Nathan is extremely stubborn and I've written him that way on purpose. I have a plan and I have my reasons for things happening the way that they are. Even the smallest details have meaning in this story. Nathan still believes that he is at fault for his parents dying. Some of the depression that Nathan is feeling in this story stems from my own battle with depression, just magnified. I haven't gone through anything that Nathan has in this story, but what I do know is that depression can convince you that you are guilty of things, even if deep down you know that you're not. Sometimes it convinces you that you need to shut everyone out and that you don't need help from anyone, no matter how badly you want it. Depression can be a pretty powerful thing. It can consume if you let it, and unfortunately for Nathan, he's let it. He's made some progress in some ways, but he's also moving backwards in other ways. Like I mentioned before, he needs professional help and that will eventually come into play.
In regards to what he decides to do about Damien's offer- whatever he decides, whether it be to join or to not join, it's not exactly going to be what you think. I have a twist planned with his decision. That's all I'm going to say about that ;)
I don't really know why I just went on that rant. I guess I was hoping that by giving you guys a little insight on some of things that I'm thinking. To be completely honest, I'm a little apprehensive about this chapter because it is a lot more comedic and "fluffy" than the previous ones. There is some angst and drama, but I thought maybe bringing a little light into this story wouldn't hurt. Hopefully y'all like it! I'm not even gonna apologize for the length, even if it is the longest chapter I've written thus far.
The stinging pain in his chest was impossible to ignore. It reminded him of a paper cut— the tiniest contusion that most of the time you forgot was there, until you grazed it with water or alcohol and the sharp pain rendered you useless for a couple of seconds. Only this type of pain didn't last for a couple of seconds, it lasted for hours and it was far more crippling.
Nathan stared hard at the brown box, which was the current reason for this spout of pain. It was sealed shut by a thick layer of packaging tape, completely untouched. He hadn't dared to open this box. In fact, he even avoided looking at it. He stuffed it in the corner, along with a couple of other brown boxes. He hoped that the other boxes would be able to camouflage it. Some days, it worked. Other days, not so much.
Inside of that box was the physical remains of his house and his parents. It was all that he had left of them and that time of his life. For the longest time, he refused to open it. He didn't want to see the charred pictures or the blackened memorabilia. It was just another one of the million reminders of his past and instead of dealing with the pain, he decided to avoid any type of triggers. It wasn't healthy, but it was easy.
He wasn't sure what possessed him to finally open that box. After his conversation with Haley at the River Court, it was like his body was functioning on autopilot. Before he was completely conscious of what he was doing, he had the box sitting in front of him and a box cutter clutched tightly in his right hand. Now that he was aware of his surroundings, he was frozen.
Opening that box was like opening up a time capsule. All of the things he tried to forget were in that box. He had to face it sometime, though. Maybe by allowing himself to come face to face with his biggest fears would allow him to let go of some of that pain he was so desperately holding on to.
Without allowing himself to second guess, he took a deep breath and dragged the box cutter along the taped seam. His hands were shaking as he pulled apart the box, revealing its contents to his watery eyes. The scent of burnt paper and something musky attacked his senses. His eyes watered further, from the emotions running wild inside of him or from the smell, he couldn't be sure.
His throat closed up as his fingers delicately picked up the first item in the box. It was a picture frame. The once smooth wood was singed and the glass covering was almost completely gone, save a sharp edge sticking out of the corner. The picture itself, miraculously, was in perfect condition. It was his parents wedding picture. Every time he walked into his living room that was the first picture his eyes would land on. The fact that it was located on the coffee table, facing the front door was most likely the reason for that.
Dan and Deb looked so incredibly happy in that picture. His mom's wedding dress was simple and elegant, kind of like her. The smile on her face was bright, the happiness reaching her eyes. He missed that smile. He missed the safeness he felt whenever she would smile at him like that. His dad's arms were wrapped tightly around Deb's waist, his eyes focused on her instead of the camera. It was impossible not feel the love radiating off of his eyes, the adoration shining like a neon light.
Before the emotions became too much, Nathan put that picture down on the bed next to him. Reaching in, his fingers found the leather binding of a book. When he looked down, he realized that it was his dad's old high school year book. The cover used to blue, black, and white…now it was just black. The glossy pages were wilted and some were burned beyond recognition.
Nathan could still clearly remember sitting in Dan's lap when he was little and looking through all of the pictures. Dan was on practically every page of that yearbook and Nathan remembered just how much he used to idolize him.
"I wanna be just like you when I grow up, Dad."
Dan chuckled as he turned the page to yet another basketball page. "Nah, I don't think you can do that, son."
"What do you mean?"
Reaching down to ruffle his hair, Dan smiled at the four-year-old boy in his lap. "You're gonna be better than me, I just know it. You and your brother are definitely going to give me a run for my money."
Nathan smiled softly at the memory as he picked up the yearbook. The ache in his chest intensified, but he didn't allow it to consume him. He made it this far, and he wasn't going to stop now. Settling the book into his lap, he paused when he noticed a piece of metal sticking out of the back of the book.
His eyebrows furrowed. Opening the book up to the last page, he caught the piece of metal before it dropped into his lap. When he picked it up, his jaw locked. He blinked hard, his eyes squeezing shut before reopening. He had to make sure that he wasn't seeing things. When the image was still there, he felt his blood boil.
