I am so sorry for how long this took me to post. It was honestly unprecedented. The end of the semester kind of snuck up on me and I was bombarded with papers, exams, and presentations. I had most of this chapter written like the weekend after Thanksgiving, but I just could not find the time to actually sit down and wrap it up. I sincerely apologize. Thankfully, my semester is finally over on Wednesday and I'll have a month to breathe. I'm planning on posting a lot of new material over that month- one shots, updates to this, and I kind of have a fun little story that I've been working on. Soo, hopefully you guys are excited to hear that!
This chapter has very minimal Naley, which I know kind of sucks, but it is all very necessary. We're getting close to the climax of this story. A lot things and a lot of changes are going to start happening...dun dun dun. Also, I didn't proofread again. One of these days I'll stop staying up super late to write a chapter and then be too tired to read it over, I promise.
As soon as Nathan hopped off the bus, he took off running. His sneakers scraped roughly against the concrete, tiny rocks flying haphazardly. His backpack smacked against his back with the intensity, strong gusts of wind burning his face. But he couldn't stop running. He had to get home and fast.
His father was going to be so happy and Nathan couldn't wait to tell him the good news. Nathan hadn't stopped smiling since he found out. His cheeks were starting to hurt, but he welcomed the discomfort. In fact, he relished in it. Never in his life had he ever been this happy.
Nathan was exceptionally tall for a fourteen-year-old, his legs stretching in long and purposeful strides. It wasn't long before his house came into view and his excited smile widened even further. He ran as fast as could the rest of the distance, ignoring his rapid heartbeat and burning lungs, begging him to slow down.
When he reached the front door, he quickly pushed it open and carelessly tossed his backpack by the coat rack. He skidded across the perfectly polished floors, frantically searching room after room for his father. He didn't slow down until he slid straight into mother. Deb stumbled a little, almost dropping the basket full of laundry she was holding.
"Woah, where's the fire, kid?" Deb laughed, her eyes taking in Nathan's flushed cheeks and heaving chest. The excitement he was radiating was palpable.
"Where's dad?" Nathan puffed out, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet.
"He's out back, making dinner," Deb responded, arching an eyebrow. "Is everything okay, Nathan?"
"Everything's great!" Nathan shouted as he took off running again, leaving Deb both very confused and very amused.
Darting through the back door, Nathan's stomach flipped in excitement when he finally spotted his father. Dan was standing at the grill, flipping what looked and smelled like ribs. He was humming along to the song that was playing on the radio, lost in his own little world. It wasn't until Nathan cleared his throat did Dan turn around.
"Nate! How was school?" Dan asked with a smile, clicking the tongs together.
Nathan had planned out exactly how he was going to tell his father, but in that moment, his plans didn't seem to matter. The words just flew out of his mouth without any warning.
"I made the team! Varsity! I'm the only freshman who did!"
Dan blinked hard at Nathan's outburst. It seemed to take a few seconds of the news to register. Once it did, Dan's eyes light up and his smile stretched from ear to ear. Tossing the tongs back on the grill, he threw an arm around Nathan and squeezed him tight.
"I knew you could do it," Dan praised. "I'm so proud of you, son."
Nathan beamed. "Varsity, dad. See?" He unzipped the dark blue hoodie that he was wearing to reveal the white, blue, and black Ravens' jersey. He had tossed it on over his t-shirt as soon as he'd gotten his hands on it.
Dan tossed his head back as he barked out a laugh. "I can't believe you wore your jersey home. And I'm not surprised to see that you picked the number '23.'"
Nathan shrugged indifferently. "It was Jordan's number, I had to."
Dan shook his head in amusement. "What about your brother? Did he make the team?"
Nathan nodded quickly. "Junior Varsity. He picked number '3.'"
"That's still a hell of an accomplishment. I'm going to have to call him later to congratulate him," Dan mumbled. "I always knew you boys were going to give me a run for my money."
~x~
A small smile graced Nathan's lips as that memory played over and over again in his mind. That was one of the greatest days of his life. It was also the last day that Nathan had ever felt such a blissful happiness.
