her way at her outburst.
Nathan tensed as Haley called after him, but he kept walking. He had to get away from her and fast. He knew it was a mistake to keep staring at her from a distance like he was. It was only a matter of time before a confrontation like this was going to happen. But it was like his eyes had a mind of his own. They were drawn to her.
"Nathan! Will you just stop for one second?" She called after him again, jogging a little so she could catch up to him. She didn't care how ridiculous or how desperate she looked to everyone else. She could hear people start to whisper around them, but she tuned them out. On a whim, she reached out and grabbed his arm.
Nathan felt his resolve begin to slip away from the moment she touched him. Gritting his teeth, he whipped around to face her. The look of concern mixed in with a little bit of anger on her face caused him to falter, but only for a moment. "Haley, just go. I don't have time for this right now."
He didn't give her a chance to respond. Instead, he pulled his arm away from her and continued walking away from her. It took everything in him to not turn around and pull her into his arms. He knew he was hurting her and that thought alone was enough to make him physically sick.
Why was this so fucking hard for him?
~x~
Nathan cupped his hands underneath the stream of cold water before splashing his face. Bracing himself against the counter, he let the water droplets glide off his face. His whole body ached and every muscle in his body was burning. After his little tiff with Haley in the hallway, he took off. School was the last place that he wanted to be and he desperately needed something to release the tension in his body. The River Court was the only place that he knew could bring him that kind of relief. He thought about going to the gym, but the thought of being around people made his skin crawl.
Reaching over the counter, he grabbed a dry towel and blotted the remaining water off his face. Once he was done, he tossed the towel back on the counter and headed into the kitchen. Whipping open the fridge, he crouched down to grab a beer. He scowled when he saw the case of beer was completely empty. You drank it all jackass, remember? Straightening up, he slammed the door shut and rubbed both hands against his face.
He needed something, anything that would keep him from thinking. Every time he closed his eyes, all he saw was Haley and it was starting to drive him insane. He lost count of how many times he replayed their kiss over in his head. Kissing her had been a moment of weakness and a moment of clarity, simultaneously. It was the best mistake he ever made. And now he found himself in such a messy web of feelings that he felt like he couldn't breathe.
There was no denying that he felt something in that kiss, although that didn't stop him from trying. What he felt was something that was so terrifying, yet so addicting. So, he ran, because that's exactly what he does when reality becomes a little too real. In that moment, all he could think about was how he couldn't put Haley through was he was inevitable going to put her through—pain and heartache.
He was so fucked up and she didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve her.
For the past four days, he kept telling himself that she was just some girl. She was just some girl that wasn't worth losing himself over. But she wasn't just some girl and the more time he spent with her, the more he felt as if losing himself wasn't as bad as it seemed. However, that damn voice, the voice that had taunted him for the last several years, wouldn't allow him to think that way.
Nathan had to stay away from her before he dug himself into an even deeper whole and that was final.
So once again, like the coward he was, he found himself avoiding her. He quickly released just how hard doing that was. Every time he passed her in the hallway, it took everything in him to not look at her. He would catch a whiff of her vanilla perfume and the wall he tried so hard to rebuild came crumbling back down. It was a constant push and pull with his feelings and it was starting to cause the ragged edges of his being to sharpen.
The worst was when she approached him for the first time in four days. He would allow himself a few seconds to marvel at her from a distance and that was it. But every single time, it was like she knew he was looking. He would force himself to look away, but today he just couldn't find that strength. When she started walking towards him, he thought his knees were going to give out. He panicked and bolted as soon as she got close enough. And when she touched him…God, everything just had to be a battle with him.
It wasn't fair to her, but in his eyes, he had no other choice. It didn't help matters that every time he saw her, he wanted nothing more than to kiss her again.
"Nate, where were you in English today?" Lucas asked as soon as he walked through the door. His eyebrows furrowed when he saw Nathan standing in the middle of the kitchen, clearly deep in thought.
Nathan jumped at the sound of Lucas' voice. Clearing his throat, he answered. "I skipped out early."
"Is everything okay?" Lucas found himself asking next. "You've been kind of out of it the last few days." Nathan seemed…different to Lucas. He was usually moody and usually kept to himself, but he seemed extra moody and extra distant. Plus, he went through an entire case of beer in four days, which was the biggest red flag to Lucas. Nathan only drank when something was bothering him.
"I'm fine," Nathan insisted as he opened the fridge again, purposely avoiding Lucas' eyes. He grabbed a water bottle before slamming it shut. "I just haven't been sleeping well lately."
"You wanna talk about it?"
