I am so sorry for how long it has taken me to update this. I thought after I got back from Wilmington I was gonna have some time to crank the next chapter out, however, that was not the case. I sincerely apologize. The next update should not take me as long as this one did. Fair warning, this chapter is a lot of dialogue. I normally don't like to write a ton of dialogue, but there really wasn't a way for me to get around it. I rewrote Haley and Lydia's conversation at least 5 times, before I actually felt like it was executed the way that I wanted it. It was difficult to write, just because there were so many changing emotions and important pieces to that conversation. I hope you all enjoy!

"Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?"

The corners of Haley's mouth twitched upwards in the smallest hint of a smile. She laced her fingers with Nathan's and gently squeezed them, her thumb running over the indents and groves of his knuckles. His eyes were clouded over with concern, the creases in his forehead seconds away from becoming permanently engrained.

She was so grateful for the way he had been with her through all of this. For the past few nights, she had been staying at Nathan's. She didn't think she could handle being alone, especially in her house, and Nathan was more than happy to let her sleep over. She felt safe in his arms—the way he'd hold her so tightly, yet touch her so delicately as if she would break. He made everything so much more…easier to deal with.

It was still hard, though. There was still a darkness in her heart that threatened to consume her at any given moment. There were moments when the reality of her current situation would come crashing down on her and it would feel like she couldn't breathe. However, there would be these small moments of hope. It was only a sliver of light while staring down the barrel of a gun, but it was something. She was positive that, that sliver of light wouldn't exist if it wasn't for Nathan.

Despite the fact that her family was spread out across the country and most of them couldn't hop on a plane at the drop of hat, she'd never felt more secure in her life, especially during a time like this. She knew that finally letting someone, mainly Nathan, into the darkest parts of her life had a lot to do with that. For as long as she could remember, people always depended on her and she never depended on anyone. That was gospel and she never thought she'd see the day when that didn't ring true.

It felt oddly liberating to lean on someone for a change. Before, Haley believed that by letting her guard down she would be letting her dad down, as well. She was surprised to find that she didn't feel any guilt over needing someone.

"I appreciate the offer, but I need to do this on my own," Haley murmured, her voice quivering slightly.

A small frown pulled at Nathan's lips, his eyes doing a quick sweep of her face. She was chewing anxiously on her bottom lip and the pain was still swirling in with the brown of her eyes. He was unsure if she was attempting to be strong because she felt like it was what she had to be or if she was truly ready to face her mother.

Sighing, Nathan stepped forward and gently cupped her cheeks in his hands. He kissed her softly on the crown of her head, before smiling comfortingly at her. "I'll be right outside if you need me, okay?"

Haley's smile perked up a little, her eyes fluttering closed at the feel of his lips on her skin. "Thank you."

Taking a deep and calming breath, she turned on her heels to head towards her mom's hospital room. Her heart was in her throat and her stomach was twisting painfully, making her queasy. She wrapped her gray sweater tighter around her body as she paused right outside of the door. Closing her eyes, she attempted to calm her heavy breathing and rapid heartbeat. She could do this. She had to do this.

With sweaty palms and shaky hands, she pushed open the door. A bright stream of sunlight aligned perfectly with her eyes causing her to squint. Holding up her hand to block the sun, Lydia slowly came into view. She was sitting up in her bed, a half-eaten bowl of red Jell-O curled in the palm of her hand. The TV was on, the low sound cackling through the air. An occasional beep from the heart machine echoed through the room.

Haley's throat felt as dry as sandpaper. The woman in front of her looked like her mother—the same reddish-blonde hair and the same brown eyes. But there was something foreign to her. Her eyes were void of life and her skin was ghostly white. The wrinkles on her face were heavier than her age should have allowed. Looking at her, Haley felt the last intact piece of her heart shatter.

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Haley took a hesitant step forward. "H-hi, mom."

~x~

Nathan stared hard at the cell phone that he was clutching in his right hand. The incessant buzzing was starting to get on his nerves. He was half tempted to shut his phone off, but that would've caused more harm than good. Without having to look at the caller ID, he already knew who was calling him and that knowledge had his stomach knotting up.