Basketball had always been something that Nathan and his father bonded over. Lucas, too. It started off as just something fun they'd do together, when Nathan was still a kid. They spent most Saturdays outside, playing with the basketball hoop that was set up in the driveway. They'd laugh and play until the sun went down and they could no longer see the hoop clearly. It was their little weekly tradition.
It wasn't until Nathan and Lucas got a little older did their love for the game turn serious. When they expressed interest in playing the game in an organized fashion, Dan took to coaching them and teaching them all that he knew. They still played together, but instead of it being just a free-for-all, it was much more serious.
The thing that Nathan loved most about Dan was that he never pushed them. He never forced them to do anything that they didn't want to do. He'd heard so many horror stories, and even witnessed a few of them, where fathers turned into nightmares when it concerned their sons and sports. That wasn't Dan's style. His sons' love for the game and happiness was the only thing that mattered to Dan.
It was those memories that made what Nathan was about to do hurt like a bitch.
His hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, his knuckles fading white. The words "Tree Hill Cemetery" glared back at him. His whole body was tingling, like tiny needles were piercing every inch of his skin. His chest felt heavy, like a gigantic boulder was pressing down on it. There was an ache in his bones, one that made him feel brittle and weak.
He hated feeling like that, which was exactly the reason he opted for visiting the cemetery only when he was drunk. The alcohol numbed his pain…it numbed everything. He didn't have to think when he was drunk. Everything was just so much easier. He honestly couldn't remember the last time that he had visited the cemetery, sober. Maybe that's because…he never had.
Just get out of the car, Nathan. You can do this.
He closed his eyes and forced himself to take a few deep breaths. He was stronger than the war raging inside of him. He was stronger than that little voice of doubt that constantly tried to knock him down.
Working on pure adrenaline, Nathan forced himself out of his car and through the gates of the cemetery. He kept his head down, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his leather jacket. He feared that if he looked around and took the time to soak in his surroundings, he would lose his courage. He already made it this far and to back down now would be a disappointment.
His throat closed up the second he laid eyes on the two grave stones he was looking for. Seeing them with a clear mind and sharp vision felt like a punch in the gut, almost knocking him to his knees. The pain ripped through him like a knife, paralyzing him. It was agonizing. It was terrifying.
It was…oddly refreshing and cleansing, like it was something that he needed.
Clutching his chest, Nathan sank to his knees. Pressure was building rapidly behind his eyes and the back of his throat was burning. Every single day, he was conscious of the fact that his parents were no longer around. He felt their absence every day. He felt that hole in his chest. But even will all those side effects, it sometimes didn't feel real. Being in that cemetery made it real and it left him breathless.
So many memories—good and bad—flashed before his eyes. That had happened to him so many times before, but he never got used to it. A few tears trailed down his cheeks in hot tracks. He promised himself that he wasn't going to cry, but apparently that promise meant nothing. All of the emotions inside of him seemed to rush to the surface at once.
Nathan wasn't sure how long he sat there, crying. His eyes never once left the two gray stones. It surprised him that he was still there. The urge to bolt was strong. It would have been so easy to take off running like he had so many times before. But he couldn't. This was what he needed, no matter how hard it was or how much it hurt.
Eventually, his tears subsided and the burning in his chest faded into a dull ache. Swallowing hard, he glanced around the rest of the cemetery. To his delight, he was alone. He cleared his throat, before sitting back. He repositioned himself so that his knees were propped up and his arms circled them.
"Hey mom, hey dad," Nathan finally forced out, his voice cracking sharply. He felt a little strange talking to their graves. He'd never done anything like that before, but something about it felt right. He wasn't sure he believed in spirits or ghosts or even an afterlife, but it comforted him that maybe, in some dimension, they could hear him.
He paused to take in a shaky breath. "I'm…I'm not really sure how to do this. I've never been good with words, which you know."
Nathan chuckled softly as he rubbed the palms of his hands together. His heart was pounding wildly in his chest and his mind was racing.