The piece of metal was jagged and dirty. There was a logo imprinted on the metal that was almost unrecognizable underneath all of the scratches, but Nathan would have recognized it anywhere. The "W" was in large and elegant cursive, the loops smooth and precise. There was a thin circle around the "W", a series of spikes protruding from the mark.
Nathan knew that symbol and he knew it well. It was Damien's signature. All of the drugs he sold where marked with that symbol. All of his "important" paperwork was signed with that same symbol. The police had completely missed that, but that was because they weren't looking. That symbol would have meant nothing to them, but it meant everything to Nathan.
Tossing the book and the picture frame back in the box, he returned it to respective spot. He clutched the piece of metal tightly in his hands, ignoring the way it painfully dug into his skin. This was hope. This was justice. Suddenly, his decision between joining Damien or not had some weight to it.
~x~
Haley tossed her calculus book in her locker, the sound of the thick book hitting the metal was drowned out by the incessant chatter of all the students in the hallway. It was majority of the student body's lunch period and the halls were especially lively during that time. Reaching in her locker, Haley grabbed her bag and swung it over her shoulder.
Quickly, she did a sweep of the hall and sighed heavily when she didn't see Peyton or Brooke. Their daily routine consisted of them all meeting at Haley's locker, before heading to the courtyard for lunch. She remembered that they both had biology the period before and their class must have ran behind because they were never late. She did one more sweep of the hall, but stopped when she spotted Nathan at the other end.
He was standing at his locker and she had the perfect view of his side profile. He looked to be unloading his back pack into his locker. He looked deep in thought, his forehead creases and his eyes cold. Once he was done, her heart skipped in beat when he looked directly at her. A soft smile—one that she knew was strictly reserved for her—spread across his features. His once cold glare softened. Her cheeks felt hot as she smiled back.
"So, what new with you and dark and delicious over there?"
Haley practically jumped twenty feet in the air at the sound of Brooke's voice. Whipping around to face her, Haley felt her cheeks heat up even further when she saw the knowing smirk and kinked eyebrow on Brooke's face.
"Nothing, really," Haley answered shortly.
Brooke rolled her eyes…hard. "Listen, Tutor Girl, I don't know why you're being so aloof about Nathan and I get it if you're not the 'tell-all' type, but you don't have to lie about it. I already know that you guys have kissed and I am fully aware of the looks you give each other when you think no one's looking."
"I am not being aloof," Haley quickly denied. She was silently kicking herself for the blush she knew was covering her cheeks. Her tendency to blush so easily really got her in trouble sometimes.
"Yes, you are," Brooke insisted. "I'm beginning to think that you don't trust me with details about your boyfriend."
"He's not my boyfriend," Haley mumbled quietly.
"Well, he's your something."
"You're right, he is my something," Haley said with a sigh as she glanced back over to where he was standing. She frowned when he was no longer there. "It's not that I don't trust you, I do. You've become a really great friend. I honestly don't have much to tell you. We've kissed a few times, we've hung out a few times, and that's it."
"So, you guys haven't had the relationships talk yet?"
Haley shook her head, but cringed when Brooke's eyes light up. That was never a good sign. She could already see the wheels turning in her head.
"You know what this calls for, right?"
"I'm afraid to ask," Haley muttered dryly.
"You should ask him out on a date."
Haley's eyes widened at that, her stomach twisting oddly at that. She's never been the aggressive type and asking a guy out on a date seemed way out of her comfort zone, especially a guy like Nathan. "Wh-what? A date?"
Brooke nodded. "Yes. You have to go after what you want, Tutor Girl. If you want answers, you have to get them."
"Brooke, I don't know. Nathan…he's not really like other guys," Haley defended. Something about being assertive with Nathan felt…odd. She was well aware of the fact that he wasn't a relationship type of guy, he even told her that himself. She said she would be patient, but would taking a step forward be going against that promise?
Brooke smiled gently at Haley as she leaned back against the locker adjacent to Haley's. "Trust me, Haley, I know that he's different. He's never been in the dating scene. But like I've said before, you're the first girl that he's shown an interest in and that means a lot. I've seen the way you look at him and he looks at you the same way. I think you would hate yourself if you let him slip away."
Haley was taken back by the sincerity she found in Brooke's words and by just how much she was making sense. "I don't want to push him, Brooke."
"Maybe a push is just what he needs," Brooke countered. "You said so yourself—Nathan isn't like other guys. He's guarded and he doesn't let many people close to him, but he has let you."
Haley expelled a deep breath of air as she ran a hand through her hair and twisted her fingers in the strands. Of course, Brooke had to be making absolute sense…for once. "You make a good point. But, I'm not experienced with this, either. Do I just walk up to him and be like 'wanna go on a date?' What are we going to do on this date? I don't know any date-like things in this town."
Brooke laughed softly at Haley's nervous rampage. She reached over to give her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Relax, before you give yourself an ulcer. Ask him if he's free Friday night. If he says yes, ask him if he'd like to go out with you. And as for what you'll actually do on your date, just leave that up to me."
Haley grimaced. "I'm not sure how I feel about that…"
"Oh, have some faith in me! I'm a lot of fun and I can guarantee that your date will be far from boring," Brooke promised. The excited glint in her eye make Haley's anxiety skyrocket.
"Yeah, that's kind of what I'm worried about."