Damien.

Damien had been calling Nathan multiple times a day for the last few days and he was quickly running out of excuses of why they couldn't "hang out." It was only a matter of time before Damien showed up at his front door, demanding to know why Nathan was curving him. That was the last thing he wanted, but he couldn't leave Haley's side. His girlfriend wasn't the type of person to need anyone, but she needed him and he wasn't going to screw that up.

That stupid voice in his head be damned.

"Hey."

Nathan's head snapped up to see Jake standing in front of him. His hands were stuffed in the pockets of his jeans and he was smiling gently at Nathan. His eyebrows rose in confusion. It was only half past ten and school was still in session. Everyone, with the exception of Nathan and Haley, had returned to school a couple days prior.

"What are you doing here?"

"Brooke," Jake said with a short chuckle, taking the seat next to Nathan. "Haley told her last night that she was planning on talking to her mom today, so Brooke wanted to me check on her during my free period, since she couldn't do it herself."

"Brooke's a good friend," Nathan mumbled.

Jake nodded, a smile involuntarily spreading across his face. "She is. How's Haley doing?"

Nathan sighed heavily as he leaned back in his chair. "A little better. I think the shock of everything has finally warn off, but you can still see the pain in her eyes. She busies herself with the homework Lucas brings to her during the day, but it hits her the hardest at night."

Jake plopped his hand down on Nathan's shoulder, squeezing it comfortingly. The toll this whole situation was having on Nathan was clear. His concern was practically palpable, oozing off of him in strong waves. As odd as it was to say, Jake felt relieved to see Nathan this way, to see him feel more than just his own pain and guilt.

"It's only been 3 days. It's still pretty fresh."

"I know," Nathan said sadly. "It's just difficult, because I watch her cry and it kills me. I'm not sure what the right thing to say or do is."

"You're doing a good thing for her, Nate," Jake reassured him. "You're exactly what she needs right now."

"I feel like I'm not doing enough," Nathan admitted sheepishly. "I'm not used to caring about—"

"Someone other than yourself?" Jake filled in teasingly, the corners of his eyes crinkling in amusement.

Nathan rolled his eyes and brushed Jake's hand off his shoulder. "I'm not used to caring about anyone."

"And you care about Haley more than you've ever thought was possible," Jake assumed, a smile breaking out on his face when Nathan nodded. "It's a good feeling, isn't it? To be needed? To be wanted?"

Nathan inhaled shakily as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. It was a good feeling, but it felt weird to be openly admitting it. He desperately wanted to shift the focus of the conversation off of him. "What about you?

Jake furrowed his eyebrows. "What about me?"

"You and Brooke," Nathan clarified. He smirked in satisfaction when a light blush dusted Jake's cheeks.

"We're just friends, that's all."

"But you like her."

Jake narrowed his eyes. "You're just trying to distract me from forcing you to talk about your feelings, aren't you?

Cracking a small smile, Nathan remained silent.

Jake shook his head, before letting out an exaggerated breath of air. His expression turned serious as he swallowed hard. "Honestly? I've been in love with her since we were kids."

Nathan's eyes widened, the hinges of his mouth dropping open. "And you haven't done anything about it?"

Jake chuckled softly as he leaned back in his chair. His head rested against the wall and his eyes fluttered closed, a peaceful smile playing on his lips. "Oh, I did. But we were so young, way too young to know anything about love. We 'dated' when we twelve. Obviously, that worked out real well."

"Why haven't you done anything about it since then?" Nathan found himself asking.

"We grew apart," Jake explained with a nonchalant shrug, his eyes opening. "As we got older, we formed different interests and made different friends. I guess we never got a chance to go there again."

"But your feelings remained the same? Even after all this time?" Nathan pondered quietly. His interest level in this conversation shocked him, but he couldn't be bothered with figuring out the details of why.

"Yes."

It amazed Nathan that he didn't sound sad or upset about that. The smallest hint of the smile on his face was sans any kind of pain or regret. It was pure happiness.

