Gai walked to Kakashi's apartment, heart fluttering in his chest. It had been nearly a week since his conversation with Kurenai, and he had been avoiding his lover ever since. Kakashi had found him the day after when he returned from his mission with his students, seemingly surprised that Gai hadn't sought him out. Gai was sure he had hurt the other man's feelings, but he hadn't been able to handle the onslaught of emotions that had hit him when he saw the man. He wasn't proud of it, but Gai was nothing if not honest, so if anyone asked, he would admit to them that he had run away. Given Kakashi a lame excuse and bolted.
His head had been a mess ever since, and he had so wanted to have it sorted by the time he spoke to Kakashi again, but he had quickly realized that he would be unable to solve this dilemma on his own without knowing how Kakashi felt. Knowing Kakashi as he did, he was aware that the other would not seek his presence again after being rejected when he did. Despite his outward appearance of confidence and bravado, Kakashi's past had left him with a lingering fear of rejection, which caused Gai to wince when he realized he had only confirmed by his cowardice. This was why Gai was seeking Kakashi now, but he was still extremely nervous. Kakashi might still be upset with him for the other day, and his rival wasn't the most open man on his best days.
Still, when Gai arrived at his destination, he knocked without hesitation, knowing Kakashi would sense him and know if he balked. Footsteps approached the door, and with each approaching step, Gai felt as though his heart pounded louder. When the door swung open, Kakashi's eyes widened in surprise. "Gai? I, uh… I didn't expect you…"
Gai raised an eyebrow. "Were you expecting someone else?" he asked, his heart momentarily clenching with jealousy.
Kakashi laughed embarrassedly, his hand absent-mindedly scratching the back of his neck. "No, I just… never mind. Come on in," he said, stepping aside and gesturing Gai in with a wave of his arm. Gai nodded his thanks as he stepped past the man, unable to resist the urge to pass closer than necessary just to be close to the man he loved. He could have sworn he saw Kakashi shiver out of the corner of his eye. Gai stepped automatically to Kakashi's living room after removing his shoes, soft footsteps following him. He turned, and he and Kakashi awkwardly regarded each other for a moment.
Gai was about to start the conversation he so desperately wanted to have when Kakashi suddenly blurted out nervously, "Would you like some tea?"
Gai's brows furrowed together. While offering tea to guests was customary in their culture, he and Kakashi had reached a point in their friendship years ago where they no longer offered one another anything; if they wanted anything while visiting each other's homes, they simply retrieved it. Gai hoped this was just Kakashi's nerves and not an indication of a backwards slide in their relationship. As such, he nodded, hoping that making tea would give Kakashi the time he needed to gather himself from Gai's apparently unexpected visit (though why Kakashi would be surprised, Gai didn't know; he had been showing up unannounced since they were kids, even more since they had begun this fling of theirs).
When Kakashi returned with the tea, however, it seemed he had indeed gathered himself. He looked much more confident than when he had left for the kitchen. He set the tray on the table, and the two men situated themselves on either side of the kotatsu. Gai picked up his tea out of respect and took a sip before starting the conversation. He smiled. Kakashi had remembered that he liked his tea with lots of sugar, and had made it so despite his own aversion to all things sweet. Seeing Gai smile, Kakashi tentatively returned the smile before slowly lowering his mask to drink his own. Gai breathed a sigh of relief that he didn't put up his usual genjutsu to make it appear as though he was still masked.
Gai set his tea down before taking a deep breath. "Kakashi, I am here because… Because I wish to talk to you," he started. He closed his eyes for a moment, gathering his thoughts. "I think that we need to discuss what… What's been going on between us."
Kakashi nodded slowly. "I… Think you're right."
Gai sighed in relief. "I… I want more than this. If we're going to be together, I want to be together ."
Kakashi just stared at him. "Gai, I… I don't… I mean, I'm not really the relationship type…"
Gai shook like his head. "No, Kakashi. I'm sorry, I can't accept that. Everyone wants to find someone, to find love. It's the reason we fight for our village, the reason we fight for peace."
Kakashi sighed. "Gai, I know you're all about inspirational speeches and the power of youth and love and all that, but…"
Gai gripped his head in frustration, standing and turning away from the Copy Ninja. "Look, I know this isn't the ideal situation. I realize that neither of us ever could have planned this happening. I mean, who would have thought we would get drunk and have sex, or that it would lead to us falling in love with each other? But still," he turned to the other man, only to see Kakashi's one good eye wide as a saucer. "Um… did I say the wrong thing?"
Kakashi just stared at him. He watched the silver-haired man's brain work overtime as he stared. "You… I… we are not falling in love! We can't!" he yelled.