~x~
Haley couldn't believe Brooke had actually talked her into doing this. The palms of her hands felt clammy and her stomach felt like it was wrapped in a tight coil. She was never good at making moves on boys. In fact, she was always jealous of girls who could flirt shamelessly with their crushes or ask them out like it wasn't a big deal. Never did she think she would be one of those girls. Yet, here she was…walking towards Nathan in a crowded court yard and mentally preparing herself to do just that.
It helped calm her nerves a little that he was alone. Jake and Lucas had yet to join him for lunch, but she was sure that they would at any minute. That was just more added pressure. When she reached the table he was sitting at, she paused and took one last calming breath. If she didn't take the plunge now, she never would. Besides, it's not like Nathan was going to say no, right?
"Hey." Haley tried to keep her voice as casual as possible as she slid into the side of the table opposite from him.
Nathan looked up at the sound of her voice and on cue, he felt his heart begin to race a little. "Hey, is everything alright?" It made him a little nervous that she was approaching him at school. They never had much interaction there—not that, that was ever done on purpose—but things were always low-key between them.
"Uh, y-yeah," Haley stuttered. She was mentally kicking herself for the nervous edge to her voice. "I was, uh, wondering if you were free Friday night?"
Nathan's eyebrows shot up at that. "Yeah, I think so. Why?"
"Would you, maybe, want to go on, uh, date with me?" She rushed out in one breath.
Nathan's lips curled up into a half smile-half smirk. He could practically feel the anxiety radiating off of her and he would be lying if he said he didn't find it completely adorable. He's had girls ask him out before, but none of them were ever like Haley. They were never nervous and the tone of their voices always held a double meaning to it. That was one of the many reasons he found himself drawn to her.
He couldn't deny the exhilarating feeling that rushed through him at the prospect of going on a proper date with Haley.
"I guess that depends on what you have in mind," Nathan teased.
Haley faltered for a moment. Brooke still hadn't given up any hints about what she was planning and well, now she wasn't sure how to respond to Nathan. "Okay, honestly, I'm not sure yet. I was just thinking that we've never done anything strictly fun together and I figured that both us could use a night out. But if—"
"You're rambling, again, Hales," Nathan cut her off with a chuckle.
"I'm sorry," She apologized sheepishly. "I do that a lot, don't I?"
"I don't mind," He chuckled softly. "But, I think you're right. Something fun…would be good for us."
When he realized the words that had just left his mouth, he felt this weird shift in his body. He hadn't done something "fun" in ages. He never allowed himself to do something fun because he believed that he didn't deserve to feel anything but pain. If he ever caught himself feeling happy or carefree, the guilt would soon bubble up inside of him. But the prospect of doing something fun with Haley? He felt a twinge of guilt, but it was muted.
"So it's a date, then?" She asked with a smile of her own.
Ignoring that small twinge of guilt, he smiled back. "It's a date."
~x~
"Luke, do you have a dress shirt I could borrow?"
Lucas looked up from the novel he was reading with furrowed eyebrows. Nathan had his hands stuffed in his pockets and there was a look of apprehension on his face. Closing his book, Lucas placed it down on the coffee table and sat up from the couch.
"A dress shirt?"
Nathan nodded, shifting uncomfortably under Lucas' intense gaze. The suspicious gleam in his eyes made Nathan's stomach knot up even further. He'd spent, and this was no exaggeration, the last few days or so sifting through his closet when he realized that he didn't have anything…sophisticated enough for a date. Most of his clothes consisted of t-shirts, sweatshirts, and workout clothes. He did have a black suit, but he hadn't worn that since his parent's funeral. Besides, wearing a suit seemed a little too…formal for a date.
Never once in his life did Nathan ever imagine himself doing something so "girly", but then again, he never imagined himself going on a date either. Dates weren't his thing and neither were feelings, but both of those things were possible with Haley James, apparently.
"Yeah," Nathan forced out after clearing his throat.
"What for?"
Nathan silently cursed Lucas for always feeling the need to ask so many questions. It's not that he didn't like telling his brother every little detail of his life (okay, so maybe, he didn't), but he knew for a fact that Lucas was going to really bust him up over this.
"A date," Nathan mumbled almost silently and reluctantly.
Lucas' eyes light up, the bewilderment and hint of happiness shining bright within their blue color. A mischievous smirk tugged at the corner of his lips and Nathan inwardly groaned. He could practically see the ideas and questions churning in Lucas' mind.
"Is it with Haley?" Lucas teased.
Nathan rolled his eyes as an aggravated sigh expelled from his lips. This is exactly why he didn't want to tell Lucas. "Something tells me that you already know the answer to that."
Lucas chuckled as he popped up from the couch. "I think I have a few shirts that you could borrow."
Following Lucas back into his room, Nathan rubbed the now sweaty palms of his hands against his jeans. It seemed like with every minute that passed, the more the nerves ate away at him. He felt almost ridiculous for feeling as anxious as he as did. It was just Haley. They'd spent quite a lot of time together recently and despite the constant inner battle he faced with his the voices of his inner demons, he was starting to feel more at ease around her.
But the thing was, there was no "just" with Haley. It was no secret that something was rapidly brewing between the two of them and he wasn't sure what to make of that. And he didn't want to think about it, because he knew the more he thought about it, the more the voices in his head would try and convince him that this whole thing with her was a terrible idea. The only thing that he was positive about was that he was terrified. He was terrified of screwing things up, like he had done so many times before. He was terrified of making the wrong choices and dragging Haley down with him. He was terrified…of losing her.