Nathan narrowed his eyes as he scoffed. "You ask me that every time and I always tell you no. Why do you keep asking?"
Lucas inhaled deeply before letting it out slowly. "Just so you know that the offer is always there."
Nathan just nodded as he turned away from Lucas and headed back towards his room. He wanted so badly to open up to Lucas and tell him everything that was swirling around in his mind, but it was like he physically couldn't.
"Does this have anything to do with what you told Jake and me when you had that panic attack last weekend?"
Nathan's body locked up, his grip on the water bottle tightening. "I thought we agreed we weren't going to talk about that?"
Lucas sighed as he walked towards Nathan, depositing his backpack down on the counter. "Jake might have agreed to that, but I didn't."
Turning away, Nathan shook his head. The panic and pain was already starting to rise inside of him. "Lucas, can we not do this?"
"I just want to know the truth, Nathan, for once."
"You don't want that, Luke, trust me."
"I do!" Lucas raised his voice. "Every single day, I watch you suffer. I watch you carry around this weight and this guilt and it kills me because I can't do anything to help you. I can't help you, because I don't know what I'm supposed to be helping."
"Has it ever crossed your mind that I don't want your help?" Nathan shouted back. "I don't deserve to be helped, Luke. I deserve to live like this."
"But why?" Lucas pressed on. "What could you have done that is so damn horrible that you deserve to take the blame and the guilt for killing your parents?"
"It's not a question of what I did, it's a question of what I didn't do," Nathan muttered. His chest was heaving and the anger was burning through his veins like a wildfire. Lucas was pushing all of his buttons in just the right way.
Lucas walked even closer to Nathan. He was being borderline evil by goading Nathan the way he was, he knew that. But he was so sick and tired of being lied to. He just wanted to help Nathan and if beating the truth out of him was what it took to finally get somewhere, then so be it.
"And what didn't you do? Pay Damien the money for all the drugs you two used to do? Is that it? You get high too many times and all of a sudden Damien wasn't offering free hand outs anymore? Or what? Did you fuck Damien's girl and he got pissed?" Lucas pressed on. He was in Nathan's face at this point.
It was then that Nathan lost it. The anger in his veins snapped and suddenly it was flooding his whole body. He shoved Lucas backwards, his throat burning with the hot and angry sobs that were threatening to spill out. "Damien wanted me to drug some girl and take advantage of her, alright? He all but forced me to do it, but I wouldn't. I couldn't and because I couldn't follow his orders, he demanded that I pay him for all of the drugs he let me bum off of him! I refused to pay him and as payback, he set my house on fire."
Lucas took a step back, his eyes widening. He wasn't sure what he expected Nathan to say, but it definitely wasn't that. "H-How much money?"
"$15,000."
Lucas eye's widened even further. "Why didn't you talk to dad? Why didn't you ask him for help? You know damn well he would have helped you."
"Because I was too stubborn," Nathan shouted, the tears were falling from his eyes in hot streaks. "Dad warned me a thousand times that Damien was bad news, but I never listened. I didn't want to go to Dad because I knew that he would've tore me a new one for not listening to him in the first place. Because of my damn pride, they're dead! Because I couldn't do what Damien said, they're dead! It's all my fucking fault."
"No, it's not," Lucas muttered softly. He didn't know what else to say. He was having a hard time processing what Nathan had just revealed to him, but he still didn't blame Nathan for Dan and Deb's death. He may have made some costly mistakes, but he didn't make Damien start that fire.
Nathan had never felt so weak in his entire life. He never wanted to tell Lucas the truth and now that he had, he just felt worse. Turning away from his brother, Nathan headed back to his room. He heard Lucas call after him, but he ignored it. He couldn't look Lucas in the eyes. He didn't want to see the pain and the blame that he would inevitably find there. He would rather die.
~x~
Nathan jumped awake, a thin layer of sweat covered his body and his heart was beating painfully fast in his chest. He had that dream again, the one where his mom was trapped underneath the beam and he couldn't get to her. Only this time, his mom didn't morph into Haley. And this time, his mom's last words were, "you killed me." He swore he could still hear those words echoing in his head.
Tossing the blanket off of his body, he stumbled out of his bed. Between the guilt and his racing heartbeat, he found something else—need. It was thrumming through his body in unexplainable amounts. His mind was a jumble of thoughts and there seemed to be only one clear thought that he was able to make out.
Haley.
Glancing at the clock, he saw that it was almost two in the morning, but even that wasn't enough to deter him. He had to see her. He couldn't explain why he had this sudden desire to be with her and he wasn't going to try, either. It would only confuse him more. Grabbing a pair of discarded jeans, he slid them up his legs and over his boxers. He then grabbed the first grey t-shirt that he saw and slipped it over his head. Once his shoes were on his feet, he ended into the kitchen to grab his jacket and his car keys.