"I guess 'I'm sorry' would be a good place to start," Nathan continued shakily. "I'm sorry…for always showing up here, drunk. I-I know how much you always hated the smell of whiskey, mom."
He had to stop again. His throat felt like it was clogging up again.
"It's been so hard…," Nathan trailed off, shaking his head. He couldn't go there. The reason he was there wasn't to rehash every sliver of pain he'd ever felt after their passing. He wasn't trying to gloss over his pain or ignore it, he just wasn't going to allow himself to lose sight of what really mattered.
He sighed deeply, before finding his voice again. His heart was pounding so hard in his chest that he was surprised it didn't burst.
"I came here today, because I—there's something I wanted to talk to you about. I have a decision that I need to make and…and it didn't feel right to make it without talking to you both. Especially you, dad."
A giant gust of wind blew past him and his eyes snapped closed. Without much effort, he could perfectly imagine his parents beside him.
Deb would be holding his hand, her fingers squeezing his gently. Her hazel eyes would be warped with a concern and love that only a mother would experience. She'd given him that look countless times before, mostly when he was sick or sitting her down for a talk much like this one. Her concern would prompt to her to ask him every few minutes "are you okay?"
Dan, the calmer one of the two, would handle any situation like this with such grace. That same look of love and concern would reflect in his eyes, but always remained positive. No matter what the talk was about or how sick Nathan might have been, Dan always looked at the bright side of things. He was great when it came to handling problems or tough situations.
Imagining them beside him gave him the strength to go on.
"There's this girl—her name's Haley," He began again, his eyes sliding open. "She's my girlfriend. There's so much I could say about her. She's so beautiful, has an amazing heart, and she makes me happy…something I wasn't sure I would ever feel again. I know you're probably begging to ask me so many questions about her, aren't you, mom?"
Nathan chuckled softly to himself, the picture in his head changing to Deb excitedly firing question after question at him. "What's Haley like?" "Is she smart?" "Does she have a good heart?" "When can I meet her?"
"Anyway, she is, um, actually trying to get me to play basketball again," Nathan whispered to the ground, a cold sweat slipping over his skin. Just saying those words out loud sent a jolt through him. "I'm…I'm not sure if I should play again. I don't know if I can play again."
Nathan sat in silence for a few moments. His chest was heaving as the emotions rushed to the surface again. His eyes were burning as he fought to keep the tears in. He was too close to fall apart now.
"I-I don't want to let you down, dad. I know that I have and I'm so sorry. I am so sorry," Nathan cried. "But, I do still love game. Is that okay? Can I still love it? I just, I don't know how any of this works. Is there a way for you to give me a sign or something? Can you hear me? I just…I need to know it's okay to still love it."
Nathan's gaze darted around the cemetery desperately. He hadn't a clue what he was looking for. Was he supposed to hear something? Was something supposed to pop out at him? This was ridiculous…
It wasn't until the sun started peeking out of the grey and dreary clouds did a shiver pass through him. He wasn't sure what happened in that moment, but he felt something change. Maybe it was crazy desperation. Maybe he was so desperate to believe in something that his mind was playing tricks on him. But he believed that was his sign.
~x~
"Haley James, you get even more beautiful every time I see you!"
Before Haley knew it, Vivian's arms were wrapped around her in a tight embrace. Haley closed her eyes to soak in the warmth and the gardenia smell that followed Vivian around wherever she went. She buried her head in Vivian's long chestnut hair and breathed in deeply. The stress of the last couple of weeks seemed to melt away from Haley instantaneously.
Vivian James-White was many things. She was a mother to two beautiful girls. She was a wife to a wonderful and selfless man. She was also an excellent pediatric nurse, working at one of the most elite hospitals in the state of Ohio. But by far her most important role was being the perfect older sister.
"And you seem to get even older every time I see you," Haley joked lightheartedly, causing Vivian to laugh.
A few seconds later, Vivian pulled away, her hands resting on Haley's forearms. Her hazel eyes were twinkling in concern. Haley's stomach knotted up anxiously. She knew what was coming and although it was necessary, she selfishly wished they could pretend everything was normal.