She had only been a fixture in his life for such a minuscule amount of time, yet he couldn't imagine going on without her. It was a heady realization that had his heart sputtering in his chest.
"You're nervous," Lucas stated as he grabbed three different shirts off their hangers—one black, one light blue, and one white. The smirk that was adoring his face only widened.
"What? No," Nathan quickly denied, his voice squeaking at the end.
Lucas tossed his head back as he laughed. "Dude, your eye is doing that twitch thing."
"What twitch thing?"
"The twitch thing it always does whenever you're nervous."
Snatching the shirts out of Lucas' hands, Nathan swallowed thickly. "Okay, so I'm nervous."
Lucas smiled at that. "Things are getting pretty serious between the two of you, huh?"
Nathan swallowed hard. He wasn't sure how to answer that. "Uh, sure?"
Lucas smirked at Nathan's obvious discomfort. He refused to meet his gaze, which was hint number one that Nathan was avoiding something. "Don't bother trying to deny it. Jake saw you two kissing the other day and according to him, it was a pretty passionate kiss."
Nathan's eyes widened and he actually felt as if his cheeks were burning. He never blushed. "Uh, yeah, about that, um…"
Lucas chuckled at Nathan's loss of words. The blush on his cheeks and the nervous shifting of his body gave him away. Walking towards his bed, he plopped down on and patted the spot next to him. "Come on and tell your older brother all about it."
Nathan rolled his eyes, but remained rooted in his spot. "You're loving this, aren't you?"
"Oh, yes, I am," Lucas said as he nodded happily.
"I just…I don't have a clue about what I'm doing," Nathan stumbled out after a few moments hesitation. "I've never been on a date before. I don't know the first thing about how to handle this. I've never had a girlfriend before."
"Do you want her to be your girlfriend?"
Nathan paused. The word "girlfriend" seemed foreign to his ears, but he found that he liked it. "I…I'm not sure. I just…want her." It felt so out of place for him to be saying those words out loud. Lately, vulnerable seemed to be his constant mood and it was starting to give him whiplash. He wanted to be scared of this new side of him, and even though a small part of him was, he found that he liked it more than he didn't.
"What are you guys doing on this date anyhow?"
Nathan shrugged. "I'm not sure. Brooke planned the whole thing. I'm supposed to pick Haley up at eight and that's all I know."
Lucas pressed his lips together as he resisted the urge to laugh. "Well, if Brooke is involved, you can bet that it isn't going to be boring."
Nathan chuckled softly. "Yeah, I suppose you're right."
Lucas sighed when he saw the nervous expression on Nathan's face strengthen. It was definitely weird to see him like this. Most of the time, Nathan's moods consisted of being angry or being depressed. Seeing a little color on his face and a little life in his eyes was a nice change.
"You've hung out with Haley before, haven't you?" Lucas questioned a few moments later.
Nathan nodded. "Yeah…kind of."
"Then just think of it as just another one of those times," Lucas said casually. "The added pressure is there just because of the word 'date.' If you don't think of it that way, it won't be so scary. And as for the whole girlfriend situation, don't think too much about it. Go after what you want."
Nathan cocked an eyebrow. "You've been reading those chick magazines again, haven't you?"
"You could just say 'thanks for the advice, man', instead of being an ass," Lucas shot back, his eyes narrow.
Nathan smiled, followed by a small shrug. "What's the fun in that?"
Lucas laughed shortly, a smile melting on to his features. He couldn't remember the last time they banter so freely like this. He could still see the anguish and pain in Nathan, but it was no longer his dominate feature. Lucas had a sneaking suspicion that Haley was the number one cause for that.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Nathan asked suspiciously.
"Because, I can't remember the last time I'd seen you like this," Lucas admitted lowly. "It's nice."
Nathan felt a pang in his stomach at Lucas' words. It was a mixture of elation and guilt, an odd combination that didn't sit well with him. It caused his mind to drift back to the decision that he still had to make about Damien's offer. Right now, it was a weighted scale between what he had to do and what he should do. Lucas' words weigh down heavily on one side of that fucked up scale.
"Yeah, I guess it is."
~x~
"Are you nervous?"
"Yes and no. I think I was more nervous about asking him than I am the actual date," Haley admitted as she tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. Brooke had straightened it for her and she wasn't quite used to it yet. Usually, she opted to go for the more natural route, letting her hair form its natural curls after she hopped out of the shower. But, Brooke had managed to convince her to do something different. Well, "begged" was probably a better word to describe Brooke's technique.
"Want to elaborate on that?" Peyton asked from her spot on Haley's bed.
Haley sighed as she turned away from the mirror and leaned back against her dresser. The butterflies in her stomach have yet to seize their flight and she was sure that her heart was going to beat out of her chest at any moment. Being this nervous over a boy was definitely new territory for her. The way she felt about Nathan was a weird phenomenon. He made her nervous, but she'd never felt safer with anyone else.
"I'm not nervous because it's Nathan. I kind of know him, so I don't think there's going to be any of that awkward 'trying-to-get-to-know-you' type of conversations that really put a damper on first dates," Haley began to explain, her teeth scraping anxiously over her bottom lip. "But, the fact that things between us are in limbo is the part is making uneasy."
"Well, what do you want you guys to be?" Brooke then asked as she rummaged through her make-up bag.
Haley remained quiet as she thought about Brooke's question. That was something that she hadn't thought extensively about, despite her worry about their status. It was like she was more concerned over trying to figure out what he wanted, rather than trying to figure out what she wanted. But now that she did think about it, the answer was clear to her.