"So, that's what you meant when you told me love's a beautiful thing."

"It is," Jake confirmed. "Unrequited or not. Love is one of most important things you could ever find in life—the way it makes you feel, the way it changes you—it's amazing. That's why you should never close your heart off from it."

Nathan's heart pounded in his chest as Jake's words sunk in. Any response that he could have to that statement was lodged in his throat. Luckily for Nathan, or maybe not so luckily for him, the cell phone in his hand began to buzz again. Instinctively, Nathan tensed up when he saw Damien's name flash across the screen.

"Who is it?" Jake asked.

"Damien."

Jake turned frigid. His lips molded together as his gaze hardened. "What does he want?"

Nathan shrugged, pressing the decline button once again. "Probably wants me at his disposal. I've been giving him excuses left and right."

"Nathan!" Jake hissed. "The last thing you want to do right now is piss him off."

Nathan quickly shook his head dismissively. "Trust me, I still have some time before that happens. His last delivery went way better than he expected, so he's been in an exceptionally good mood."

Jake ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "I have such a bad feeling about this."

"So do I. But I don't have much of a choice…if I ever want to be free of him for good," Nathan mumbled lowly.

"Have you made any progress with him?" Jake asked cautiously.

Nathan licked his lips suddenly too dry lips as he looked down. The guilt burned deep inside of him as he hesitantly shook his head. Damien might have let him in again, but Nathan once again found himself at a standstill. He couldn't look in Jake's direction. The look of disappointment he was sure Jake was sporting would only make him feel worse.

"Not really," He muttered. "He trusts me with his shipments again and I have access to a lot of his files and things like that, but he watches over me like a hawk. It's like he trusts me, but he doesn't."

Jake nodded solemnly. "You're being careful, right?"

"As careful as I can be," Nathan said.

"Good," Jake murmured.

~x~

"H-hi, mom."

Haley hated the way her voice quivered and the way her stomach dropped at the first intrusion of her mother's gaze. The air around her felt thick, like it was trying to suffocate her, and she wanted nothing more than to wake up from this nightmare her life had become. The nervous energy in the room had her skin prickling. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all…

"Oh, Haley Bob," Lydia rasped. Her eyes glistened in the sun, the unshed tears springing to life. The saddest smile played on her lips, sucking all of the air on Haley's lungs. Reaching forward, she placed her cup of Jell-O back on its tray, before angling her body towards Haley. "I was wondering when I was going to see you."

Haley couldn't remember the last time her mother had ever talked to her in such a soft and…maternal manner. It made her ill that it took something as drastic as suicide to bring it out of her. The urge to bolt was strong, but she decided to ignore it. She never ran from her problems and she wasn't about to start now.

Taking in an uneven breath of air, Haley slowly approached the hospital bed. "I wasn't sure I wanted to see you," She murmured honestly.

Lydia paled even further at Haley's brazen words. She squeezed her eyes shut, a few tears seeping out from between her eyelashes. "Haley, I know how scared you must have been—"

Haley shook her head, effectively cutting Lydia off. All of the different emotions seemed to explode inside of her at once. Her throat burned as she spoke, the words tasting bitter from her anger and salty from the tears effortlessly pouring from her eyes.

"Scared? Mom, I was absolutely terrified! Seeing you lying on our living room floor…my world stop spinning. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. And the saddest part? I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that I couldn't remember the last time I told you I loved you."

"Hal—"

"No, please, I need to say this," Haley pleaded, her body collapsing tiredly on to the bedside chair. Her eyes remained trained on her mother's pain filled ones, unable to look away. Her heart was pounding in her chest and the tremors raking through her body were bordering on excruciating. She had no idea where this sudden confidence and bravery was coming from, but she didn't have the strength to question it.

Lydia only nodded, allowing Haley to carry on. Her posture was stiff, as if she was bracing herself for the worst of words to fall from her daughter's mouth.

"I couldn't remember the last time I told you I loved you," Haley repeated regretfully. "Because the last few months, you haven't been my mom. You haven't been here. It's like you checked out, leaving the bottles of wine for me to clean up. I'm the child, mom. You were supposed to be taking care of me, not the other way around."