"Are you doing okay?" Vivian asked gently. Her voice took on a maternal softness, a quality she had always possessed, even before having kids.
The corner of Haley's lips twitched into a hint of a smile. "I'm hanging in there."
Vivian smiled sadly. "You always were the strongest."
Haley swallowed hard. The familiar burn of tears was crawling up her throat, but she choked it down. The wave of emotion took her by surprise. Ever since Haley hashed things out with her mom, she'd felt pretty numb about the whole situation. Seeing the gleam of hurt and worry in her sister's eyes made the situation raw.
"I'm really sorry that you had to go through all of this alone," Vivian continued on, brushing her knuckles against the curve of Haley's cheek. "I wish I could have been there. For you and for mom."
Haley shook her head softly. "It's okay, I understand. Besides, we're all together now and that's all that matters."
"Whew, I finally found it!" Lydia announced, strolling over to Haley and Vivian with a pleated carry-on bag dangling off her arm. "I had to wrestle it away from old women's paws. Can you believe that she actually believed that this bag was hers? Woman needs to get her eyes checked, I heard those are the first to go when you get old."
"Mom!" Haley scolded, her eyes widening at Lydia's brazen and borderline rude comment. Almost eighteen years of dealing with her mom's boisterous and eccentric and Lydia still managed to take her by surprise, sometimes.
Vivian tossed her head back, a musical laugh falling from her lips. "You're still as bold as ever, mom."
"Oh, sweetie, no one's ever gonna dull this sparkle," Lydia joked with a wink.
Haley's heart felt lighter as she watched her mom and sister embrace in a tight hug. They'd only been in Vivian's presence a few short moments and the color was already returning to Lydia's skin. Her eyes looked brighter, warmth shining in the flecks of color.
"Let's get you guys out of here. I'm sure you're exhausted from the flight and want to get some rest," Vivian said once they broke the embrace. "Let me get that for you, Mom."
"Are you sure it's okay that we crash at your place, Viv?" Haley asked as she hoisted her bag from the ground and over her shoulder. "The hotel rates around here weren't all that bad."
Vivian arched her eyebrows in disapproval. "Nonsense! One of the great things about having a husband who is a prestigious lawyer is that I have a bunch of guest rooms that are just dying to be used."
"Speaking of Michael, where is he? You didn't leave him in the car again, did you?" Lydia cracked with a giggle.
"Of course, I did," Vivian teased back, her shoulder's shrugging nonchalantly. "Actually, he had a trial today. His last one of the year."
"That's exciting," Haley commented. "How about Quinn? Is she here yet?"
Vivian nodded. "Her flight landed last night. She would have tagged along, but she took Cameron and Lily out for some last minute Christmas shopping."
"Oh, I cannot wait to see my little granddaughters. I got them the cutest gifts!"
~x~
Nathan stuffed his hands in the pocket of his jeans. His eyes moved around the small office in slow motion, like he was trying to commit every square inch to memory. He'd been in that same office a million times before and nothing about it had changed. Not the dark green walls, not the metal desk, and not the feeling of dread that buried itself in the pit of Nathan's stomach.
His insides were shaking as he willed himself to keep it together. Damien's venomous voice was deafening, the angry shouts full of nothing but expletives and insults. Nathan flinched when Damien's hand visibly clenched around the phone pressed to his ear. He waited with baited breath for the phone to snap under the pressure. Damien's eyes were alight with a type of disdain that made Nathan's stomach churn bitterly.
He would have hated to be whoever was on the receiving end of that phone call.
"Are you a fucking idiot?" Damien boomed. He slammed his hand down on the desk and shot up from his chair. A loud bang ricocheted through the office as the metal rattled and quaked.
Instinctively, Nathan backed up against the wall. His heart was pounding in his chest and his throat felt like it was sealed shut. Damien's anger wasn't directed at him, but seeing him blow up at someone brought back every painful memory that normally haunted him in his dreams. Damien had talked to him in that same tone and looked at him with those same daggers that night.