"I want to be with him, in any way that he wants," She finally admitted. "I'm just not exactly sure what that means."
"That's the whole point of this little date I planned for the two of you," Brooke reminded her as she walked over to Haley, a blush compact in her one hand and a make-up brush in the other.
"You just gotta go straight for the kill," Peyton said with a giggle.
Haley sighed as she flinched at Brooke brushing the blush against her cheek. "That reminds me, what exactly did you plan for this date?"
"You'll see," Brooke murmured with a mischievous glint in her eye.
"Brooke…," Haley warned with narrow eyes. "I'm not going to regret this, am I?"
"It's Brooke, so you might," Peyton joked.
"Hey!" Brooke protested with narrow eyes. "I put a lot of effort into this!"
"I'm sure you did," Haley said with a laugh. "Hey, I've been meaning to ask you, how are things with you and Julian?"
Brooke's smile faltered, but only for a moment. "They're…better. He still seems a little on edge, but I think he's just got a lot going on right now."
Haley opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off by the sound of the doorbell echoing through the house. She glanced at the alarm clock on her bedside table and her eyes widened in shock. It was already eight. The butterflies in her stomach returned at full force.
"Oh, he's on time!" Brooke cheered as she clapped her hands together. She reached into her purse and pulled out a light pink envelope, before handing it to Haley. "Here are the instructions for the first part of your date."
"Instructions?" Haley's eyes widened even further. "I'm not sure I like the sound of that."
~x~
Nathan rocked nervously on the balls of his feet as he waited for Haley to open the front door. He pulled at the collar of the Lucas' light blue dress shirt that he was wearing. His nerves were still present and he felt ridiculous for that. His heart jumped in his throat when he heard the door unlock. The door swung open and suddenly, his nerves were gone.
She was dressed in a dark pair of jeans. The black sweater she was wearing was dressy, but no too over the top. Her hair was down and straight, her bangs pinned back by a small barrette. Her eyes were dusted with a small amount of brown eye shadow, her eyes rimmed with a thin coat of eyeliner. She was absolutely stunning.
Haley smiled at him, her eyes trailing over the light blue shirt and the black pants he was wearing. The color of the shirt brought his eyes and if she wasn't mistaken, there was actually gel in his hair. He always looked good, but something about him being dressed nicely really got to her.
"So, we're really doing this, huh?" Haley said softly with a small laugh.
Nathan nodded with a small smile. "We are. Are you ready to go?"
"Yes," Haley mumbled as she walked out of her house, the card Brooke gave her clutched in her hand. "Apparently, Brooke set up this whole serial date thing for us. One card leads to the next."
Nathan chuckled as they walked towards his car. "This is basically one giant scavenger hunt?"
"Yeah, basically," Haley laughed. "We don't have to follow it, if you don't want to."
"It could be fun." Nathan said as he shook his head. He opened the passenger side door of his car for her before walking to the driver's side and sliding in. "What does the first card say?"
"Go to the ice cream parlor on the south end of the Market Street Dock and find your next envelope. On the way, tell three things that you like about each other," Haley read off the card. Her cheeks felt warm as she thought of how she would answer. Of course, Brooke would make things embarrassing.
Nathan smirked as he began to drive. "This should be interesting. Who goes first?"
"You," Haley asserted. She had to admit, she was kind of anxious to hear his answers.
Nathan stayed quiet for a couple of moments as he thought over how to answer that. "You're the most patient person I know. I've pushed you away a lot and I've thrown a lot of mixed signals your way, but you haven't given up on me. I really appreciate that."
Haley smiled at him. "Patience is one of my many virtues."
Nathan chuckled before turning serious. "I also like your strength. You've been through things that would cripple most people, me being one of them. I wish I could be even one percent as strong as you are."
"Nathan…," Haley said softly. "You're a lot stronger than what you give yourself credit for."
"I don't know about that," Nathan muttered quietly, his grip tightening on the wheel. In his eyes, he was the furthest thing from being strong.
"You are," She reassured. "Everyone deals with trauma differently and the fact that you haven't given up yet shows a lot more strength than you think."
For what felt like the millionth time in such a short amount of time, he was left in awe by the girl sitting next to him. It was crazy how easily she made him believe in himself. All it took was a few simple words and suddenly, everything had meaning again. "That's the third thing that I like about you—your kind heart."
"I get that from my dad," Haley declared. "He was always the person that went above and beyond for others."
"Now, it's your turn," Nathan challenged. He glanced out the window to see that they were almost near the ice cream shop.
"Let's see, I like the fact that you let me in past all the bluster you give everyone else," She stated.
"That should make you feel special," Nathan joked. "I don't let anyone in."
"It does," Haley promised. "I also like the loyalty to you have to your family. I can tell that you really care about Lucas and that you would do anything for him."
"I would," Nathan murmured. "Family has always been important to me."
"And lastly, I also like how strong you are, even if you don't believe in the strength you have."
Nathan smiled appreciatively as he pulled into the parking lot for the ice cream parlor. Shutting the car off, they quickly exited. Walking inside, they were surprised to see that the place was completely empty.
"Where do you think the next card is?" Haley pondered.
"You're Nathan Scott, right?" The cashier behind the counter asked, almost as if on cue.
Nathan nodded. "Uh, yeah, why?"
The cashier turned away for a quick moment before returning with another envelope. "Brooke Davis left this for you."