Lydia's head hung low. With the back of her hand, she wiped under her eyes. The sound of her sniffles echoed off the walls. "I've been a terrible mother."

"I blamed myself, you know," Haley continued on as if Lydia hadn't said anything. It wasn't like she couldn't stop. "I know I should have done something sooner. I should have tried harder when you pushed me away. I just kept thinking that I could be strong enough for the both us...like I promised dad."

Lydia winced at the mention of Jimmy. Her shoulders slumped further and she sunk deeper into her bed. Haley couldn't tell if her reactions were genuine or if they were an act. She hoped to God that Lydia was taking what she was saying seriously. There was no way she could physically handle going through something like this again.

"I already lost dad, I can't lose you, too." Haley's voice dropped down to a whisper, the sound cracking and straining as she fought back a sob.

Lydia sat up and grabbed Haley's hand. She squeezed it tight. "Oh, honey, you're not going to lose me."

"How can you say that?" Haley panted. "I already almost did! You…you tried to take yourself from me."

Lydia's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, her mouth dropping slightly open. "Wh-what are you talking about?"

Haley almost wanted to laugh at Lydia's attempt to play dumb. She shook her head, a bitter smile stretching across her face. It figured her mom was going to make her spell it out, leaving her with the sour taste in her mouth. "You tried to kill yourself, mom, that's what I'm talking about!"

The creases in Lydia's forehead instantly softened. A sad and regretful look replaced her previous confused expression. Rubbing her thumb along the back of Haley's hand, she softly shook her head. "Haley, sweetheart, I didn't try to kill myself."

Haley released a breath she wasn't aware she was holding. Hesitantly, she locked eyes with her mom and almost simultaneously, her body relaxed. Hearing those words, regardless if they were the truth or not, felt like a relief. It was like her heart wanted to believe that her mom would never do something like that, but her head…

"Mom—"

"No," Lydia protested. "It's my turn to talk. I didn't try to…kill myself, Haley Bob. Those pills that I took…I took them on complete accident. I mixed up my pills, because…because, well, I was drinking. I didn't purposely take them."

Haley swallowed hard. She could see the truth shining in her mother's eyes, the glistening tears and the motherly concern she had missed so dearly. She wasn't sure what would hurt her more—believing that her mom had tried to commit suicide or believing that what she had done was a complete accident.

"Is…is that the truth?" Haley asked shakily.

Lydia nodded her head ruefully. "Yes."

Haley's heart sank in her chest as a fresh batch of tears welled up in her eyes. Wrenching her hand out of Lydia's grasp, Haley stood up and began to pace the length of the hospital room. Her hands were buried in her hair as her whole body trembled with anger and fear. Her head felt airy as she tried to process what her mom had just told her.

"Do you realized how messed up this all is?" Haley sobbed. "I…I can't do this anymore. I just can't. Something has to change."

"I know," Lydia agreed quietly.

Haley paused, wiping her eyes. "Do you? Or are you just saying that?"

Lydia sighed heavily as she, too, wiped the moisture from her eyes. "I'm not proud of who I've been. You're right, I haven't been your mom. I haven't been a person. I know I need help. That's why I've already talked to the doctor about setting me up with a therapist and an alcohol dependence program."

Haley's eyes widened in shock. "Y-you have?"

"Yes," Lydia confirmed. "I was so scared. When everything turned black, all I could think about is how I couldn't die because I haven't seen you graduate high school or get married. I haven't seen Quinn graduate from college or get married. Or Taylor get her life together. I couldn't remember the last time I seen Vivian or any of your brothers. I couldn't remember the last time I saw my grandkids. I realized that I still had so much to do."

Lydia paused to compose herself, before she began to speak again. Her voice cracked with emotion. "Then I thought about your father and how he would be so disappointed in me. It would break his heart if he saw what I was doing to myself. You know how he was always about living life to the fullest."

"Yeah," Haley murmured with a small smile. "I called everyone. They all know."