The blood pumping through his veins had run cold.
"I warned you about this," Damien spat on. "I don't give second chances and even if I did, you wouldn't be worthy of one. Watch your back, bitch."
Nathan stared at Damien as he ended the call and whipped the phone across the room. It hit the wall with a thud and shattered. The pieces scattered across the floor. Nathan kept his face grim, his lips pressed into a hard line and his eyes emotionless. He knew not to say a word until Damien addressed him first.
Damien ran one hand through his unruly hair, the other resting in a tight fist against the desk. His knuckles were faded white and Nathan swore he could hear his teeth grinding together. The silence between them felt thick with tension and apprehension. It was eerily silent, except for Damien's heavy breathing.
Minutes ticked by before Damien finally lifted his head up to look at Nathan. "That fucker owes me five grand," He drawled. The venom was thick and Nathan's skin crawled.
With wide eyes, he observed Damien walking over to a locked cabinet stuffed in the corner. Without even paying attention, he spun the combination into the lock and tore the cabinet open. Nathan's knees clanked together when Damien pulled out a gun. The cool grey metal glinted in the low light and Nathan's eyes were drawn to it like a magnet.
Alarms were going off in Nathan's head. His brain wanted him to run, but his feet were motionless. The sound of Damien inserting the bullets into the breach was deafening. His heart was slamming in his chest and his head was spinning. A chill was slithering down his spine.
"Y-you're gonna kill him?" Nathan stuttered.
Damien chuckled cynically and Nathan gulped.
"Kill him? No, that would be way too easy of a punishment. I want him to suffer."
There were no traces of remorse in Damien's demeanor. There was no hesitation, just conviction. His eyes looked dulled and lifeless…evil. Damien wasn't human. There was no way someone could be that monstrous and have a beating heart.
"Looking a little pale there, Nate," He taunted.
Nathan jumped and his heart skipped a beat. Damien was now standing in front of him. He just pressed his lips together and gave a quick shake of his head. He didn't trust himself to speak.
"I don't remember you being so skittish," Damien continued to taunt. He lifted up the gun and inched slowly towards Nathan's face.
Nathan thought for sure he was going to pass out. His gaze remained fixated on the sturdy metal as it moved closer and closer to his face. He held his breath and refused to blink. When the cool metal made contact with the heated skin of his cheek, he fought back a gasp.
Damien's smirk made every hair on Nathan's body stand straight up. He was tracing his cheek with the barrel of the gun and Nathan could practically smell the gun powder. When Damien pressed the barrel of the gun to his temple, Nathan inhaled sharply. His eyes started to water, but he refused to look away from Damien's gaze.
"Let this be a warning to you," Damien began lowly. The smirk was gone and replaced with a stone expression. "If you fuck with me again and decided you want to cross me, I will pull the trigger."
Nathan swallowed the lump in his throat and curtly nodded.
He could breathe again when Damien pulled the gun away. "Give Haley a kiss for me."
And with that, he was gone.
Long moments passed before Nathan could move again. Every muscle in his body was coated with tension. He could still feel the gun pressed to his temple and his stomach churned. He couldn't stop shaking and everything around him felt cloudy.
One slip of a finger and he would've been dead. He'd been close to death before. A couple of breaths away, in fact. During those moments, all he felt was numbness. He wasn't scared. He couldn't have cared whether he lived or died. But in that moment, he was terrified.
All he could think about was Haley and how he hadn't had enough time with her. She was the reason he wanted to stay alive. She was the reason he feared death.
His phone vibrating in his pocket was what finally brought him back to reality. Fishing for his phone and pulling it out of his pocket, he felt a sense of relief at seeing Haley's name on the screen. It was kind of ironic how she always managed to appear when he needed her those most.
We landed safely and are on our way to my sister's house. I miss you already. Talk to you soon.