Gai sighed. "I figured you might object to that. Look, Kakashi. I'm not good at hiding my emotions like you are. And the fact of the matter is I'm in love with you. And I'm tired of trying to hide that because you're the emotional equivalent of a quadriplegic. I'm tired of pretending that what I feel doesn't exist. I won't do it anymore. I'm in love with you, Kakashi. I want to give us a try. And I'm not going to let this go until you at least face the fact that we both know you have feelings for me, too. Until you admit that, I will continue to be here, and will continue to bug you," he said loudly. Then, his voice got quieter, sad, as he approached the Copy Ninja, who jumped to his feet and backed away from him until he hit the wall. He laid his hand on the smaller man's cheek, pressing a gentle kiss to his masked lips before continuing when the man didn't press back. "If, after you admit that you have feelings for me, you still don't want us to be something more, I'll accept that. I'll back off. But I can't leave it like this. I can't handle knowing that I didn't try my hardest, that I didn't do everything I could to prove how much I love you. How much I need you."
He pulled down the man's mask, pressing another gentle kiss to his bare lips and pulling back just a breath as he continued to speak. "I need to know that I did everything I could to show you that I want it all. I want to go to sleep next to you, wake up next to you, I want the potential for us to be lovers, not just friends who occasionally share a bed." He punctuates his words with kisses that traveled across the other man's jaw to his now-exposed neck as he finished making his point. He kissed and nipped at Kakashi's jaw as the younger man gasped lightly.
He pressed his muscled body against the other's, and could feel his lover growing hard against him. He smirked into the man's throat as his talented mouth continued down the contour of Kakashi's throat, nipping and sucking where he saw fit as the man arched into him, a light moan trapped in the back of his throat as his teeth clenched to contain it.
Gai chuckled seductively. "Now, that won't do at all, my love," he whispered huskily into the other man's ear. Biting the lobe for emphasis, he continued. "I want to hear all of those wonderful, wanton sounds that I know you can make. I love hearing your pleasure as I fuck you senseless." His last words were hardly more than a breath, so quiet that Kakashi could barely hear them, but they sent his body into fits of heat. His lungs didn't want to work, his heart was racing. His head was full of the other man as all he could think about was the pleasure of Gai's talented mouth.
That is, until a stealthy hand slipped into his pants and circled him, pumping slowly as he gasped. The older jonin took advantage of his shock to slide his tongue into his mouth, taking dominance as his tongue wrangled with the other's. He choked down another moan as Gai's thumb teased over his head. Gai chuckled again, before Kakashi found himself suddenly spun so his cheek was pressed into the wall, Gai's chest a muscular wall pressed tightly against his back. Hot breath ghosted over his ear as Gai whispered to him, "I will make you moan for me."
Kakashi couldn't help the whimper that escaped him at that moment. Between the stimulation of Gai's hand on his cock and the deep, husky voice purring in his ear, the ninja nearly came then and there. His brain was yelling at him to struggle, to get away. Telling him this contact was far too intimate as Gai's hand slowly stroked him, his lips leaving teasing kisses that were barely felt along the length of Kakashi's shoulder. He knew that he was risking getting hurt. But his body didn't listen as it pushed back against Gai, his hips bucking forwards in time with the other man's thrusts. He could feel Gai's smirk as his lips returned to his throat. And just like that, out it came. The moan he had tried so hard to suppress tore from his throat, a loud, breathy release of his lover's name. He felt Gai's hips press into him, his arousal pressing against his ass, and he moaned louder.
Gai groaned at the contact. "How about if I show you all the love I have for you, right here, right now, and we can talk later, hm?" he whispered, his tongue darting out to lick the shell of Kakashi's ear, making the smaller man shudder. Kakashi jolted at the thrill that sent down his spine, desperately wanting the older man to make him feel like he belonged to Gai, and Gai alone. And that's exactly what Gai aimed for, making short work of Kakashi's clothes, stripping the man naked in record time before slipping a slick finger inside of him. Kakashi couldn't help but wonder when he had grabbed lube, but that thought quickly flew from his mind when Gai crooked his finger, and he arched and moaned as his sweet spot was rubbed mercilessly.
"Oh, God, Gai…" he moaned, pressing back against the man's hand as another finger joined the first. "Gai… please, I can't wait… Just… take me… I'll be fine…"
Gai looked at his lover, his confidence fading slightly at Kakashi's eagerness. "Are you sure?" he asked nervously. Kakashi nodded, his eyes closed and teeth clenched as Gai's fingers scissored inside him. That was all the encouragement the Beast needed. With his free hand, he freed his straining erection, not even bothering to disrobe as it would take too much time and he didn't want to waste another minute. He removed his fingers from his partner and slid his slicked hand up and down his shaft a few times, moaning at the stimulation, before he placed himself and eased in. Kakashi hissed in pain, and Gai froze. "Kakashi… are you sure about this? I can…"
His words were cut off by a moan that completely drowned out his partner's cry of pain as Kakashi pushed his body back all the way, forcing Gai into him up to the hilt and delighting in the sensation of fullness. Kakashi stood for a moment, panting as he waited for the pain to subside and his body to adjust. When he was able to speak, he pressed both of his palms against the wall, pulling forward and rocking back into Gai. The Beast's hands flew to his hips uncertainly as pleasure shot through him. "I'm sure," he said, turning a lopsided grin to his lover. "I thought you promised to fuck me senseless?" he teased. A chill shot up his spine at the growl the Beast made then before pulling back and slamming into him so hard that Kakashi saw stars.