"I guess that answers that question," Haley said with a giggle.
Nathan grabbed the envelope from the cashier before tearing it open. Pulling the card out, he began to read. "Order your favorite ice cream for the other person. When you're done, walk to the bridge underneath the cherry trees. It's the most notorious make out spot in town…I think you know where I'm going with this."
Haley's cheeks flared up at that. "Oh, God."
Nathan laughed at her embarrassed expression. He decided against teasing her. "Is there any chance that you favorite ice cream is rocky road?"
Haley's nose scrunched up. "Yeah, we have a lot of that at my house, so no. It's mint chocolate chip."
Nathan sighed as he turned the cashier. "I guess I'll take a cup of mint chocolate chip."
~x~
His lips melted over hers feverishly. One of his hands were planted on her waist, while the other one was buried in her hair. She could still taste the hint of mint and chocolate on his slightly chilled lips. She matched his pace, both of her hands gripping onto the collar of his shirt. How they ended up making out on this secluded bench that one of Brooke's cards led them to was a little hazy to Haley. One minute, they were talking and then the next, Nathan was pulling her in. She wasn't complaining, though. Kissing him was becoming her version of heroin.
There could have been a chance that Nathan was just following Brooke's instructions that she left for them, but with the way his eyes seemed to darken as he looked at her…Haley wasn't certain that was the sole reason.
She gasped when Nathan kissed the side of her mouth, his lips trailing along the angle of her jaw. Her hands tangled themselves in the strands of his hair, holding his mouth to her skin as he kissed down her neck. Her head felt airy, the Nathan filled haze quickly came over her. She completely lost herself in his ministrations.
Nathan couldn't get enough of her. The taste of her lips,which were also still cool and chocolate-y, and her skin were intoxicating. He didn't know what had come over him. Maybe it was the way the moonlight was hitting her face or maybe it was the close proximity of their bodies, but suddenly being near her felt like sweet torture. The desire to kiss her had been too powerful to ignore.
"Nathan," She called out when his lips grazed over a sensitive spot on her neck. His grip on her tightened further. Haley knew that she had to stop him soon. They were sitting on a bench, albeit the bench was in a secluded area, but anyone could see them. Besides, as good as he felt, it also felt wrong. The whole purpose of this date was for her to figure out what they were and she had yet to do that. If all this was to him was sex or a friends with benefits kind of thing, that wasn't enough for her.
"Nathan," She tried again. Her voice was firmer, but still breathless. When he still didn't respond, she dropped one of her hands to grip his arm, giving it a firm squeeze.
Nathan halted his movements when he felt Haley squeeze his arm. Forcing himself away from her, he met her gaze. Her eyes were wild with emotion, her cheeks tinted with color. He swallowed hard as he tried to catch his own breathe. His first thought was that maybe he had crossed a line. "Did I do something wrong?"
A small smile tugged at her lips. His eyes were dark, but in the midst of the desire, she also found concern. She took a calming breath before answering his question with a question of her own. "What is all this?"
His forehead creased. "What is all what?"
"This," She motioned between the two of them. Her nerves were back. She hadn't meant to be so forward with him. Her thoughts were flowing out of her like someone had opened the flood gates. "The kissing, the sweet words…everything. I know I said was going to patient and I am, but…I don't know."
Nathan was breathing hard as he listened to her talk. He'd be lying if he said that he hadn't seen this conversation coming. He wasn't oblivious. There was something between them and obviously, Haley was going to want answers eventually.
"I'm sorry," He mumbled lamely. "I'm not being fair to you."
Haley shook her head dismissively. "That's not it. I know that you said you couldn't give me anything and I know that you don't like to…feel. I'm not trying to be insensitive to any of those things and I'm not trying to push you. I just…I want to know what I'm getting myself into."
The conversation he had with Lucas earlier was the first thing that came to his mind. Don't think too much about it. Go after what you want.
He changed his position on the bench so that he was facing her directly. He took one of her hands in his and ran the pad of his thumb against her knuckles. "Hales, I can't promise you much of anything. But—"
"Do you want to be with me?" She cut him off. She surprised herself with the sudden boldness of her question.
He swallowed hard. "Yes." That was the easiest question he ever had to answer.
At this point, Haley's heart was pounding erratically. "I want to be with you, too. Whatever that means, whether that means your friend or…your girlfriend."
"I don't think I could handle just being your friend," Nathan said honestly. "So, I guess that just leaves you as my girlfriend."
Haley's heart fluttered at that. "Really?"
Nathan nodded, a childlike smile spreading across his face.
~x~
"You know, I've never had a girlfriend," Nathan admitted, breaking the comfortable silence that had formed between them. They were now walking along the dock. Brooke's next card had instructed them to take a stroll along the dock, their next card was supposed to be waiting for them where the dock ended.
"Really?" Haley pondered. She'd heard from a few people that Nathan never really dated anyone before, but she wasn't sure if she ever believed them. It seemed kind of impossible. But, hearing the confirmation from Nathan shocked her a little bit.
He glanced over at Haley and smirked at her wide eyes. "You sound surprised."
"No," Haley quickly spit out, before backtracking. "Well, kind of. It's just you're so…you."
Nathan raised an eyebrow at her, the amusement dancing in his eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Haley could already feel her cheeks reddening at the words she was about to say. "You're so…attractive. I figured you would have girls throwing themselves at you and I figured at least one of them would have caught your eye."