~x~
Haley's eye widened as they stepped through the front door of Vivian and Michael's Victorian home. The last time she had been there was right after they'd moved in. Vivian was pregnant with their second child and ready to pop at any given moment. Haley could vividly remember her complaining about how her ankles were swollen to the size of Jupiter and that bending down felt like competing in a triathlon. Instead of helping with the moving boxes, Vivian just barked orders, rightfully so.
The two-story house was just as beautiful back then as it was now, but all of the Christmas decorations seemed to make it even more immaculate. The winding staircase was wrapped in a set of white and red twinkling lights. A couple strands of white and silver garland was weaved between the strands of the lights, as well.
To the left of the front door was a gigantic Christmas tree. The tree towered high, the Angel topper barely fitting beneath the ceiling. Stands of white lights were perfectly layered around the tree and bulbs in the shape of snowflakes, stockings, and gingerbread men were strategically placed on the tree's branches. An array of presents, wrapped in gold and red festive paper, rested underneath the tree.
A fire was lit in the fire place, the soft crackling sounds wafting through the entire house. A group of presents made completely out of green, gold, red, and blue lights were illuminated in the other corner of the living room. Small, white poinsettias acted as the perfect centerpieces on all of the tables.
"Wow, Viv, you've really out done yourself," Haley complimented with grave admiration.
Vivian shrugged her tan jacket off her shoulders and neatly placed it on the coat rack beside the door. "I always go all out for the holidays, especially Halloween and Christmas. Lily and Cam love it."
"You definitely got your decorating knack from me," Lydia asserted, her eyes drinking in the decorations and her eyes shining with appreciation.
"That I did," Vivian agreed. "Come on, I'll show you to your guest rooms."
After settling into her guest room, which for Haley meant unpacking her clothes and making sure her bed had at least four pillows, she headed back to the living room. She could hear Lydia and Vivian chatting away about some recipe in the kitchen. It made her smile whenever Lydia laughed, a noise that she hadn't heard much of the course of the last few months.
Plopping down on the black plush couch, she curled herself around one of the pillows. As happy as she was to be around her family, she couldn't stop herself from thinking about Nathan, which then led to missing him. This was the first time that they'd ever spent time apart and she felt like a silly school girl for experiencing the withdrawals that she was experiencing.
In her defense, the last time she'd properly seen him was at their "Christmas date". Between packing for Ohio and taking care of her mom, they didn't have the time to properly hang out. She was able to stop by his apartment before heading to the airport, but that wasn't nearly enough time.
Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she giggled to herself when she saw Nathan's name light up the screen. They were so in-sync sometimes, it was borderline terrifying.
God, I miss you. Have fun with your family. Call me when you can.
With a soft smile, she quickly typed out her reply—I wish you were here.
Only a few minutes passed before her phone buzzed again.
You can't say things like that to me, baby. I might be crazy enough to hop on a plane.
A wide and giddy smile spread across her face as her stomach fluttered. He could say the—
"Who's the boy?"
Haley was jolted out of her thoughts by that accusing tone. Looking up, she squealed happily when she saw Quinn standing in the doorway. Her arms were crossed over chest, a perfectly shaped eyebrow arched, and her red lips pulled up in a smirk. Her auburn hair was perfectly curled, contrasting perfectly with her black sweater and burgundy jeans.
"Quinn!" Haley exclaimed, scurrying off the couch and into a Quinn's open arms. "I didn't even hear you come in."
Quinn laughed as they rocked back and forth. "That's because you were too busy texting."
Haley's face flushed pink as they pulled away. "How are you? How did your exams go?"
Quinn perched a hand on her hip and pursed her lips. Haley knew that look—Quinn wasn't going to let her get away with changing the subject. "They were good. I passed all of my classes, which is all that matters. Quit avoiding the subject, who's the boy?"
Haley avoided eye contact as she launched herself back on the couch. Grabbing a pillow, she held it close to her chest as an attempt to hide from Quinn. "Why do you think there's a boy?"
Quinn rolled her eyes as she sat down next to Haley. "Because you're doing the 'I like a boy' face twitch."
Haley could feel her cheeks heating up. She sunk lower into the couch, hiding her face behind the pillow. "I don't have a face twitch."