Lydia smiled weakly. "Good, they should know what's going on."

"Quinn wanted to hop on a plane and skip all of her finals."

"That sounds like my Quinn."

"Vivian wants to do Christmas. She knows we were supposed to host Christmas this year, but she figured you probably weren't feeling up to it," Haley then added in.

"We'll be there," Lydia said. "I've pushed my family away for far too long. I'm not doing that anymore."

Hesitantly, Haley approached Lydia's bed. Taking a deep breath, she gently sat down on the edge of it. She desperately wanted to believe the things her mom was saying to her, but she was scared. There was a determined glint in Lydia's eye and she seemed like she really wanted to change, but Haley wasn't sure how long that was going to last. It was easy for her to claim recovery now, but what about after she left the hospital?

"Are you sure things are going to change?" Haley asked nervously.

Lydia leaned forward to caress Haley's cheek. "I promise."

"Okay," Haley said with a soft smile. "I promise to help you."

"Come here." Lydia tugged on Haley's arm, pulling her into a loving hug. "You know I love you, right?"

Haley's heart felt lighter at those words, a vibrant warmth spreading through her body. "I love you, too."

~x~

"You know, we don't still have to do this, if you don't want to," Nathan reminded Haley as they spread out across his bed. He placed his math book down next to the folder and loose-leaf paper Haley had pulled out of her backpack. On the way home from the hospital, Haley had filled him in on everything that happened with Lydia, including the fact that she was getting released the next day. It had shocked him, to say the least, that Lydia's suicide attempt was actually a complete accident. Since returning from the hospital, Haley had been relatively silent.

Haley's silence made Nathan nervous. He could still see the tracks her tears had taken on her cheeks and she looked emotionally exhausted. Other than that, he couldn't tell what she was feeling or what she was thinking and it was starting to drive him crazy. It took him by surprise when she suggested that they work on some of his homework.

Haley shook her head as she climbed on to his bed. "No, I want to. I could use the distraction."

"Okay," Nathan breathed out, saddling up next to her. "Is there, uh, anything you want to talk about?"

"No, I'm okay," Haley reassured him. A small smile tugged on her lips when she felt his concerned gaze burning into her skin. Looking up, a shiver ran down her spine when she met his piercing blue eyes. It felt like he was staring right into her soul. The apprehension and concern for her was written clearly on his face.

Leaning towards him, she cupped his cheek and pressed a tender kiss to his lips. "I'm not trying to shut you out, Nathan. I'm just still trying to process everything and I'm kind of tired of talking about it."

Which was true. Her talk with her mom was exhausting, even if it did make her feel lighter somehow. Her relationship with her mother was far from being repaired and the journey ahead of them was long. Everything that happened still didn't quite feel real and it made her dizzy just thinking about it. She just desperately needed a break, something to take her mind off things.

"You know that if you want to talk or if you need anything, I'm here, right?" Nathan murmured, his hand covering hers on his cheek.

"I know," She said with a smile. "You've been so amazing through all of this, thank you."

"I couldn't imagine being anything else," Nathan replied, giving her hand a squeeze.

Haley dropped her hand from his face and smirked playfully at him. "You're just trying to butter me up to get out doing these math equations, aren't you?"

"You caught me," Nathan chuckled. "Oh, before I forget, Karen and Keith invited you and your mom over for Christmas, if you guys are feeling up to it."

Haley bit her lip as she repositioned herself so that she was sitting cross legged. "Oh, that's really sweet, but I actually won't be in Tree Hill for Christmas."

Nathan's stomach dropped. "Where will you be?"

"Ohio," Haley mumbled. She couldn't help but think that the pout Nathan was sporting was adorable. "We were supposed to host Christmas this year for my family, but after everything that happened my sister, Vivian, invited us out to her house."

"Oh," Nathan muttered. He tried to mask the disappointed tone in his voice, but judging by the frown that pulled at Haley's lips, he had failed miserably. "When do you guys leave?"

"In three days," Haley said sheepishly. "We'll only be a gone a few days. I'll be back New Year's Eve. Are you upset?"