Nathan tossed his head back as a genuine laugh escaped him. "Oh, girls definitely threw themselves at me." He smiled when Haley rolled her eyes. "But, I was never interested in anything serious. And then after my parents died, I kind of just shut my feelings off. I didn't want to feel anything but pain, I guess. I was like that until…"
"Until what?" Haley prodded when he trailed off.
Nathan met her eyes as the word slipped off of his tongue. "You."
A shiver ran down Haley's spine from the look in Nathan's eyes and from what he had just admitted. She still couldn't wrap her head around the fact that out of so many girls begging for his attention, she ended up being the one he broke down his walls for. She wasn't anything special, in her opinion. But she was grateful that it was her.
"So what about you? Any boyfriends?" Nathan asked after clearing his throat.
Haley slid her hands in the back pocket of her jeans as she shrugged. "Kind of. I 'dated' this boy in seventh grade for a few months. But it was one of those things where dating someone meant sitting next to each other at lunch and walking each other to class. I ended up breaking up with him by passing him a note during history class."
Nathan laughed, smirking. "I never pegged you to be the heartbreaking type."
"That wasn't one of my finer moments," Haley giggled. "Then, I dated this guy for about six months my freshman year when I lived in Seattle. But we ended up breaking up because I was moving, yet again."
"Were you guys serious?" Nathan found himself asking. There was a pang in his stomach at the thought of Haley moving and at the thought of her being serious with another guy.
Haley shook her head. "No, not at all. It was yet another juvenile relationship."
Nathan nodded as he pursed his lips. "So, do you move often?"
"Almost every year," Haley murmured, the sadness clearly evident. "My mom is a travel agent. Every year, they offer her a promotion and ever year, she takes it. When my dad was alive, he used to love to travel, so she always took the promotion for him. Now that he's gone, I think she still takes them to honor him and to fill the void, I guess."
Her answer didn't still well with him. It caused his stomach to knot up with dread and he almost choked on his next words. The thought of her leaving…it caused a surge of panic. "I take it that you're not a fan of the constant moving?"
"I'm not a fan of it, but I'm not opposed to it either, I guess," She stated quietly. She brought her hands together and started twisting her fingers together. Haley never really talked much about her feelings about moving, mostly because she never wanted to upset her mother. But the words seemed to spill out of her without a moment's hesitation.
"The part of it that sucks the most is knowing that I shouldn't get too comfortable in one place. I've never really felt at home. However, I do like to travel, so it's cool that I get to see so many different parts of the US, parts that I probably wouldn't see otherwise."
Nathan noticed that her hands had dropped to her sides. Gently, he trailed his fingers down the length of her arm, until his fingers met hers. Lacing them together, he squeezed her hand gently. The strain in her voice put a strain on his heart. He smiled softly when he noticed her cheeks flush at his action.
"How do you feel about Tree Hill?"
The smile on her face grew as the tingles in her arm spread through the rest of her body. "I love it here. Whenever I pictured a place that I could call home, it was always a small town where everyone knew everyone and people said 'hi' to strangers on the streets. I feel like I could call this place home and mean it."
Nathan smiled. "So, do you think you'll still be here at the end of the school year, then?" He didn't even try to mask the hope in his voice.
Haley shrugged. "I guess it depends on where I end up going to college."
"Where are you thinking?" Hearing her talk was starting to get addicting. The desire to know everything and anything about her was burning high. He still found himself bracing for her answer, however.
"I'm not entirely sure. I've started filling out a few applications, but I haven't sent anything in yet. Duke and Stanford are my top two, as of now, though," Haley rattled off. She was so nonchalant about it, it took Nathan by surprise.
"Those are both really good schools, from what I've heard," Nathan murmured. "Have you figured out what you want to study yet?"
Haley smiled warily. "I'm still torn between education and photography. One is obviously a more stable career."
"You should probably go for the one that you think would make you the happiest. There's no sense in putting time and effort into something that you're going to end up regretting," Nathan pointed out. "At least, that's what my dad used to say all the time."
"I think I could be really happy doing either of those things," Haley said with a smile. They slowed down their walking as they reached the end of the dock. "What about you? Do you have any future plans?"
Nathan tensed as he leaned against the wooden fence, his hand dropping hers. The fact that she had somewhat of a plan for her future and he didn't was just another reminder of how different they were. "Honestly, I've never given it much thought."
"Not even a little bit?"
"Maybe when I was younger," Nathan answered with a shrug. For the longest time, the future wasn't a concern for Nathan. Truth be told, he didn't think he'd have a future. His life had become so consumed by bad choices and misery that he figured he'd be dead before he needed to think about a future. It wasn't until he met Haley did he start to wonder about the rest of his life. "Plus, with my grades? I don't even think the community college would take me."
Haley scooted closer to him and gingerly placed her hand on his arm, while leaning her head against his shoulder. "There has to be something out there that you want for yourself. You've just got to find that one thing that makes your heart beat a little faster and your world seem a little brighter
Nathan placed his hand on top of hers and squeezed it gently. Her soft words and warm touch quickly resonated through his entire body. The first thing that came to his mind was basketball. It was the one thing that he felt he was good. It was also the one thing that made his heart beat a little faster and his world seem a little brighter, apart from Haley, that is.
"And if you're worried about your grades," She continued on. "I could always tutor you."
He looked over at her, his eyes locking with hers. "You would do that for me?"