Gai set a relentless pace for them after that, his eyes closing as he pounded into his lover mercilessly. Kakashi was using his hands to push back towards him, so he took it upon himself to pin the man's wrists, effectively immobilizing him, pressed tight between the solid brick in front of him and the wall of muscle rocking behind him to push the throbbing cock deep inside. Kakashi whimpered at the thrill of being completely helpless as the man took what he wanted and used his body for his own pleasure, his moans accompanying the older man's grunts as his thrusts became deeper, more powerful. He could feel his own release building in his stomach, and he moaned as a particularly hard thrust straight into his prostate came that close to making him cum, but he needed just that much more stimulation.
"Gai, please…"
"What do you need, Kakashi?" came the husky whisper from the man behind him as thrust after thrust rocked his body.
"Please… touch me…" he whimpered, feeling Gai's smirk against his neck but not caring as that hand started pumping him again and his vision went white, his cum splattering over the tan hand and the wall in front of him. Seeing his lover's essence stain the red brick in front of him, Gai gave a low growl, releasing Kakashi's cock and turning the slighter man's face to his in an aggressive kiss as he emptied himself into his lover with just a few more thrusts.
His hips continued rocking into the slighter man's even after he was spent, gentle gasps slipping from the man in front of him as he slowed his thrusts to ease them both down from their high. His hips finally stilled, and Kakashi pressed his forehead to the wall, panting hard. Gai smirked and pressed his lips to his lover's temple. "I love you," he said quietly, before pulling free of his lover's body and stepping away to get a towel to clean their mess.
When he returned, he smiled to himself to see Kakashi hadn't moved. He admired the sight of his lover's naked body for a moment, before he realized his partner's shoulders were shaking with silent sobs. He quickly rushed to the man, spinning him and wrapping his arms around his shoulders as he pressed Kakashi's face into his chest. "Hey, hey. None of that," he said quietly, kissing the top of the man's head. "Did I hurt you?" he asked, thinking back on what had just transpired between the two.
He sighed with relief when he felt Kakashi's head shake against his chest. He smoothed the man's spiky hair over the side of his head. "Then what's the matter?" he asked gently. Kakashi just stood in his lover's arms, sobbing.
He held him until the man's body stopped shaking, and then he pulled back enough to see his love's face, his hands resting on his shoulders for support as his inquiring black eyes roamed Kakashi's face for any sign of what may be the problem. Kakashi looked down at the floor, his lips barely moving as he muttered a response. "What was that?" Gai asked gently.
Kakashi sighed as he looked at him. "Nothing," he mumbled. Gai gave him a stern look. Kakashi sighed again. "I said, you shouldn't love me. I don't deserve anyone's love," he said, so quietly that Gai had to strain his ears to hear. His heart clenched at Kakashi's despondent tone.
"And what makes you think that?" he asked softly, but sternly. He knew what his friend and lover's answer would be, but he wanted the man to say it out loud, as he probably never had. He loved this man, and had been determined to help him heal since they were teenagers, despite everything. Now, he felt he actually had a shot.
Kakashi pushed his large hands off his shoulders, moving to step back into his boxers, still tangled around one ankle. "Forget it, it doesn't matter."
Gai placed his hand on his chin, forcing mismatched eyes to lock with his own. "It matters to me," he said softly.
Kakashi glared at his friend. "Because everyone I love dies. There. Are you happy? Do you want to be next?" he asked, his voice cold. Gai opened his mouth to speak. "No, Gai. Don't. You just don't get it. I don't love you. I can't love you." His voice was mechanical, methodical, like back in his ANBU days.
Gai's heart sank, but then he heard the whisper that clearly wasn't for his ears. "I can't afford to lose you, too…" The man's shoulders slumped at his whispered admission, and suddenly Gai's arms had pulled the man to the sofa and had him cuddled up in strong, warm arms, sitting across the Beasts' large lap. Kakashi looked up for a second, shocked, but did not object to the strange position, instead just sinking into his lover's arms and allowing his misery to wash over him.
"I promise you, Kakashi. I'll never leave you. No matter what happens between us, no matter how this goes, I will always be there for you."
"You can't promise that," Kakashi whispered, his voice haunted and full of anguish. "I said that I would always protect them, and I couldn't… he said he'd never leave me, too, but he did… he left me here alone… they all left me here alone…" With that, the tears flowed freely, both from Kakashi and from Gai, though the older man did everything necessary to prevent Kakashi from knowing that. He held the man, watching his pain, until he fell asleep. His chest heaved with a deep sigh as he watched the man's face, anguished even in sleep, his fingers clutching almost painfully in the material covering Gai's chest. He needed to figure out how to heal Kakashi's pain before he could ever have the relationship he wanted with the emotionally-stunted jonin. The question was, how?