He ignored the voice in his head telling him that Haley deserved the best and definitely wasn't the best. He ignored it's reminders that he was supposed to be avoiding her. He ignored it all.
Maybe later, he would let himself regret this moment of weakness, but not now.
~x~
An occasional thud slowly brought Haley out of her sleep. Blinking the sleep out of her eyes, she looked around her room. It was dark except for the small amount of moonlight peeking through her window. Deciding that she was just hearing things, she laid her back down on her pillow and cuddled deeper into the mass of blankets she had on her bed.
Tap. Tap.
Hearing it again, she sat up in her bed and looked towards the window where she was sure the sound was coming from. A chill ran down her spine as her heart started pounding in her chest. This had horror movie written all over it and she wasn't about to be the stupid girl who goes investigating the odd noise in the dead of the night. Those girls always ended up dead.
She was about to sink further into the bed when she heard the noise again. Only this time she saw a rock fly up and hit her window. Tossing the blanket off of her body, she scrambled to her window. Looking outside, her heart started pounding in her chest, but this time it wasn't because she was scared. Standing on her front lawn was Nathan Scott and he was tossing rocks at her window. What the hell?
Before he had a chance to toss another rock, Haley popped open her bedroom window. He was just winding up his arm to throw another rock, but paused when he saw Haley looking out the window.
"What are you doing?!" She half whispered-half yelled.
Instead of saying anything, Nathan just motioned for her to come outside.
Stepping back, Haley bit her lip. The smart thing to do would be to close her window, crawl back into bed, and pray that Nathan just went away. It made no sense to her that for the last few days, she was practically dead to Nathan and now, he was standing outside of her house at—she glanced at her alarm clock—two in the fricken morning.
However, despite her better judgement, she walked back over to the window and motioned for him to give her a few minutes. Rushing over to her closet, she changed out of her sleep shorts and tank-top. She slipped a burgundy California crewneck over her head, before sliding into a pair of jeans. Stuffing her feet in a pair of boots, she grabbed her house key and quietly made her way out of her room.
She was intrigued by what Nathan wanted, that was the only reason she was going outside to meet him, or at least, that's what she tried to tell herself. Once she was outside, she saw that he had moved so that he was leaning against his black mustang. His hands were in his jean pockets and of course he was wearing his leather jacket. From where she was standing, his hair looked messy, almost as if he had just rolled out of bed.
Her heart was pounding wildly in her chest as she approached him. There were a million things that she wanted to say to him, but her words got caught in her throat. She wanted to yell at him for avoiding her and for brushing her off earlier, but as soon as she saw the look on his face, all of those thoughts melted away.
He looked scared and was that a hint of sadness she was seeing? Even in the moonlight she could see that his eyes were rimmed red and his cheeks looked like they were stained with tear tracks. Her heart lurched and she had the sudden urge to comfort him. She didn't get a chance, though. Nathan pushed himself off the side of his car and began walking back towards the driver's side.
"Get in," He demanded gruffly.
Haley's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Where are we going?"
"For a drive," He muttered as he climbed in the front seat.
Haley sat there, frozen. Internally, she weighed her options. She could get in the car and go to wherever he wanted to take her. If she decided to go, her night could either end really good or really bad. Or, she could go back up to her room and spend the rest of the night wondering where he wanted to take her and why.
When Haley heard the roar of the engine, she knew that her mind was already made up. Stealing one last glance at her house, she jogged over to the passenger side of the car and climbed in. As soon as her door clicked shut, Nathan was speeding off. Her eyes did a quick sweep of his body. His hands were clutching the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles were white. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were strongly fixated on the road before him.
If he were being honest, Nathan hadn't a clue where they were going. The only thing he was sure of was that he wanted, no needed, to see her. His previous dream kept replaying over and over again in his mind. He knew the only thing that would calm him down was her. Nathan couldn't explain it, but whenever he was around her, he forgot about all the bad in his life. He was tired of fighting that.
He was playing with fire again, but at this point, getting burned didn't sound so bad.
"I'm sorry," Nathan mumbled a few moments later, breaking the silence.
"For what?"
"For being an ass these last few days, for dragging you out of the house at two in the morning…for everything."
Haley's resolve softened at the sincerity in his voice. "Why did you decide to drag me out of bed?"
Nathan swallowed roughly. "I just needed to see you."