"Yes, you do," Quinn laughed, giving her a nudge. "Now, come on, tell me all about this boy. I've really missed our sister-talks."
A small smile tugged at Haley's lips. Out of all her siblings, Haley was the closest to Vivian and Quinn. Growing up, she always turned to them when she was having boy troubles, fights with friends, or just in need of general life advice. They were her closest confidants.
"Fine," Haley gave in.
Quinn clapped her hands together and resituated herself on the couch by tucking her legs under her. "What's his name? How did you meet? What's he like? Does he play any sports? Oh, I bet does. I'm betting football. What does he look like? Do you have a picture of him?"
Haley laughed loudly at Quinn's rapid fire. "Woah, slow down!"
Quinn scrunched her nose. "I'm sorry. You know how excited I get about these kinds of things."
"His name is Nathan," Haley finally revealed after a couple seconds. Her cheeks instinctively lifted in a smile and were dusted a light pink. "We've been together a few months now."
"Does he treat you right?" Quinn asked seriously.
Haley quickly nodded. "He's actually never had a girlfriend before, which if you saw him, you'd never believe it. He's unlike any guy I've ever met. He's so mysterious, but so kind and good hearted."
Quinn gave her a knowing look, her eyes shining brightly. "You really like him, don't you?"
Haley bit her lip and sheepishly nodded. Her admiration for Nathan shined effortlessly and her heart felt too big for her chest. "I don't know how to explain it, but whenever I'm with him…nothing else seems to matter. And even when I'm not with him, he's all I think about. Whenever he touches me or kisses me, I feel like I'm floating. He makes me feel so alive."
"Wow. You're in deep," Quinn gasped. Her eye then shifted to the charm bracelet on her wrist. "Did he give that to you?"
Haley's fingers immediately went to the charm bracelet. She hadn't taken it off since Nathan had given it to her. Many times, throughout the day she'd catch herself playing with it or zoning out on it. It was the best and most thoughtful gift anyone had ever given her.
"Yes. Nathan picked it out himself. Each charm symbolizes our relationship in some way."
Quinn swiped her fingertips under eyes, brushing away the fake tears. "Oh, Haley Bob, you're gonna make me cry."
Haley rolled her eyes and shoved Quinn playfully. "You asked and now, you're making fun of me!"
"I'm happy you're happy," Quinn commented once their laughter had died down.
"What are we talking about?" Vivian asked, walking into the living room with a cup of coffee in her hands. She had changed out of her purple scrubs and into a pair of sweats and a hoodie.
"Haley's boyfriend," Quinn quipped with a wink.
Vivian's mouth dropped open. "A boyfriend?! Oooh, I want all the details."
"Oh, not you, too," Haley whined. As much as she loved her sisters, they could get a little…annoying, to say the least.
Vivian carefully put her mug down on a coaster and the launched herself on the coach, sitting on the opposite side of Haley. "Look at that blush covering your cheeks! Our little sis is growing up," She chanted childishly, tickling Haley's side.
Haley squirmed and fought the urge to laugh. "S-stop it!"
"Haley's got a boyfriend!" Quinn sang, joining Vivian by tickling Haley's sides.
Laugh after laugh slipped past Haley's lips as they continued to tickle her. They continued to taunt and tease her about Nathan, they're words playful. Between gasps of air, she begged them to stop. Her ribs were starting to ache from laughing so hard and tears were starting to burn in her eyes. Being teased by her older sisters was nothing new for Haley and despite her protests, she secretly loved it.
"This brings me back," Lydia interrupted them. They all froze at the sound of her voice.
Her left hand was resting over her heart, her fingers drumming against her sweater softly. Her smile was soft and loving, the corners of her eyes crinkling. It was hard to see from where they were sitting, but the girls swore they saw tears shining in her eyes. Their suspicions were confirmed when she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.
"Mom," Quinn murmured gently.