Nathan quickly shook his head. "No, not at all. I mean, I was looking forward to spending Christmas with you and giving you your present, but I'm not upset. I think you and your mom spending the holiday with your family would be great for the both of you."

"Yeah, I think it would be good for my mom to be around her family. Besides, I haven't seen my siblings in a long time," Haley continued on. "But, if it's any consolation, I'm really going to miss you."

Nathan's heart gave a slow thump as a smile spread across his face. "You already know I'm going to miss you."

"You better," Haley teased. "So, you got me a gift, huh?"

Nathan smirked. "I did."

"What is it?"

Nathan chuckled at the eagerness in her voice. "You'll just have to wait and see. I'm not giving you any hints either."

"What if," Haley began as she sat up on her knees. Scooting closer to him, she wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned in so that her lips were only centimeters away from his. "I kiss it out of you?"

Nathan's arms automatically wrapped around her waist. Her husky tone caused a shiver to run down his spine and goosebumps to rise high on his skin. His gaze honed in on her lips and he licked his in response. She was playing dirty, but he could fight fire with fire. Closing the distance between them, he trailed his hands up her back and tangled them in her hair. He captured her lips in a visceral kiss and smirked against her lips when she gasped.

He pulled away a few moments later and smirked triumphantly at the dazed expression on her face. Her cheeks were flushed and she was breathing heavily.

"Nice try, Hales," He whispered huskily into her ear, before pressing a kiss to the shell of it.

~x~

A couple hours later, after Nathan successfully completed a math worksheet and Haley called Brooke to fill her in about what happened with Lydia, they were both curled up in Nathan's bed. Haley was cuddled up as close to Nathan as she could physically get, her head on his chest and his arm wrapped tightly around her. His steady heartbeat and slow breathing kept her calm, just like they had the previous nights.

God, she really had been spoiled the last few nights by sleeping in Nathan's arms. Even though her life felt like it was in shambles, feeling his body pressed against hers and the heat he emanated had lulled her to sleep. She didn't know how she was going to be able to go back to her own bed and sleep comfortably.

"You know, this is probably going to be my last night here for a while," Haley said quietly, breaking the comfortable silence that had formed between them.

Nathan groaned, instinctively pulling her tighter against him. He, too, had found it so much easier to sleep with her beside him. He found that the nightmares he normally had hadn't bother him the past few days and he woke up feeling fully rested, something he hadn't experienced in years. "I'm glad that your mom is finally coming home, but selfishly, I wish you could stay here every night."

"I definitely know that feeling," Haley muttered as she titled her head up to look at him. "But I was thinking that maybe you should come with me to pick up my mom tomorrow."

Nathan's eyes almost bugged out of his head and he swore his heartbeat doubled in speed. "You…you want me to meet your mom tomorrow?"

Haley chewed nervously on the inside of her cheek, nodding her head. "Yeah, I mean, if you're up for it."

Nathan shifted nervously under the silk covers. Meeting Haley's mom…now that was a big step and he couldn't ignore the anxious twist of his stomach. A million thoughts seemed to enter his head at once. What if she didn't like him? What did he even say to his girlfriend's mom?

"I, err, I've never met a girl's mom before," He muttered lamely.

Haley giggled at the obvious nervous edge his demeanor had taken on. She had to admit that she was a little nervous herself. After all, it's not like she'd ever introduce her mom to a boy before. "I'm sure she'll love you."

"Are you sure that now is a good time for this? I mean, with everything that's happened?" Nathan pondered seriously.

Haley nodded as she propped herself up. "Before my mom started drinking, we were really close. I told her everything, like she was my best friend. Once things started going haywire, I started keeping things to myself. If she's willing to make the effort to change and try to make things go back to normal, then I should try to. And what better way than to introduce her to my boyfriend?"

"Well, okay, if you're sure about this," Nathan finally conceded after a few moments of silence. The thought of meeting Lydia James scared the shit out of him, he wasn't going to deny that. But if that's what Haley wanted, then he was going to do it.

"I'm positive."