Goosebumps rose high on Haley's skin as his words sunk in. Another silence fell over them as Nathan continued to drive. Haley looked out the window and watched as the trees and dark houses passed before her eyes. She had a feeling in the pit of her stomach that she couldn't explain. It wasn't a bad feeling…but it was intense.
Haley wasn't sure how long they drove in silence before they reached what looked like the River Court. This is where he wanted to take her? She watched in silence as Nathan cut the engine before stepping out of the car. Confused, she followed his lead. She watched as he began to pace the pass. He looked like he was deep in thought, clearly at war with himself over something.
He was such a mess. Everything about him was a paradox. He was a walking contradiction. Stay away from Haley. Go to Haley. Kiss Haley. Don't feel something for Haley. Feel everything for Haley.
Nathan continued to pace the grass, his hands stuffed in his pockets and his bottom lips tightly wedged between his teeth. He could feel Haley's eyes watching his every move and it only served to increase his heart rate. He knew she was confused as all hell. He still had time to leave. He still had time to walk away and end whatever was brewing between them. But could he really do that? Did he really have that kind of strength? His mind was screaming "yes" at him, but his heart? That was a whole other story.
His last thread of control was waning way too thin and he so desperately just wanted it to snap. He wanted to be free. He wanted nothing more than to just follow the desperate pleas of desire that his heart was whispering to him. Maybe she was just what he needed. Maybe she was his salvation. His past was a fucked up mess, but maybe she was his chance to fix all of his wrongs and to start new. Maybe she could heal him.
"Nathan," Haley's soft voice carried through the wind. It was laced with concern, concern for him.
And apparently that was all it took for him to let himself go.
In a blink of an eye, he had Haley perched on the hood of his car. He had her pressed flush against him and his hands were buried in her hair. Seconds later, his lips were on hers and he was kissing her with so much desperation that he surprised even himself. He suddenly felt completely…alive. The need that he felt earlier resurfaced tenfold and that only caused him to kiss her harder.
Haley wasn't sure what was happening. One minute, she was watching Nathan pace back and forth. The next minute, she was sitting on the hood of his car and he was kissing the life out of her. She wanted to push him away and demand he tell her what all of this meant, but she couldn't find the strength to. Instead, her legs involuntarily wrapped around his waist and her fingers were clinging tightly to the open ends of his jacket. A sense of pride came over her when he moaned at her actions.
His hard body was aligned directly with hers and she felt dizzy from his kisses. This kiss was completely different than their first one. It was faster, but yet so much more passionate. She could feel the desperation and it caused goosebumps to form on her skin. A shiver ran down her spine and a small moan bubbled up her throat when Nathan's tongue traced the inner crevices of her mouth. She never thought that kissing someone could make her feel so alive.
When Nathan was sure his heart was going to beat out of his chest, he slowed their kiss down. His fingers unraveled from her hair and fell to caress his shoulders and down the length of her arms until they were resting on her waist. He smirked against her lips when she shivered against him. Pressing one last chaste kiss to her lips, he rested his forehead against hers. They were both breathing heavily and his body felt like it was a livewire.
Everything about her was intoxicating—the way she tasted, how she felt pressed up against him, the soft sounds she made…he wasn't ever going to get enough, that he was sure of. How could something so wrong and so treacherous feel so goddamn right?
It took several minutes for Haley to finally calm down. Slowly, she opened her eyes and her mouth felt dry at the sight before her. Nathan's eyes were still closed and the expression on his face could only be described as euphoric. She swallowed hard. As good as kissing him felt, she still wanted answers.
"What is this, Nathan?" Haley asked, her voice a little hoarse. "You kiss me, leave me stranded, and then avoid me for four days. Then you show up at my house at two in the morning, ask me to go for a drive with you, only to kiss me again?"
Nathan's eyes popped open at her voice. His heart ached at the confused and sullen expression on her face. He didn't know how to answer her. He wasn't sure how to explain how he was feeling. A million different words were swirling around in his head and he wasn't sure how to string any of them together to form coherent sentences. So, he remained silent.
Haley dropped her hands from his jacket and rested them in her lap. She released a shaky breath. "Nathan," She prodded. She wasn't going to allow him to walk away again, not without giving her some kind of explanation. "Give me something."
"I don't know how to do this, okay?" Nathan admitted. He took a step back from her and instantly felt the loss of her body. Out of aggravation, he ran a hand through his sleep mused hair.
"Do what? Talk to me?" She asked skeptically.
Nathan nodded quickly. "I don't do feelings, Haley." The gross feeling of being vulnerable was quickly forming inside of him. "I don't let myself feel. But with you…I just—"
"You just what?" Haley pushed on. At this point, the butterflies in her stomach were the size of godzillafied moths.