"I'm okay." Lydia waved her head dismissively and walked further into the living room. "Seeing you girls now reminded me of all those times I used to catch you in a similar position and then I'd have to yell at you for being so loud. You'd stop, but then as soon as I left the room you were back at it again. It's seems like it was only yesterday."
The three girls laughed at the recount of the memories.
An uneasy silence fell over them as Lydia claimed a seat on the couch opposite of them. She kept her head bowed in shame. Her fingers were picking anxiously at the hem of her green t-shirt.
"I never meant to hurt or scare you girls," Lydia said after a few moments. She was visibly shaking and her voice sounded strained.
"We don't have to do this," Vivian quickly cut in.
"Yeah," Haley agreed. Her stomach was hollow from her mom's pain and she wasn't sure she could handle another emotional relapse. "This is a time for healing, not reminiscing."
Lydia smiled appreciatively and raised her head, meeting their prodding gazes. "In order for me to heal, I need to do this."
When she was sure that she had her daughters complete and undivided attention, Lydia began her narrative.
"I never handled your father's death properly. I refused to let myself believe it, because I felt like I couldn't handle coming to terms with it," Lydia explained shakily. "Losing him was the worst and most painful thing that had ever happened to me."
Every beat of Haley's heart was painful. This was the first time Lydia had ever discussed Jimmy's death.
"I felt as if the only way I could survive was if I forced myself into alternate reality and unfortunately, alcohol is what gave me that alternate reality." A single tear trailed down Lydia's cheek and she quickly brushed it away. "It was wrong of me to turn to alcohol. I should have turned to my family. I regret that I didn't."
"Please don't," Vivian begged, her own tears coating her cheeks. The last time Haley seen Vivian cry that hard was at their father's funeral. "Please don't blame yourself."
Lydia grinned acutely. "There's no one to blame but myself, honey. I let myself get this far. And I know that you girls don't want to hear this, but my accident was my wake-up call. It helped me realize that I needed to change."
"We're here to help you, every step of the way," Quinn promised.
"I know. You girls have always been my backbone. Which is why I think it's about time that I gave you these." Lydia popped up from the couch and sauntered over to the Christmas tree. She bent down and grabbed three identically wrapped boxes. Walking back over to the them, she handed each of them a small box. "There's one for Taylor, too, whenever she decides to grace us with her presence."
Haley traced her fingers over the edges of the gold wrapped box. It was small, comfortably fitting in the palm of her hand. When Lydia urged them to open the box, Haley didn't waste a second. She tore the paper from the box and her eyes light up when she found a jewelry box underneath. Popping open the lid, she gasped when she saw what was insider.
It was a white-gold heart shaped locket. The heart was decorated in swirls and a single diamond was set in the center. Carefully, she removed it from the packaging and admired every glint and glitter of it.
"Wow, mom, this is beautiful," Haley breathed out.
"It's from your father."
Haley's head snapped up and her throat suddenly felt dry. "W-what?"
Lydia was smiling from ear to ear now. "Do you girls remember Snowflake?"
They nodded. Snowflake was their family dog, when they were growing up. She was a Pomeranian that the girls absolutely adored. They used to love playing "dress-up" with her and putting an abundance of bows in her hair. They absolutely loved her and Snowflake loved them right back. She took turns sleeping in each of the girl's beds and followed them around everywhere. It was hell when she passed.
"Your father bought you those lockets the Christmas after Snowflake passed, but he never got the chance to give them to you," Lydia explained. "You girls were so heartbroken and he would have done anything to heal your pain. So he bought those lockets and put a picture of Snowflake in each of them…but now—"
"There's a picture of dad inside," Vivian cried, staring teary-eyed at her open locket.
Haley pried open her locket and covered her mouth with her hand when, sure enough, a picture of her father was staring back at her. He was smiling that big smile that he always wore. A cigar was tucked in his ear and he was wearing his favorite green flannel. Haley wasn't aware she was crying until she tasted the salt on her lips.
"I never had the heart to give them to you, but I figured now was a good time," Lydia said with a shrug.
The three girls stood up from the couch and embraced Lydia in a tight and much needed hug. "We love you, mom."