She nodded, a small smile etching her features. "I would."
His heart was beating wildly in his chest. It constantly amazed him how caring and selfless Haley was. She was everything good in his life and he wasn't sure what he had done to be worthy of her, but he was going to take full advantage of it. He was done denying himself the truth. He was falling for her, hard and fast.
The soft melody of band playing a couple of hundred feet away from them caught his attention. He glanced over at them to see a small and secluded stage set up. A couple of strands of white lights were dangling from the trees and from where he was standing, it looked like a couple of people were dancing. He looked over at Haley and grabbed her hand again.
"Would my girlfriend like to dance?"
A chill ran down Haley's spine. It felt…different for Nathan to be calling her his girlfriend, but she loved the way it sounded. She knew things weren't going to be easy for them. There were still a lot of things that she didn't know about him and he still had a dark past that she hadn't gotten a glimpse of yet, but she meant what she said—she wasn't going anywhere.
"I thought you didn't have any experience with romance?" Haley teased as he took her hand.
"I don't, I just saw this in a movie once and figured I'd try it," Nathan said with a nonchalant shrug.
Haley giggled as he led over to where the band was playing. A shiver ran down her spine when he pulled her close, one arm resting snugly around her waist and the other holding her hand against his chest. Her free hand rested on his shoulder. "What about the other cards Brooke has planned for us?"
"They can wait," Nathan shrugged. "I have to warn you though, I'm a terrible dancer."
"I'm sure you're not that bad," Haley murmured as they started to sway to the soft music.
Nathan chuckled. A comfortable silence formed between them as they continued to sway. He found himself unable to look away from her. The soft white lights were shining back at him through her warm eyes. Her long blonde hair looked even more golden, a few of the strands were hanging in her face. As cheesy as it sounded, she took his breath away. Every single detail about her was…perfect.
He realized now that he never stood a chance. Trying to push her away and trying to ignore the way he felt about her was the dumbest thing he could have ever done. It was pointless, because in the end, his feelings were much stronger than the desire to close himself off. There was still danger and there were still things that were so uncertain, but none of those things had control over him anymore.
It felt good to let go of all that pain he was feeling, even if it was only for a little while. It wasn't him, but that's exactly why he liked it.
"What?" Haley asked a few moments later, her cheeks flushing at the intense way he was looking at her. His blue eyes seemed almost midnight blue, his forehead creased in concentration. Her heart skipped a beat. She could feel her entire body heating up, from the top of her head to her toes. The butterflies in her stomach had taken flight again.
Nathan dropped her hand to reach up and tuck the strayed hair behind her hair. He smiled when she leaned into his touch. How could someone small bring out such strong emotions in him? "You're beautiful, you know that?"
Haley's blush deepened. "I never pegged you as the type to be such a charmer."
Nathan smirked at her as he suddenly twirled her around, before dipping her. His smirk melted into a smile when she squealed and laughed.
"I thought you said you couldn't dance," Haley breathed out once she was standing upright, her hands gripping on to both of his shoulders.
"I can't," He reassured. "I saw that in a movie, too."
Haley's hands moved upwards so that he arms were wrapped around his neck and his hands fell to rest on her waist. "I don't think I've ever seen you smile so much before."
"I have you to thank for that," He said lowly as he dropped his head. His forehead was resting against hers. His expression fell serious after a few moments. "I'm trying my hardest, Hales."
"I know you are," She whispered. "And like I said, I'm not going anywhere."
His lips curled up before he pressed them softly against hers. The kiss was soft and slow, yet full of passion. It felt almost like a physical promise. A shiver ran down his spine when Haley sighed into the kiss, her arms tightening around his neck as she kissed him deeper. After a few seconds, Haley pulled away.
It was a moment of clarity for him. Deep down, he knew what he had to do and he was already leaning towards that notion, he just wasn't ready to admit it. But, looking at Haley now, that breathtaking smile on her face, her lips slightly swollen from their previous kiss, and the bright gleam in her eyes, he realized that he would do anything and everything for her. She flipped his life upside down in the best way possible. He never thought it would feel so good to feel again, to see a life that wasn't dark in color.
He was still terrified. He still had his doubts. He still had those voices screaming at him that he was making a mistake—with her and with everything else. But it was the best damn mistake that he ever made.
~x~
Nathan's jaw was locked, his lips pressed together in a hard line. Every muscle in his body was tense. His eyes were watering from the smell of the smoke and he could feel eyes watching his every move. He ignored them. He was already teetering on the edge of insanity, the last thing he needed was one of Damien's minions trying to antagonize him.
When he reached the door to Damien's office, he paused. He still had time to walk away. Surprisingly, he didn't want to. He had never been surer of anything in his life. One thought of Haley and one thought of that piece of metal he found in that box of stuff was all he needed. This was his chance to finally find some kind of peace and he would be a fool if he didn't take it.
Raising his fist, he knocked twice on the wooden door. His heart was a pounding mess as he waited.
"Come in, but make it quick." Damien's voice was muffled by the close door.
Taking a reassuring breath, Nathan pushed the door open. He scowled at the sickeningly sweet smile on Damien's face. His feet were propped up on the desk and his hands were behind his head.
"You are few days shy of your deadline, Scott. You're running out of time."
Nathan swallowed thickly. "I know. That's exactly why I'm here."
"So, you have answer for me, then, I take it?"
Nathan nodded. He licked his lips and straightened his posture. "I'm in."