Nathan inhaled deeply. He could feel himself begin to clam up. But with one look in Haley's eyes, he felt himself relax. They were wide and trusting, their warm brown color pulling him in like quicksand. Walking back over to her, he gently cupped her face with the palm of his hands.
"You make me want to feel," He declared after licking his lips. "When I kissed you, I-I felt something that I didn't think existed, something that I thought I was incapable of feeling. It scared the hell out of me and it still does. That's why I bolted."
Haley felt her heart skip a beat at his declaration. The way he was looking at her took her breath away. She could see the fear in his eyes, but she could also see the admiration. For once, she was left speechless as she tried to process his words. When he stepped closer to her, she inhaled sharply.
"What are you doing to me?"
The hoarse vulnerability in his voice shook something inside of her. For as long as she'd known Nathan, she couldn't recall him ever looking as exposed as he did now, not even when he told her about his scar or the fire his parents died in. Reaching up, she wrapped her fingers around his wrists and gave them a soft squeeze.
She never understood what it meant to have an out of body experience until this moment.
"What are you saying?" Haley asked breathlessly.
"Honestly, I don't know. I don't know how to do this," He repeated. It was like someone had opened flood gates in his mind and all of his thoughts were spilling out. That voice that was always taunting him was unusually silent and he had full intentions of taking advantage of that. "All I know is that ever since I met you, nothing in my life has been the same. I know I should walk away, it would be the best option for the both of us. I don't deserve you and I know I'm being selfish, but for once in my goddamn life, I want to go after what I want."
"And what do you want?"
Nathan paused as his heart began to race and his head felt like it was spinning. If he crossed that line, he was done for. He knew once he admitted what he had been trying to deny for weeks, it was over for him. There would be no more chances to walk away. And as much as that terrified him, the thought of not seeing her again terrified him even more.
"I want you."
Haley closed the distance between them and pulled him into a fierce kiss. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that this thing between them, whatever it was, was completely right. He was wrong, he did deserve her and she wanted him and nothing he said was going to change that. Her lips glided hotly over his and she felt empowered when she heard him groan at her actions. When air became an issue, she reluctantly pulled away. Her heart felt like it was going to explode as she smiled up at Nathan and he returned the gesture.
"Be patient with me, Hales, please," He murmured a few seconds later.
"I'm not going anywhere."
~x~
A loud yawn escaped Haley's lips as she packed up her all of her tutoring materials. Her last tutoring session ran a little later than usual, so she was the last one in the tutoring center. The more Haley tutored, the more that she found that she liked it. There was something so rewarding about teaching someone something and watching them get it. It made her feel good. It made her feel worthy.
"Oh, good, you're still here," Principle Turner exclaimed as he walked through the door to the Tutor Center. The first thing Haley noticed was how nervous he seemed. He was gripping the file in his heads tightly, the paper bending and wrinkling under the weight of his fingers.
Sliding her book bag over her shoulder, Haley pushed in her chair. "I was actually just getting ready to leave. Is there something I can do for you Principle Turner?"
"There is," He confirmed. "I looked over your files and I have to say, you are by far the best tutor to ever grace Tree Hill High, Miss James."
A light blush covered her cheeks at his compliment. "Thanks."
"I should be the one thanking you. Every student who is assigned to you has experienced a significant improvement in their grades. You are officially a miracle worker. Which is why am I approaching you with a new tutee," Principle Turner explained.
"Another tutee? I would really like to help, but I don't know if I can handle another student. My roster is completely full," Haley murmured as she shook her head. She could already feel herself become overwhelmed at the prospect of another tutee.
"Actually, I reassigned Joe to Shelley, so you have one spot available," He announced before handing her the folder that he was holding. "Listen to me, this tutee is a very special case and I don't think he will work well with any of our other tutors. He is what we call a 'fifth year' student. He is re-enrolled in school on a strict credit recovery basis. He has one semester to earn the credits he was short of that kept him from graduating. There is a lot riding on this, but I believe that you are the one for the job."
"Credit recovery?" Haley questioned. "Is that even possible?"
"In this case, yes," Principle Turner mumbled. She didn't miss the way he grimaced. "Now, that folder contains his transcript and a list of the classes that he'll be taking. He starts Monday and your first tutoring session will be Tuesday after school. Sound good?"
Haley sighed as she nodded. It looked as if there wasn't any way she was getting out of this. Opening up the folder, she glanced over the contents of it. Her heart stopped and her blood ran cold when she found the name of her new tutee.
"Damien West?!"